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Everything posted by vinniebandit

  1. panda - at least I can scratch my butt when it's itchin' would you rather have peanut butter or marmite on toast?
  2. Perhaps you should approach the situation indirectly, like, "you know, I hear that some people never fall in love" or something like that, and see the reactions.
  3. Conversation is an art form in its own right; if you feel that you're always the last one to speak, perhaps that specific conversation has gone on for a little too long. Or simply the topic has been exhausted. Not your fault! Also, a lot of times, amongst old friends, conversation can be very concise. And directed to points that everyone knows won't anger anyone. Some silences can also signify polite reprobation.
  4. No pets anymore, though at various times, cats, dogs, rabbits, guinea pigs... even snails! - I live in a town house, no garden. So no plants either. Motorbikes and guitars are my pets.
  5. Salut Nessa. Bienvenue. Nous sommes quelques français.es ici. Don't worry about your english, fluency is not an issue.
  6. OK, try to see it another way - maybe you'll get it and make it part of your own set-up. 1) Is romance necessary for survival? Is romance necessary for reproduction? NEITHER, so not a necessary need. You can live, have children without it. 2) Is it then a cultural construct? YES. Is it, then a secondary need, necessary in order for you to function as an efficient member of your society/country? If YOU think it is, you then, as an aro, must decide whether you need to lie so you can feel integrated/accepted ("I'm between relationships", "I'm still looking for the right one", "I chose religion", "I'm saving myself for the right time"... and all that BS) 3) Family pressure: all over the world there are lifelong single uncles/aunts who have important roles - you can be that kind of person whom everyone looks at as a little quirky but has different pursuits
  7. As a mature man (retiring in 10 years 🦁), here's a couple of insights: you need an occupation that keeps your intellect clicking stay fit but social, so team sport AND/OR music - also, some hangouts with like-minded (aros and aces, or die-hard singles) people reading time, cultural time, museum time, tourism time... it's never idle time!
  8. Hi. There is indeed no simple/single way to describe romantic attraction as it can vary from person to person, also according to your personal experiences, upbringing, culture, neural buildup, etc. Well, how would anyone else know? It's either so feel something "special" about someone (can be esthetic, can be something related to their intellect...), something that moves you. I believe a verb used these days in English is "ship"? If something like this happens to you, it's then up to you to decide whether you want to pursue it and in whichever way you want it to impact you or leave you vulnerable. You mentioned trust, didn't you? What I can tell you is that if you're afraid to be hurt before trying to explore yourself, you will never know for sure.
  9. I'm thinking about stigmatization, including for the families. Hikikomori is not limited to Japan, it's a global phenomenon. One of the parallels (I didn't say similarity) is that (young) people are supposed to be active, outgoing, succesful in society, etc. On the same level, (young) people are supposed to have romantic attachment, mostly planning for children, etc. If not the case, stigmatization of these behaviours, the same for their families if their society expressly intends for them to act "correctly"...
  10. I was listening to a podcast on hikikomori this morning and it struck me that there could well be some parallels/common points or factors in both phenomenons (that's the term I would use to qualify both these human "problematic" behaviours). Your thoughts?
  11. My tuppence : in France, only in certain circles are these "prom" events held, so... it's your cultural problem; [shrugs] when invited by British friends to bring a "significant other" (I've been told this, them not knowing whether I'm straight, gay, or anything else... in French we would hear "tu peux venir accompagné"), well, I'm my own significant self and don't need to "draft" anyone for the sake of appearances 🦁
  12. This is nice. If it's OK with you, I'll attempt a French translation.
  13. Right on point. It's a cultural construct, not an urge. You may feel a compulsion to reproduce ["that's the species talking to you, stupid"], to have children. And even this can be negated. Regarding the necessity of romantic attachment, this is a very new concept, dating back to European Middle Ages (especially "amour courtois"), and then the spreading of novels (romans) in the 18th century. Without forgetting Romeo & Juliet (which is only showing the idiocy of young lust...). If I were to put romantic attachment on the stoic scale of needs (my interpretation, not evidently canon): [classification being natural/non-natural, necessary/non-necessary] reproduction: natural + non-necessary friendship: non-natural + necessary/useful romantic attachment: non natural + non-necessary, leading to harmful, illusion, deception
  14. When you're old enough, nobody seems to care anymore. When young I sent them all packing, stating that I had better use of my time. And money.
  15. Actions which more often than not are laden with meanings and/or allowed/recognized as acceptable (and various other factors evidently) in your specific culture. This is one of the reasons why it's so difficult to generalize. Language/semiotics/education have already been mentioned in how feelings/emotions/sentiments can be perceived/expressed... in different ways. After that, if we negate or "tabula rasa" these factors, what remains is brain chemistry, with all the various neurotransmitters and receptors (hormones such as dopamine, ocytocine, serotonine...). For French speakers and readers : https://www.franceculture.fr/emissions/ce-qui-nous-arrive-demain-14-15/le-jeu-de-lamour-et-de-la-chimie https://webtv.univ-lille.fr/video/10092/la-chimie-des-sentiments
  16. Perhaps something relevant can be found in this ? https://lib.dr.iastate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=7728&context=etd and this https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1005514.pdf amongst which: To understand falling out of romantic love, or love dissolution, there needs to be an understanding of the term romantic love. Romantic love is a passionate spiritual-emotional-sexual attachment between a man and a woman that reflects a high regard for the value of each other's person. I do not describe a relationship as romantic love if the couple does not experience their attachment as passionate or intense, at least to some significant extent. I do not describe a relationship as romantic love if there is not some experience of spiritual affinity, some deep mutuality of values and outlook, some sense of being "soul mates"; if there is not deep emotional involvement; if there is not a strong sexual attraction. And if there is not mutual admiration-if, for example, there is mutual contempt instead-again I do not describe the relationship as romantic love. (Branden, l980, p. 3)
  17. I suppose you're referring to alloromantics and not allosexuals? That would be supposing that romantic love is a steady and lifelong thing. 😏 You're also certainly thinking of immortality of consciousness/awareness:whatever"soul"? We don't know about that in the first place. Metaphysics lead nowhere.
  18. Hi. Nice intro! Welcome.
  19. Hi. Nice to have you with us here 🙂
  20. lol - which means that before the makeover she wasn't up to his fantasy Makes one wonder why they were together in the first place... But oh well, that's reality TV is, anyway
  21. Salut Théo. Les étiquettes donnent de la précision à la réflexion, mais ne sont en effet pas indispensables. Bienvenue, et heureux d'avoir un français de plus (il y a aussi au moins nonmerci).
  22. So true! 15 km yesterday. Awaiting a new pair of special shoes today TPBM is proficient with chopsticks
  23. Happy to have all my time as "me-time" (even when working 😇) and to be relieved of the weight of making someone else happy. Egotist? Narcissist? Nope - aro/self-centered and master of my domain 🔆
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