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About hermi1e

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  • Birthday September 14

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    likes boys, lithro?
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  • Location
    mormonland (utah)
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  1. for most people (but not all), their attachment style shows up in almost all of their relationships, both romantic and platonic. if you have avoidant tendencies in friendships too, it's more likely. maybe that can help? the other thing tho is that a lot of people, both aro and alloromantic, can feel repulsed or uncomfortable with unwanted romantic attention. If ur not attracted to someone, entering a romantic relationship with them is probably not going to feel good. the main indicator of avoidant attachment is when you retreat from people you are attracted to.
  2. hi im just here to ask some advice. i'm sort of entering a relationship with my best friend. it started as flirting that got less and less jokey, and i started to like the idea of being with him. like i'm a teensy bit attracted to him (mostly sexually). I liked the idea of us being more affectionate. he's said he wants to date and i said i wasn't sure, but that hasn't stopped us from flirting nonstop. but i'm starting to feel uncomfortable. it feels like so much pressure, i'm not sure i actually like him that much, and every romantic/flirty gesture feels forced. I feel like we're mov
  3. hi i have a new crush i think, my best friend and i have been flirting a lot and ik i'm a little bit attracted to him. he's hinted that he is too. i want to see what happens, but im afraid that my feelings will fade like they always have in the past. i'm worried that my brain will ruin it, and that i might even become repulsed by him and will need to end the friendship. (i'm think he'd respect the boundary, but god that would be awful. i love him so much and i don't want to fuck it up) i'm also worried that we wouldn't be attracted to each other in the same ways. I feel sensual, mayb
  4. my friend and i flirt platonically for fun, but i started wondering if he was serious and now i feel nauseous. i don't want him to like me that way, i'm worried it'll ruin the friendship and it just feels uncomfortable. maybe i'm just nervous or smth but yeah

    1. hermi1e


      nvm, another friend of mine assured me that this guy is not actually flirting w me. im better now

  5. yees, i've had one or two squishes i think. for me at least, the difference between a squish and a crush is not the "symptoms," but the desires. Like, i feel the same butterflies and yearning and fuzzy feelings and obsession and interest and tenderness and excitement and jealousy, but i don't feel a yearning to kiss or f*ck them. I just want to hold hands platonically and marathon all the movies and make them pancakes and have inside jokes and talk on the phone all night. It's a strong desire to be very close friends. I think a squish can be just as emotionally intense as a crush (m
  6. Absolutely, I encourage u to tell them! It is definitely possible and allowed for alloromantic people to be in QPRs. The main thing to be aware of is how you define and communicate it, especially if they aren't familiar w QPRs. With my person, neither of us are asexual, but he was sorta aware of squishes when i told him i liked him. This was a bit bumpy, because I needed to go beyond "i have a squish on you, do you want to be my QPP" when i confessed my feelings. We had dif levels of knowledge of these labels, and different definitions. It's important to try n clearly say your feelings an
  7. I personally suggest u shoot ur shot. Often, a person's queerplatonic orientation and sexual orientation are different; my zucchini is a gay guy, but he likes me (a girl) queerplatonically. Smth i learned was that, often, especially if ur person has their own feelings/future plans/level of familiarity w queerplatonic relationship, it's better to outline your feelings and desires directly. Like, saying "i'm queerplatonically attracted to u" might confuse her, but saying "i feel extremely drawn to you, these are my feelings, and i often wish we could do xyz" is more likely to make sense an
  8. To younger me: i know ur convinced u don't care what people think, but you actually do. Everything u do is to keep up a persona or character, and just because that fake self is unconventional, that doesn't mean it's not fake. U don't have to be anyone, you don't have to be interesting to matter.
  9. oooo this is kinda cool! A word I've heard is homoplatonic, to describe who you experience queerplatonic attraction to. Also, as @aro-faeand @Jot-Aro Kujo mentioned, "angled aroace" and "oriented aroace" could describe u
  10. I hav no idea, i didn't even know platonic had a different definition. The more ya know in my opinion, the meaning of a word should often be the way it's used, rather than the original definition. Words are just tools to express thoughts and reality, the dictionary is not the bible, stuff changes, and i think it's important to acknowledge colloquial language and slang. I understand if folks who are passionate about linguistics might disagree, and honestly i respect that, ya nerds : ) Unless you're misgendering nonbinary people by arguing that singular they is uNgRaMaTiCaL. Then i do not
  11. My guy, i think i might know how u feel. i use a microlabel on the aro spectrum (lithromantic) and my god it's annoying. I worry that I'm seeking attention or that it's fake, i worry that other people are gonna judge me or question it, it's just hard and embarrassing. Half the time i say i'm "aro-spec" because i don't want others to say "that's not a real identity" or ask "are you sure you're not just [insert other identity/condition/normal thing]?" And it also makes it hard to find others who use the same label. it sucks But i think that's a problem with other people. The idea that "mic
  12. also toric = enby who exclusively likes men trixic = nb who exclusively likes women also, if ur in a situation where u don't know someones gender, u could ask their pronouns. Also, it can be sufficient to say "likes men" or "likes women"
  13. well my squish likes me back and for some reason i didn't register this for MONTHS. he told me like 3 times, and the other day he was like "i cannot believe i hav to say this again." Kinda embarrassed but also happi

  14. Hi, welcome to Arocalypse!! I'm sorry that your experience with dating and ur identity has been so tumultuous and painful That sounds really difficult. And a lot of what u said, based on what I've seen, resonates with a lot of aromantic people. You ain't alone in this. Obviously, only u can decide what label is best for u. Based on what u described tho, it sounds like u do not feel romantic attraction. Which is the only qualifier for being aromantic! It sounds like some things making u hesitate to adopt the label are those remaining expectations of how u should live and feel. That
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