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"Queer" and it's relation to aromanticism


Sofia
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Helloo ~~~

Lately I have been thinking about the word "queer" and how many/ if aromantic or/and asexual people identify with the label. Personally, I have always felt comfortable labeling myself queer despite the fact that I y know, dont really feel attraction to anyone. I have never felt that I fit into the heteronormative world (which I quite literally do not) and always felt outside of the "ordinary" or "normality" in relation to my creative and gender expression (btw fuck gender roles). Having interest in goth and alternative culture as well as being non-binary have me developed a loving view of the label queer.

Do anyone else here identify as queer? Why or why not? Would especially be interested in hearing from cis aro people or if anyone have a similar relationship to the word "queer" as I do :)

ps, follow me on instagram "sofia_littorin" if you like art and makeup I guess. Looking to get to know more people there :)

Edited by Sofia
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I definitely identify as queer, and not just because I'm bisexual. Being aro is pretty damn far from the norm in a romance-centric world.

(And yes, since you mentioned it, I'm definitely cis- I've put a lot of thought into my gender and I am very much a woman, which coincidentally happens to align with my agab.)

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while i do check off as queer in a number of boxes, i don't like using it to label myself for mostly personal reasons.

being aromantic certainly differs from the norm, it's kind of amazing just how much importance romantic love has in society.

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3 hours ago, ilse said:

while i do check off as queer in a number of boxes, i don't like using it to label myself for mostly personal reasons.

being aromantic certainly differs from the norm, it's kind of amazing just how much importance romantic love has in society.

Thats fair! And yeah when one of the definitions of queer is "outside of the heteronormative and norm", and experiencing romantic love is considered by many as a thing that all humans do - aromanticism really can't get queerer in my opinion. 

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I consider myself queer, but not ‘gay’ (in the broad sense of the term). I usually allow my queer friends to speak on the LGBTQ+ experience, and I don’t say the F slur. 
 

While being Aromantic isn’t like default, it’s something that is, luckily, very easily hidden, and while we do deal with some misunderstandings and stuff, I don’t think the AVERAGE aro or ace might experience discrimination based on their Aromantic or sexual identity. 

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2 hours ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

While being Aromantic isn’t like default, it’s something that is, luckily, very easily hidden, and while we do deal with some misunderstandings and stuff, I don’t think the AVERAGE aro or ace might experience discrimination based on their Aromantic or sexual identity. 

Believe it or not, we all do, in a very legal sense. Aromantics are NOT protected under the Equality Act due to its phrasing, and it can be extra difficult to get housing, etc. without a partner. Plus you can't share insurance benefits or certain medical rights with people who aren't your married partner. And asexuality is still considered a mental illness in some places, with some people even being subjected to conversion therapy because of it.

Even if people might not walk around calling aspecs slurs on the street, the system is rigged against us and we have no legal protections. At least here in the U.S., anyway.

Edited by Jot-Aro Kujo
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I like the word queer for me, since I feel like my aroness makes me different from other people in ways I feel like I need to quantify (to be fair, my gender is definately helping that differentness). I especially like it because then if I need to be "soft out", as in needing to explain a difference between myself and other people but not wanting to teach a quick vocab lesson, I can use queer and most people will back off, at least a little bit. So I use queer as an identity in a broad sense, but if I have the option and the situation calls for it, I'd pick aro (or ace or a short list of gender words, depending on the situation) over queer, if that makes sense. 

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6 hours ago, Grey said:

I like the word queer for me, since I feel like my aroness makes me different from other people in ways I feel like I need to quantify (to be fair, my gender is definately helping that differentness). I especially like it because then if I need to be "soft out", as in needing to explain a difference between myself and other people but not wanting to teach a quick vocab lesson, I can use queer and most people will back off, at least a little bit. So I use queer as an identity in a broad sense, but if I have the option and the situation calls for it, I'd pick aro (or ace or a short list of gender words, depending on the situation) over queer, if that makes sense. 

Yeah I definetly get that! The fact that queer is pretty broad in its definition can help in certain situations when you dont really feel like sharing everything to that person. I have in one instance used queer instead of saying ace and aro, just because its easier like you said. Overall though I in a way dont see queer as a direct replacement of "ace and aro", and instead an additional term that describes and embodies both my lack of attraction AND everything else about me. 

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9 hours ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

I consider myself queer, but not ‘gay’ (in the broad sense of the term). I usually allow my queer friends to speak on the LGBTQ+ experience, and I don’t say the F slur. 
 

While being Aromantic isn’t like default, it’s something that is, luckily, very easily hidden, and while we do deal with some misunderstandings and stuff, I don’t think the AVERAGE aro or ace might experience discrimination based on their Aromantic or sexual identity. 

I also dont consider myself "gay", particulary since I dont really see it as an umbrella term altough I know some people use it as such. I also dont feel comfortable using slurs that never have been directed towards me or the aro or/and ace community since it feels wrong and not my place to do so. 

Its correct that aro people dont experiency discrimination in the same way that other members of the LGBTQA+ community does, but I still think we experience different types of challenges in a more extreme way. Extreme invalidation of ones identity and complete dismissal of feelings is not something only the aro and ace community have too put up with, but I do think we experience it on a much frequent rate than others. I pretty recently saw a hugee twitter thread that was completely dedicated to dismissing and shitting on demisexual people, calling it fake and not a "real" thing. Maybe two or three comment in that thread were defending it, and they got ratioed to oblivion. Getting told by people that your sexuality is "not real" is something that not alot of other people of the community gets told. Not to mention that aros still have legal difficulties in some countries like Jot-aro Kujo mentioned. 

 

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18 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Even if people might not walk around calling aspecs slurs on the street, the system is rigged against us and we have no legal protections. At least here in the U.S., anyway.

I think yea it's worse in the U.S.

People here don't need to worry about not having medical insurance because you can get healthcare from the state and there is a social security net (even if it doesn't always work completely). So that is beneficial for many reasons. Even if housing can be expensive in some areas and such or tax benefits in marriage (except a lot of people do not marry). That's another issue marriage and how non married people are discriminated, we don't have common law marriage or anything like that over here. Ofc marriage has a lot of issues too.

Many people in the world are choosing to be single nowdays or because they cant find a partner, divorced etc regardless of being aro but I think that is much lower in the US and one of the reasons might be its harder there. I don't know if traditions play in part too. 

 

And yea I don't use the word queer its a bit ambiguous in what it means kinda lumps in so many groups together and the distinctions between them. I guess it's a way of saying im different tho. I seen it used in many different contexts too.

I did use it temporarily when i was questioning (still am a bit) or when I didn't want to put down my orientation exactly but yea I don't really anymore. 

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I consider myself queer, but then I'm nonbinary and biromantic. I personally don't know if aromantic fits as queer, I'm not an expert on what queer means. I think it's a reclaimed word meant to be empowering to the lgbtq+ community, so is aromantic lgbtq+? I think that would answer if it's queer.

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18 hours ago, Ashe. said:

is aromantic lgbtq+? I think that would answer if it's queer.

there was a whole discussion about this one question on tumblr before, it didn't end so well...

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I've been using the word queer for quite some time now. Even though my labels have been changing drastically during, the one constant has always been my queerness.

I use it mainly because it's so much easier than explaining my whole experience (and so much more comfortable, I don't feel like disclosing something so personal to strangers.) One simple word expressing how I don't fit into the "norm" the society has set. I am different than them (the allocishets), and I want to embrace it. 

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1 hour ago, rationalcucumber said:

I've been using the word queer for quite some time now. Even though my labels have been changing drastically during, the one constant has always been my queerness.

I use it mainly because it's so much easier than explaining my whole experience (and so much more comfortable, I don't feel like disclosing something so personal to strangers.) One simple word expressing how I don't fit into the "norm" the society has set. I am different than them (the allocishets), and I want to embrace it. 

Same! Even when I struggled with my identity and who I was I have always been sure of my queerness like you. Like, when I was younger and extremely confused with my sexuality, queer was there as a comforting label because I KNEW I wasn't hetero. 

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while i agree aromanticism is queer, i don't use it for myself, i just use aro.  probably because i'm heterosexual and cisgender.  if i were asked a yes/no question of whether i identify as queer, i guess i would say yes.  but it's not something i have to think about much.

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On 7/22/2021 at 1:28 PM, Sofia said:

Do anyone else here identify as queer?

It happens that I feel same-sex attraction sometimes (happened much more when I was younger), so technically I could call myself bi and queer because of that. But my last experience was more than a decade ago, so … ? And sure aro counts as queer, too… But for some reason I don’t strongly identify with that term (contrary to “aro”).

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yeah lmao

i won’t lie it’s one of those things i’m like But Can I for being Aro? because a-romantic people are allowed to be a lot more hidden for the most part. 

but i think for me being lgbt/queer is much more conductive as a descriptor of anything that doesn’t fit within the hétero-cis constructs of society. being queer is not about suffering to suffer - it’s about the ways a cishet world attempts to reject us. be that with violence or by insisting we do not exist.

also i’m ngl i really do not like relationships in general but i’ve found queer relationships more tolerable than straight ones. i don’t know if this is a very common experience, but i think that i find heteronormative relationships very unpleasant, so anecdotal, but i think part of that is why i see aro as more queer than not.

it’s just. not hetero no matter what people will insist.

also like. i’m unequivocally queer. i’m trans for fucks sake. and for me, aro is just as much part of my experience being isolated from the rest of fuck all society as the fact that i’m trans. no, i don’t feel the same fear from thinking about coming out - but i am still terrified of having to go through the utter humiliation of being told i don’t exist, that my purpose is to get married, copulate, produce children, whatever. being aro is very much part of my identity, and it feels a bit too much like rejecting that part of me if i don’t also let it be queer.

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