Sofia

Hi! My experience has been very similar to you in that I had a boyfriend for some months that I - while figuring out I was aro - had no romantic or sexual attraction to even though I thought that was the case when I was dating him. Incidently, that period of my life was also filled with anxiety and just like you I had full on anxiety attacks in the beginning of the relationship, but it got a little bit better as it went along. At least for me, I always have never really fully understand the difference in dating someone and just being good friends. So I just went along with it and confused my sensual attraction to him as romantic. Also, you might be feeling different types of attraction, like aesthetic and platonic, towards other people and there is nothing wrong with that. When I see other people (especially girls) that dress similar to me in style (goth and alternative) I am like drawn to them and I want to get to know them and such. You might also wanna look into Queerplatonic relationship and see if that is something that interests you :) I know it does for me atleast. ?

Same! Even when I struggled with my identity and who I was I have always been sure of my queerness like you. Like, when I was younger and extremely confused with my sexuality, queer was there as a comforting label because I KNEW I wasn't hetero.

I also dont consider myself "gay", particulary since I dont really see it as an umbrella term altough I know some people use it as such. I also dont feel comfortable using slurs that never have been directed towards me or the aro or/and ace community since it feels wrong and not my place to do so. Its correct that aro people dont experiency discrimination in the same way that other members of the LGBTQA+ community does, but I still think we experience different types of challenges in a more extreme way. Extreme invalidation of ones identity and complete dismissal of feelings is not something only the aro and ace community have too put up with, but I do think we experience it on a much frequent rate than others. I pretty recently saw a hugee twitter thread that was completely dedicated to dismissing and shitting on demisexual people, calling it fake and not a "real" thing. Maybe two or three comment in that thread were defending it, and they got ratioed to oblivion. Getting told by people that your sexuality is "not real" is something that not alot of other people of the community gets told. Not to mention that aros still have legal difficulties in some countries like Jot-aro Kujo mentioned.

Yeah I definetly get that! The fact that queer is pretty broad in its definition can help in certain situations when you dont really feel like sharing everything to that person. I have in one instance used queer instead of saying ace and aro, just because its easier like you said. Overall though I in a way dont see queer as a direct replacement of "ace and aro", and instead an additional term that describes and embodies both my lack of attraction AND everything else about me.

Thats fair! And yeah when one of the definitions of queer is "outside of the heteronormative and norm", and experiencing romantic love is considered by many as a thing that all humans do - aromanticism really can't get queerer in my opinion.

Helloo ~~~ Lately I have been thinking about the word "queer" and how many/ if aromantic or/and asexual people identify with the label. Personally, I have always felt comfortable labeling myself queer despite the fact that I y know, dont really feel attraction to anyone. I have never felt that I fit into the heteronormative world (which I quite literally do not) and always felt outside of the "ordinary" or "normality" in relation to my creative and gender expression (btw fuck gender roles). Having interest in goth and alternative culture as well as being non-binary have me developed a loving view of the label queer. Do anyone else here identify as queer? Why or why not? Would especially be interested in hearing from cis aro people or if anyone have a similar relationship to the word "queer" as I do :) ps, follow me on instagram "sofia_littorin" if you like art and makeup I guess. Looking to get to know more people there :)

Hii!! Im pretty similar to you in experience. Both in that I had a boyfriend who I realised I did not have romantic feelings for, and also that I had like "crushes" on a few (talking like 3) boys when I was around 12. Today looking back Im not really sure if they even were romantic and if they instead could fall in another category of attraction like emotional. Maybe what you experienced when you were younger is something similar in which you could not differentiate between the different types of attraction and therefore just asssigned the "romantic" role to you feelings if that makes sense. Or hey, maybe it was romantic attraction you felt and in that case its ok too. Ones experiences as a kid, especially before puberty, are confusing and whats important (atleast in my opinion) is if you havent felt romantic attraction since then or for a long time.

Hell yeah

Seriöst heter du oxå Sofia o är aro?? fan vilket sammanträffade isåfall haha. Men asså roligt ändå att veta att det finns andra i landet som ja :')

Hello fellow aros!! :)) My name is Sofia and im a acearo person from Sweden. For a long time I have struggled with my own self identity, both when it comes too gender and sexuality, and it was only quite recently that I found comfort in labeling myself ace and aro. The reason it took so long to figure it out was because I actually do feel sensual attractions towards people, pretty intense also when it happens, and I had a hard time decipher if what I was feeling was romantic attraction or u now, sensual. Maybe a lot of u can relate to not really understanding what romantic attractions is and feels like lmao. Currently in the closet which is not really fun and I wish had the courage to come out to my friends and family... Anywho I hope to make some friends because right now I know 0 other ace or aro people and it doesnt help that sweden is a small country lol. Heavily into drag and doing creative stuff like drawing, makeup and photography. I also like videogames :^))