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About arokaladin

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  • Birthday 03/18/2001

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  1. I second what @Jot-Aro Kujo said, and also want to say I'm sorry you're going through this. It's really tough figuring out preferences when society tells us we must like certain things. I went through similar confusion when I first figured out I was aro, and threw myself into a qpr in an attempt to have some kind of relationship. That was ultimately not good for me. So I think it's really good that you're thinking about this stuff. My suggestion would be that rather than 'do I want a relationship', you should ask yourself how you feel about more specific things. What affection do you lik
  2. Did you say Brandon Sanderson? Nice to meet you!
  3. 100% this! I identified as aroace when I was 14. Eventually I realised ace wasn't right for me, so I stopped using it. It wasn't a big deal, and I don't feel any regret over how I used to identify; it helped me when that label did fit, made me challenge social norms within myself so I'm ultimately able to be a better ally to aces now, and it lead me to other labels I do still use. On the other hand, I still identify as aromantic. No big deal there either. I think most teens know themselves better than people suggest. Anyone of any orientation can know from when they're very little, and orienta
  4. I think you need to ask yourself why everything coming out of your mouth on this thread is something you could read on an aspec exclusionist's discourse tumblr lmao. I could get into how aros didn't 'decide' we're privileged. I could get into the social and legal oppression we face, regardless of other labels we have. I could explain how your experiences of being bi versus being aro are just that, yours. I could try to get you to understand, as someone who only ids as aro myself, how gross it is that you assume me straight by default and how invasive it feels that you assume you're entit
  5. Hi, If this dream is making you doubt your identity, then there's nothing wrong with looking into those feelings. However I will say a couple things. First off, something happening in a dream doesn't necessarily mean you want it to happen. They're often just remixes of all the random things we see during the day. Secondly, if you do feel this dream was a reflection of a real world feeling, that still doesn't mean you're no longer aro. I'm not sure if by 'not someone you know in real life' you mean someone who doesn't exist or just someone you only know online, but either way your brain ch
  6. As a genderqueer person, you're right that it isn't a gender 'in itself', but that's because its often used as an umbrella term that means something different to many people. However saying it's not a gender at all is a little insensitive to everyone who does identify as genderqueer. My identity is genderqueer, and genderqueer is my gender. (I use other labels sometimes to help further explain, but that doesn't mean genderqueer on its own isn't enough) It's also insensitive to those who have 'non normative' views of gender who are binary trans or cis. You don't have to be genderqueer to have p
  7. Hi! So, first off I'd say that you don't Need to be more specific than you can be. If you can only get as close as 'relationship' that's chill. Secondly, and I do not want to come off as harsh, just kind of gently cautioning you with what I say next. So, I agree with @Jot-Aro Kujo on you maybe needing to examine what about the term qp doesn't feel enough, but I'm gonna give you some benefit of the doubt because that could have just been weird phrasing. What I will say, and what I believe is absolute fact just based on you seeing an aro person, and especially based off you saying she's ne
  8. You definitely *could*, but we can't tell you if it's the case. I would say, if you're wondering about something like this there's probably something that's sparked that wondering, so I would advise you to look into it a little. Specifically since you mention liking people on some level, but being 'confused', you might want to look into identities under the grey aro umbrella? (demi, grey, lith etc.) Though it could also just be that you find some people nice to look at. That can be the case even if you're aro. Depending on whether you know your sexual orientation or not you may want to look in
  9. Right! sorry if that came across like I was accusing you of being alright with crossing boundaries, I just wanted to explain that that's why many people feel upset by it. I'l say though that you don't have to fully understand the emotional side of things, and I'm sure your friends aren't expecting you to if it's completely outside of your own experiences. A lot of the time when people are upset they might not need you to offer advice or get what they're going through 100%, just for you to be there, and listen to them and comfort them. I get why it would be annoying for you though. I
  10. There *isn't* anything wrong with being with two people. The problem is when that wasn't discussed and one person is going behind another's back. I think maybe you're mixing up cheating with polyamory, and those aren't the same at all. Cheating within a monogamous (non polyamorous) relationship is where two people have agreed to be together, and one of them sees another person without the first's knowledge or agreement. Polyamory is when multiple people all agree to be with each other, or that their partner can see other people (it can be many other things too but the agreement is what's impor
  11. It would definitely be good to get a wikipedia up, and from google search results it seems like it shouldn't actually be too tricky to get a few initial sources. On the first couple pages I found a few good articles (cosmopolitan, the guardian, huffpost) that have some good definitions for aromanticism, romance repulsion, and some greyro identities. There's also a lot more discussion of allosexual aros than I'd expected in these too which is brilliant. Unsure if we'd be able to use them as sources, I'll have to look at the reliable source link much more in depth, but it's promising to see all
  12. I imagine they've caught on to aros complaining about the asexual communities aro erasure and either (the optimistic view) this is a first step towards including us more or (the more pessimistic view but what I believe) are slapping a band-aid on the problem and think we won't notice that a name change is in most cases purely performative and only effects appearance
  13. seconding what @techno-trashcan says, sqishes/qprs can absolutely be sexual, they just can't be romantic. and again, a qpr can be whatever you want it to be. 'committed' is one way we distinguish qprs from friendship but honestly if for whatever reason you think your relationship differs from friendship while still not including romance, you're entitled to call it a qpr. I might also recommend looking into alterous attraction if your squishes feel like something else entirely? I'm not really an expert since I don't feel alterous attraction myself, but there's probably some info on the term som
  14. however you want to have a qpr is fine! and yes, lots of aros have a preference when it comes to the gender of their platonic partner. Not to say you couldn't still be a lesbian, that's sadly something only you can really figure out. since you're so stuck between being a lesbian or aro/ace you might want to look at some grey aro identities? there's a long list of those on the forums here! As for wanting to kiss and cuddle a girl, raise kids with her, but not have sex, that could be a nonsexual romantic relationship or a qpr, there's no real line between the two apart from the feelings defined
  15. what's up lads it looks like i have uuuuuh None (none) properĀ irl friends left so I;m back here asking for an F

    1. Neir


      Here be an F for you, hang in there

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