SilentShadows

I doubt they'd find anything since there's nothing we can get significant results on right now when it comes to other sexualities, so why would aro/ace people be any different? Besides, I feel it'd open up a weird door of aro and ace phobic parents testing kids for it which is... kinda ehhhh no thanks.

I can relate in a sense to feeling more comfortable around girls! But in terms of dreams, they don't necessarily mean a lot, I've had extremely weird dreams where I was into something that would horrify me in real life so I'd take that with a grain of salt. I will say for the stuff I was actually into in a dream, when I woke up, I didn't doubt for a second I found it attractive and I definitely did feel a certain way about it. If you didn't like it or it wasn't appealing to you when you awoke, even in the slightest bit, it probably was just your brain slapping stuff together! Seems like it could also be a case of just being more comfortable with women. Which is totally fine! Some are more comfortable with men, or nonbinary folks. For me personally, it actually boils down to "who is the least likely to be sexually or romantically attracted to me and act weird about it" and so... women or nonbinary folks it typically is, haha. Not that I don't or couldn't have close relationships with men, of course! But I'd say I'm a little more wary due to really not wanting to deal with advances in any capacity when it comes to friendship. If I'm looking for a certain type of non-romantic intimacy (I'm grayace), I'd prefer it to be by my own choice and more likely with someone I don't know that well. Yet that's just my experience, of course!

Have you talked to a therapist before about this, preferably one who is good with LGBT+ folks and is aware of aro/ace people? I know you said the relationships you had in the past hadn't ended well, and that romance "now repulses me" so if that's potentially a trauma-related issue, therapy might be a good idea! Could also help you sort out whether or not you'd felt like this before or if it's a result of bad experiences. If it helps, I would say my perspective towards romance as someone who is aromantic (which is a spectrum, of course, so it'd be good to read other aromantics' stories as well to see what, if anything, clicks with you) and grayace is that I like closeness in a platonic way, even reaching into a sexual way with the right person, but I don't like the idea of romance. For me it was a bit of a relief to figure out that someone can be aromantic. I never craved a romantic partner nor felt anything other than a squish (friend crush, essentially) though I've heard some aro folks say they are disappointed they won't experience these emotions. Amatonormativity also can play a part in this - aka the way society conditions us into romantic relationships as a stock standard thing everyone should desire.

One of the signs I had was that I liked reading/watching romantic relationships... but only the lead-up to the point where they caught feelings LOL. Once it was romance the story lost me unless they had a strong bond (i.e. QPP or best friend level). Plus, as a kid I was really not into the idea of marriage and extremely distraught to be told by a parent that you'd be lonely if you didn't wed someone. wq But for the actual moment of knowing? I came across more definitions and accounts of being aro and felt the immense relief of not being forced to experience romance! I don't recall the actual hooray moment, but it most certainly helped hearing about others' experiences.

I've definitely always been drawn to animals! I especially loved fantasy and reading books like Warriors and Wings of Fire as a kid. I do find them a lot easier to be around than people, though admittedly that may be more of an anxiety thing, haha. Helps that they won't ask you weird questions about "romance" or try to hit on you.

They really just don't know. For them, they feel certain emotions and can't comprehend how someone couldn't feel the same way. The difference though, between some folks and others, is that some people can listen to others' experiences and realize that hey, not everyone feels the same and that's okay! While for the rest of them? They think their learned and lived experience is the ONLY valid one and there's NO WAY it could be wrong. They're close-minded, essentially - some can be swayed, others will die on the hill they stand on.

Howdy! Squishes vs. crushes were definitely weird for me to distinguish. As a kid, I was often confused because I wanted to be close to people (emotionally, mostly, and even holding hands or hugging) but the idea of kissing them or doing anything romantic icked me out. In truth, I really just wanted to be friends! If it was close in a physical manner(like cuddling, etc.) that'd be fine, but romance or dating? Nope, imagining that stuff provided a hard "no thanks" response in my head.

I prefer the combined flag! I feel it's closer to the original two so it works better for me. The sunset flag is pretty but I do feel like it's a bit too different for me.

Howdy! I'm Shade, and I go by any pronouns (gender neutral titles preferred). My orientation is aromantic greyasexual with no gender preference. I do experience platonic attraction/get squishes, but I'm pretty close to asexual for the greyace part. I'd consider myself romance-repulsed (tolerable sometimes in fiction) and sex-indifferent.

My reaction is confusion and pity. People seem so ruled by it! I don't get it, and I'm relieved I don't have to deal with that stuff... seems like such a pain.

Oof 😔 My immediate thought with guys is if they're really friendly (I am pretty female-presenting though thankfully not super conventionally attractive/I use any pronouns) that they want to date or something so I try to loudly proclaim my aro-ness lol. That's really awkward though, glad that strategy seemed to work for ya! Yeah it's super awkward. I'd much prefer someone disliking me honestly, at least then I don't have to deal with their potential weirdness if I reject them. I'm naturally a little paranoid so if someone is super nice I start to worry they're trying to flirt lol (mostly straight men honestly, the girls and lgbt+ folks tend to be more chill).

Hello fellow aros, got a question for y'all... how do you react to potential romantic advances/the possibility people could have feelings for you? For me, I... have a really bad time telling and I get super nervous if it's a possibility. Like an... uncomfortable level of fear and nerves. It's just so freaky to me! I get a genuine knot in my gut about having to turn them down and/or a fear of them rejecting my refusal. For me, one of the worst things is someone liking me romantically. Silly, probably, but it's a genuine fear due to the way it'd affect our dynamic (be they friend or otherwise) and the possibility of them pushing their feelings onto me. The thought of being perceived as being in a romantic relationship has made me panic since at least 2nd or 3rd grade (I remember strongly the fear and panic when I admitted to a crush I didn't really have - in reality, it was a squish but it was the closest damn thing I could thing of). I liked the idea of being close to people, but the romance part was and still is... yeah, no thank you. So I'm curious... does anyone else experience this/have experienced this? If so, how did you deal with it/get over it?

Hm, interesting question! I'm pretty darn sure I'm not into romance or at the very least, grey aro, but sexuality wise it's harder to find a label. For me, grey ace with no gender preference gets it done (I suppose pansexual also works for the last part with the whole preference thing, but I find no gender preference to be clearer). Even if the exact labels aren't there, I'm 99% sure I'm on the aroace spectrum somewhere.

I think it's a corporate money grab and don't understand the dating part... but candy! Woo! Someone brought in candy for one of my classes which was nice (small major in college = you take classes with basically the same people). I brought in candy for the class too lol, and gave my 3 friends these cute frog plushies from the dollar store. I'm bad at showing affection but I tried a little. For me, even if the holiday is mid, I feel like it's fun to change it into something I enjoy. Romance? Nahhhh. Friends and Candy? Heck yeah!

Funny I saw this just now - I recently came out to my parents and I'm glad I did. I didn't mention the sexuality part (grayace, no gender preference) because it's not really something I want to get into considering it's... well, a bit more intimate and I have no desire to tell them about that sorta thing LOL. But I did mention being aromantic and they took it pretty well though I've always had a distaste for romance so perhaps it wasn't all that surprising. I've been pretty out to my friends and people around me when it came up (don't really go around introducing myself as aro unless it's relevant), so it was really just them that I was worried about. The rest of my family is kinda small and I don't mind telling them if they ask. Honestly I'm just glad that I could tell my parents because it felt like something I was keeping hidden for a while. I do live with them still (going to college, halfway through my junior year) so that was part of my trepidation as I didn't want things to change with them. I wish everyone going through the same thing luck because it can definitely be hard, especially with religious and/or non-accepting folks. TLDR; Came out to the parents, not too much of a reaction, and I'm glad I did it.