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About Alcairm

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  1. I made a group on meetup.com. Join or help me spread the word by inviting someone you know in the area!
  2. I posted about this situation earlier in another post but basically I am a junior grad student, finished my first year. The senior most grad student and I were kind of becoming friends but he misinterpreted my affections as romantic and started treating me very romantically. He wanted to date me but never made any direct moves so it was hard for me to straight up turn him down. I felt so repulsed by his presence and romantic advances that I stopped going to lab and it was strongly impacting my mental health. I was forced to tell my advisor what was going on but he kept insisting he did nothing wrong because he didnt mean to make me uncomfortable. She made me tell both of them what he did that made me uncomfortable. He denied everything but apologized and said he didnt mean to make me uncomfortable. She definitely believed him and thinks I’m delusional and asked me if I accepted his apology. I said no but agreed to continue working with him. I’m so angry because she kept telling me she would support me in these situations but when it came down to it, she didnt believe me. I feel angry at her but dont intend on leaving because I really want this degree. How can I move forward and work with her considering I feel so angry at her?
  3. Thanks for linking the story. How the woman must have felt in that situation is similar to how I feel. People keep sexual advances private but not romantic advances. In my situation, I suspect the guy told others in the group that we were going to date and he was too scared to ask me out so he made the other phd ask me for him. It felt like a violation of my privacy. It put societal/peer pressure on me to say yes to him and made my interactions uncomfortable not only with him but also with other members of our lab. But society doesn't consider such repercussions or take them seriously so it shames people into putting up with a very real violation.
  4. Let me know where I can find it if you write something. I’m still confused about when I can report romantic advances.
  5. I am a grad student and had 2 senior phd’s overseeing my project. I knew one of them was attracted to me the day I met him and I would catch him fixating on me. It didn’t feel sexual, but aesthetic or romantic, like glassy eyes. I was worried he was going to try dating me at some point so I tried to keep our conversations work related but eventually I decided I was being paranoid and showed him my personality and we became friends. Then he quickly developed an intense crush on me and I immediately became uncomfortable because I’m SUPER SUPER romance repulsed. I was so uncomfortable, I couldn’t even look at him. He could tell I was uncomfortable so he tried really hard to leave me alone. He stopped overseeing my project as a result and I worked with the other phd mostly. Whenever I went into the office to talk about my results with the other phd, the guy who had a crush on me would look at me wishfully and ask me if I was going to also go to whatever drink night was coming up. I always said no, partially because I was avoiding him and partially because I’ve been very antisocial lately. I can tell he isn’t trying to make me uncomfortable and he feels very bad that he’s making me feel that way but also just misses hanging out with me. I felt too anxious to go into the office and even the lab since he was there sometimes and I’d have to deal with this conversation and wishful looks. I got in trouble for not doing enough work or going in, so I finally told my professor what was going on. She issued a no contact rule so he’s not allowed to talk to me anymore. Through my professor he said he didn’t have the intention at all to make me uncomfortable and is very sorry. Although I feel so much more at ease going into work now, I feel like I reported someone who really is a good person and was trying his best to not make me uncomfortable. It’s not like he was sexually harassing me but I also can’t help my romance repulsion. Do you think I did the wrong thing? Whenever I look up harassment examples, they’re always about sexual not romantic situations. Most people brush off romantic attraction no problem so I’m confused if what I did was wrong.
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