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About bananaslug

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  1. When I was in middle school I made a "rule" for myself that I wouldn't go out with anyone until I was 15. All of my friends knew this. One day one of my guy friends asked me to go to a school dance with him "as a friend" and I said yes. Then, about a day before the dance, I was informed by another friend that he was telling people we were dating so I stood him up and never apologized (he never apologized to me either). Not exactly an awkward way to reject someone, but it certainly wasn't kind, and to this day I think I could have handled it better.
  2. I know of at least on aro/ace meet up group in Germany. Here's a link to their events page https://www.facebook.com/pg/AceAroBonn/events/?ref=page_internal They're in Bonn. Not sure how close that is to you, but it's on the right state.
  3. skildpadde (Danish) and cantankerous (English).
  4. My partner and I have been together for 5 years so we're sort of past the point of dates, but I guess if I had to pick an ideal date going to a history museum is always a good time
  5. There's ACEapp. As you can probably tell by the name, it's more ace focused and a lot of people on their are alloaces looking for dates, but there is an option to look specifically for friends.
  6. Welcome to the Arocalypse!
  7. I'm finding that the Grammarly chrome extension is no longer working when I try to use it on the forum. Has anyone else been having issues with their extensions working sense the server transfer?
  8. I'm dyslexic... which I guess would fall under neurodivergent on this list although learning disabilities are often classed as there own thing.
  9. I grew up in a poly household, and almost everyone in my friend group and religious community is non-monogamous so well I have a strong preference for non-monogamous relationships that's mostly just because it's the relationship model I'm most familiar with
  10. ACEapp is *technically* an aro inclusive app, and it does let you filter for people who just want to make friends, but in my experience it is still pretty ace centric, and unless you live in a big city it really doesn't have enough users to be helpful.
  11. I... don't get what the problem is? Most queer flags include more specific identity groups in this same way. The trans flag has a stripe for nonbinary people even though enbys have their own flag. The ace flag has a stripe for acespec people even though most aspec identities have their own flag. And similarly, the aro flag has a stripe for arospec folks. We design flags that way so that they're more inclusive. Some arospecs prefer to simply identify as aro because more people know that term. Some people are questioning and don't know where they fall on the aro spectrum. Some people know they're somewhere on the aro spectrum but don't like using really specific labels. If we exclude arospec folks from the term "aromantic" and any flag associated with that term then we end up excluding all of the people above from having a community. So to answer your question, that's why there's no "aro specific" flag. That kind of thing would lead to gatekeeping and exclusion and nobody wants that. Aromantic is an identity but it's also an umbrella term for everyone on the aro spectrum. That's been true for as long as I've been part of the aro community, and I hope it continues to be true for a long time. If that confuses some people then so be it, but I think what's most important is that we make sure all of our community members feel included.
  12. I think it really depends on the person. For me, emotional vulnerability is mostly about expressing feelings even when I'm anxious about other people's response to them. Some people might only be willing to do that with a romantic partner, but other people might do it with friends, family, counselors, etc. So I think whether or not emotional vulnerability is romantic is really dependent on the context and the person.
  13. I have a lot of trouble with this too. I usually just say "I don't get crushes" or "I'm not really into romance". The second answer gets tricky though cus a lot of allo folks interpret that as not liking big romantic actions as apposed to not liking romance generally. I've also tried saying "I don't really date" but a lot of straight allo women in praticular interpret that more as me just being tired of dating men which like... idk there's a lot of assumptions to unpack there
  14. Yes this is deffinatly a thing! I once had a guy in my physics class ask me out, and when I said no he proceeded to buy me a big box of chocolates instead of taking a hint. When I started avoiding him after that he had one of his friends confront me about why I wouldn't go out with him. Thankfully the quarter ended after that and I didn't have to see him anymore but he was persistent enough I'm sure it would have continued otherwise.
  15. My dude, saying that terms and such should be preserved for "easier-to-please people" as you put it, is not even a little bit equivalent to saying that other experiences don’t matter, don’t put words in my mouth. I said pretty explicitly that I believe we can re-think these lists so that they give people more information and context. These vocabulary lists don’t necessarily have to be lacking in context or links to other resources. So uh...most aspec terminology lists do mention if there are other terms with the same meaning (including most of the ones in siggy's footnotes). For a common example, most of theses lists include both Lith and Akoi and make a point of stating that they’re two different words for the same thing. Like yeah, probably not all of these lists are so helpful, but in my experience the vast majority of them are. Most of the people who have been in the community long enough to collect a glossary are pretty aware of the "reinvention treadmill".
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