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About Eklinaar

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    United States
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    Pepper wrangler

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  1. It does kind of sound like she's hinting that she's interested in one. I'd suggest asking her to be explicit about how she feels and what she wants. And then if you decide to start a QPR with each other, make sure you discuss in detail what you both want that to look like, what kind of assumptions and expectations you have about it, how you feel about each other, what boundaries you want to have, and so on. If you're concerned about her lack of understanding of queer theory and identities and all that, maybe talk about that, too, and why it's important to you that she understand those thing
  2. You don't have to feel romantic attraction to be in a romantic relationship, but honesty is important in intimate relationships. Hopefully she'll understand that you don't want the relationship to change, you just want to be clear about your feelings, and she'll appreciate that.
  3. Yeah, alterous is a term that refers to an experience of attraction or a relationship that is neither primarily romantic nor platonic, and what I'm trying to come up with is a term that means aros who have a strong preference or need for deep intimacy, because I feel like that need shapes being aromantic in a particular way.
  4. You're definitely not the only one. I've heard plenty of other aros feel a kind of heartbreak at realizing their friends feel very differently about them compared to how they feel about their friends. It's easy to assume that aros don't experience heartbreak, but many of us do.
  5. I can relate to some of this, since I have also been questioning whether or not I'm demisexual or allosexual. I don't fully fit the definition of demisexual because I am sexually attracted to strangers, but everything else about demisexuality sounds like me. It's like, if the base potential for sexual attraction for demisexual people starts at 0 and then slowly increases to 10 as they form an emotional connection, mine starts at 2 and slowly increases to 10 as I form an emotional connection. I think you have to decide what you are for yourself unfortunately.
  6. I feel like a core part of my aromantic identity is that I'm very affectionate, I want lots of affection in all my close relationships, and the way I experience affection is fundamentally different from allos. My desire for affection in general and affection within my established relationships is a core part of my identity. A lot of the affection I enjoy is culturally coded as romantic, but I experience intimate affection as neither romantic nor platonic. My friendships that don't feature hugging, kissing, cuddling, and other kinds of intimacy feel "incomplete" to me, and the boundaries tha
  7. It took me a while to realize this, but part of the reason why my hair and beard are so unkempt is because I don't want people to find me conventionally attractive. I feel like they don't really appreciate me for who I am as soon as they put me in the box of "potential romantic/sexual partner". But much more than that, I don't want to be seen as conventionally attractive in a masculine way, because I'm nonbinary and that makes me very dysphoric.
  8. This is, as the kids say, a big mood. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I was living with my closest friend, and she had been looking for a new boyfriend, and I offered for us to just keep living together indefinitely and take care of each other, and that I'd be fine with her also pursuing romantic relationships with other people in that situation, but she turned me down. She made it clear that she loves me and that our friendship is important, but still, it was very hard knowing that she didn't see our relationship the way I did, or return my feelings of it being something besi
  9. I don't experience a distinction between platonic and romantic love at all, which is the core of my aro experience. So, I guess I'm saying, the fact that I can't answer your question is what makes me aro. Maybe that helps? Maybe not. Hopefully other people have different answers.
  10. No, you're definitely not the only one. Once again I can strongly relate to what you have to say. That kind of relationship seems incredibly unhealthy to me. Friendships are important and people shouldn't ignore them just because they have a romantic partner. I feel so betrayed by my friends who stopped spending time with me after they got married.
  11. Whew, you may not realize it, but you've stumbled into a hot topic. I haven't seen it discussed much on this forum, but I have seen it discussed on Tumblr. If I find any particularly relevant blog posts, I'll share them here. The short answer is no, you're not being over-sensitive. And yes, there are people who criticize us as a "lesser" or "less oppressed" orientation and ask us to speak less so that "more important" queer people can speak more. Those people are wrong and their attempts to silence us are a kind of anti-queer oppression, coming from queer people who
  12. Yes, we met in an online aro community, and learned we live near each other, and then met in person. It was really great to chat with someone who has that shared experience of being aro. I don't know if I'd write a book about it since it can be rather personal and some people might not be comfortable with those experiences being shared publicly. I just want to form relationships that don't require hours of defining basic terminology, and the local queer communities aren't really cutting it in that regard.
  13. I've never heard of specifically aro groups anywhere in the world, but there are several ace and aro groups in a few places, if you're lucky enough to live there. I hear there's one in Germany that's very good. You can certainly try finding aros IRL where you live, but just be prepared to come up empty-handed. We seem to be very rare. I've been involved in queer communities for several years, with mixed results, but even the best groups mainly just support my other queer identities, not my aro identity. I've never met an aro person at the LGBT centers where I live. People from
  14. I'd say that if you were going strictly by the definition of aromantic, then no, aromantic people can't fall in love, because that phrase means romantic love. However, that's a prescriptive answer to your question, not a descriptive answer, and I'm making it just so I can follow up with what I'm saying next. So even with a prescriptive answer, it doesn't mean that an aromantic person's love is incompatible with someone who does feel romantic love, or less valid. I have deeply loved some of my romantic partners, but my love was not romantic. But I don't care for prescriptive labe
  15. Welcome! Have you looked around the rest of the forums? Your story is not dissimilar from many other aromantic experiences. Maybe reading about other people's experiences would help you pinpoint how you feel. This in particular is something I think a lot of people here can relate to. This is really common for aros. I have a very hard time noticing when someone is attracted to me, even though I read people's emotions pretty keenly most of the time. Yes! I have a hard time relating to this kind of thing. The things most peop
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