paporomantic Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 This thread can serve as a containment for all kinds of musings about AVEN. It arose as a continuation of the discussion that was started in the thread 'Anyone Who ISN'T Aro?' However, On 6/5/2016 at 11:12 PM, paporomantic said: Welcome, Punable , enjoy your time here! The forum is open to everyone who adheres to the ToS, including 'totally romantic' people, so don't worry, there will be no fight. That said, romantics are indeed at risk of becoming bored here because discussions are either about the aro spectrum, or organizational, or off-topic. But just out of curiosity, what's making you unhappy about AVEN if you don't mind my asking? . On 6/6/2016 at 0:19 AM, Punable said: Oh, nothing, I just heard that this was a website with a similar structure and everything in AVEN's a little hectic ^_^' On 6/6/2016 at 0:42 AM, paporomantic said: If you mean the AVEN server overload, yes, Arocalypse is running within capacity and smoothly so far; however, I have no idea about how many extra people (in terms of the order of magnitude) can start hanging out here without collapsing our server (let Blue Phoenix Ace inform us about this). Arocalypse is not really keeping its gate but I guess the capacity was chosen to fit the expected size of the aro spectrum community (which is likely smaller than the size of AVEN), hence the absence of subforums about asexuality (and about dating as/with a totally romantic ace in particular) here. I agree that romantic aces deserve a good server as much as aros. The thing is that everyone is free to start a community for discussion of whatever legitimate topics (and I reckon that ace forums independent from AVEN might arise and gain popularity soon if AVEN fails to fix its tech issues*), and that Blue is the one who's paying for the piper (the forum software and hosting) here, and it's at his discretion what discussion topics to encourage here. * Actually, since AVEN is now incorporated as a non-profit, its server upgrade is becoming nearer and nearer as donations are flowing in. I'm going to contribute to this cause significantly myself soon, after I sort my real life out a little bit and become more solvent. On 6/6/2016 at 4:17 AM, Blue Phoenix Ace said: As far as I know, we aren't putting any stress on my web host. They'll let me know if I'm hitting too much bandwidth or whatever, but these forums should be fairly light. I could potentially start a subforum specifically for our romantic allies, or romantics in relationships with aro/greyro folks. Does anyone think that romantic people are turned off and leave because there is no such subforum? On 6/7/2016 at 4:52 AM, morallygayro said: I've been on there, and there's a lot of homophobia, transphobia, intersexism/interphobia, misogyny, ableism, and racism. Not to mention the founder was really homophobic and sexist and he abused his wife, and there's a lot of elitism and slut-shaming. Once there was a topic where non-aros called aros who weren't ace horrifying, disturbing, sleazy, and predatory. On 6/7/2016 at 0:04 PM, paporomantic said:  On 6/7/2016 at 6:37 PM, morallygayro said: You should find all the sources you need in this post. http://acepaws.tumblr.com/post/143293959802/werewolfsingles-glaschus-missvoltairine EDIT: here's the thread where they called aces and aros disgusting http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/52898-sexual-aromantic/ Example of misogyny: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/135317-bernie-sanders-sexist/?p=1061663675 Examples of intersexism: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/136468-ftm-mtf-and-androgynes/?p=1061700016 http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/133718-a-question-about-those-who-identify-as-intergender-or-bigender/ Example of ableism: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/133055-hey-pro-life-people/?p=1061664598 Example of homophobia: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/133288-what-some-christians-think-about-homo-sexual/?p=1061664699 BONUS: biphobia http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/134101-lgbt-please-replace-the-b-with-an-a/?p=1061620319 Give me some time, I'll find more. On 6/7/2016 at 7:13 PM, paporomantic said: I don't see a conclusive proof DJ's homophobia, sexism or abuse in the two articles mentioned there [in the Tumblr post to which your first link leads]. What DJ stated in the interviews is: His relationships with men never went beyond kissing - he's just more attracted to the female gender romantically than to males. He didn't desire his wife (or previous date) sexually - this doesn't mean he didn't respect them. He deliberately got into relationships with sexual women even when he knew he was an ace, and his attempts to have sex with them were just experiments - I do question the morality of aces getting into 'ships with sexuals (because the sexuals don't seem to fully realize the potential psychological consequences of such a 'ship), but the thing is that those sexuals are consenting adults and there's no physical harm so the aces can't be held legally responsible for this. In some mixed-orientation couples, the 'ship works well; in some, it ends in divorce or an invitation of a third partner. Bear in mind that there was no developed market of asexual dating in the mid-2000s so DJ had to do such experiments to get the romantic action (high energy cuddles etc.) that he needed. Anyway, how aces do romance is beyond Arocalypse's scope, is AVEN's business. I'll read the 'sexual aromantic' thread now. On 6/7/2016 at 7:30 PM, Dodgypotato said: Nothing in there is evidence that he is homophobic or sexist. They are really grasping at straws there. Oh yes, how dare David Jay be cisgendered. **sarcasm** How dare the founder of AVEN not be transgendered or genderqueer. He's a 'cishet' dude? No, he's asexual. Not heterosexual. I think those people on there just really hate him for some reason. There was about two posters on that thread that called sexual aros bad people. The majority were just saying things like, "yes they probably exist." On 6/7/2016 at 7:34 PM, paporomantic said: Yeah, that [the 'sexual aromantic' thread on AVEN to which morallygayro's 2nd link is] was a thread with terrible attitudes indeed. I don't know the history of Arocalypse that well, but I reckon that it (the old board) was created indeed as a protest movement against AVEN and a safe haven for aros (aro (grey-)sexuals in particular). As the thread was written in 2010 except for the necro and closure posts, it's hardly possible to retrieve if there were disciplinary actions taken at the time with regard to posts #2 and #3 of that thread. I'll have to check who was the mod then. Anyway, I think the posts related to our attitude to AVEN need to be split into a separate thread because the derailment that I'm guilty of is going far beyond.the initial idea of the thread. On 6/7/2016 at 7:48 PM, morallygayro said: He talked about his sex life with thousands of people without his wife's consent, and mysteriously we never see her side of the story. On 6/7/2016 at 7:54 PM, paporomantic said: His ex-wife is not a public person (or is she?), maybe she's been OK with not telling her side and there was nothing too bad happening in their marriage. There are even sexual males who can't help their wives experience orgasm and end up divorcing peacefully and quietly. Don't forget about the presumption of innocence. How do you know is she consented or not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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