Vivera

I remember in Grade 1 my friend had a crush on a boy in our class, and she always wanted to spy on him at recess. I didn’t get the purpose of it at all - it just seemed like a boring way to spend recess. I also remember closing my eyes during kissing scenes at the end of movies, and I was quite annoyed by how people were always falling in love at the end of movies. It was like, that could have been a good movie - why did they have to ruin it with that unnecessary romance plot line?

That was pretty much my experience too. I also had people seeing me as super innocent because of my asexuality, though we didn’t know the term at the time. In my head, everyone in high school was just too immature, and relationships would just take away from my ability to succeed in school. I figured I’d “meet the right one” and fall in love in university, once people were more mature, but clearly that never happened.

This resonates with me so much. I have a number of very close friends, and I care deeply about these friendships. When I opened up to one of my friends about being aro/ace, she expressed how she knew I put a lot of value in my friendships and have always cared a lot for my friends. It made me wonder if maybe I was more invested in my close friendships because I have never wanted anything more than friendships, so these relationships are very important to me, in a way they might not be as important to someone who also has a romantic partner to rely on for emotional closeness. I also get what you mean about stability, and I felt like that too for so many years. I think the reason I have always invested in multiple friends, rather than just having one best friend, is because there is not the same kind of commitment assumed in friendships, so if a friend's life takes them in a different direction (e.g., romantic relationships, moving for work) then I still have other friends to fill that need for friendship in my life. That being said, I recently bought a house with one of my friends and her husband, and I have noticed that this has kind of brought this friendship to the forefront of my other friendships. For the first time in my life, I feel like my future is actually connected to someone else's, and I can have conversations with these friends about mutual goals for the future, which wasn't really something I would say happened in other friendships. I also find that I have become more emotionally intimate with this friend, and perhaps less emotionally invested in other friends since we bought the house together, and I think this has a lot to do with the feeling of permanence and commitment in this relationship.