Apathetic Echidna

Soooo....I am aromantic and greysexual, so not exactly what you are asking about but our general experiences seem to line up. One difference is I managed to find a specific micro-label for my kind of greysexual, but it is still part of the greysexual spectrum/umbrella. I wrote a post about it here: https://mesotablar.dreamwidth.org/3315.html but yes, 95% of the time there is no attraction working and that 5% is gobsmacking and uncontrolled. In the 95% of the time I'm fairly sure there is no attraction because I recognise aesthetic as it's own thing (like going to an art gallery, look but don't touch and don't take home), but it's possible?maybe that there is some low key attraction being vague and wisp-like in that 95% time but I don't care and it doesn't bother me.

I had this issue with my supervisor, but it was more of a case of him being a shitty supervisor and being out of the country for more than half the year when I needed help in the lab. I guess it all depends on whether you need to use her to network for further study/a job or not. In these sorts of situation I hate the practice of networking and keeping connections because I just don't want -phobic or toxic people in my life BUT I have to be nice to these terrible people if I want a better job opportunity. Is there a supportive LGBT+ group at the school, or one that you are part of? they probably might know things you can do specific to your area, the laws or services available at your education place. Because you agreed to continue working with him I assume he has changed his behaviour? If he hasn't you should complain to her again to see if she does something different. Ultimately I don't think you can report someone on whether they believe you or not, but if their actions and solutions aren't working you should take your issues up with someone more senior in the hierarchy, either the provost or the department head or one of the student advocate officers, and say there is an issue of harassment that has been handled badly.

I found these in an old book of insults.

I would like to say 'no-romo' in all it's many forms is aro culture. Also I argue that 'the friend zone' and it's dreaded enemy 'the romo zone' (and talking about them in those good and evil roles) are components of aro culture #noromo

Print this out and use it as a cover for all the work you have to submit. I had to dig a bit because they have been buried but here are some article links from the forums that might give you a different perspective, and you could work some into your assignments. If your teacher gives you the proforma or criteria for marking and you address each section it has but with your own understanding of the question/topic then your teacher can't give you a bad score for not caring about love. (or if they do you can argue it as discrimination) http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1375-article/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1333-interesting-article/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1269-not-everyone-kisses-interesting-article/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/892-half-the-worlds-cultures-never-kiss/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/1111-a-brief-history-of-romantic-love-and-why-it-kind-of-sucks/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/878-history-documentary-on-bedrooms/ http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/543-how-romanticism-ruined-love/

I think understanding what is aro behaviour and what is not is very hard because most of it is really about internal intentions. Basically what she was feeling and interpreting things. I saw you had a good conversation in another topic with another member, so I hope that helped. But yeah, everyone is under a lot of pressure to act a certain way, and for undiscovered aros it is freaking confusing because there are so few examples of how to live that don't end up as partnering up. (It is also really confusing for basically anyone who doesn't find that is their ideal future, but generally they can still find some common understanding in the general idea of romantic partnering up) If you get along really well it is also possible that her motivations for dating (especially the second time) might have been fear of losing you as a friend. (maybe not, but it is just really really common for friends who want a romantic relationship to ghost us when we are honest)

oh I feel your words. You shouldn't have to analyse anything because then you start double guessing and questioning things you never thought about before and it can completely undermine your self-esteem (I have a friend doing this right now and from a small issue it has grown and she now tortures herself over it. So don't let it grow) Basically that guy was a jerk to blame you for 'leading him on'. He never stated his intentions until that point so how were you to really understand? does he assume everyone can read his mind? BAH! I wouldn't say it is specific to aros...I have friends who go though periods of personal uncertainty in the event of jerks being jerks. I'm sorry your friendship was assassinated by him, and if this scenario is repeating itself for you I have one piece of advice: a good emotional defence is having an offence. Get offended when people ask you out. "What? You only hung out with me because of random brain chemistry imbalances you have?" or "Why are you ruining our friendship?" (Extra note: don't do this if they are semi-unstable or are trapping you physically with them in some way or alone in the middle of the night or if you are dependant on them for transport. Be safe)

@treepod oh yeah, that does sound complicated. but understandable now that you explain it that way. Maybe knowing about their repulsions (if they have them) might make you feel less conflicted? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ or at least then you will know where the landmines are so you know where not to step..

oh yes yes! that is a very good one. and it could follow the um....now I'm blanking on the divisions, but one is 'word of god'? that denotes whether a character is assumed as representation because of actions or if the character is named either by the author or the character themselves.

gah! I think I know what I want to say but it is so hard sorting it all out and finding the best place to start it

I do find some things about romantic relationships odd, and I think the reason seeing those sorts of comments is so common is because generally online in a-spec spaces are the only places where we can vent or question without being shamed or harassed....sooo these places are totally biased towards complainers That is pretty common. Instances in reallife are not in statistics but seeing it's commonality in media lots of people buy into it as either an ideal fantasy or something they can relate to. It is troped as 'playing hard to get' and is basically the plot of all those Bad-Boy YA books, not to mention quite a lot of adult romance fiction, so you may think it is strange but it is not uncommon.

So how would you break down 'allosexual aro' and 'ace aro' into categories or criteria? This seems overly reliant on the idea that all aros are either aro allo or aro ace. Some aros aren't. I said what I said because I don't think you can actually categorise those two as distinct things in media unless there is named representation. I would be happy to be proved wrong but for now it doesn't seem to apply anyway because it couldn't be done.

confusion sucks. Good luck

I know it is discouraging when people react in a way that hurts but I would encourage you to come out to some of the other people you feel comfortable coming out to, especially if they are in a separate friend group than the friend you mentioned. Of course be safe and only come out when you are comfortable but other friends may surprise you with good reactions and restore your faith in humanity.

I love oolong! Oolong and Jasmine are pretty much the only camellia sinensis tea I drink (though if I can get my hands on my mother's expensive white tea I do drink that too, I forget the name but it is amazingly creamy on the tongue) I have a range of other infusions and 'teas' that I drink because oolong isn't for all occasions (either herbs or rooibos) The oolong I am right into now is the Shui Hsien/Shui Xian/Narcissus which was presented to me by a tea matcher because I used to live near a fancy fancy Chinese tea shop.

so for the criteria why don't we have scaling scores with extra notes? So in my example 0 is a good score for everything so we don't have conflicting score values. so 0 is none, or wide access and 10 is lots or hard to find/understand for example: Moana Romance Score: 0/10 Sex Score: 0/10 Violence Score: 3/10 (cartoon only, no blood) Access: 0/10 (Global distribution) Language: ?/10 English, wide variety of subtitles and dubs? Doe Moana even have dubs? I know about Frozen but not Moana Misogynist Score: 1/10 (women are strong in this movie) Diversity Score: Low (everyone is Polynesian, no recognisable disabilities and LGBT+ unknown) A-spec Creator: Unknown/Not Applicable Total: 4/60 Very good! but Low diversity if there is a site format somewhere where averages of votes can be taken it would incorporate many peoples views. Maybe an excel spreadsheet or something?

You sound fairly aromantic to me, and even if you are still questioning and exploring the aromantic realm I do think maybe you should tell your therapist so they might look into the terms themselves. However there have been cases (some noted on here) where therapists insist on 'fixing' aromantics or are just generally rude and unhelpful. But if you have a good therapist you have a good relationship with then maybe letting them know about aromanticism might make them less concerned. I understand so much of what you are saying! but at this point, my personal solution to being with a best friend in a no-romo way is to have a dog and a flatmate. I am yet to get the dog, but I'm sure they shall be a far superior companion to the one who keeps stealing my dairy products and tuna.

I feel the greatness of grey-romantic is because it is so vague, it can mean anything you need it to so that you don't have to define all the little quirks of your inner-self and experiences. It also means that other people won't have a specific idea of your circumstances, which is useful if you don't like sharing such personal information. However, on the flip side of that finding label you think fits your experience really closely possibly means you don't have to share such personal information because most of it is already ties into the known definition of the label. Basically it is how my geology teacher explained soil maps, some people are splitters and some people are groupers. Groupers are happy with a general idea of what is there, while splitters need to define every single little difference. I'm a splitter, and if you are too, then I know your pain at ambiguity. If you feel such changes in your experience maybe you will find the variable labels useful, like aro-flux and aro-spike.

oh, I haven't seen that one. If anything 蟲師 brings to mind 妖怪大戦争 by 三池 崇史 even though that is live action, and 蟲師 is way more chill. 妖怪大戦争 could be put forward as aro content! but the violence! so much violence and cruelty.....and it is a 'childrens movie'! but then it is 三池 崇史 so what do you really expect? also it is so deep in the Japanese cultural content it took me a university course to figure some stuff out and I know I still don't get everything.

So how would you break down 'allosexual aro' and 'ace aro' into categories or criteria? or do you mean that the criteria list should include author/creator is on aro-spectrum (which is actually a pretty good one to include for the ultimate aro content) Also, I had to google Andrew Hendricks and I still have no idea who you mean....the racecar driver? ??? lols, that brings back memories. I'm still trying to finish watching 蟲師 so I can't comment on romance-content, but it is gooooood!

oh yes yes of course. I just wanted a basic sum up. They could be much more flexible and nuanced. And as per your original post I thought we would be proposing content then seeing how it fits in the criteria, rather than using the criteria to find something that fits (then giving it a score or creating warnings like 'Generic Zombie movie example: 100% aromantic content, but may contain beheading' ?). The song and music video clip for 'Never been in love' by Will Jay seems to fit all the criteria so far. (wow, I never knew emojis could be in italics before now!! ?????) oh definitely. I am one of those critical of it especially when people use it blindly to categorise 'good' and 'bad' media.

I'm reading Oishinbo and this totally made me laugh! As for criteria I like what you have already but maybe instead of being in english it should just have a global distribution or worldwide access. There is lots of media locked up in countries or even regions that is fairly impossible to find outside of that area, and so cannot be an 'ultimate content'. Plus english is fairly pervasive, so if it is good there is bound to be some translation somewhere (english-speakers are gonna english-language stuff). Even english language things can be locked within regions, like I bet none of you know about a Country/Americana cover singer called Archer? (the ones you find online are probably not the guy I mean, like seriously, he sells his CDs wrapped in newspaper) and I have never managed to lay my hands (well, eyes) on the movie ANUVAHOOD (and I know a few native english speakers who can't understand this English english). So.. no romance no sex no violence everyone (globally) can access English, or with available english translation or equivalent content respectful diversity (LGBT+, cultural, racial, ethnic, disability, other, more, ???)* Female content (if present) is well defined as individual from male content *Flawed characters are fine, and generally more interesting, but I'm sure we all know many many terrible representations of 'diversity' that are just insulting to those they claim to be representing. Lets avoid those.

That seems oddly specific. I know a general rule for online courtesy (anywhere) is don't mention your kink unless it is a kink-safe environment. Basically don't get onto the topic of specifics about arousal and sex unless it has been explicitly stated that it is an open non-judgemental environment that is accepting of that sort of topic. And then the guidelines for that are generally that discussions must be within a consensual and legal framework. I know some places ban specific kinks, but that is certainly not 'standard' across the everything.

that would be the main issue for any acronym for me, something like ARENA or AURA will be lost in the search results about crystal energy and football teams. Whatever the name of the site I think the acronym must be as search unique as possible (but not to a ridiculous level, no one wants TAARECP101001##)

Tired That feeling you get when your eyes are open