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  1. Marriage as an institution is something that historically was not romantic. It instead existed to bring families together, create community bonds and provide stability in times of trouble. Sadly, it was co-opted by romantic propagandists, and now most people associate marriage with romance. Marriage, in its altered form, is used as a tool to create "haves" and "have-nots". Gone are the days it brought people together and fostered community. We all know that nowadays, most marriages snuff out platonic friendships, and isolate us aros from our friends and families. That is why I can
  2. Wow Kricket, that sounds tough! I think that sometimes society treats orientation too restrictively, while in truth, it exists on spectrum that is often in flux. Some people will waiver between a few orientations their entire life, and there is nothing wrong with that! It is quite possible that you might be a grey-romantic and/or grey-ace identity, or you might even be in an undefined part of the spectrum. it's okay to try to figure out who you really are, and you most certainly should not feel like you are living a lie. Surround yourself with allies, and let them be part of your j
  3. I know we have folks from all over the world on here, but when the ball drops in NYC and everyone kisses each other and couples dance around, it kind of feels like a second Valentine's Day to me. I mean, honestly, what is there for an aromantic person to do on this holiday? Especially in the USA. It's possible to do stuff with friends, sure, but most of them are doing things with their significant others...so...what do you all do?
  4. I think you might have to borrow a word from outside the English lexicon to accurately describe the phenomenon that you are explaining. Non-romantic hugging, kissing, hand-holding and like activities are common in certain parts of the world. The word that immediately comes to mind is skinship (an english approximation of the Japanese word sukinshippu). In the Japanese context this word can mean to share a bath with someone in a non-romantic way, or it can also mean close non-sexual/romantic physical relations between friends or family. In the Korean use of the word, it means a pers
  5. My opinion is that you most certainly can be. I myself want to get married, but I envision the relationship as being more of a very deep friendship, rather than a romantic relationship. A QPP more or less, whether that is what we call it or not.
  6. In the extremely unlikely event that he is reasonable, and you actually do like him as a friend, now might be a time to test out a QPR. In the far more likely situation that he is your average high libido teen boy, then run, and I mean RUN. 😋
  7. As a university graduate student (in the USA) I have an IRB procedure that I must complete before conducting any research involving human subjects. I urge you to be very careful, as U.S. law requires that most human related research be approved by an IRB before data collection can begin. This includes quantifiable and qualitative data types. Since this project likely falls under the prescriptions of the National Research Act of 1974, you will likely have to contact an independent IRB board before you can collect data or risk penalty under federal law (more info here - http://www.consortiumofir
  8. Another problem, going along with the fear of "me-too-ism" as described by the OP, is that many people think that being aromantic is not something that causes discrimination. Using that logic, many people really do believe that aromantics are looking for attention, and that we are taking resources away from other LGBTQI groups that have experienced more outward discrimination. Let me tell you something though, to say that aromantics don't experience discrimination is a major fallacy. I can't speak for others, I will let them do that, but I have been discriminated against for being
  9. It's a weird question, I know, but hear me out. I have been deep in thought about aromanticism and its place in the world, and I keep coming back to the idea that being aro actually used to be pretty common (at least in Western Society). When I look at history, and examine classical cultures, I see very little evidence that romantic relationships were mainstream. In most societies people were either forced into arranged relationships, or married for power and social status. Nothing I read indicates to me that people commonly exchanged love letters, went on dates, displayed PDA, faw
  10. I don't get it either, romantic gestures and relationships are just too bizzare for me to comprehend. One thing is for sure, I don't need another person to make me a complete person...BUT...and this is a big but...not having that kind of relationship makes it more difficult for me to have kids, which I am willing to bet would make me feel more complete. 😥 I have always wanted to be a Dad, but its next to impossible to get to that step without first building a romantic relationship.
  11. Yeah, from my experience I agree that people aren't usually super possessive with their partners (although I'm sure some are). I think the bigger issue is that people in romantic relationships prefer to hang out with other people in romantic relationships over their non-romantic single friends. When you don't have a partner, you become unrelatable to the rest of society. It only becomes worse with age too. The older you get, and if you continue to not pursue a romantic relationship, the more ostracized you become. If you are a man, people think you are a deviant or hiding some kind of secret s
  12. I'm not sure what your experience is, but I have noticed that couples only like to talk to other couples. Our so called "friends" treat us like we are diseased and avoid us like the plague, especially once they get married and have kids. At that point, if you can't talk about couples and parenting stuff then you are a worthless to them. Ditto the thought. 😁 I mean you barely know this person, you met them last week and they are somehow already your "soulmate". Bizzare. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. It takes years to learn the ins and outs of ano
  13. I agree with you 100%. I am actually happy being alone to an extent, especially since that means that I don't have to partake in romantic relationships, but it is a lonely road. I get jealous of the close friendship that many couples have, and I wish I could find a deep permanent friendship like they have. The truth is that I have built many close friendships throughout my life, but invariably those friendships wither away once the other party gets into a serious romantic/sexual relationship with someone else. I am incapable of building a deep relationship that doesn't star
  14. Thank you everyone for the welcome (and ice cream @Spirit of God)! I am definitely starting to dig into the vocabulary and as you say @Powder I can't seem to peg my aro-spec down to any of the specific labels. Maybe demi, but that doesn't necessarily seem right to me, I have built plenty of close friendships in my time and never felt or wanted them to evolve into anything romantic. Having now read about qp relationships I think they are something that I would be very open to! I would also be interested in developing a very deep "aromate" friendship with someone (which I take it is
  15. This is an interesting thread. Here is the thing... Many modern Christians especially in Western Countries have this notion that you need to be in love to be happy, and that you need to get married at a young age with your "soulmate" and start popping out babies. I see this at play especially in conservative Protestant and Catholic circles, and my own Christian church. If you don't follow this path, people will either think something is wrong with you or they will feel bad for you and tell you that you will find "true love" soon. The thing is, in Medieval Christian Europe and before that in th
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