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About NotHeartless

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  • Birthday 02/23/1995

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  1. Today, I realized (once again) I do love but not in the "typical romantic way" (or what society considers it as such).
    I do not shy away anymore from saying "I love you" because it's far from a "I love you and I need you, otherwise I'm sad"- way. It's more a "I love you, I care about you and I want you to be happy. Do what makes you happy". It feels like I can love people freely. It feels so open, endless. It's hard to explain. But I'm thankful I am able to experience it because, looking at the world, apparently not many people are able to love this way. I don't know, it feels like a gift.
    So while I'm on it: I love you guys. I love the aro community and our diversity. You rock!
    It's kind of ironic an aro person is writing all of this but these are my honest feelings. Maybe I'm actually extremly polyamorous without wanting to bind myself on one person but whatever this is, it feels right. I want to be able to tell my friends, and everyone else I care about, that I love them. Without anyone misunderstanding, that is all.

    1. NullVector


      Metta ('East') or Agape ('West') seems to fit what you are talking about here.

    2. NotHeartless
  2. Yup, me most of the time. I don't like romantic subplots, they are boring and unnecessary and moreover, often badly written. I feel like I could write a more subtle and nicer romo subplot than some romantics (though it would probably would turn out like some "super best friendship" or "bromance" because that's what I'm comfortable with). I tend to feel repulsion often with those subplots, too. I try not to but I can't help the feeling. Nah, don't feel guilty, I'm allergic to the romance part but often find myself enjoying the "sexy scenes" (like a some passionate kiss which indicates there is something sexual between them). And yeah, I do enjoy them more if I find the actors or characters to be attractive, too! I'm picky though. Sometimes they do just as little as the romance part for me, it depends, but most of the time it has this dynamic for me. You'e not alone.
  3. Hello and welcome to our community . It was hard for me to accept at first too, but I promise you it will get easier. We are here to support you.
  4. Dude, you're living the life I imagined for myself at one point. Sounds awesome! I've thought about looking more into the poly community. I'm very attracted by having several people to connect with on different levels (and past experiences showed me I'm not a good fit for monogamy). Still have no idea how or when to start, but I'm thankful you shared your experience with us because now I know I'd definitely would like to have something similar in life. Oh and I can only confirm it's hard to find lifelong platonic friends, I know the struggle. For the introverts / extroverts question: For a long time I assumed I'm extremly introverted but my temper was disguised by mental illness. Now I'm way better, still think I tend to be a bit more on the introverted side (long-time contact with others can exhaust me, especially when I don't know them well) but I do enjoy spending time with people and don't live like a half-eremite anymore. I flourish sometimes when I'm with certain people. Finally: Welcome to our community, I'm sure you'll meet like-minded people (like me, ha) and hope you have a great time !
  5. Hello, welcome from me too! Have some ice cream - even if it's already cold outside
  6. Yeah, you're right - their relationship is healthy first of all and it shows in a wonderful way. I can imagine a lot of people around you say it's "a kid's show". They are not completly in the wrong, but it's a show teenagers and adults can watch and enjoy just as much as younger audiences. I'm always surprised how quick people are to say something is (only) for kids when it's animated or the like. I've heard critical voices about Steven Universe in regards of the pacing and the quality of the animation but otherwise, at least in my opinion, the strong points of the show overshine the weaker ones. Oh, personally I enjoy the songs of the show too . I'm also happy to meet a fellow SU fan here, most people in my enviroment don't even know about the show (unless I've told them about it ).
  7. God, I'm sorry you had such a situation in class - sounds very unpleasant. Props to you for being so honest! I don't know why teacher feel the need to ask such questions... Speaking of teachers: In 10th class, we were asked by a teacher to write about our future life. You should have seen my face because I had no idea what I wanted for my future (expect going to university). At the time I was stuck in a relationship I actually did not want but it was very complicated. My thoughts were all about "After this ends, I do not want to enter another relationship, ever". Because I was afraid to face the truth back then and I wanted the stupid task to be over, I wrote something about going to university, owning a house, having my own library (because I love books so much), having two cats and a partner. But the moment I wrote down "partner" I did not think of a lover or someone I'm married to. It was more like "yeah, I'll move in with a friend". Back then I was friends with a girl I would have done it with and subconsciously, I've thought of her. I did not think it was strange at all, it felt very natural. Other situation(s): A boy made clear he "liked me" in 5th grade and I answered "You can't be serious" and walked away. That was very rude (especially because he apparently still liked me for several years after) but I couldn't handle his feelings and the situation, at all. It was horrible for me (took me years to realize WHY exactly). I comforted a broken hearted classmate in 4th grade, who was rejected by her crush on a class trip, by saying something along the lines of the boy who rejected her is stupid anyway - my honest opinion of the guy. And if I remember correctly, I even wore a green rainjacket...hmm! (I still own a green rainjacket, lol). I was taken by surprise (I was...14?) as Kim and Ron from the Disney Cartoon "Kim Possible" suddenly kissed and were a couple and I've always wondered if it was a mistake. Or why this needed to happen, why they couldn't remain close friends, etc. Their relationship actually started to feel a little more shallow after it and I've always wondered why I felt this way (liked the show as young teenager). I was always more open to talk about sex than romance. Though sex seemed very strange for a long time, too (unless it was fictional). The romance in Disney movies either went over my head or I just did not care for it. I liked Disney movies because of the songs, speaking animals, colors and settings but never for the romance. A classmate once asked me if I would like to have children. I replied: "No". Then she asked me if I wanted to marry. I said "maybe" but wasn't fully satisfied with my own answer and wondered why once again. Just a few situations I could think of right now, today I'm not surprised I'm writing in a forum for aromantic people . Oh, and welcome @Ivan-The-AroAce to our community! It's nice to meet you! I hope you'll have a great time, we support each other as much as we can .
  8. Yes, kind of. I've never thought about romantic interaction and attraction that much, even when it was thrown around practically everywhere (even in cartoons for children). My story is a bit different; I voted "I've tried but it never felt ok". For a long time, my relation to romance was ambiguous. There was a part of me who was very curious and wanted to understand what on earth the difference between romantic and platonic love is. Then there was the part who couldn't (still can't) stand romance and almost everything people seem to view as "romantic". This part inside me is way stronger. So, my attempts did not end well and I've never felt comfortable in a romantic coded relationship. It's a mystery to me how people can want this and stay in one but whatever makes one happy, really.
  9. I guess I'm a demigod then. Not bad
  10. I had a lecture about basic chemistry and physics the other day. They were talking about how difficult and tedious it was to discover the existence of neutrons since they aren't charged. Some time after, I've thought: We aros, aces and aroaces are kind of like neutrons. We are needed too. To keep balance, even though many people don't even know we exist. We're valid nontheless and just as important as every other particle in the universe.
    (wanted to share because this thought cheered me up)

  11. (My thought process every other day 😂) Source: arohumor.tumblr.com I like this thread, good one!
  12. Here! I do like Steven Universe a lot, but I've only watched season 1 and a few eps of season 2 so far, still have to catch up. I wrote a commentary once in my German class about the show and how it manages to represent LGBTQ+ themes in a child-friendly way. Let's just say the teacher was delighted. Where the show really surprised me: I'm rather romance repulsed, but still I find Sapphire and Ruby are such a sweet couple. Garnet is one of my favortie characters but it's hard to choose one because everyone has something special about them, even the secondary characters. I adore the illustration of the relationships between the characters, be it friendship or love. The whole show gives me a secure and snug feeling for some reason, it's great.
  13. Hallo from Germany back . A triple A, yay 😎. I'm happy you've found your way to our community and I'm confident you'll find a lot of like-minded people here. Wish you a great time and many good conversations .
  14. Hello Kiki and welcome to arocalypse! I know what you mean, with the lack of a basis for aromantics irl. Hope you have a good time here and lots and lots of great conversation and understanding .
  15. Yeah, I rather dislike "boyfriend/girlfriend" too. The few times I attempted romo relationships, I used "my partner" most of the time because anything else felt too romantic to me (and made me repulsed). I like the term "zucchini" for a (queer)platonic partner because it's so unromantic and it makes me laugh for some reason (maybe because I have the image of a talking zucchini in mind whenever I read it). The closest I came to describe my feelings and relationship for/with someone is "close and very dear friend" or "someone who has a place in my heart".
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