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What was/is it like in high school/college for you as an aromantic person?


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What was/is it like in high school/college for you as an aromantic person? Heck, feel free to discuss what it was like regarding your sexual orientation in high school/college, as well.

For me in high school and college, it wasn't too turbulent. I noticed others around me being involved in romantic relationships, but I thought they were "kidding", because they all seemed to be too young (up until 10th or 11th grade, when I finally realized they might not be kidding after all). Thankfully, no one tried to ask me out or anything like that. During those years, I was pretty much left alone regarding romantic/sexual attraction.

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I definitely felt different from my peers. I thought I was mature because I wasn't going "romance crazy" like so many of my friends. I felt awkward often when others would be talking about their crushes and I was just... ?‍♀️. It led me to hanging out with people who didn't show as much interest in romance (one of those friends ended up also being aro hahah). I did struggle at times with wondering if there was something wrong with me- "do I have commitment or intimacy issues?" Especially as I started to notice that I didn't want a romantic relationship but that I was experiencing some sexual attraction/drive at times.

For the most part, though, I'd also say it wasn't too turbulent for me in high school/college- at least not externally in terms of people bothering or bullying me. People tended to leave me alone regarding dating, although there was awkward times of people trying to ask me out in college. There were only certain moments, such as prom or school dances, in which this stuff was really in my face and I felt confronted by my lack of romantic attraction (and my at the time perceived ineptitude to date).

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i also felt awkward most of the time in high school, i always thought that no one in my group was really "my type".

it did get annoying hearing the same relationship drama over and over though, and sometimes they would come up to me for advice ?‍♀️

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Yeah, I also thought I was super mature. Wasn't really an outcast. But I was known as an overachiever so maybe everyone thought I was too busy for relationships. Apparently a few people acted interested in me and I was oblivious.

I thought crushes and high school relationships were stupid and cringey. Then I read that high school relationships prepare you for dating as an adult and felt super immature and naive. Then I realized I didn't want a relationship, so why would I practice being in one?

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I was so busy handling my depression and (later) bipolar disorder that I really didn't worry about this stuff very much.

I did think I was a traumatized lesbian however, my Mom yelled at me when I first came out.  It was a relief to know I was ace and nothing was wrong with me per say.  That said, I did have fun cavorting with the young LGBTQ people at my local LGBTQ Center.  Even dated a girl there (although that turned out horribly)

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For me a lot of it was the tug of war between the culture of where I came from and the religious background I was raised in.

On the one had I come from a place called essex which has a reputation for being a bit scummy. Casual relationships, lack of class, that sort of thing. Catholic school though which was very much against that as well as a religious family and so largely devout friend groups.

This meant a lot of preachy lessons about why it is so good to have a traditional marriage and all that in a way which is quite unusual in the UK. It also meant that for a lot of the parents in that community, signs of romance were rewarded. If you went out on a traditional style date that was a good thing because it meant you were taking your relationship the right way. 

So while I generally managed to keep quiet and get on with my life it wasn't great. Any hint that you didn't care much for romance meant it was possible you were on a path towards a bad life. It was also frustrating to see the kids around me getting so much fawning and attention because they were doing romance how the parents thought it should be done.

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If I were to describe it, I would say: 

for the first and a half year, nothing could have possibly come any closer than most of what Sam Spade said:

4 hours ago, Sam Spade said:

Yeah, I also thought I was super mature. Wasn't really an outcast. But I was known as an overachiever so maybe everyone thought I was too busy for relationships. Apparently a few people acted interested in me and I was oblivious.

I thought crushes and high school relationships were stupid and cringey. Then I read that high school relationships prepare you for dating as an adult and felt super immature and naive

but for the next one and a quarter years (still living high school, sadly), Covid happened so our classes went online. So it was a dead relationship, between me and the rest of the students from this year. I started to only talk to those who I considered my friends and the rest was forgotten. So nothing about looking at the others having relationships or anything like that. But strangely enough, it was during the online classes period of time that I figured out that I am aro, and that created a questions monster with my face! I seriously went from thinking I was mature and wise to just really questioning everything alos do and asking my closest friends those questions.

Nothing like the high school experience you guys were describing.

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7 hours ago, Erederyn said:

There were only certain moments, such as prom or school dances, in which this stuff was really in my face and I felt confronted by my lack of romantic attraction

In my senior year of high school, some friends of mine tried to pressure me into going to prom. One of them had suggested that I bring a date. It's a good thing I remained true    to myself and didn't go to prom!

 

4 hours ago, Sam Spade said:

Apparently a few people acted interested in me and I was oblivious.

Now that you mention it, this may have happened to me when I was a sophomore in high school. I was doing swimming lessons with the National Ability Center and a girl who was a senior at the time put her hand on my shoulder. I tried to show her that I didn't like that, but she didn't seem to notice my body language. Nevertheless, it never crossed my mind that she may have liked me in that way.

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7 hours ago, Sam Spade said:

Yeah, I also thought I was super mature. Wasn't really an outcast. But I was known as an overachiever so maybe everyone thought I was too busy for relationships.

That was pretty much my experience too. I also had people seeing me as super innocent because of my asexuality, though we didn’t know the term at the time. In my head, everyone in high school was just too immature, and relationships would just take away from my ability to succeed in school. I figured I’d “meet the right one” and fall in love in university, once people were more mature, but clearly that never happened.

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13 hours ago, RepublicServicesVolunteer said:

For me in high school and college, it wasn't too turbulent. I noticed others around me being involved in romantic relationships, but I thought they were "kidding", because they all seemed to be too young (up until 10th or 11th grade, when I finally realized they might not be kidding after all). Thankfully, no one tried to ask me out or anything like that. During those years, I was pretty much left alone regarding romantic/sexual attraction.

 

1 hour ago, Vivera said:

In my head, everyone in high school was just too immature, and relationships would just take away from my ability to succeed in school. I figured I’d “meet the right one” and fall in love in university, once people were more mature, but clearly that never happened.

 

this pretty much sums up my experience. i considered romantic relationships as unnecessary and i thought they'd hinder me from concentrating on my studies. plus i felt like we're too young in high school to be in an actual serious relationship. and i kept hoping that i'd find 'the one' when i grew up, but well. my rosy unrealistic dreams were shattered just a few months ago when i realised that i was a romantic.

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I didn't even notice I was different from the most part. Almost all my friends were single and we didn't talk about these things; (except with one, we talked a bit about that). I was also searching guys to have a crush on them at this time, which is the reason why I never realized it was different. I never put much thoughts into it, or maybe I would have realized that we are not suppose to chose our crushes.

Though it was annoying to have, at some point, my all class who were shipping me with a guy I was friend with (who had a crush on me but, unlike all the other people in my class, were able to understands that "no means no"). I also had some girls pressure me for doing make-up and dress in another way, and I kinda assumed it was because I was consider pretty and that I could have success with boys if I put effort in my appearance. I still remember this girl who forced me to buy make-up, which I did saying I won't wear it, and then she get mad at me for really not wearing it. And the other girl who accept "I'm allergic to make-up) as an answer (it is true, it gave me pimples), but doesn't accept that I didn't feel comfortable with make-up on my face because "make-up give confidence"... Sorry, I get a bit off-topic. All this to say it was a pressure that kinda were linked to romance expectation though it didn't expressed with talking about romance.

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Luckily I never felt pressured to date in high school despite most of my friends dating. There would occasionally be a third wheel situation but those might have been the only times I felt different from my friends. I had one guy I said I would date if I were to pick someone but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. 

Apparently a guy told the whole soccer team that he had a crush on me and I didn’t hear about it till about a year later. Nothing ever happened with that.

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  • 2 weeks later...

There was one day in college(the college i went to was for young ones with special needs/handicap so it’s different than the normal college. I have autism) where we had a dating game where we should find a partner and have a small talk(as i can imagine you do if you’re dating? I don’t know). And as aromantic(quorioromantic) as i am, i didn’t wanted to do it, but instead of small talking to any of my classmates i got permission to small talk with my teacher. I’ve never been in a relationship, dated or had my first kiss before so i didn’t knew anything about dating someone or how the dating game works. I mean many of the girls i went to college with had a boyfriend so it could have been a more funnier and interesting learning experience for them. 

Duh..?

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I never felt like I wanted a relationship in high school. I was raised in a religious community (glad that's over) that put a lot of emphasis on raising families though, so I felt kind of ostracized and different and never really fit in. On the plus side, never fitting in helped me see the toxicity of the culture. Still not sure if I'm aro, but I'd probably have had a crush by age 30 if I wasn't right?

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5 hours ago, Ember Song said:

I was raised in a religious community (glad that's over) that put a lot of emphasis on raising families

I'm curious: were you raised with a form of Christianity? I know some of the principles of Christianity revolve around families, marriage, and (I'm speculating) the "white picket fence" lifestyle.

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15 hours ago, Ember Song said:

I was raised in a religious community (glad that's over)

I’m raised in a religious community as well, but thankfully my parents are accepting of my sexuality. They know that they’re not going to be grandparents and that i’m not going to get married/be in a relationship, but they respect that and they’re happy that i’m happy and that’s what i’m very grateful for. 

Edited by Cocothecoconut
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