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Aroace privilege

The A in Rainbow

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It’s not only in a few of these posts but in real life that I have heard the term aroace privilege. First of all though I do not agree with people who try to set aro aces like me as ungrateful as we do not experience the same levels of discrimination that other members of the lgbt+ regularly receive, I would like to say that what gay, lesbian, transgender, nonbinary + people have experienced is undeniably awful. Yes I have never been beaten up or kicked out of home for being aro ace. I have been asked if I’m a psychopath, I have been told that my sexuality is not real but a result of personal insecurity and that I just haven’t met the right person about a million times but sure this pales in comparison to being sent to conversion therapy but someone’s own parents. What I believe however is that we shouldn’t gatekeep trauma or negative experiences. We should send the same love to everyone even those that that appear more privileged because we are all human. 

I often joke with my friends that if I was a guy I would be the embodiment of privilege as white,cis, fairly middle class and aro ace meaning I don’t have to deal with heartbreak or unreciprocated love. Thing is that is not entirely true either. 
I have never seen myself represented in media without actively trying to search for anything aro ace. 
I have never met another person with my sexuality and any songs on the radio, films or books remain a constant reminder of what I am missing out on even though I do not want it. 
Members of the lgbt+ community should stand together not bring others down because they have experienced worse. If we focused all our efforts from infighting to actually making change in the real world we could see positive representation for everyone, yes even straight white cis people. 
I don’t want anyone to think they don’t deserve to call themselves lgbt+ or are allowed to talk about their negative experiences because others have faced worse. 
It’s like telling someone with depression that there are people starving in Africa. That doesn’t make you any less VALID. 
Sorry for the rant. Love all you guys. 

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Totally agree.

3 hours ago, The A in Rainbow said:

It’s like telling someone with depression that there are people starving in Africa. That doesn’t make you any less VALID. 

This one hits home, because I remember how in my depression, I kept telling myself that there were a lot of people who have it worse than me like people starving in poor countries or people leaving in the streets, and that there must be something really wrong with me for being depressed when I don't have a particuliar hard life, it's "just" that I didn't like it. As you must guess, these thoughts only makes me more depressed. People saying this kind of things doesn't realize all the harm they are causing.

We will always find people who suffer more than us. But that doesn't mean the troubles and suffering we face don't exist and do no harm. It is not denying that some people do have it worse, it is just having this thing called "empathy".

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An effect of intersectionality is that privileges and disprivilegees do not "stack" in any simple way.
Aro aces having perioriented privilege doesn't really count for much.
Ditto for hetero aces having heteroromantic privilege or hetero-aros having heterosexual privilege.

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  • 8 months later...

Just because someone else is having worse issues than you doesn't mean that your problems aren't worthy to be addressed or don't deserve sympathy.

(This is a logical fallacy known as the Fallacy of relative privation or "appeal to worse problems".)

In any case, to what degree someone benefits or is oppressed due to a specific combination of identities can really vary from person to person.  It's a clear fact that some groups of people are unfairly discriminated against, but it's impossible to know what someone's life circumstances are like based solely on the kind of things you mention on a census form.  And as Mark said, it's not like you can just add together all of someone's labels and easily calculate how much privilege they have.  You're not choosing advantages and disadvantages in an RPG here.

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There's no 'aroace privilege' and saying that aroaces are privileged is aphobic. The only thing is visibility – aroaces are more visible than other arospec persons and it doesn't make them privileged. Also, the experience of discrimination never will be the same for all parts of LGBTQ+ community, for example: cis gay never will experience transphobia, so they have to stop marginalizing the discrimination against A-spec community. If they don't experience something doesn't mean that this kind of discrimination is 'less discrimination'.

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