Apathetic Echidna

I have been trying to get my friends more open to some of the RA ideas, but they kept shutting me down with 'I have traditional values'. I'm wondering if I should just throw this at them and refuse to talk about boys until they have read it

Continuing the double tangent. Trying to separate sexual and aesthetic attractions is somewhat hard for me anyway but in general it is possible aesthetic attraction can be just as problematic as it then enters the realm of racism, media influenced beauty ideals, and even ableism because it is basically judging people on appearances.

If this character is going to be framed as a leader and sex/romance repulsed then be careful about going too far. If other characters need help on these issues focusing too much on the repulsion might undermine the leader aspects, while focusing on the leadership responsibilities of help or direction might erase the repulsion. I don't know if this is a situation that may occur, but I just wanted to point it out so you can anticipate possible issues.

I am sort of uncomfortable with the ambiguity. Ambiguity can be great because questioning people need representation too. I was vague and questioning for about 10 years. Questioning could be very easy to bring to those characters, there is no age limit or time limit, it is about seeking your boundaries, what is good and what is bad. But the characters should probably be written with questioning in mind rather than just making them some vague representation of LGBT+ness. It can be good if it shows a lifestyle or relationship, at which point it can be seen as an exemplar rather than specific representation, and then people can read what they want into the characters motivations, like Good Omens. But of course then the relationship/lifestyle should either be written to be healthy and balanced or written to clearly show it is unhealthy and not something to strive for. Movies and TV do good and bad heteronormative relationships, and the bad ones normally go by uncriticised by mainstream viewers (the relationship components anyway). I just don't want the mainstream ambiguous-queer relationship/lifestyle exemplar to be toxic/hostile/manipulative/degrading/disrespectful yet be framed as something that is cute/idealistic (To name a few eg: Twilight, Passengers, In Time, Stardust, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, The Big Hit, Red, Knight and Day, Beauty and the Beast, 10 Things I Hate About You, You've Got Mail, This Means War, The Notebook, Wedding Crashers). It can be bad because it gets the viewers hopes up, they interpret the character in a certain way, but because of the ambiguity the character is always running the risk of being given actions or labels that make them conflict with the viewers previous perception. Basically those in control decide they need more drama and a new relationship is a cheap solution and all our little aromantic hearts implode again. Or they can fully wuss out and suddenly just make the character heteronormative (looking at you Disney). But ultimately it is not representation unless it is clearly labelled (I guess 'questioning' might be an exception to this?). Without a label there is always the possibility of erasure. If the character identifies with a label then that later changes it would be much more fulfilling because people can experience new understandings or growth in a different direction. Ultimately queerbaiting has worked in the past (look at how much money Disney has made), but left a sour taste in the heart. I guess this 'ambiguous LGBT+ but we are not even going to label them questioning or queer' is the next step in making money off almost-representation.

You know, all this time this sort of discussion has been going on and I never cross referenced dictionaries myself. English has so many registers and regional convention, so globally, the meaning of the word changes rather than the word itself when moving between different populations. You have me curious about the lesser known (Australian) dictionaries now. Not just the language, it is a big underlying echo from the past that influences all sorts of things, in all the colonial countries. Sometimes in the most unexpected ways. Then you bring all the diversity of English between differing populations into the equation.....it is a mess!

I just watched a youtube thing called Cinema Therapy and they have one on Aragorn, and oh, all the no romo feels! I'd forgotten LOTR was so good. The death of Boromir would be a good one to include in your moments video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv_KAnY5XNQ

May I just say that this is the best way I have seen anyone frame their orientation. I have started to worry about people using definite statements to acknowledge their orientation, when orientation can be a fluid thing. So, welcome and thank you!

Wait, is this a thing? how old is too old? or is it because your friends situations change and they all travel with their spouses/partners now? ? that seems so sad and I realised there may be more hazards to ageing than I thought. I haven't been around my friends in a little while so I feel myself perking up again, no more woe is me. So yes, I would have to say my friends are being more insensitive because of their recent obsessive partnering and breeding drive. I guess I will just bide my time until another situation occurs, then I can tell them my feelings when it is most likely to penetrate their perception. When I say obsession I do mean obsession. Most of my friends have very traditional values (even though they have different cultural influences at work), partnering and breeding is a standard goal for them. I guess their biological clocks have started ticking louder and they are trying to come to grips with not succeeding yet. I'm so glad I have this place to decompress my feelings. Even with all my complaining I just hope I am always there to drag them back towards healthy relationship values.

The general killing of humans is the basic premise to the opening introduction of the movie so when he talks about the lacking of love it seems like a big reveal moment. I guess he is declaring his love for her so it is a 'big movie moment'? but it just seems there was too much emphasis on not-loving = evil rather than 'I have switched sides because I love you'. Yeah, it is in it's own universe of bad. Twilight is like a Hitchcock classic compared to this. Actually, speaking of Hitchcock and terrible romance.... Spellbound (1945) So the movie is classified as a psychological mystery thriller. It uses romance as the only justification for the female doctor to stay with and help the male lead. A situation that plays out like compliance bordering on mental instability on her part. I really hope people who watch it now are as creeped out as I am because it is so ....insulting? disturbing? lazy? unexplained? Basically he introduced an interesting character then to make the plot progress as he wanted he hammered her into a very two-dimensional character by making 'love at first sight' her motivation for everything.

So...I have so much hate for this movie: The 5th Wave. So teen action/scifi, Earth is post-apocalyptic. Girl meets boy. Turns out enemies were alien sleeper agents who were activated to hunt human. Boy is actually one of those sleeper agents but turned good because he loved her. Not clearly explained, but it seems the only differences between humans and alien sleeper agents is the ability to (romantically) love. as for Gattaca.. I always thought of that as her inner drive to breed with the best DNA which fits with the mainstream goals of that world. He maybe a murderer, he may be strange but he gets a good score at the DNA testing station! Then at the end it is more impactful when she drops his hair, realising the person is more important than their DNA. @eatingcroutons I missed the advertising hype for Passengers, so when I saw it I thought it was a phycological thriller/horror for at least the first hour.

Sonu and Titu and Sweety / Sonu ke Titu ki Sweety (2018) It is a Hindi romance comedy. If you like Bollywood (it isn't a solid musical) or Indian movies definitely one to see. For everyone else who can't find it or don't want to sit through the hours....

True Grit, US (2010) A very good Western. Girl is out to avenge her father and hires a gunslinger. Contains violence, death and animal abuse.

Best thing is 'half catering' big parties. You supply some food/drink then ask everyone coming to make something to bring. People can surprise you with their skills and tastes. All my parties work this way ?

I just answered a similar but different topic, though some of the stuff is relevant I will just quote myself: I feel a lot of the stress that comes with this is the fact that parents have had years to plan out their perfect life for you in their mind, so when you contradict that dream they feel upset or confused, maybe they even think 'oh they can't mean it, they'll change their mind' simply because they didn't imagine you would divert from what their dreams for you were. I told my mum I wasn't going to have kids when I was 5, then when I was 7, then pretty much every time one of her friends had a baby. If there was a birth scene in a movie I would use words like 'unnecessary' and 'horrifying'. Then from the age I noticed reality tv, I would use word like 'pointless' and 'idiotic' for relationship shows and then that vocabulary started seeping into weddings (which was kinda hard because my mum made wedding dresses). So my mum is very accepting because she has had many many many years to adjust her view of me. My mum is actually happy I am not dating because I have told her about some of the experiences I have had when clubbing, and when my friend go on dates. I have so many bad tales of threatening behaviour, attempts at abuse and manipulation, boyfriend caused hospital visits, and toxic relationship scenarios. I'm sure my mother thinks dating is like a warzone now, but really, I'm not sure it is an Australian thing or not, but it seems that for every three men, one of them will be bad (at least in my 27-35 age range). Maybe be more open with sharing horror stories with your parents, yours, your friends, friend of friends. Then maybe they will be less pushy about it.

I feel a lot of the stress that comes with this is the fact that parents have had years to plan out their perfect life for you in their mind, so when you contradict that dream they feel upset or confused, maybe they even think 'oh they can't mean it, they'll change their mind' simply because they didn't imagine you would divert from what their dreams for you were. I told my mum I wasn't going to have kids when I was 5, then when I was 7, then pretty much every time one of her friends had a baby. If there was a birth scene in a movie I would use words like 'unnecessary' and 'horrifying'. Then from the age I noticed reality tv, I would use word like 'pointless' and 'idiotic' for relationship shows and then that vocabulary started seeping into weddings (which was kinda hard because my mum made wedding dresses). So my mum is very accepting because she has had many many many years to adjust her view of me. In short, tell your parents subtly but constantly from as early as possible. You make a discovery about yourself, figure out a way to work hints into your interactions (it is much easier if you are still living with your parents and/or interact a lot. @PeepsInTheChiliPotyour conversation sounded perfectly fine, lighthearted and you were sure of yourself). Any hinting will make coming out easier because it will/should/hopefully lessen the amount of time they need to readjust their mental perception of you.

I spent a lot of my childhood in 2 different country areas, one area was mostly wilderness where I would interact with wild animals like kangaroos and echidnas. Which gave me a sense of stewardship for the environment, especially in the drought times where the water bowls we put out was the only water available to the animals. The other was country filled with small dairy and beef cattle farms, which quickly led to me no longer eating beef. I still have a photo in my room of the steer who was my friend which led to me no longer being able to bring myself to eat beef. Everyone back then did lots of handling so the cattle were quiet, to the point that I climbed all over and rode a massive bull when I was 10. Then government policy changed and most farms went under or were bought out, which gave me a simmering hatred of big agribusiness and (not all, but most) property developers which has influenced my food choices, education choices, housing choices and probably even my friend choices for the past 20 years. Ultimately I have had pets, my rabbit that got me through my teen years was very important, but those two areas and their countless unnamed animals are what have really meant the most in shaping my life.

I asked a friend something similar to this and she just listed the best type of songs as: Break-up songs love songs yearning for love/sex songs ....as if there is no other types of songs out there. Maybe there is the assumption that these songs are based on strong emotion and are therefore more 'genuine' (whatever that means) and therefore anything with strong emotion is a romance-related song. I'm sure there are some people who think Green Day's American Idiot album is about relationships....

That is amazing! Is it specific to a country or region? because I'd love to know more The advice @Jedi gave is really good. If you don't already know the term, you might also want to look at information about limerence, especially the information about duration, just as extra backup knowledge when confronting your friends on their bias

Ditto! I was questioning (again) and while trawling through AVEN labels I found the Aromantic stuff and it clicked immediately! I was a few weeks from my 26th birthday, but I'd been questioning on and off (with no answers) since I was around 16.

My first though when I read 'Aromantic Sex' was exactly this. Aromantic people have aromantic sex, so saying you have 'aromantic sex' sounds like a way of coming out as aromantic. I have been thinking that 'non-romantic sex' is probably the best alternative term for 'friends with benefits'. Non-romantic implies there is another connection, like friendship that bonds the people. It is annoying that it has to work off of an implied assumption when 'friends with benefits' is directly accurate. Darn Hollywood and women's magazines for stealing the term 'friends with benefits' before we could claim it and use it more accurately! So non-arospec people should not use 'aromantic sex' because the majority(?) of us are incapable of catching feelings, while 'non-romantic sex' sounds like it has the possibility of becoming 'romantic sex' if/when catching feelings happens. Same word usage can work for dates, living together, or any other situation where two or more people are. Though if I see someone use 'aromantic sex' I will just congratulate them on coming out and share several aro flag arts and invite them to Pride. Wow, the 4 different definitions are really different! I know non-romantic dates also as 'friend time'

Over the weekend I had a realisation of deja vu over this. Somewhere deep within the bowels of this or another forum I have written the same thing, probably around 2-3 years ago. I'm not sure what sets me off, but I think it might be a periodic cycle of woe-is-me and regrets. This is why I got off social media, you always see everyone's high moments so you feel like the only one experiencing lows. ....I did just finish reading an autobiography by an adventure travel writer, and at each chapter I hear my braid say 'you can NEVER do that' 'try that and you will SERIOUSLY hurt yourself' 'omg a chapter about hang gliding! now this is the part of the story where your health would impact your experience'. You forgot the first milestone, finding a stable long-term partner to marry, which is what all my friends are obsessed with right now. So we sit around and they talk of their dream marriages and recent dates and congratulating each other on managing to date someone hot/pretty (which I always found really shallow, like they want external corroboration to their visual/sexual preferences). But recently I want to wrap my friends up and tell them they don't need any of that! Because we recently discovered one guy has a track record of predatory behaviour and another triggered a bunch of red flags for being abusive, which of course brought us to talking about all our bad experiences and situations. This will sound stupid, but I felt left out. If I get into a bad situation I get out fast, but my friends are so desperate for a connection that they walk right past red flags, or allow themselves to be vulnerable with that other person. If I already feel left out even though I partially share these experiences I can just imagine how isolated I will feel in the future when marriage and babies come along....most of my friends already assume I won't have kids because of my health (so they pity me and show me baby pictures) when in fact it is because I don't like babies and small kids. I'm just having trouble getting them to understand not breeding was a voluntary choice long long before I was diagnosed because they know that medically I would be in a very bad place, so think I justify it to myself by 'saying' I don't like babies. This is my 'sometimes'. I am quite proud that I have managed to fulfil most of my teenage dreams, though I did them in my 20s. I'm so glad for the term 'Late Bloomer' because I feel my life has shifted to be 5-10 years behind my general age group. Normally I am quite positive and fulfilled about my life, it is always about stopping and appreciating the moment, but sometimes unhappy feeling boil over and I have to rant them somewhere, then hope to get some perspective.

For a long time now I felt like I was missing out on what my life should be. Basically since my early teens when I developed a disability, though looking back I see there was quite a bit of my own aroness conflicting with the 'sexual awakening' and amatonormativity expectations of being a teenager/twenty-something. The media pumps forth these idealised images of what growing up looks like, and then peers tell you stories of their lives which sound like watered down versions of those media ideals. They have adventures and life progress while I feel like I have been stuck in mud this whole time. I just feel like I haven't lived my life as extremely as I should have. And I'm not going to be hitting the milestones that my friends and acquaintances will be as they go into their 30s and 40s. I am turning 30 soon, so maybe this is all me freaking out about no longer having the potential to do stupid stuff under the excuse of 'being twenty-something'. I am turning 30 soon, so maybe this is all me freaking out about my health which might start a slow decline as my muscle quality deteriorates. (Everyone's muscles do this, but mine will have a greater impact). Plus I found out about a kayaking hike trip that I would love to go on but It takes about 11 days which is not compatible with my medication schedule ? TL;DR Ranting about not having a teen drama/sitcom life experience. Anyone else feel like because of their orientation or something else they missed out on expected experiences?

Save it to revel in in summer! I'm pretty sure frostbite is a universally bad look. Sadly I live in a place that has more heatwaves than coldwaves, but I love the lapel-type jacket that comes mid-thigh over a pair of tights/skinny pants, and ankle height boots. I think almost everyone looks good this way. (the only way to look bad is to try it when the weather is too warm so that you top the outfit with red-sweaty-face)

I had an idea in my head of what my type was, but I realised that was limiting and I felt was influenced by what society expects me to want. Functionally in real life my type is 'male'. I can't really think of what, other than male-presenting, connects the people I have been attracted to. In my own experience I have a lot more 'definitely not' criteria that I have worked out, and most of those just boil down to being able to feel safe around them in various situations. .....so I guess my type is: Male/Male-presenting Doesn't make me feel unsafe MUST at least positively tolerate Harry Potter (it is a basic social glue for me and my friends) ?

my big style changes were between skirts and pants. I think I spent a solid 5 years only wearing skirts and dresses, then I decided pants were the way, and wore pants (even during heatwaves) for about 3 years. People tended to have mini freak out when I made the switch, so now I am more like 'normal' females who decide between pants and skirts every day, so I guess I can say I am in a equal opportunity stage of style?