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Aromanic enough?


Mark
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I'm kind of wondering how well I fit in.

 

On one hand I've never had any interest in marriage or nesting behaviour and find the whole idea of romantic love to be strange.

 

On the other I am pansexual, not touch repulsed, want to be seen as attractive and desire partners for sensual things including kissing.

 

Especially in respect of this poll and thread I feel somewhat of an outsider.

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Arocalypse aroloves you for being a knowledgeable teacher, no matter if you're aro 'enough'. Please stay with us!

 

It's good to get to know yourself better and know the terminology because it makes self-reflection easier, but don't become the slave of your labels, don't let them dictate your behavior.

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There's no one really who can tell you that you are not "aromantic enough" to identify as aro other than yourself. If you think you are aro, then that's totally enough. There might be more aros who for example are ace, but that doesn't make someone who identifies as an aro pansexual any less aro. Also things like kissing are not romantic for everyone. If it's a not romantic, but sensual thing for you, then why would it make you less aromantic.

What I see as romantic is probably quite different to what another aro thinks is romantic, which likely differs from what you might see as romantic and so on. Everyone here has different experiences and feelings and if yours are not in the average, than that's fine too.

Anyway, even if you are not the average aro (if you think you are aro), I still think it's great to have people like you on this site because it's nice to hear things from different perspectives. How boring would it be if everyone here was aro, ace, the same gender, having the same views, experiences and feelings?

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2 hours ago, Mark said:

On one hand I've never had any interest in marriage or nesting behaviour and find the whole idea of romantic love to be strange.

Which means you're aromantic.

 

2 hours ago, Mark said:

On the other I am pansexual, not touch repulsed, want to be seen as attractive and desire partners for sensual things including kissing.

Has nothing to do with you being aromantic. : P That's your sexual and sensual attraction, not romantic.

 

 

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Honestly, I think there are ways in which all of us feel like outsiders.  None of us "fit in" perfectly, and I believe that diversity is a strength of our community.  We need people of various sexualities, genders, ages, ethnicities, life experiences, cultural experiences, and so on.  Diversity allows us to have a deeper understanding of people in general, as well as aromanticism. We learn from each other and become better, less narrow-minded people.  People are marginalized too much in life, and exploring and celebrating our differences is key to seeing each other as simply people with differences as opposed to separate (and often unequal) categories. Personally, I think whether or not we all tick the same boxes is far less important than our shared desire to fight things like amatonormativity in our societies.  

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You aren't an outsider. We're just a lot of members coming from AVEN, so there are more asexuals for the moment. This place needs sexual aromantic members.

I find your contributions quite valuable on a personal level, because my first sexual relationship was with an aromantic sexual man and your posts help me understanding his mind better.

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As a big fan of napping in piles and cuddling I would not say that sort of thing is un-aro like. Action and attraction are not the same thing. The motivation behind an action is the key.

 

Like back in the day, sexual orientation was defined as "people who do X, are the X people." Its just not accurate...like for example according to this flawed logic being ace and being celibate is the same damn thing. Its obviously not.

 

Having sex does not mean the persons involved have sexual attraction to each other. Liking PDA does not mean the persons involved experience romantic attraction to each other.

Being a tactile person is a personality trait and also a cultural thing too. There is nothing wrong with that.

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I'm not touch repulsed either, and I said yes for all the things on that poll :D. I was surprised by how many people seem to be touch repulsed here, but on my side of things I don't mind being one of the unusual ones in the bunch.

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I'm not touch repulsed either. I actually cuddle and hug a lot. I even kiss the people that let me do that in a non-romantic way. 

It's just not possible most of the time and I'm to afraid of attracting romantic attraction, so I'm extra careful. 

 

I'd say your plenty aro. Just not ace =D 

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The typo in the title makes me think of an aro who is crazy. Aromanic: Manic Aro.

 

On topic: Try not to let these feelings get to you. I constantly doubt whether I'm asexual enough. The irrational part of your brain will try to make up reasons why you aren't what you think you are. You just have to try and combat these feelings with rationality and reason. To help: think about what the word aromantic actually means, and then think about what the word aromantic doesn't mean.

 

From reading your other posts, you seem pretty aromantic to me.

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btw I was really unsure about how to vote on that poll, as terms like kissing are kind of vague. A chaste peck on the lips is kissing. Slowly making out for 30 minutes while stroking each others arm is also kissing. Being pushed against the wall and having your lip bitten and sucked on is also kissing. So when the users said they like kissing, which one did they have in mind? Did team 'maybe' in fact like one of these but not the other kinds?
 

Also I think its safe to say that many aros are touch starved. Physical affection usually comes as part of the romantic relationship package, and unlike casual sex, casual cuddling does not seem to be a thing.

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18 hours ago, Cassiopeia said:

btw I was really unsure about how to vote on that poll, as terms like kissing are kind of vague. A chaste peck on the lips is kissing. Slowly making out for 30 minutes while stroking each others arm is also kissing. Being pushed against the wall and having your lip bitten and sucked on is also kissing.

To me the latter two sound exciting, the first one sounds just boring.

 

Also I think its safe to say that many aros are touch starved. Physical affection usually comes as part of the romantic relationship package, and unlike casual sex, casual cuddling does not seem to be a thing.

I've never found casual sex to be available to me.
Someone once tried to explain to me that faking being in a relationship (with the other person) was an important part of it.
I'm also sure being on the autistic spectrum dosn't help. Far too much advanced non verbal appears to be involved :(

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7 minutes ago, Mark said:

Someone once tried to explain to me that faking being in a relationship (with the other person) was an important part of it.

 

If that's often true, no wonder why romantic persons can't help falling in love with their FWB in such situations. It's emotionally dangerous and destructive, both for romantics and aromantics. And it's so fake, how isn't it always a turn-off, I'm wondering.

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21 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

The typo in the title makes me think of an aro who is crazy. Aromanic: Manic Aro.

Ahaha yess. I am the aromanic, it is I. (Well, currently it'd be more like arostable, because of my brand-new mood stabilitizers, but I've been aromanic for almost a year while I was on antidepressants, that has to count for something)

 

I'd say you're very aro! I also enjoy sex, touch, people's appearances, etc... That doesn't mean you're not aro ;) And keep in mind, you're not the only one who thinks like this: there's a whole thread where we all talk about how we're a "bad" aro. But really, all that matters for you to be aro is the absence/presence of romantic love! If you don't experience romantic love, you're aro, and you fit in here. (And even if you do end up experiencing romantic love, you're still welcome at arocalypse)

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21 hours ago, Cassiopeia said:

btw I was really unsure about how to vote on that poll, as terms like kissing are kind of vague. A chaste peck on the lips is kissing. Slowly making out for 30 minutes while stroking each others arm is also kissing. Being pushed against the wall and having your lip bitten and sucked on is also kissing. So when the users said they like kissing, which one did they have in mind? Did team 'maybe' in fact like one of these but not the other kinds?
 

Also I think its safe to say that many aros are touch starved. Physical affection usually comes as part of the romantic relationship package, and unlike casual sex, casual cuddling does not seem to be a thing.

 
 

yeah I felt the same way which was why I found it really hard to vote. -__-

 

I think of myself as sensual but that does not mean I always enjoy it. Sometimes I dont want to be sensual with some people, or I may want to do one type of sensual activity with someone but not another. kissing is a good example since there are so many types of kissing. 

alot of times I also think sensual activities is hard because as mention above its often linked with romance and im pretty romantic repulsive so if I get the feeling that someone does an action because of romantic interest then I get unconfortable.

 

btw mark. your sure aro enough, but I know where the feeling is comming from. I think there is a stereotype on "what aros is supposed to be like" kinda like "all gay men are femenine" stereotype which alot of gay men are but also many arnt. its the same with aromantic people there are alot of different people.  

 

 

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21 hours ago, Kojote said:

I'm not touch repulsed either. I actually cuddle and hug a lot. I even kiss the people that let me do that in a non-romantic way. 

It's just not possible most of the time and I'm to afraid of attracting romantic attraction, so I'm extra careful. 

If I had the interest I might consider that a risk worth taking. Can find it virtually impossible to find people who want to kiss me.

2 hours ago, Rising Sun said:

 

If that's often true, no wonder why romantic persons can't help falling in love with their FWB in such situations. It's emotionally dangerous and destructive, both for romantics and aromantics. And it's so fake, how isn't it always a turn-off, I'm wondering.

I was more thinking about this happening in the swinging scene. Where it's a potential disaster, especially if none of those involved have the first clue about poly relationships.
Wonder if FWB is understood differently depending on if you are aro or allo. I've always seen it as a kind of QPR whereas just about everyone else seems to treat it as a synonym for FB.

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43 minutes ago, Natkat said:

btw mark. your sure aro enough, but I know where the feeling is comming from. I think there is a stereotype on "what aros is supposed to be like" kinda like "all gay men are femenine" stereotype which alot of gay men are but also many arnt. its the same with aromantic people there are alot of different people.  

 

Could that stereotype be "touch repulsed ace"?

It certainly seems to be a big factor that most of the active posters here are ace.

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4 minutes ago, Mark said:

 

Could that stereotype be "touch repulsed ace"?

It certainly seems to be a big factor that most of the active posters here are ace.

 

 

I am pretty sure that is because almost all aromantic awareness happens in the ace comunity so its no wonder more ace people find out about the term compared to many other groups who dont seams to pay much attention to romantic orientation, I also found out about it pretty late because of lack of awareness, and when I did I was unsure if I really could identify as so because the knowlegde was that it was unsure if aro-allos existed. 

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I think its a stereotype you would be ace, but not ace alone, in general a person who beside romantic attraction dont feel any other attraction like sensual or aesthetic attraction. and sure you would not be in a relationship and not like anything stereotypical romantic like romantic comedy and so.

--

 

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There may be some slight trends within our community, but just because you don't fit them doesn't mean you're not "aro enough"! If you think you are aromantic, then you are aromantic enough. And besides, this community doesn't exclude people who aren't aromantic, so even if you weren't aro, you would be fine! 

As others have said, romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things, and one possible reason for those trends is that a lot of people (myself included) found this forum from AVEN, so there are a lot of aro aces here. 

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