kira-

unfortunately i don't have a cool sciencey loophole, so i'll just be some random gas floating through space.

Rustage - ISEKAI DND #20 | "Hold Person"

real thing our orchestra teacher had us write

besides what’s already been mentioned there’s also the whole thing with people thinking that it’s basically just celibacy.

i’m watching it next week so i just have to dodge spoilers until then i guess i didn’t. after having lived peacefully for thousands of years, the humans from my hometown banished me from this world out to the stars above. after thousands of years i had absorbed all the knowledge of the universe and regained enough power to return to earth in this human disguise. my goal now is to sit in my room and absorb human art and media all day, as for some reason that bit of knowledge never entered my mind.

there’s two people i see saying it: undiagnosed depression with a love of self deprecating humor, and the average high schooler when they get assigned a project they don’t wanna do or have lots of homework. most likely for the same reason other extremes have been adopted into slang, such as how so many people say stuff like “i’m so ocd” to describe a general neatness and orderly behavior and as a result that’s been watered down to just that and perfectionism.

my music taste has evolved so much in the last year and a half it’s impossible to account for everything with just one post. ignoring everything else i like here’s some comfort songs: butcher vanity (feat. jamie paige and ricedeity) - vane lily foundations of decay - my chemical romance drowning lessons - my chemical romance let’s pretend - life of agony chelsea smile - bring me the horizon spellbound - siouxie and the banshees everything in it’s right place - radiohead living ghost is alive - utsu-p the vampire - deco*27 better than me - the brobecks the entire undertale and deltarune soundtracks eve white/eve black - siouxie and the banshees river’s edge - surf curse the middle - jimmy eat world in the aeroplane over the sea - neutral milk hotel (i used to make out with) medusa - bring me the horizon that funny feeling - bo burnham young girl a - shiina mota s£xtape - deftones love and truth - mother mother i don’t wanna be me - type o negative oh no! - marina and the diamonds bulls in the bronx - pierce the veil boys don’t cry - the cure bulletproof heart - my chemical romance sit down, stand up - radiohead ignorance - paramore loving machine - tv girl m@gical cure! love shot! - sawtone ghosting - mother mother long time friends - the living tombstone good riddance (time of your life) - green day demolition lovers - my chemical romance could have added a ton more and i’m definitely missing some but this pretty much sums it up

people irl are infuriating. and loud. and don’t make a ton of sense. same with most social situations. and compared to them i’m wired. the autism is making a lot more sense as time goes by. also attraction? i don’t think have much if not any of it. not any of the types. this also makes a lot of sense, unlike my gender. same with my small circle irl. there’s four people including me, 95% of the time it’s like a three person friend group with this weird quiet kid dressed in black tagging along. most stuff is planned without me. that’s fine though, most of of the time i don’t want any interaction with people irl outside of necessity and hobbies, i kind of just like to tag along and observe though. im also perceived as rude a lot, when really i’m not trying to be, it usually just stems from honesty or just not caring. people online aren’t as annoying to deal with. i can take as long as i want to formulate a response and don’t have to deal with a social situation. there are times when irl interaction is more convenient, though that can be solved by a call. unfortunate there are no “visual” cues through online communication that aren’t viewed as passive aggressive, where i can just listen to someone and they don’t think i’m ignoring them. idk what this is. just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere besides my notes app i guess.

Iscarabaid - Sunny Day Real Estate

i fell like the argument “everyone you love and care about will die” against immortality doesn’t really work on me (and in one way i’ve already experienced that), but this situation is slightly different. and for the record, if i was offered immortality i probably wouldn’t take it. i think you don’t need meaning in order to exist and do things, most things in life have no meaning. on the flip side, is there a point in trying to accomplish a life goal if you’re guaranteed to succeed? in a way it becomes almost as meaningless as the former. also, what if you don’t know what your life goal is? i have a vague idea based on my interests, but at the end of the day i’m clueless. short answer: immortality without meaning, unless i can have any recollection of accepting the later erased from my mind, and i don’t have to know what that goal is while accepting the deal. even then i’d probably still choose the former.

part five (accompanied by either a radiohead lyric or edgar allen poe quote). music theory. i’ve said on here that i would never want to isntantly master playing an instrument or game etc, but becoming a music theory expert elevates the learning experience as well as boosting my playing and ability to collaborate with musicians. second choice would be history or music history.

yeah, it's great for that. after this year i'm not doing track anymore to focus on smash team and academics, but i have no intentions of stopping xc, due to my position on the team and my mindset. also with my mental health it's probably for the best to stay in.

practical answer? money, free time, food, etc. what i actually want an infinite supply of? miku figures and plushies.

this is why i don’t draw much anymore, the current source of pain is musical arts more smash ultimate practice and show binging on weekdays, an extra hour of sleep on weekends. most likely would just fit into whatever i have planned for each day and provide more free time.

champion of aspec hcs, as well as an aroace flag across from my bed