mintly

I didn't get around to making an intro post until I'd already posted a bit, haha. Whether that is to be blamed on a scatter-brained nature or a catlike contrarian streak is an exercise left to the reader... Anyway, I identify as aromantic, possibly bi/pan. I'm in my 30s so I might be among the older crowd here. I didn't figure out I was aromantic until a few years ago, which was when I first heard the term. I pretty much knew it described me the instant I heard it. Prior to that point I'd been in a few romantic relationships but it was always pretty miserable even when the other person liked and respected me, had mutual interests, the whole checklist of what is supposed to make it "work". Now it totally makes sense why I felt that way. The only time I was happy in a (seemingly amatonormative, to the untrained eye) relationship I was told "you two seem like really good friends, but not like you're dating" so that was a pretty telltale sign too. Now I am perfectly happy to be unattached and just pretty chill with life in general. I am a (sometime) scientist, (definite) hedonist, (unpublished) writer, and I know I write needlessly long and complex sentences lol. I'm really glad to find this community here, especially how laid-back and welcoming it feels. Thank you to everyone who helped make and support this site, it feels nice to know there we're all connected and supportive of each other, no matter where on the globe we may be.

Welcome (from someone relatively new too!) and thank you for sharing! And agreed that despising romance should not be an umbrella view for the aromantic experience, it is good to hear that you are finding descriptions that fit you more!

Oh this is a hard one lol. Favorite savory food is probably a well-made bowl of piping hot noodle soup - ramen (not the instant kind), pho, or Taiwanese-styled beef noodle. Non-soupy noodle dishes like mie goreng, lard na, yakisoba too...ok maybe I'm just a predictable Asian who likes all kinds of noodles haha. Sweets...probably panna cotta or custard pudding?

I'm in the same boat as many in this thread, I haven't officially told anyone I know in real life but it seems after a while they just stop asking (though I have had people assume I was lesbian because of my disinterest in men). While it does feel like a privilege at times to not have to explain myself, I wonder how many people in history that we think of as "having had no time for romance" were aroace before these concepts were, well, concepts.

This is a really interesting discussion...I can see that the cultural baggage of platonic can be an issue, and the term itself isn't going to be an accurate reflection of all experiences it's applied to. That said...I have been wondering if I'm aplatonic, so I'm not sure how I would represent that concept with a different word/phrase haha.

I'm Chinese-American and I empathized with a lot of the issues brought up in the last few posts, it hasn't been an easy couple of years for the community, even aside from the question of orientation. Iron_Maiden, I know it's been almost a year since you posted, and I hope things have been ok for you in the meantime. I've been fortunate that my parents are supportive of my decision not to have kids (which was honestly pretty surprising), although I am not sure they'd understand what aromanticism is. Around family I just act "married to my job" and like my career is more important than anything which at least seems to be acceptable for now. My main worry for now is that as my parents are getting older they wish I had a partner so that 1. I don't have to do everything by myself (I'm fine with it though) and 2. they'd have someone to help them around the house or in an emergency (since I'm not very physically strong, and Chinese people expect a lot from their son-in-law in general). I'm not really sure what to say to that. I do not want a QPR as I don't think I will ever like anyone that much even platonically. I guess I should count myself lucky for being financially stable though.

I drink, but never enough to get drunk, and one is enough for me in any given outing. I'm more fascinated by trying new things, the cultural/historical side of drinks, and how creatively one can make them (which means that things like tea and coffee are just as interesting to me as alcoholic drinks). While I'll drink at a dinner or party with friends, I enjoy going out by myself more--prior to the pandemic, I would usually sit at the bar of a restaurant rather than at a table, although I disliked the possibility that someone might flirt with me, so it was never an ideal situation. Being at a coffeeshop where everyone is working/reading was often more comfortable.

I write creatively and this is definitely true for me as well. I'm romance-indifferent in real life, but part of what makes fiction and literature interesting for me (as either audience or author) is getting to know the inner life and motivations of someone completely different than yourself. And I enjoy the more dramatic and "not so happy" side of things in fiction, including fictional romance, even though I'm pretty optimistic and easy to get along with in person. If I ever had to explain myself to someone who didn't understand I'd say it's kind of the same principle as, you might find an action movie or horror story interesting, but you wouldn't want to live in one, right?

I thought I was pan (for some reason, I naturally gravitated to pan instead of bi), and then I thought I was only attracted to myself (is there even a term for that?) which felt like a very unflattering thing I could never say to anyone else. Aro has been a much better fit and just felt right once I learned about it.