Apathetic Echidna

I said one other person not sharing a sleeping space, but really I am open to a fluctuating number of people. Ideally I would have a bit more than just my bedroom as personal space if I was living with more than one other person, but that is mostly because I have a lot of stuff and I don't like people touching my books without permission unless I KNOW they are precious about books.....and not everyone is as tolerant of the smell of furniture wax as I am.

I don't know about thoughts about monoplatonic aros, only because I definitely sit more on the ace/I don't care side of things....but as for the bad reactions people are having I'm sorry you got those reactions as they sound particularly horrible. Either people are making assumptions/jumping to conclusions or you are living in a particularly amatonormative social setting. Possible assumptions people are making: 1. There are many work industries, probably most of them, where this is just not possible to limit irl social activity. Sure it is work related and generally within the boundaries of work hours but many people have assumptions about those interactions being the basis of friendship. I have had several instances of work acquaintances referring to me as their friend which I thought was an imposition, and I low key despised a few of them so I have no idea what their idea of 'friend' could actually be. 2. I was also taught that one red flag for an abusive relationship is when a friend starts dropping all previously established friend relationships when they get a new partner (the isolate-and-break pattern). I totally don't think you are doing that, you make it clear to me when you say [This other person is a grown adult who can look after his own needs and feelings, with or without anyone else.] but it's possible that the way you describe your circumstances that the people listening are making those two assumptions that all outside attachments are to be broken and a misunderstanding about social activity and assumptions about 'friend' relations. Maybe just moving away from established vocabulary like boyfriend/friend/monogamy/commitment will reduce the instances of misunderstanding. Rather use QPRs (QueerPlatonic Relationships, Zuccini (non-romantic partner) and as you have already used, monoplatonic.

Very interesting. I find I do work on trust some of the time, but that is based on an understanding of the other person having a similar basis of common sense as me (because 'common sense' is not common but rather location, age, history and knowledge level specific). Personally I have always been stunned by the 'complacency trust' phenomenon. Were people have boundaries but then allow them to slip over time, either by not enforcing them or wilfully destroying them because nothing bad happened, until the boundaries are no longer in place. For one example that isn't about condoms and STIs: One woman I greatly respect is a Lawyer who did not want her property or assets to be at risk from a defacto partner claim so made her boyfriend(/s) keep his overnight bag in his car when he stayed over so he could not legally claim residence rights. She did that for YEARS but how many 'normal couples' start giving each other clothing spaces after a few weeks or months?

I always saw allies as that, a place for the closeted and questioning to be acknowledged without having to be out or defined. But things seem to be changing, I had no idea some groups had added an extra A on the term. Personally I see many more jokes about the ever increasing acronym than a sense of inclusive community, so personally I prefer just LGBT+ (the + being a simple shortcut that can't be laughed at)

because the shading goes up the nose (I don't know anyone who has a blushing nose...unless it is sunburn) I see the face shading as similar to that seen in those Halloween type flashlight-under-the-chin moments. (I really like the art style too! I just found this image conflicting)

I sent an email about hosting a month a while ago, then I never chased it up. But I'll put in a request to host a month! Either the next month you need hosted or November

So this competitions just came up on my Deviant Art account https://www.deviantart.com/team/art/Caption-Contest-841805391 Basic comp. Make up a caption for this picture by Cyarin (https://www.deviantart.com/cyarin) : I totally read the facial expression as surprise/fear rather than anything else and in all the comments people are going on about 'your crush returning your feelings' comments. I mainly use my phone for communication not picture browsing, so my brain went straight to assuming human-to-human interaction, though I can sort of see where all the cute animal reaction captions are coming from. Do the little hearts in the image really change the perceptions of facial expressions? Is my aroness seeing the hearts and overlaying my own disdain, which then makes me see the image as representing something very not-positive? Or are the hearts making the allos automatically assume good things about that facial expression? If the hearts weren't there, what would the expression read as? Who knows.....but what do you think?

I stopped getting teased like this after I started calling those people insensitive arses, whether they were friends or not. I read an article recently (I even dug out the book it is in so I could reference it properly!) called 'Racism: How Ironic' by Rowena Grant-Frost for Frankie Magazine which talks about the same situation but rather than romance being the topic in question it is a person's heritage. Basically people say 'I was just joking', 'I was being ironic' or 'no offence' as a get out of jail free card to say mean and hurtful things. They think by saying these disclaimers they can ignore your feelings as being irrational, overemotional, too sensitive or too unsophisticated to understand their higher cerebral humour. They cast themselves as being smart and frame you as being stupid, so they can avoid blame or responsibility for the horrible things they say. The truth is you should call them out on this bad behaviour all the time, because they should feel guilty for doing/saying things that make you feel bad. Maybe make them think about what they say if it was a different topic, like race, ethnicity, gender or would they be saying the same sorts of things if you were alloromantic and homosexual? (< because being seen as black-white racist or homophobic seems to be the greatest social sins in the culture I live, it may be different for you and your social circles) I had a Cis Allo Homosexual friend who would romantically tease me like your friends do, but my ex-friend would also say misogynist things and a-phobic things. It took me a long time and an assault to convince me it was a toxic relationship. But yes, consistently disregarding my feelings about being romantically teased was one of the earlier red flags I ignored. I hope your friends do take your feelings into account when you explain to them. It will probably take them time to learn different behaviour if it is habit but if you keep pointing it out they (hopefully) will understand that it is hurtful and that they are treating romance harassment as different from other harassment topics.

@DeltaV COVID 19 has changed so much so fast. The real guessing game starts now though, will everything eventually return to how it was? or will a new order to work/life structure prevail? I'm just wondering how many people decide to flee to the country seeing as the news keeps interviewing virus experts who seem to live in tiny villages far away from any major population centres. I'm fairly sure there are still some towns offering $1 a week rents to save their small communities, and that has got to be tempting....though they prioritise families with kids because that means students to local schools, us single childless people get sidelined once again! I find that I can't really get along with many professionally ambitious people because it seems like we speak a different language most of the time...................though it may also be the fact that I resent people asking me what I do as the 2nd or 3rd question after an introduction so I say something along the lines of "I am bettering myself as a person and strive for inner calm and oneness with the universe". I guess I'll never put down roots in that sphere of society!

I've never had a solid clue to what I want to do. I tend to fall into things and I stay with stuff while it is interesting. I'm not professionally ambitious in any way, if I had been I doubt I would have figured out I was aromantic! The easy choice would be to go to the country town my family comes from because there are the social connections that can lead to odd jobs if no work at home job is sustainable. That is definitely one of my concerns, with smaller community sizes the importance on children is generally greater because children make work for people who live in the town and symbolically give the town a future population. If only a billionaire would buy up the assets at Leigh Creek and make it an aromantic work at home community oasis!

going on 6 years now! I'm feeling more asexual by the year...? mood killers is the perfect word for what I was trying to work out. Romance issues are more like mood killers than triggers for sexual repulsion*. So is that just a milder version of a repulsion reaction or a even a return to neutrality. *the only repulsion I think I really know is romantic repulsion and that can be quite severe, so I have issues with comparing things.

to tell the truth I heard the original form while watching You Can't Ask That (Australian version) in relation to describing the autism spectrum and I thought it was so beautiful it changed my mental image of spectrums from a venn diagram circle to a cloud of lights.

I understand the feeling of them being separate and linked at the same time! For me when sex comes up as a interest/possibility is sort of feels like my romance repulsion becomes hyper-aware. I'm fairly sure this is because I know most people have their own assumptions about what sort of relationship sex forms between the participants and so my aromantic self is suddenly possibly walking through a minefield. Not wanting to step on a massive romantic repulsion landmine I become very cautious. I'm not sure whether a trigger of romantic repulsion would completely kill the sexual attraction and make me repulsed that way though...

that was hilarious and so true in highlighting the issues involved in attraction and romance. The girls can't/don't explain it but clearly think the guy should understand automatically that there is 'clearly' a difference. As for why there are many more women than men on the site, well anything I say would be guessing and making wild assumptions based on stereotypes. probably.

The assumption is what really gets to me. Before an agreement of monogamy is made I don't see how there can be a breach of trust. Yet my friend who has her own longterm sex-friend has been dumped at least twice because a partner has found out that she was having sex with her sex-friend during the period of time of their first few dates. The only way I understand cheating as being a particularly bad case of lying or breaking an agreement is if there is a flavour of possessiveness or ownership in the relationship. I was accused of 'friendship cheating' which is when I discovered one friend thought he could possessively claim me which was another massive red flag that our friendship was toxic. As for helping friends through the emotional fallout of a cheating partner...luckily or unluckily I was able to understand the depth of their pain because I knew enough about their circumstances to understand the sense of betrayal in a way not directly connected to romantic feelings. The cheating partner putting my friend's sexual health at risk. The cheating partner having sex with an underage person. The cheating partner having sex in a non-consensual situation. The cheating partner trying to continue the relationship after cheating by using emotional blackmail including threats of suicide.

so when I was 26-ish I came out to friends who were the same age. I figured at that age I was beyond the 'you'll grow out of it reaction' and my friends were open minded enough to other topical LGBT+ issues. These friends I love and trust were starting to orient their lives towards getting a partner to get married and have kids. Their reaction was flat denial that aromantics exist. One since admitted that she was terrified I was forcing the orientation on her because she related to some of what I said even though her ultimate life goal is still to get married and have kids.....which is the complete opposite of me. Other friends I am less close to were much more accepting and chill about it all. Still not out to family, but they have known for years I'm never having kids and have generally figured out that I'm never 'settling down'

I had exactly the same thing with my sexual orientation. yes, I experienced a little bit of attraction very infrequently so I didn't fit in the solid A- box but because that was years and years ago the resources were very limited so I never came across the concept of Grey- back then. Which led me to reject the idea because I thought I must be some mysterious 'something else'. Sorry, but this sounds like Tumblr Siths dealing in absolutes. There are some great discussions talking about being grey and what that means for different people, because grey isn't one thing it is rather a constellation of different experiences. Attraction might be very rare occurrence or it could be regular but so slight as to be negligible or it might be so vague that you can only identify it as a pattern using hindsight.

So the book I'm going to mention here doesn't have any aro characters and it does have romantic love as the ultimate goal of the book, which is why I never mentioned it before on other threads. 'You're the One that I don't want' by Alexandra Potter is sort of a parody of the love-by-fate tropes. The two main characters keep getting stuck in situations which in a normal romance book would be very romantic but in this book the characters feeling are growing stronger in the dislike rather than the like. Ultimately though all the characters strive for romantic love as the ultimate final destination for a happily-ever-after predictable end, so it is still well within in the romantic chick-lit genre. I would recommend it for aros who aren't repulsed by litrarary romance or mentions of sex. It is an interesting divergence but it is still a romantic chick-lit book. A fast, possibly funny, trashy read.

1. I went through one questioning period, if you can call about 10 years a single questioning period. It was sort of a not very intense question moment followed up by lots of ignore with a "who cares? i'm me" attitude. I did learn about asexual when I was 16-18 years old but heard people's experiences and didn't click with it so I ignored it. the labels I use now are the only ones I have ever really used, previously I just let people assume default straight but I was never directly asked what labels I used (assuming my memory is not too degraded by age...) 2. 10 or so years later I decided to look at asexual again since it had been a good 4 years since I had anything resembling sexual attraction. I found aromantic fairly immediately when reading the AVEN forums and finally figured it out. Took me a few more weeks to find a sexuality label I felt connected to though. So questioning my sexual orientation literally made me stumble across SAM, Romantic orientations and aromanticism. 3. Aromanticism is like air to me. It is always present. I cannot conceive of a existence without it being this way. I feel it as a constant presence rather than of a 'complete lack of' (romantic attraction). My sexuality is like a mythical creature that pops in and out of existence randomly. It is there or it is not, yet when it is there it still breathes air (aromanticism) so they are linked yet different.

slugs

5

Personally I always thought there was something extremely aro about the chocolates that go on sale after Valentines day. But bargain basement 50% off love heart chocolate probably is not the best symbol as you really need the whole context for them to seem aro

I know that for the last few years there seems to have been more of a push to form small communities, some of it is a push against climate change some is from the growing of permaculture as a way of life and sustainability being more present in people's minds. There have been planned self build/sustainable communities springing up all over the world. My personal choice for laying down roots is to work myself into a career that I can work from home then move to a very small town. Yes I know I will always be a 'new comer' to the locals but the sense of familiarity is so much more in a small town than anywhere else. However who knows what is going to happen now? I cannot even predict how these next few months will change the future for everyone.

I guess you probably have it covered but peer pressure to be like everyone else, especially if 'everyone else' seems to be in relationships, can be quite isolating. Some common peer pressure tactics are probably useful so just pointing out the fact of it's influence is enough for the professional to have an idea what to do.

1) Character who definitely they must be identified as aromantic (people questioning can't find out good info if they don't know the word!) in some sort of visual media. I've been talking with teachers recently and there seems to be a real shift with kids scorning non-visual media as focused entertainment, so unless these kids are introduced to a strong enough motivation they don't significantly sway from that preference. (I'm probably going to have to unpack this sentence but basically 'watching something is more attractive to more people than reading/listening alone') 2) As for the visual media I consume I have seen none. (Youtubers are real people not characters so don't count for this)