hermi1e

oooo this is kinda cool! A word I've heard is homoplatonic, to describe who you experience queerplatonic attraction to. Also, as @aro-faeand @Jot-Aro Kujo mentioned, "angled aroace" and "oriented aroace" could describe u

I hav no idea, i didn't even know platonic had a different definition. The more ya know in my opinion, the meaning of a word should often be the way it's used, rather than the original definition. Words are just tools to express thoughts and reality, the dictionary is not the bible, stuff changes, and i think it's important to acknowledge colloquial language and slang. I understand if folks who are passionate about linguistics might disagree, and honestly i respect that, ya nerds : ) Unless you're misgendering nonbinary people by arguing that singular they is uNgRaMaTiCaL. Then i do not respect you. So if we're in a real-life context, in which most people think "platonic" = "friends," saying "we're queerplatonic" can explain it pretty well. But if some prefer other words, or feels that "platonic" shouldn't/doesn't mean "friends," or wanna explain their relationship a different way, that's also awesome. I personally call my qpp my squishy, since i have a squish on him

My guy, i think i might know how u feel. i use a microlabel on the aro spectrum (lithromantic) and my god it's annoying. I worry that I'm seeking attention or that it's fake, i worry that other people are gonna judge me or question it, it's just hard and embarrassing. Half the time i say i'm "aro-spec" because i don't want others to say "that's not a real identity" or ask "are you sure you're not just [insert other identity/condition/normal thing]?" And it also makes it hard to find others who use the same label. it sucks But i think that's a problem with other people. The idea that "microlabels" are invalid and made-up is a very right-wing idea, a demeaning and mocking way for them to bash lgbt+ people. U hear them make shitty jokes about "5941 genders" and "attack helicopters," and it's literally just a tool to discriminate. If u turn ur opponent into a laughing stock, into cringeworthy content, u reduce their power and undermine their self worth. This causes people to feel imposter syndrome, internalize the prejudice, disbelieve their own feelings, force themselves into uncomfortable labels to avoid ridicule, and be afraid to say what they're really feeling. It can cause them to hate themselves the way the oppressors hate them And unfortunately, this right-wing rhetoric exists within left-wing and lgbt spaces too. The people in my life who have said my label isn't valid have all been left-wing and/or lgbt. It's messed up. But honestly, they're wrong and they're projecting internalized homophobia onto others, because mocking or invalidating another group makes their community feel safer or more special or more valid. They're insecure and unaccepting. Legit, fuck them. Someone created ur label because they felt like u do, just like someone created the labels gay and bisexual because they needed a word to describe themselves. Labels are meant to describe feelings, not appease others. U belong to a fantastic community that is inevitably going to gain more visibility, because that's how time works. If ur able to surround urself with those people, online or even irl, and also maybe purchase a pride flag or expose urself more to ur-label-positive content, do it dude. That can encourage self acceptance and remind u that ur beautiful

also toric = enby who exclusively likes men trixic = nb who exclusively likes women also, if ur in a situation where u don't know someones gender, u could ask their pronouns. Also, it can be sufficient to say "likes men" or "likes women"

teary

Hi, welcome to Arocalypse!! I'm sorry that your experience with dating and ur identity has been so tumultuous and painful That sounds really difficult. And a lot of what u said, based on what I've seen, resonates with a lot of aromantic people. You ain't alone in this. Obviously, only u can decide what label is best for u. Based on what u described tho, it sounds like u do not feel romantic attraction. Which is the only qualifier for being aromantic! It sounds like some things making u hesitate to adopt the label are those remaining expectations of how u should live and feel. That can be really difficult to let go of, especially if ur family emphasized these expectations about dating and love and marriage from a young age. Some things I'd suggest are talking to other aros (and here you are!), surrounding urself with aro positivity and acceptance (maybe get a pride flag, read a book with an aromantic character, listen to music that might reflect how u feel, find friends who are accepting), and envisioning a romance-free life for urself (this can be extremely fulfilling. Maybe throw ur energy into other areas of life, like hobbies or career or friends. List the other things that are important to you). Overcoming internalized arophobia and accepting urself can be so so hard. (Ik when I started questioning, i was filled with dread about what my life would be like if romance wasn't in the cards for me.) But it's so fuckin worth it. You got this, seamonster! It sounds like this might be a long time coming. Remembah, ur not broken if u don't feel romance, ur just like the other people on here Also be patient with yoself, it can take awhile to figure out ur identity and become comfy with it. Take care o yoself!

Are you able to edit the poll, so that binary people can say N/A for the second question? We're required to answer all questions, or it doesn't let u submit. Thanks!

CW: transphobia hi people!! I wanted to post because I realized like 10 minutes ago that I might be platonically attracted to my best friend, and then i realized that he's the third person I've had a squish on, and also the third trans guy. My squishes have all been trans guys. I want to ask about this bc I'm worried that it is transphobic of me. I'm exclusively attracted to men, but I only have had romantic/sexual crushes on cis guys and I've had entirely platonic crushes on the three trans guys I've known well. (One was a close friend at my summer camp, another was an acquaintance at school, and this current guy is my best friend at school.) So basically, I only ever get squishes on trans guys, and only ever get sexual/romantic crushes on cis guys. I'm speculating that maybe i don't see trans men fully as men (hella transphobic!) so I never see them as potential sexual/romantic partners the way I see cis men. Also worried that I'm viewing them as people i wanna be platonically close to because i view them as gay-best-friends/platonic girlfriends (ugh i'm so sorry for saying this). People who aren't gonna be attracted to me, even if they do like girls, and who i thus can feel comfortable around. Which, again, is fucking transphobic, bc i'm not seeing them the way i see cis guys (which is usually with a lotta nervousness, bc i view them as people i could date. Except for cis gay guys. I feel comfy around them). Ik this is confusing and i'm not even conscious or in-control of a lot of it, so it makes sense that others might not be able to help much, but I'm wondering how I can tell if this is a prejudice and how others might suggest I work on this. I obviously need to evaluate how I see trans guys n stuff, but i'm not exactly sure how. Anyway, thank you! Have a lovely day!

lithromantic memes

ooo i was gonna suggest this too! Another idea (?) is for her to discover her asexual and aromantic identities separately? Idk how ur self-discovery timeline is working, but mebe she could realize she's asexual but still not be sure if she feels romo attraction, or vice versa. Maybe this wouldn't be realistic for the time, because even she might conflate the two, but that could potentially establish the identities as separate. This story sounds awesome! I hope it gets out there, because I want to read it.

It's totally ok to be aro in a romo relationship, as long as it's something u want. The main thing here might be communication, tho. Mebe let them know what romo activities ur comfortable with, how often u wanna spend time together, what ur attraction to them feels like, whenever ur uncomfy with smth, etc. Like @nonmerci said, it's best if they know what to expect from u and the relationship. Ur not leading someone on if they know what's goin down About ur identity: eeeee. This can be tricky. The main thing to focus on, imo, might be what type of attraction ur feeling. (Remember, tho this might sound obv, labels are meant to describe feelings.) If ur feeling romo attraction, this might help know if ur aro-spec. Untangling and labeling feelings of attraction can be time consuming and frustrating, but you'll figure it out. U got this! Feel free to talk more about this here, we're happy to listen and help out. Congrats on starting a relationship! i hope it works out the way u want it to.

What if there were queer colleges, like there are historically black colleges and religious colleges and stuff. Legit, just one big gay college with Pride Month as a huge celebration and specific clubs/classes about different genders and sexualities in addition to other clubs/classes. And all the professors are LGBT and aware of LGBT issues and identities. No frat culture. Just gay bars, and drag shows instead of rushing fraternities.

Yeeeees it was so accurate

TRIBALISM!