Anyone Who ISN'T Aro?

[Punable]

This is a thread for anyone who ISN'T aro, because I feel so alone here ^_^'

 

Yes, I'm aware that this is an aromantic site, but honestly, I came here from AVEN and I'm very lonely in a place full of aros (as I am the complete opposite to aro and feel as if I should not be here)

Please note that I am not trying to offend aro people with this topic and do not want to start a fight. I was just wondering if anyone was there and if so, if they felt a little awkward being on an aro website ^_^'

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

We have people across the grey-romantic scale as well. I think about half the membership is aro, and the other half is some form of grey. Welcome!

[Elluna Hellen]

Heyyy. Welcome! You shouldn't in any way feel unwelcome just because you're not aro! We do have a bunch of greyromantic people as well

[paporomantic]

Welcome, @Punable , enjoy your time here! 

 

The forum is open to everyone who adheres to the ToS, including 'totally romantic' people, so don't worry, there will be no fight.

 

That said, romantics are indeed at risk of becoming bored here because discussions are either about the aro spectrum, or organizational, or off-topic.

 

But just out of curiosity, what's making you unhappy about AVEN if you don't mind my asking?

 

.

 

[Quinoa]

Welcome to Arocalypse! I hope you like it here. We have ice cream.  

Just as AVEN welcomes people who aren't ace, we welcome people who aren't aro.

[Punable]

1 hour ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

Welcome, @Punable , enjoy your time here! 

 

The forum is open to everyone who adheres to the ToS, including 'totally romantic' people, so don't worry, there will be no fight.

 

That said, romantics are indeed at risk of becoming bored here because discussions are either about the aro spectrum, or organizational, or off-topic.

 

But just out of curiosity, what's making you unhappy about AVEN if you don't mind my asking?

 

.

 

Oh, nothing, I just heard that this was a website with a similar structure and everything in AVEN's a little hectic ^_^'

[paporomantic]

If you mean the AVEN server overload, yes, Arocalypse is running within capacity and smoothly so far; however, I have no idea about how many extra people (in terms of the order of magnitude) can start hanging out here without collapsing our server (let @Blue Phoenix Ace inform us about this). Arocalypse is not really keeping its gate but I guess the capacity was chosen to fit the expected size of the aro spectrum community (which is likely smaller than the size of AVEN), hence the absence of subforums about asexuality (and about dating as/with a totally romantic ace in particular) here.

 

I agree that romantic aces deserve a good server as much as aros. The thing is that everyone is free to start a community for discussion of whatever legitimate topics (and I reckon that ace forums independent from AVEN might arise and gain popularity soon if AVEN fails to fix its tech issues*), and that Blue is the one who's paying for the piper (the forum software and hosting) here, and it's at his discretion what discussion topics to encourage here.

 

* Actually, since AVEN is now incorporated as a non-profit, its server upgrade is becoming nearer and nearer as donations are flowing in. I'm going to contribute to this cause significantly myself soon, after I sort my real life out a little bit and become more solvent.

[AroArtisan]

We need you here because we need you to explain to both us and the newbs what the heck alloromanticism feels like.  LOL

[paporomantic]

Right! (We might tire them a lot with our explanation requests, though )

 

Actually, @Nai is 'hella panro' so there's more than one full-blown romantic here indeed.

 

That said, I think that most of the romantics that join us will be either AVENites (whom Punable knows from those forums anyway, like the same Nai, the mod of AVEN's Hot Box and the co-mod of Questions about Asexuality) or allies of aro-spectrum folks.

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

As far as I know, we aren't putting any stress on my web host. They'll let me know if I'm hitting too much bandwidth or whatever, but these forums should be fairly light.

 

I could potentially start a subforum specifically for our romantic allies, or romantics in relationships with aro/greyro folks. Does anyone think that romantic people are turned off and leave because there is no such subforum?

[Sentient Android]

I'm aroflux/panro, so I'm an arospec who can still feel romantic attraction

[SkyWorld]

I'm not even too sure if I would count or not since I choose not to identify with any romantic orientation whatsoever.

 

I think it's important for romantics to be on an "aromantic site" just as I think it's important for sexuals to be on an "asexual site". It's very informative for both parties to see both sides and point of view.

[morallygayro]

On 6/5/2016 at 4:12 PM, aroMa(n)tisse said:

Welcome, @Punable , enjoy your time here! 

 

The forum is open to everyone who adheres to the ToS, including 'totally romantic' people, so don't worry, there will be no fight.

 

That said, romantics are indeed at risk of becoming bored here because discussions are either about the aro spectrum, or organizational, or off-topic.

 

But just out of curiosity, what's making you unhappy about AVEN if you don't mind my asking?

 

.

 

I've been on there, and there's a lot of homophobia, transphobia, intersexism/interphobia, misogyny, ableism, and racism. Not to mention the founder was really homophobic and sexist and he abused his wife, and there's a lot of elitism and slut-shaming. Once there was a topic where non-aros called aros who weren't ace horrifying, disturbing, sleazy, and predatory.

[brsajo]

I'm certainly not romance-repulsed and It's entirely possible that I am at least partly aromantic, so there's that! I get what you mean though; sometimes I feel quite out of place when I read a lot of the threads here (that's why I spend so much time in the arcade XD).

[paporomantic]

7 hours ago, morallygayro said:

Not to mention the founder was really homophobic and sexist and he abused his wife

 

[citation needed]

[Nai]

Ooh, my name was mentioned.  Hey Punable! I'm super panromantic, lol. You aren't alone!

[morallygayro]

7 hours ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

 

[citation needed]

You should find all the sources you need in this post.

http://acepaws.tumblr.com/post/143293959802/werewolfsingles-glaschus-missvoltairine

 

EDIT: here's the thread where they called aces and aros disgusting

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/52898-sexual-aromantic/

 

Example of misogyny:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/135317-bernie-sanders-sexist/?p=1061663675

 

 

Examples of intersexism:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/136468-ftm-mtf-and-androgynes/?p=1061700016

 

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/133718-a-question-about-those-who-identify-as-intergender-or-bigender/

 

Example of ableism:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/133055-hey-pro-life-people/?p=1061664598

 

Example of homophobia:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/133288-what-some-christians-think-about-homo-sexual/?p=1061664699

 

BONUS: biphobia

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/134101-lgbt-please-replace-the-b-with-an-a/?p=1061620319

 

Give me some time, I'll find more.

 

[Punable]

1 hour ago, Nai said:

Ooh, my name was mentioned.  Hey Punable! I'm super panromantic, lol. You aren't alone!

Hehe, hello fellow pancake

[paporomantic]

1 hour ago, morallygayro said:

You should find all the sources you need in this post.

http://acepaws.tumblr.com/post/143293959802/werewolfsingles-glaschus-missvoltairine

 

I don't see a conclusive proof DJ's homophobia, sexism or abuse in the two articles mentioned there. What DJ stated in the interviews is:

 

His relationships with men never went beyond kissing - he's just more attracted to the female gender romantically than to males.

He didn't desire his wife (or previous date) sexually - this doesn't mean he didn't respect them.

 

He deliberately got into relationships with sexual women even when he knew he was an ace, and his attempts to have sex with them were just experiments - I do question the morality of aces getting into 'ships with sexuals (because the sexuals don't seem to fully realize the potential psychological consequences of such a 'ship), but the thing is that those sexuals are consenting adults and there's no physical harm so the aces can't be held legally responsible for this. In some mixed-orientation couples, the 'ship works well; in some, it ends in divorce or an invitation of a third partner. Bear in mind that there was no developed market of asexual dating in the mid-2000s so DJ had to do such experiments to get the romantic action (high energy cuddles etc.) that he needed. Anyway, how aces do romance is beyond Arocalypse's scope, is AVEN's business.

 

I'll read the 'sexual aromantic' thread now. 

[Dodgypotato]

51 minutes ago, morallygayro said:

You should find all the sources you need in this post.

http://acepaws.tumblr.com/post/143293959802/werewolfsingles-glaschus-missvoltairine

 

EDIT: here's the thread where they called aces and aros disgusting

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/52898-sexual-aromantic/

 

Nothing in there is evidence that he is homophobic or sexist. They are really grasping at straws there. Oh yes, how dare David Jay be cisgendered. **sarcasm** How dare the founder of AVEN not be transgendered or genderqueer. He's a 'cishet' dude? No, he's asexual. Not heterosexual. I think those people on there just really hate him for some reason.

 

There was about two posters on that thread that called sexual aros bad people. The majority were just saying things like, "yes they probably exist."

[paporomantic]

1 hour ago, morallygayro said:

EDIT: here's the thread where they called aces and aros disgusting

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/52898-sexual-aromantic/

 

Yeah, that was a thread with terrible attitudes indeed. I don't know the history of Arocalypse that well, but I reckon that it (the old board) was created indeed as a protest movement against AVEN and a safe haven for aros (aro (grey-)sexuals in particular).

 

As the thread was written in 2010 except for the necro and closure posts, it's hardly possible to retrieve if there were disciplinary actions taken at the time with regard to posts #2 and #3 of that thread. I'll have to check who was the mod then.

 

Anyway, I think the posts related to our attitude to AVEN need to be split into a separate thread because the derailment that I'm guilty of  is going far beyond.the initial idea of the thread.

[morallygayro]

34 minutes ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

 

I don't see a conclusive proof DJ's homophobia, sexism or abuse in the two articles mentioned there. What DJ stated there is:

 

His relationships with men never went beyond kissing - he's just more attracted to the female gender romantically than to males.

He didn't desire his wife (or previous date) sexually - this doesn't mean he didn't respect them.

 

He deliberately got into relationships with sexual women even when he knew he was an ace, and his attempts to have sex with them were just experiments - I do question the morality of aces getting into 'ships with sexuals (because the sexuals don't seem to fully realize the potential psychological consequences of such a 'ship), but the thing is that those sexuals are consenting adults and there's no physical harm so the aces can't be held legally responsible for this. In some mixed-orientation couples, the 'ship works well; in some, it ends in divorce or an invitation of a third partner. Bear in mind that there was no developed market of asexual dating in the mid-2000s so DJ had to do such experiments to get the romantic action (high energy cuddles etc.) that he needed. Anyway, how aces do romance is beyond Arocalypse's scope, is AVEN's business.

 

I'll read the 'sexual aromantic' thread now. 

He talked about his sex life with thousands of people without his wife's consent, and mysteriously we never see her side of the story.

[paporomantic]

His ex-wife is not a public person (or is she?), maybe she's been OK with not telling her side and there was nothing too bad happening in their marriage. There are even sexual males who can't help their wives experience orgasm and end up divorcing peacefully and quietly.

 

Don't forget about the presumption of innocence. How do you know is she consented or not?

 

[owl]

If you guys want to discuss this topic (AVEN's history/David Jay/etc) please make a new topic (or take it to PM) so this one doesn't get too off topic.

 

I can move the previous posts into the new thread, if you want.

[paporomantic]

I've just made a new thread for such discussions. Sorry for the derailment.