JetSettingAro

Marriage as an institution is something that historically was not romantic. It instead existed to bring families together, create community bonds and provide stability in times of trouble. Sadly, it was co-opted by romantic propagandists, and now most people associate marriage with romance. Marriage, in its altered form, is used as a tool to create "haves" and "have-nots". Gone are the days it brought people together and fostered community. We all know that nowadays, most marriages snuff out platonic friendships, and isolate us aros from our friends and families. That is why I can see why many aros would be turned away from what marriage has become, but on the flip side, I can also see why many aros would want to take back marriage and bring it back into a platonic realm.

I know we have folks from all over the world on here, but when the ball drops in NYC and everyone kisses each other and couples dance around, it kind of feels like a second Valentine's Day to me. I mean, honestly, what is there for an aromantic person to do on this holiday? Especially in the USA. It's possible to do stuff with friends, sure, but most of them are doing things with their significant others...so...what do you all do?

I don't get it either, romantic gestures and relationships are just too bizzare for me to comprehend. One thing is for sure, I don't need another person to make me a complete person...BUT...and this is a big but...not having that kind of relationship makes it more difficult for me to have kids, which I am willing to bet would make me feel more complete. ? I have always wanted to be a Dad, but its next to impossible to get to that step without first building a romantic relationship.

Yeah, from my experience I agree that people aren't usually super possessive with their partners (although I'm sure some are). I think the bigger issue is that people in romantic relationships prefer to hang out with other people in romantic relationships over their non-romantic single friends. When you don't have a partner, you become unrelatable to the rest of society. It only becomes worse with age too. The older you get, and if you continue to not pursue a romantic relationship, the more ostracized you become. If you are a man, people think you are a deviant or hiding some kind of secret sexual orientation. If you are a woman, they feel pitty on you but little else. If you don't fall into gender binaries, then it is even more complicated. By the time couples are settled down and having kids, you will be completely ostracized at that point. In fact some people might actually go out of their way to avoid you.

I'm not sure what your experience is, but I have noticed that couples only like to talk to other couples. Our so called "friends" treat us like we are diseased and avoid us like the plague, especially once they get married and have kids. At that point, if you can't talk about couples and parenting stuff then you are a worthless to them. Ditto the thought. ? I mean you barely know this person, you met them last week and they are somehow already your "soulmate". Bizzare. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. It takes years to learn the ins and outs of another person, not a week. I like that you call dating a "culturally ritualized" practice. It is somehow so ingrained into our society that if we don't date then we are somehow broken, or worse "hiding something". It used to be that people married for non-romantic reasons, but now nobody seems to do that anymore. Romance and sex are everything, and as has been noted, it is difficult in our society to have one without the other.

I agree with you 100%. I am actually happy being alone to an extent, especially since that means that I don't have to partake in romantic relationships, but it is a lonely road. I get jealous of the close friendship that many couples have, and I wish I could find a deep permanent friendship like they have. The truth is that I have built many close friendships throughout my life, but invariably those friendships wither away once the other party gets into a serious romantic/sexual relationship with someone else. I am incapable of building a deep relationship that doesn't start as a friendship...so conventional dating is out of the question. As you say, dating really is a concept that I can't wrap my head around. Its like society has erected this barrier to keep those of us who don't follow normative romantic conventions out of their club.

This is an interesting thread. Here is the thing... Many modern Christians especially in Western Countries have this notion that you need to be in love to be happy, and that you need to get married at a young age with your "soulmate" and start popping out babies. I see this at play especially in conservative Protestant and Catholic circles, and my own Christian church. If you don't follow this path, people will either think something is wrong with you or they will feel bad for you and tell you that you will find "true love" soon. The thing is, in Medieval Christian Europe and before that in the Roman Empire...Christians rarely married for love and most marriages were arranged. All these modern notions of true love, and soulmates that have infiltrated Christianity are actually unorthodox when it comes to Christianity. So in many ways, an aro or ace Christian is behaving more on par with historic Christian morals than their peers in this regard.