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being an aro in fandom spaces (esp if you participate in shipping)


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For me, I find that I'm kinda demiromantic about shipping Like. I may like a ship. But I don't ship them in the way that most people do, unless I take a long time to get used to them being a thing. I have ships where I want all the shippy interactions! All of them! Only a handful of ships fall under this category, but still.

And then I have other ships where, yeah, I ship them on a technicality, but also..... I treat the ship more as a QPR in my head than I do a romantic ship.

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me fr. i dont really ship. its kind of just what i say even 4 qprs. i just go 'oh theyre gay' and move on. i feel alienated from the shipping community cuz i hc most charas as strictly aspec & nonpartnering; so when i see the same charas getting shipped i think 'k ig'. never related when ppl ship charas romantically

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Yeah, I’m not typically into shipping at all. Not in a romantic sense and extremely rarely in a QPR sense. I mean I don’t hate it I guess, I like a good Axlino fanart as much as the next girl, but there’s definitely fandom spaces where all people seem to care about is shipping and it’s like… Idk man, I just think there’s more to fiction than whatever characters people have apparently decided don’t have any value on their own, yknow?

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I don't mind shipping, I just don't like when it is the only thing a fandom talk about or value in a fiction, cause it means I'll get bored and leave. I'm happy for them if they enjoy it but I don't watch a story for that so I don't reamly care. Also I think it is often pointless to talk about it cause people are so emotionally involved in it that it can become heated soon if you don't like a ship. I remember getting yelled out cause I didn't like a ship for storytelling reasons, even if the only thing people had about it was a photography, they didn't even see the characters interact yet... (it was Tiana and Hook from Once Upon a Time, I didn't like the idea cause for me they kept nothing of Tiana's story so I was expecting that they at least keep her love interest... but it was apparently a crim to say that, I even was called racist for pointing out the show was racist to do that).

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9 hours ago, Collie said:

For me, I find that I'm kinda demiromantic about shipping Like. I may like a ship. But I don't ship them in the way that most people do, unless I take a long time to get used to them being a thing. I have ships where I want all the shippy interactions! All of them! Only a handful of ships fall under this category, but still.

And then I have other ships where, yeah, I ship them on a technicality, but also..... I treat the ship more as a QPR in my head than I do a romantic ship.

I relate to this a lot! With most ships out there I'll sometimes have trouble shipping them romantically. Not necessarily in a QPR, but just as friends/family. But when I do find something that I ship... haha. I'm deranged to say the least 😅

It's just to find something that I do ship, and then jump onto the boat! But like you said sometimes it may take a long time to fall in love with it, in a demiromatic sort of way. For example Johnlock was pretty big but for a long time I didn't really see it (and if I'm being totally honest not sure if I even do now) except in a close friendship vibes way. Thought doesn't change the fact that I've read 2M+ words for the slash. sobs

Same with Destiel. Imagine finally watching the show only to realize that you don't even ship it smh

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I sort of have a love-hate relationship with shipping. In general, I'm incredibly "picky" when it comes to ships between characters. In order for me to like it, it needs to make logical sense, there has to be a solid background for their relationship, they have to fall in love not instantly, and many other things. And, of course, if the two characters have a good dynamic or not. I think this is partially because I'm aromantic, so I don't really "get" love on an emotional level. Instead, I evaluate ships based upon logical things, because that's sort of how I understand it. "Understand" probably isn't the best word choice, but that's the one I have. If a ship doesn't meet my logic-based requirements, I just can't ship it. It won't work for me. If it does, however, then I'll totally ship it. Most ships that I'm alright with are just sort of... there. I don't mind it, but I'm not obsessed with it, either. Still, I do have a select list of ships that I'll totally fangirl over because they're great. 

I also agree with what some other people on here have said about being sorta demiromantic when it comes to shipping. In most cases, I need to adjust to the characters & their dynamic before I'm okay with the ship. 

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2 hours ago, Zariah said:

I sort of have a love-hate relationship with shipping. In general, I'm incredibly "picky" when it comes to ships between characters. In order for me to like it, it needs to make logical sense, there has to be a solid background for their relationship, they have to fall in love not instantly, and many other things. And, of course, if the two characters have a good dynamic or not. I think this is partially because I'm aromantic, so I don't really "get" love on an emotional level. Instead, I evaluate ships based upon logical things, because that's sort of how I understand it. "Understand" probably isn't the best word choice, but that's the one I have. If a ship doesn't meet my logic-based requirements, I just can't ship it. It won't work for me. If it does, however, then I'll totally ship it. Most ships that I'm alright with are just sort of... there. I don't mind it, but I'm not obsessed with it, either. Still, I do have a select list of ships that I'll totally fangirl over because they're great. 

I also agree with what some other people on here have said about being sorta demiromantic when it comes to shipping. In most cases, I need to adjust to the characters & their dynamic before I'm okay with the ship. 

I mean I personally just don’t but if I did I’d just go for logical and practical reasons, along with just headcannoning a lot of character’s romantic/sexual identity and leaving it.

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i literally do not care about shipping

like at all

when i like a piece of media it's usually very separate from anything to do with relationships (unless it's like platonic ig)

and when it isn't i like it to have some reason to be there

one example is undertale since it's used for comedy and it's unique enough for me to appreciate it

Edited by EGGHEAD
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15 minutes ago, EGGHEAD said:

i literally do not care about shipping

like at all

when i like a piece of media it's usually very separate from anything to do with relationships (unless it's like platonic ig)

and when it isn't i like it to have some reason to be there

one example is undertale since it's used for comedy and it's unique enough for me to appreciate it

Yeah pretty much same here. I can appreciate some cartoon ships but overall I just don’t care.

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On 7/14/2023 at 3:48 AM, Collie said:

For me, I find that I'm kinda demiromantic about shipping Like. I may like a ship. But I don't ship them in the way that most people do, unless I take a long time to get used to them being a thing. I have ships where I want all the shippy interactions! All of them! Only a handful of ships fall under this category, but still.

And then I have other ships where, yeah, I ship them on a technicality, but also..... I treat the ship more as a QPR in my head than I do a romantic ship.

Holy shit this actually explains how I ship characters, too!

I do participate in the shipping sides of fandoms more often than not and usually the romantic ones, too - it's actually rare for me to have a qpr ship, idk why truly; but with the ways of shipping, it can definitely be frustrating to no end. And there's times where I take full on breaks and go through periods of, how should I say it,  shipping anarchy.

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I generally only am interested in canon ships. There are exceptions, but they are rare. And even then, I don’t care in the way others seem too. Fictional relationships are nothing more than part of the story for me.

 

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I actually quite enjoy shipping, but I hate when it's the only thing people care about, especially in series that aren't even about romance in the first place.

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I'm greyaro and sometimes I really enjoy shipping. I'm kind of picky about what I ship but I often end up being on board with some kind of ship when I spend a lot of time in a fandom community. 

This is probably because I like fictional romance a lot more than the real thing and sometimes think its actually really fun.

But I wish there was more focus on platonic relationships within fandom. Not less shipping neccesarily just more appreciation of platonic relationships because sometimes it feels like people see those as inherently lesser than the romantic relationships and that can definitely feel alienating to me.

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When writing fanfiction, I'm not really interested in shipping. I will tolerate canon relationships, even if I don't like them, and will include them in my stories if they are contextually relevant. I don't understand how shipping works, really. I don't grasp why people want these characters to be together. I did once read shipping described as "The character you project onto X your comfort character", and I guess that could be plausible. I still don't understand how people enter a space where they project onto a character or take comfort in a character, though.

For reading fanfiction, I will still read a work that includes shipping, but over time I've become less and less able to engage in that kind of content. I find all ships the same. I want to read a story for the plotline or the meaning, and recently I've found I've grown avoidant toward stories that include a relationship tag. I would love to see more friendship stories.

For canon relationships in books and shows, in the main I find they suck.

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On 7/14/2023 at 3:48 AM, Collie said:

And then I have other ships where, yeah, I ship them on a technicality, but also..... I treat the ship more as a QPR in my head than I do a romantic ship.

SAME. Honestly, idk if I fully completely romantic ship things. Not that I do much shipping in the first place. But my "romantic ships" are more like, really intense QPR ships, and my platonic ones are just regular QPR

On 7/14/2023 at 1:12 PM, Zariah said:

I sort of have a love-hate relationship with shipping. In general, I'm incredibly "picky" when it comes to ships between characters. In order for me to like it, it needs to make logical sense, there has to be a solid background for their relationship, they have to fall in love not instantly, and many other things. And, of course, if the two characters have a good dynamic or not. I think this is partially because I'm aromantic, so I don't really "get" love on an emotional level. Instead, I evaluate ships based upon logical things, because that's sort of how I understand it. "Understand" probably isn't the best word choice, but that's the one I have. If a ship doesn't meet my logic-based requirements, I just can't ship it. It won't work for me. If it does, however, then I'll totally ship it. Most ships that I'm alright with are just sort of... there. I don't mind it, but I'm not obsessed with it, either. Still, I do have a select list of ships that I'll totally fangirl over because they're great. 

Also this. I don't like when people break canon ships for the most part, bc I just don't understand them. And I absolutely hate when people come up for ships for people I hc as aroace. But there are a few canon ships out there, like percabeth or solangelo or huntlow or raeda that are just--good, and I love seeing the characters together. And these ships have some level of emotional depth to them, or some logical way like you said, or just very well flushed out relationships that are interesting to read about. Which is why I only really like canon ones

Also, I am way more likely to enjoy gay ships than straight ones (as long as they're at least implied canonically) (and generally more when they're written by a queer author)

Edited by AstrophelDragon
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  • 6 months later...

I am invested in romantic relationships in stories mostly when... the romantic aspect of it isn't the point? Like, probably similar to what the topic-opening post says when they could as well be QPRs. I don't have issues if they are romantic, but what matters for me is that the main thing connecting them is deeper than romance. Trust, support, shared interests, complementing each other in healthy ways. But bonus points if they don't quite fit as what is stereotypically expected of romance while still full of meaning and sincere connection. 

I'm also interested occasionally in romance plot lines that are meant as deconstructions or cautionary tales about negative or harmful aspects of stereotypical romantic thinking. I don't "ship" these of course, but I find it interesting to read them (and find them important both for socially pressured aros to learn that things aren't as black-and-white as it may seem and for allos to consider to be able to avoid the traps that romantic feelings can make them vulnerable to and amatonormative mentality often glosses over). 

Edited by Ekaterina
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I've always loved shipping and that didn't change when I figured out I was aromantic. There's lots of reasons I might like a ship, I might find them hot together, think their dynamic is interesting, or like Ekaterina said find other non romantic aspects of their relationship interesting. I've been really into this one ship that checks all those boxes for about a year and a half now.

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I'm not into shipping at all. The only times I really "ship" are if two characters are canonically already in a relationship.

A lot of the time I just find fandom ships annoying, especially if it's between characters that are very clearly meant to just be good friends. It's annoying to see the concept of being really close friends just get tossed out the window in favour of something that's universally considered "more special" and "more important".

That being said, anyone else can ship if they want to. Everyone enjoys different things, I'm not gonna try to stop that, that would just be petty. I will, however, not participate in those frivolous activities. 

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I personally don't care how people want to interact with fictional characters regardless of the fictional character's canon personality or sexuality or whatever, but I've been kind of put off recently by the way people discuss and interact with asexual and/or aromantic characters especially aromantic.

A very popular character from a new adult animated show was confirmed aromantic asexual recently, and the conversation around the character and shipping is quite aro-phobic even unintentionally.... For instance, I've seen more than one comment about how aromantics and asexuals are "not loveless robots" refering to the spectrum and how people can still date or whatever. Also the repeated idea that the character could be anything other than averse to romance when it really shouldn't matter.

There's a lot of excuses thrown around about why this character could date or have sex in the canon of the show rather than an understanding that a completely averse character is absolutely acceptable. Fan fantasies do not need to follow the canonicity of the show whatsoever, so a character simply not canonically interested in dating or sex whatsoever can and should exist just fine.

If a character is averse to romance, just make an AU where the character is any other sexuality or whatever, it's fine. Same with the aversion to sex. Just please can people not inadvertently call aromantics who would not date or engage in romance robots or stereotypes even.

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I ship for the angst! I really enjoy reading/watching idiots being stupid and oblivious or generally just crying over their dead lovers. It's a bit sadistic, yes, but it's also really entertaining. Most of the ships I ship never end up together, or one dies soon after they met , or the writer is just too good at their job.

Shipping was what actually made me realize I'm aromantic. Apparently, people get the same giddy feeling that makes you grin when you think about your ship, but for their actually real people romantic interests and not two fictional idiots. :/ It also helped me realize I'm asexual, so I guess I owe quite a bit to shipping. 

Edited by Divident
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