which orientation do you feel more sure about, your romantic or sexual one?

[root22]

sexual. sexual attraction is easy, i just look at women and go "wow so hot".

i'm becoming more and more sure of my romantic attraction but it's much less tangible than sexual. it's this state of "could happen but i won't know if it can til it does" but this, in my experience is a good sign in the direction of "yeah it probably won't tho to be fair". it's something I had to learn back when i labled myself as bi, just in case i ever fall for a guy which in retrospect is pretty silly

[The Gray Warlock]

I'm for sure about being aromantic. 42 years is long enough to know. I've always been sure of my heterosexuality. Although in the last year or so I've been feeling less sexual. Not on account of any loss of virility, I think my brain is just ready to devote that energy to other things.

[aro_elise]

7 hours ago, root22 said:

it's this state of "could happen but i won't know if it can til it does" but this, in my experience is a good sign in the direction of "yeah it probably won't tho to be fair".

that was how coming to identify as aro went for me too.  like yeah, to address which is more "certain", you could argue, well, wanting to bang dudes is something i do actually experience, whereas wanting to date them is not...so far.  but let's be real, only aphobic people argue that.  i don't see people saying i can't be sure of my disinterest in getting stabbed.  

[nonmerci]

6 hours ago, aro_elise said:

i don't see people saying i can't be sure of my disinterest in getting stabbed.  

OK I'm starting to use that

[Gökotta]

I'm much more certain about my romantic orientation than sexual. Just the idea of being in a romantic relationship makes my skin crawl.

On the other hand, I enjoy certain sexual activities... but the concept of being bodily involved with another person kills any enthusiasm for me.

[frutiger aro]

On 7/6/2022 at 7:01 AM, dewy said:

Definitely sexual orientation. Like someone else here said, it's less nebulous of a concept. I am also a romance favorable aro so that makes me feel a bit unsure.

For me aesthetic attraction is just "oh, they're pretty" and with sexual attraction I might feel arousal and/or think about doing ~things~. They are connected though, best way I can explain it is like this. Please be nice to the diagram, I rushed it.

no worries about the graph lol, it makes sense. yeah i'd say most of the attraction i feel is purely aesthetic but occasionally it does overlap with the sexual side.

[Keith]

I don't know. I mean I associate more with the aromantic community than with the asexual one, but that's because I think and talk about romantic attraction more often. So if I had to choose, it would've been my romantic orientation, although I'm not sure. 

Edited February 5, 2023 by Keith

[hemogoblin]

I feel equally sure of both right now.

[MulticulturalFarmer]

I'm pretty sure about my sexuality... romantic orientation, like 95% sure. I think that I still feel the need to fit into the framework of dating in order to get people to not assume that "aromantic" means lacking emotions and empathy though.

[Themathlover]

The topic is dated, but I'm going to answer.

I've newly came in as quoiromantic, but I've always been certain to be heterosexual. I've never questioned my sexuality, because I've known the word "heterosexual" since I entered teenage and it suits me perfectly. But I discovered romantic attraction, the aromantic spectrum and all of the things related to it just 2 years ago thanks to a video on Youtube, and began to interest myself to it a couple of days ago only. I've never really doubted of who I am, it's something I've been aware of since I'm old enough to think of it that romance was a weird thing to me and it didn't appeal to me, but, unconsciously, maybe did I try to fit in the small boxes of amatonormativity. Moreover, everytime I read a book containing romantic passages, or watch a movie with explicitely romantic scenes and a description of the characters' feelings for each other, except when it can be interpretated as sexual, I feel queasy. I feel sometimes even sick, like a discomfort in my stomach. Since it's considered abnormal to be repulsed by romance, I tried to forget it, but denying this part of me led to internal conflict. I thought I had a problem. Why would I be repulsed by something everyone loves, talks about and looks for ? It's still uneasy to explain my repulsion to others, as I don't really understand myself the reason.s why I experience this, the only thing I can say is that it makes me queasy when one of the main characters of a book/movie starts describing their own romantic feelings towards another character. I don't rely on it, and as I'm trying to look for identification in most books I get and read, I feel a disconnection, a huge gap between me and the character I had been identifying with. It's really strange. However, I'm not romance-repulsed when I see a couple hugging or kissing, or even when I read romantic scenes in books which do not involve a personal description of one's feelings, but exterior acts seen as "romantic" by alloromantic people, without any subjectivity of the characters concerning these acts, because I feel them more like sexual things. Perhaps is my post confusing, and I apologize for this, but, at least, it translates my own confusion.

So, to answer the question, I've always been both sure of my sexuality and romantic orientation, but this last one is inherently complicated.

Edited February 21, 2023 by Themathlover

[AromanticAardvark]

Definitely my romantic attraction, I know I'm aro but my sexual attraction? Who knows! I'm ID'ing as bi right now, but tomorrow I could wake up and realize I'm a lesbian, or ace, or pan, or straight, or literally anything else

[unromanceable_npc]

I’m equally sure about both.

[SkyTuneRein]

While it fluctuates, I feel closer to aromatic than asexual. Still, getting in a sexual relationship would be no less of a leap than just a romantic one. I can develop squishes more easily, and I experience aesthetic attraction. But being drawn into a sexual or romantic relationship? That takes a lot of time and unwavering trust and positive feelings.

[CrisisApple]

it depends. As far as being aspec goes, I'm more sure of my romantic orientation than my sexual orientation. My general lack of romantic attraction is consistent and sure, but my amount of sexual attraction fluctuates too much to be totally sure if I'm allo, ace, or something in between. When it comes to what genders I'm attracted to, though, I'm much more sure of my sexuality because my sexual attraction is more clear than my romantic attraction. 

[Kristoph]

My romantic orientation. I'm not sure about my sexual orientation to the point I even don't care about it anymore.

[Colorfullblobs]

Sexual. 

[SilentShadows]

Hm, interesting question! I'm pretty darn sure I'm not into romance or at the very least, grey aro, but sexuality wise it's harder to find a label. For me, grey ace with no gender preference gets it done (I suppose pansexual also works for the last part with the whole preference thing, but I find no gender preference to be clearer).  Even if the exact labels aren't there, I'm 99% sure I'm on the aroace spectrum somewhere.

Edited February 16, 2023 by SilentShadows