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About lonelyace

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  • Birthday December 13

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    homoalterous aromantic
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  1. As long as you're genuinely trying to learn, nothing is a dumb question. Some asexual people do masturbate, some don't. It's all a matter of personal preference. The nerve endings in our genitals do still work, we do still feel it. Being asexual is just about not feeling sexual attraction towards anyone else, that is, not looking at another person and being aroused by or fantasizing about them specifically. Attitudes towards masturbation, as with attitudes towards sex, vary from asexual to asexual.
  2. I fully agree that flexibility is an inherent and important part of qpr's. I think what I meant is that it's new enough that there are no stereotypes or set societal ideas about what a qpr looks like. Because realistically we can also define friendships, best friendships, romantic relationships etc in any way as well. You could platonically kiss your best friend. I personally, as an adult college student engaged in a romantic relationship with an alloromantic person who knew that I was aromantic, but because we defined our romantic relationship as holding hands and hanging out a lot, it worked for both of us. The thing is, people don't often think about breaking out of normative ideas of what one type of relationship involves because these relationship types have set ideals ingrained in society. Those don't exist for qpr's, which aids the ability for qpr's to be whatever the people involved want it to be.
  3. This is interesting to me because I can relate to the confusion as to why people simultaneously say that gender doesn't matter to them and categorize themselves based off of it, but I differ from you in feelings. I've been gendered every which way, female, male, genderless they/them, and all of them felt right. This leaves me confused as to how I am supposed to categorize myself. I feel okay with my assigned gender, and I can function as such, so that makes me female right? But if I'm equally comfortable as male or non binary, does that make me those things too?
  4. Welcome! I'm so happy that you've been able to understand yourself and come to terms with your feelings. I always enjoy hearing other people's stories. Have you considered that you may be whatever the aromantic equivalent of polyamerous is? Since you talked about having sexual and platonic attraction to other people while you were in a relationship, might it be possible that you could have more than one committed friends with benefits situation at a time? By no means is the meant to tell you what you are or how you should feel. I simply think that looking into it could help. If it isn't true about you then no harm done, and if it is then you've learned something new about yourself.
  5. I don't know if I watch Thomas Sanders enough to really qualify as a Fander of not, but I do enjoy his content.
  6. I don't have the knowledge on how to make one but I would definitely be interested if one existed.
  7. Some queerplatonic relationships do involve sexual attraction and some don't. That's what makes qpr's simultaneously beautiful and terrifying. They're such a new concept that there really aren't defined rules and expectations for them. A qpr can be two friends who want to be friends forever. It can be two people who feel like their connection goes beyond friendship but still isn't romantic. It can be a committed friends with benefits type situation. There's really no end to the ways that qpr's can look.
  8. All my life I've been told that I expect too much from friendship. I want too much intimacy. Yes, friends can cuddle sometimes, but they don't walk around holding hands. I want too much honesty. Yes, friends can share feelings but they don't do it that often. I want too much intensity. After all, if I'm willing to move heaven and earth for you, I want you to be willing to do the same for me. I want too much commitment. It isn't normal to be so upset when your best friend says that you aren't their best friend. It isn't normal to plan your entire life with your best friends and actually expect it to be a reality. It isn't normal to be so upset at the prospect of having to leave or lose a friend. After all, friends move on, that's just how it is. But I just feel too intensely. I will clarify that this is only true about a few people. Most friendships that I have follow a normal pattern of what friendship is supposed to look like. But, some people are special. Some people I'm all or nothing for. I always thought that these were normal feelings to have for a best friend, but I've come to realize that what I want from a best friend more closely resembles what most people want from a romance. I want the deep emotional bond and the commitment to being by each other's side through everything. I've never looked at these feelings and thought that they were romantic. When alloromantic people describe their crushes it sounds completely foreign to me. When they say you just know, I'm like, no??? I don't??? But at the same time I want to share my life with these people. I'm too intense for friendship and not enough for romance. I don't really know what kind of relationship structure works best for me. I need structure and labels and verbal affirmations of commitment to be able to function. Maybe a qpr would work if I knew any aromantic people in real life, but the times I've tried it, it's been with allo people. I found that they viewed a qpr as a close friendship, but not a relationship. Maybe I'm a bad aro, maybe I'm a fake, but that's what I want. For it to be a structured, recognized relationship like the ones alloromantic people get to have with each other. It would also be nice to be able to talk about a partner without having to give a vocab lesson and get hit with "so you're just friends" more often then not. I tried dating an alloromantic who knew that I'm aro but didn't care, and I actually wound up scaring her away with my intensity. So basically, it's complicated. I know what I want out of the relationships but I don't see a way to actually get them. I think I'm doing aromanticism wrong.
  9. You sing beautifully but you will never stop singing. It's 24/7 for the rest of your life. I wish I could skip college and just have a degree and career already.
  10. To be non binary is to have a gender that is not 100% male or 100% female. This is about gender identity, not gender expression. You can be very masculine in your presentation and still be a girl, or feminine in presentation and still be a boy. These things are still binary genders because the person is still male or female. Non binary folks have a gender that, as I said before, is not 100% male or 100% female. This can look a lot of different ways. It could be both or neither or or changing. You could feel somewhat but not entirely connected with one gender, or you could feel like something else entirely. I hope this helps explain things.
  11. It seems like most people experience sexual and romantic by your age. I personally knew I was asexual by age 16. It took me a bit longer to realize I was aromantic but that's more because of denial than a lack of early signs. Most aromantic and asexual people can see early signs by puberty, sometimes even before. So if you feel comfortable calling yourself aromantic asexual, do it. Even if it changes in the future, thats okay. It doesn't change how you feel right now.
  12. When people talk about heartbreak I tend to think about ways that past friends have broken my heart. I don't think that it has to be romantic for it to be heartbreak.
  13. I just came across the term aroflux recently and I’m considering if it’s something that fits for me. I am currently in a romantic relationship and my complex feelings are at times a cause of distress for me. I don’t think that the feelings themselves change. I always remain comfortable performing certain romance coded actions and not others, and my feelings for my girlfriend always have the same intensity. The thing that changes is that sometimes I look at those feelings and they feel romantic, while other times they feel entirely platonic. I have a long history of having no idea what I’m feeling. I know that I have never felt what other people describe when they describe crushes. I know that I am not comfortable with all of the activities that are typically associated with romance. This is enough to lead me to believe that I belong somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. I have trouble though, because during the times when I interpret the feelings as romantic, I feel as though I am betraying the aromantic community, and when the feelings don’t feel romantic, I feel as though I’m betraying my girlfriend. so yeah, now I’m not talking about aroflux as a concept. Just my insecurities. Sorry about that.
  14. I personally have no problem saying girlfriend, but thats a whole can of worms that I don't care to open right now. Perhaps something along the lines of partner/queerplatonic partner/platonic partner would work for you?
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