Anyone else like "Technically not out, but I just don't care anymore"?

[MacAttack]

On 11/8/2020 at 3:47 PM, LaReine said:

Anyone else like "Technically not out, but I just don't care anymore"?

I like to call this "the glass closet". (Not a concept I came up with but I don't remember where I got it from.) Essentially you're not out but anyone can know pretty much right away if they care enough to look.

[vinniebandit]

An absence so plainly displayed

Can't be helped but be remarked upon

[Eridanus]

I didn't want to make it a big deal, so I just casually mention things that might clue people into it (I'm sure my friends are so confused lol), but otherwise, I don't really care for "officially coming out". At the very least, I just make sure that I don't mention it to people who I know have bad opinions on the topic (*ahem* my family).

[Izel]

I feel one of the good things about being aroace is that you never have to come out if you don't want to. Like with trans or other allo people, they have to come out because it's pretty obvious like if someone gets a partner not of the opposite gender or presents as a different gender entirely. But with aroace people there's nothing to show; if no one asks, you don't have to tell them. I'm lucky to not have relatives pestering me about getting a romantic partner, but at least I can just say I'm more focused on work and self development, and usually no one presses further. 

[mintly]

I'm in the same boat as many in this thread, I haven't officially told anyone I know in real life but it seems after a while they just stop asking (though I have had people assume I was lesbian because of my disinterest in men). While it does feel like a privilege at times to not have to explain myself, I wonder how many people in history that we think of as "having had no time for romance" were aroace before these concepts were, well, concepts.

[ilse]

kind of like someone else said before in this thread, i might say it if the topic comes up in conversation (depends on the people) but as of now it's not really anyone in my life's business.

[Guest]

On 4/6/2021 at 6:25 PM, MacAttack said:

I like to call this "the glass closet". (Not a concept I came up with but I don't remember where I got it from.) Essentially you're not out but anyone can know pretty much right away if they care enough to look.

Thanks for this! It’s a helpful term

[quarterpast4am]

I'm not out to most people. I do have an aro flag and an aro pin, but people usually don't notice or ask about it LOL. If they want to know what it is, "aromantic flag" comes up if you search up the colors. So if anyone is curious from a distance, they can figure it out themselves LMAO.

But yeah, I'm not necessarily closeted for any reason except for that I don't have the energy to tell everyone. I've come out on social media and to a few people in person, that's enough for me (unless it's necessary in a situation).

[Blue_Jay]

Romantic orientation, Idk who thinks I'm straight but they are very blind if they do. Gender wise very few people know. Sexuality wise, I honestly don't know who knows this I told my brother and already knew, my friend knew before I even said anything. So yeah I started wearing a genderfluid bracelet everywhere, 1 person noticed and thought it was a bi flag.... then finally someone else noticed... and they are telling my friend, fu, I know I was ready to tell them, but you can't just so that. And everyone else who knows I told, the bracelet helped none

[Blue_Jay]

1 hour ago, Blue_Jay said:

Romantic orientation, Idk who thinks I'm straight but they are very blind if they do. Gender wise very few people know. Sexuality wise, I honestly don't know who knows this I told my brother and already knew, my friend knew before I even said anything. So yeah I started wearing a genderfluid bracelet everywhere, 1 person noticed and thought it was a bi flag.... then finally someone else noticed... and they are telling my friend, fu, I know I was ready to tell them, but you can't just so that. And everyone else who knows I told, the bracelet helped none

Besides my parents, I hide it from them, espescially gender, gender wise they would try to understand but they won't, and end up just making it worse

[Angrboda]

If a kind person asks me an honest question relating to the topic, I sometimes explain that I'm aro, but that's really the only time that I have much reason to tell anyone. Most of the time, it just doesn't matter that much. I guess the 'coming out' thing isn't as big of a deal for aros as it is for other groups. Unless you're having to explain it to a partner, then I guess it would be kinda awkward. :p

[Keith]

This is the exact situation that I'm in with my classmates! Because technically speaking I never came out to them, but they all know that I'm not straight so 💁‍♀️ (The only problem is that they probably think I'm on the m-spec rather than on the aromantic & asexual one, but maybe one day I'll clear their confusion).

Edited June 12, 2023 by Keith

[AroAcedragon13]

I've officially come out to like 6 people because I felt like telling them but I have no intentions of telling a huge amount of people.I just wear beaded bracelets with the colors of the flags and there are matching key chains on my bag so it's more like if they recognize the flags they know if they don't they don't.And if somebody asks what they mean I might tell them I might not it depends if I trust the person.I don't think I'm gonna come out to my family for a very long time if ever because I know it won't go well.So yeah i really don't care anymore.

[Harvest-Unity]

To be honest, I only feel like talking about it when its relevant, and it seems to be rarely relevant with certain people so they don't really know.

[Storm_leopardcat]

19 hours ago, AroAcedragon13 said:

I've officially come out to like 6 people because I felt like telling them but I have no intentions of telling a huge amount of people.I just wear beaded bracelets with the colors of the flags and there are matching key chains on my bag so it's more like if they recognize the flags they know if they don't they don't.And if somebody asks what they mean I might tell them I might not it depends if I trust the person.I don't think I'm gonna come out to my family for a very long time if ever because I know it won't go well.So yeah i really don't care anymore.

Huh, how have your parents not asked about what those keychains or bracelets (or their colours) mean? And how did you get away with buying them? I'm assuming you made the bracelets, though. Loom Bands, yeah!

What about your siblings? Would you come out to them?

On 11/13/2022 at 4:40 PM, Keith said:

This is the exact situation that I'm in with my classmates! Because technically speaking I've never came out to them, but they all know that I'm not straight so 💁‍♀️ (The only problem is that they probably think I'm on the m-spec rather than on the aromantic & asexual one, but maybe one day I'll clear their confusion)

m-spectrum? How did they find out, or know, that you aren't straight? Rumours? Suspicions?

[Keith]

 

2 hours ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

m-spectrum? How did they find out, or know, that you aren't straight? Rumours? Suspicions?

One time when I picked 'truth' in 'truth or dare' my classmate asked me if I'm part of the LGBTQ+, and I said yes. I've never specified what I identify as though, mostly because I wasn't sure about my aromanticism (and asexuality) at that time, and now I just don't know how to bring this up. However, I'm planning on coming out to them! I just need to prepare myself, because I know that they have no idea about what it exactly means to be aromantic (and asexual), and I want to make it clear ^^

Edited November 14, 2022 by Keith

[AromanticAardvark]

I haven't come out directly to many people, but I also don't hide that I'm aro to anyone, and I'll freely admit that I'm gay to anyone (aro too, if they seem like they've already heard of it, since I don't love explaining my aromanticism and what that means to people, or if it seems important for them to know, like if they're new to being a part of my primarily-queer-and-mostly-aspec friend group). And when I say I don't hide it, I mean for my birthday I got my parents to take me to the pride parade, I just didn't actually say anything about being queer

[AroAcedragon13]

7 hours ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

Huh, how have your parents not asked about what those keychains or bracelets (or their colours) mean? And how did you get away with buying them? I'm assuming you made the bracelets, though. Loom Bands, yeah!

What about your siblings? Would you come out to them?

My mom hasn't asked yet and i'm hoping she doesn't. I actually made the key chains too.I probably won't come out to my brother I don't know whether or not he would be accepting.He's not completely out of the question tho. 

[TheNothingFairy]

I tried to come out, and "it" was rejected, so yeah! I can relate! I'm not technically "out" but I really don't care anymore. I don't want to have to ide this part of me so I'm not going to. They can b*tch about it all they want but in the end it doesn't affect them 

[POOKEMOOSTER]

I've officially come out to my closest friends and the members of the pride club that I attended for a short time but anyone else can just guess or ask. I haven't bothered to come out to most of my family because they know I'm not interested in romance.

[Picklethewickle]

I'm not out in the sense that I've never sat anyone down for a conversation or explained my labels. However, I do make it clear to everyone that I'm not interested in romance, or sex, or relationships. If any of the people I know were to come across the term "aroace" they would know immediately that the word was describing me.

[HelloThere]

Just now, Picklethewickle said:

I'm not out in the sense that I've never sat anyone down for a conversation or explained my labels. However, I do make it clear to everyone that I'm not interested in romance, or sex, or relationships. If any of the people I know were to come across the term "aroace" they would know immediately that the word was describing me.

I have told some of my friends but just never explained microlabels or anything. I just stated my proof for that and the changed the conversation. In retrospect I’d love to take all those back. Though yeah, technically I am but to like 5 friends and then no one else.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

On 1/28/2021 at 2:19 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

I sort of accidently came out to an almost stranger because I really just don't care that much anymore. We were in a group talking about relationships and I just said 'being aromantic' then made the hand-pass-over-the-head (with a whoosh noise) movement then went to eat more food. 

To be honest that's legendary right there.

[HelloThere]

4 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

To be honest that's legendary right there.

Yeah that’s kinda a cool way to do so, just nonchalantly talking about that and then just going in with the conversation, no real explanation required. :D

On 5/17/2023 at 1:38 PM, Picklethewickle said:

I'm not out in the sense that I've never sat anyone down for a conversation or explained my labels. However, I do make it clear to everyone that I'm not interested in romance, or sex, or relationships. If any of the people I know were to come across the term "aroace" they would know immediately that the word was describing me.

Yeah, I’ve told my parents that I have no interest in dating, marriage, or having kids and they kinda just went with it. They’re even relatively supportive about that too, everytime that they talk about a future where one of us have kids she just refers to my brothers and leaves it there. It’s SO refreshing that I can’t even describe it. XD

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

Yeah the only people I've come out to directly have been friends of mine who are unabashedly open about being queer or are intense allies of the queer community, and know what the term 'aromantic' and 'asexual' mean; there were some I came out to that didn't know what they meant but I kind of knew I could safely explain it them? And the only family member I've told has been my twin brother, because he's the literal definition of chill ally "Oh, that makes sense," and "That's cool :)"

Any other family members of mine I have not told at all.

Maybe I'll tell my sister soon, but only because she's generally accepting and even went through a questioning period of wondering if she was aroace before deciding she was definitely straight. Now, I don't know if that'll make her decide that I'm just questioning and am not aro or if she'll actually accept my aromanticism, she's kind of fickle like that; but even if she didn't accept my being aro it's not like I'm in mortal peril from her knowing. But yeah, I'm also not exactly out to every one of my friends; hell I have some city friends who live quite a long way from me, and although I'll always say they're the closet and most reliable friends I have, they don't even know about my being trans nor about my sexuality at all, because of how questionable their acceptance is to me.

If it came up in a conversation I may say something, but yeah.

25 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

Yeah that’s kinda a cool way to do so, just nonchalantly talking about that and then just going in with the conversation, no real explanation required. :D

Yeah, I’ve told my parents that I have no interest in dating, marriage, or having kids and they kinda just went with it. They’re even relatively supportive about that too, everytime that they talk about a future where one of us have kids she just refers to my brothers and leaves it there. It’s SO refreshing that I can’t even describe it. XD

That's amazing how intrinsically supportive your parents are! I usually hear (from my mom most of the time) the whole entire spiel of me "one day getting a partner" though luckily she places the word "if" in front of discussions about children/grandchildren, since she's the type to say that although she'd be happy to have grandchildren she knows that that shouldn't come to with the cost of our own happiness if we (me and my siblings) sincerely don't want any kids.