roboticanary

Agreed with @Mark on this one. wanting to be in a relationship, have a romantic partner. I would also add actively wanting to do romantically coded activities, e.g. dates, kissing etc. (not just being ok with them but desiring them) I think one of the things that I think of for romance is doing something entirely for the sake of that partner. e.g. if I went to see a film with a friend no matter how much I like that friend I am valuing the whole experience. If it were romantic it would not matter in the slightest what was going on in the film. similarly for a meal out or any other form of date. I think in a romantic situation the other person can be all that matters or the other people are all that matter. In a non romantic situation I might be getting something from the fact it is that person I am with, but I still put the event first. As for what part of it bugs me, I think it is the level of constant pressure to stay true to the relationship in a way that hurts other non romantic relationships. In my case when I tried for romance back at school I got complained at for talking to other girls, for spending too much time with my friends and for not texting back fast enough. Now some of that is probably youth and inexperience but I think it is also that the way romance is set up pushes people towards doing that. If someone believes this one relationship is above all others because of some special, almost mystical bond then of course they are going to react like that to any percieved threat against it.

Lovely, hope you enjoy wearing it

Thinking back I don't think I ever remember a valentines day I didn't dislike. Maybe some of this is practicality, I never enjoyed the idea of spending money as a symbol of affection. Also some of it is just how tacky some things surrounding the day are. However I definitely remember feeling wierded out that people were looking forward to this day in particular. I remember someone in my extended family telling me that he had proposed on valentines day because it was 'more romantic' and my brain just went blank. Like how is the fact that it is done on a day associated with love intrinsically more romantic. I guess even then I knew I was confused over what the hell romance even was and could not comprehend how that would possibly add to the romance which was supposed to be an innate and personal feeling but was also made more so by some bullshit celebration of consumerism and I dunno, I just give up.

I suspect the other two answers are right. If you want to you could suggest that you prefer having a fidget for your middle finger in particular. If you are really uncomfortable frame it as a matter of preference for where you want the fidget rather than because it is that finger. As for the colour, its a fidget. again you can claim preference especially if a lot of the other options look gaudy or tacky.

Not sure. In my case I suspect I was born that way. I think my aromanticism is linked to the general way my mind works, which I suppose is some form of neurodivergence. If that is true I suspect my lack of attraction will be innate in me same as the divergence. However for someone else that might not be a good explanation.

welcome That attitude of not wanting to rush into labels will serve you well, you seem well set to explore your identity calmly, at your own pace. Enjoy being here

Could be. The only idea I have that looks favourably to the actors is that the sort of people who show great chemistry while acting might be fairly well suited to each other. And maybe that gets picked up during casting. I'm really stretching there though, I suspect you are right that it is a problem.

To be honest I don't usually do much on valentines day. maybe have a nice meal I guess (doesn't help that the apocalypse is currently happening). I agree with @~Aurora~, It is very commercialised. I never really got the fuss either. The day after though, cheap chocolate day, that I will celebrate.

Thank you. I've went for wordpress in the end. Same logic you said, its a popular platform. should work fine. Cheers for mentioning dreamwidth, I hadn't heard of that one before. As I am still new I should be able to have a look and move to it if it seems better with not much trouble.

cool, I guess that was what I expected, but its good to hear that confirmed Brilliant. Cheers for linking this.

Saw this linked in the discord and it seems really cool. The thing is, I am not from the US and all I can tell is it sounds hella fancy. I have found a few basic bits of what a proclamation like this is but I'm still kind of clueless. Does anyone know a bit more about what this state proclamation means?

Welcome. Talking with other people who have had more experience thinking about their aromanticism certainly helped me out, so hopefully things will go well for you in that regard. Enjoy being here.

To add to this point, if someone has most of their life experiences tied up with romance and already values romance above other relationships then any song about an experience is likely to be seen as a romantic song because to them it is a reminder of their experience with that person. e.g. a youthful song about partying becomes a song to them about the early days of meeting their partner.

A lot of this sounds familiar to me. being neutral or negative about starting a relationship is a fairly common follow on of not experiencing romantic attraction. While it is not something I have personally experienced that feeling of so much stress from right at the start of a relationship, as well as the stomach turning does have similarities to what other people have said about romance repulsion. there are may aromantics who get that feeling of sadness from realising they do not really want that ideal of a romantic relationship. After years of being told that that is effectively the goal to build my life around I wasn't exactly pleased with the discovery of my aromanticism.

Hi Vik I know there are quite a few other aros on here struggling with the same sort of problem, balancing not wanting to be lonely with lacking romantic attraction and trying to form a sort of relationship which can work with that. Good luck in finding your way around this, hope things work out for you.

I don't think I have had an experience too similar to that, however in more general terms I have wondered about friends leaving because of romantic relationships and just not being around. If you are an aro who does wish to form intense and meaningful friendships then of course it is going to cause grief when you feel as though you are lesser in a relationship. No, this is something I would say quite comfortably. I get jealous of people who seemed to have better/more welcoming family relations for example.There are plenty of reasons to feel valid jealousy outside of romance.

never had them but they sound alright so Yum Jellied eels?

I hate this choice. I would rather be in the bachelor though, the main guy there at least seems to have a more interesting time, and seems far more in control of who to pick. would you rather be turned into a frog or turned into a cat.

You do, but they are all covered in dirt and fluff from being in the bag I wish I had a pet

Bad

Hi totally relate to that thing of not knowing any aros in person. It can be frustrating but at least with the internet we know we are not alone. Hope the figuring out goes well.

Ok, for a while I have been thinking about getting involved with some longer form aro writing, in particular the carnival of aros. however at the moment I am only really on here and the discord, so really not the best places for that sort of thing. I am sure there are a fair few people here who have blogs/have got involved in this sort of thing. Is there any advice you would give for me? are there any hosting sites you would recommend? any you would advise I steer clear of?

no worries, actually it was quite an interesting train of thought for me there wondering whether it would have made a difference. hope you find someone to help you out here.

OK, allosexual here. yes I still get that stuff confused/misread peoples attentions. the fact that i desire sex as a physical act does not prevent me from being a clueless derp sometimes and I'm not sure why it would make this any different. maybe this could be a difference someone who experiences sexual desire would have an easier time working out, perhaps with a having a point of reference for what feeling that attraction is like? but in my caseat least that just doesnt help, I still mess up a lot and either see other peoples intentions as romantic or see my own actions as not involving romance when someone else thinks they do. out of curiosity did you mean alloromantic? I am getting confused over how this would make a difference.

Ah, looking back I suspect my thought connecting casual sex with thoughts about the relationship itself was less about what I think or want and more just years of culture telling me that. Its really cool to see people talk here about casual sex without expectations on what any other part of that relationship is like.