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Goddamn that's wise. Thank you so much for all that. I'm thinking a QPR would be more fulfilling bc I could better communicate my desire for closeness. Even if he doesn't reciprocate, he'll know I value him and our friendship. And if he does reciprocate and wants a QPR, then !!!! big happy Again, thanks so much for your help. Thank you so much for ur response and support. Good luck with your person! This might be totally wrong, but I feel like squishes may be easier to fulfill than crushes? I don't mean that acts of friendship are of lower status than acts of romantic/sexual love. But if you are in a friendship with the person already, it might take a smaller step to become closer friends with them than it would take to enter a romantic relationship. You may still desire a reciprocated squish, but even if they don't reciprocate, it is possible to fulfill those platonic desires. D'you think this is true? (That might've been a totally ignorant, aro-phobic statement right there. I know QPRs are as significant as romantic relationships, and squishes can be just as intense as crushes. Just guessing here.)

That's the sweetest goddamn thing. Thankoo for replying! Yeas that'd be awesome! But, I'm not really sure how to....initiate that? Or what it would look like. I'm wondering how a QPR is more fulfilling than a more casual friendship. Like, is it fulfilling because they love you in the same way? Or is it the commitment aspect? Or that you spend more time together and make each other a priority? Again, just want to know some more bout QPRs and squishes (Also my squish lives in another state, so I ain't sure how we could spend more time together, or how realistic it is. I guess we could talk online, but uugh)

Hiii Hope this doesn't get ranty. I just set up my squish to go on a date with another friend of mine, it just kinda happened for fun, and now I don't know how to feel. I feel like it's not quite heartbreak, because it's not romantic love. I also feel like i have the potential to get closer to squish by setting him up. Like, i''m helping him or something? But it kinda hurts, because, yknow, I want to be with squish and I wuv him and sorta selfishly want him for myself. Which brings up questions!!! - like, what do you do about a squish!!! You just say, "hi person I'm already friends with! I want to be your friend! Like, more than we already are! Like super friends! Please?" Like, I don't know how to fulfill this kind of attraction. We learn from day one what you do about romantic feelings, like dating and kissing and netflix n chill. But WHAT DYOU DO ABOUT A SQUISH?? I'm realising that's my only question. Uhhh I'm sorry bout this rant. if anyone here is in a QPR or has a squish, that's super and I love you. Wanna share your experience? How do you navigate this kind of attraction? I'm basically trying to learn about QPRs. This is my first squish and I'm realizing I don't know a lot. Anyway, thank you guys! P.S. it's late at night where I am, so this would prolly be more coherent if I were more awake. Sorry bout that

kinda thought Missy from Big Mouth is lithromantic, because she lost attraction for Andrew real fast. You could kinda feel her repulsion when he got super lovey (she literally threw up on him!) I get that she was meant to just be overwhelmed and not ready for a relationship, but idk. Any other Missy fans here? XD Yas ofc, tho I'm bracing myself for queerbaiting

SPOILERS FOR RISE OF SKYWALKER AHEAD!! I agreeee. I loved the connection they forged at the end, but couldn't they have had a friendship or sibling relationship? A hug woulda been so much better. But I guess the creators couldn't see ANY non-romantic way to depict a human connection Also my son Kylo should not have died aaa

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I don't have experience either, but this post made me think of a thing: in most cultures, throughout human history, children were raised by their extended family and community as well as their parents. The idea of a nuclear family, with a mom and a dad who are in a romantic relationship and raise the children, is a relatively new idea. If you're asking if you can raise a child in a non-traditional family, most of human history will tell you: yes. Wish I had actual info to give you, though 😂. Hope you find the tips and support you need to raise your kid(s)! 💚

Good to know! He is kind of a cynical person who is critical of others, and he sometimes has a hard time communicating about things that embarrass him. Does this sound emotionally closed-off? I don't intend for him to be that way, so I would like to fix it. Thanks! I didn't know about this! Can you explain?

Thank you for telling me! This aro ace character and the main character have a strong platonic relationship, but the aro ace character is definitely awkward and uncomfortable with showing platonic affection (such as hugging). I am worried that this falls into the robot stereotype of aro ace people. What do you think? Also, he does have an slightly emotionally-unstable father, which is kind of like past trauma. It is not a necessary story element, and I might take it out of the story anyway. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, because I didn't even think of that!

I'm writing a story right now that features a character who comes out as aroace. I'm a bit worried that I'm using stereotypes or something. Can ya'll help me out? This character is a seventeen-year-old boy who is flawed in a bunch of ways. He's overly critical, kind of bigheaded, and he talks a lot. But he's also a funny best-friend character who is supposed to be entertaining. In the story, he struggles against the norms of the society he lives in. First, he is bothered by the community's passive reaction to the story's main conflict (vampire slayers are trying to kill them all), and he's also internally fighting his romance-repulsed aroace identity in a traditional family that expects him to get married. Briefly, to rebel, he joins a gang, but he realizes how violent they are (also they make fun of the fact that he doesn't want a girlfriend), and he leaves. Near the end he comes out to the main character as aroace. Does this character sound like a stereotype at all? If so, let me know! If you know any books with aroace characters that I can look at, I would love to know about them. Some questions I have are: What does romance-repulsion feel like to you, and how could I show it in this character? Also, what are stereotypes to avoid? How did you come out, and how did it feel? (Also, there's a conflict in the story that I'm a little worried about, too. The main character is a lesbian, and she and this aroace character come out to each other. When the main character comes out as a lesbian, this featuring character has an angry and homophobic reaction. This is partly because he was raised to think this way by their traditional community, and partly because he is romance repulsed. He reacts negatively to other forms of romance in the story, too. Soon enough he accepts the main character for who she is, and they support each other. Obviously, intolerance within the LGBT+ community is a real issue. Do you have any advice on how to tackle it?) Thank ya'll so much! I'm so glad aro-spec people are creating out there.

Hi everyone! Right now I'm writing a story in which a supporting character (the main character's best friend) comes out as aroace. He's a seventeen-year-old boy (and a vampire, but that's just a story element). Other than his orientation, he is a very flawed character. He has a slightly big-headed personality, he's overly critical of others, he's talkitive, but he's still a loyal friend who's very funny and entertaining. His main struggle during the story happens when he joins a gang for a short amount of time. The gang is basically a group of murderers who are trying to rebel against the status quo, but it doesn't take him long to realize that what the gang is doing is wrong, and he leaves them. He also struggles because his family expects him to get married someday, as is the norm, and he knows he won't want this. I am not aroace, so do any of you have tips for what stereotypes to avoid and how to properly represent an aroace person? Also what books you know that feature aroace characters, which I might use for reference. Thanks, have a lovely day!

Hey, I found a song by Gabrielle Aplin, and I interpreted it as kind of Lithromantic! Sort of about having a crush, but not wanting/being repulsed by reciprocation. Tell me what you think: Please Don't Say You Love Me. What other Aro-spec songs do you know?

Thank you so much, Krispy! It's comforting to hear that I'm allowed to change and that other people feel the same. I didn't know that its common for people to change. I still hope that someday I'll have my orientation figured out, but thank you for letting me know that i don't necessarily have to 💚.

Thank you so much for offering! I'm a wee high school girl who recently made an account on this forum because I'm confused. If you are able to answer, I would so appreciate it. Thus beginneth the rant: I need someone to talk to, mainly because when I told my mom I might be lithromantic, she said I probably had intimacy issues. And she's probably right. I recently learned from reliable Youtube Psychology videos (XD) that I probably have an avoidant attachment style, which means that I avoid love when it is offered, even if I wanted it in the first place. This is a more comforting explination for my fading crushes than "I'm lithromantic," because it feels less permanent. Like, if I worked through my childhood memories with Youtube therapy or something then I could start loving like a normal person, maybe. And there's something else that's been worrying me. Can you become aromantic? Because I used to crush on people like crazy. Basically any boy I saw, i would fall in love. But in the last two years I got rejected by two of my crushes, I got my heart broken once, and my feelings faded when a guy reciprocated them. And now I haven't had a crush on anyone since then. A few weeks ago I thought I liked a friend of mine, but it was only because I thought he liked me. And then I told myself that I was going to get my heart broken, so I should stop liking him. And then I didn't like him anymore the next day. I'm probably overthinking, but the irregular patterns in my attraction isn't at all what I'm used to feeling. I'm worried that I've flopped away from being a hopeless romantic to being aromantic, or on the spectrum at least. I can't talk to anyone about it, though, which is driving me nuts. If you know if people can become aromantic, or stop being lithromantic, or generally how I can figure out my identity, that would be amazing. thank you so much for reaching out and listening. Incidentally, I think it's funny when questioning, newbie people on these sites write multi-paragraph stories about their lives in a plea for answers. And now I've become one of those people. I guess it's because we have no one else to tell about our confusion, so we do it in the best place possible: online, for strangers, where everything we write is public and permanent XD.

On the quiz at the beginning of this thread, I scored 4.78 on attachment-related anxiety, and 4.98 on attachment-related avoidance. Basically in the Fearful-Avoidant area. Some of the questions were difficult to answer, though, since I've never been with a "romantic partner." I'm gonna take your guys' suggestions and answer the quiz for each relationship I have. Thanks so much for posting this, maybe I can work out my Lithro??-ness!