The Newest Fabled Creature

I experience this a lot as well. I understand romantic attraction/relationships in a abstract way, or more accurately, in an alterous way since that's the only emotional attraction I've experienced - and how I had viewed what a romantic relationship meant to me for years, was what not only what a great friendship is technically, but also what can be considered a QPR too. I also stressed out and feel overcome with anxiety over anyone liking me romantically, especially if it's someone I know, because I can't give that back to them.

I could go over just how gay and trans the Old Wild West was, which Hollywood and media often depict as a time of being straight, cisgender, and white, but a random thing that I can't help but let fascinate me (other than the Wild West) is Wooly Bear Caterpillars. They're amazing! And cute! Did you know, that they can freeze themselves in colder months, and depending on what climate they live in, if they had to do it often enough they can live for years as a result?! You can learn more about it in this video.

I can relate a lot to you Reid, and I hope that your aro journey has been calm waters so far, but it's okay to go through periods where you're not okay with yourself sometimes.

Autumn. So, September-November is where it's at for me in my country, America. Though I only say that because it's my favorite season. Not to crap on Christmas, since - although I'm not religious - it's one of my faves, but I feel like Halloween is just, superb, so, when it's Fall me and all my friends can dress as gayly as we want. But I also live in Kentucky, where our weather is unpredictable as fuck from being surrounded by Southern States that like burning me and raising our temperatures to the hundreds, and being surrounded by upper Northern States that truly bring in the humidity that flares up anyone's asthma (or calm it down for some) and can have it feel like Winter during July if it wants, kind of makes me more biased to the autumn months where it's usually pleasantly warm when the heat flares up and only chilly when the temperatures drop (till it gets close to December where it's basically feels like the Arctic just without snow).

It's is rather hard to explain, which is kind of the answer I tend to get from alloromantics when I ask them just how exactly they experience romantic attraction, and my attempt at drawing conclusions is going to be lackluster, but being allosexual and specifically mspec (no specific label), it can be the physical aspect to someone I'm attracted to and personality (more so this sometimes), and I could experience as to why someone else whose allosexual is attracted to a certain person because of their body, but knowing the individual's gender can also play into effect somehow. So, I'm more easily attracted to men usually, though I can be attracted to women and non-binary people, and let's say I'm already attracted to an individual's looks - knowing their gender in some way can affect my sexual attraction depending on how attracted I am to that specific gender in the moment of time; so let's say I'm feeling more attracted to women and femme people for a bit, and I feel attracted to someone who typically looks feminine but identifies as a guy, I may experience a dwindling of attraction since at the moment I'm not heavily attracted to men (cis and trans). I assume from this experience in my sexuality, that it could possibly be the same for alloromantics, just in romantic attraction format, though my experience is more towards being multisexual, so... idk about people not attracted to multiple or all genders. Sorry if this comparison caused more confusion. ^^'' Since, I doubt I technically explained anything lmao

How do I change the title? I guess distress would be the correct word for it then. Wait ignore me all I had to do was edit it smh

For me there hasn't really been any lasting affects... though, granted the wormy episode.. probably did something for me to not like bugs, but I generally only dislike something because now I see there's nothing really scary about it, if it wasn't scary to begin with, and I wonder why it got to me so bad

That would be so awesome man !!!!

I've seen YouTubers go over the types of media that had given them distress as a kid, and I thought it be interesting to see what anyone here has to say about that. This can be from shows or movies that scared you as a kid, whether or not they were meant to be scary, books, plays, pictures, music, etc. I'll go over some that spooked me when I was a tiny gremlin! 1) Goosebumps (show) (song): meant to be scary, some episodes that are notable that made me scared were Night of The Living Dummy and Werewolf Skin, but the theme song to the show would send me into such a frenzied panic, and I would run around the house screaming my head off, and I would be put into more of a panic if we were casting it on Cable because then it would be on every TV in my house :) 2) R. L. Stine The Haunting Hour (show): that goddamn doll and fucking creepy as cat 3) I'm Going on a Bear Hunt by Greg and Steve (from the Kids in Action CD) (song): this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzIcu6tbEko this fucking creepy ass song was so god damn terrifying when I was in preschool, I don't like it, I hate it, and it should be placed in horror movies, it's far worse than the If You Go Out In tHe Woods Today song tenfold no matter what creepy rendition it's in 4) Big Momma (movie): please don't ask me why, but I had a fear of things bigger than me as a kid, it was bad, like, very bad, an actual phobia, that I feel phantom traces of in the present - but it's nowhere near as a bad anymore though! Unlike my dislike of bugs now >:/ 5) Spongebob Squarepants (show): that goddamn butterfly 6) Mad (show): the show based off of Mad Magazine, didn't so much as scare me, but it had me feel uneasy all the time - like I was witnessing something uncanny 7) This damn national geographic show where they hunted down strange fictional creatures and beasts, and would make this scientific looking episodes about them (I don't think it was that show where there would be "found footage" of people stumbling across these creatures) and one was about the Chupacabra and it had me racked with fear, it was such a weird episode of some very mangey dog and I hated it

So my preferred name is Memphis, but my immediate family will call me by my birthname (I don't see it as a deadname per se, but hearing it all the time actually physically exhausts me, so I think at some point I should just snap and tell them to stop calling me it), and I wish they could just call me Memphis without it being so one-off and rare, or used as a joke (not a malicious joke, but a joke nonetheless), or would take me seriously when I say that it's completely fine that they'll mess up, but I want you to try, because if you try then it shows that you care. But no, they're afraid of messing up and now I'm kind of getting snappy about it in this comment. Great.

If binding is what you want (I don't need it dysphoria-wise but I'd like the option myself), I'd invest in a chest binder, if it's safe for you to get one, or sports bras as Rinpochard said if it's not safe for you to get one, and make sure to still follow the guides of how to properly bind like as if you were wearing an actual binder.

Do I have any secret talents? 🤔 I mean, I could say that I write very well, or at least can come up with strange/unique ideas for fantasy writing, and I think my current poetry is good, but other than being able to make people laugh by literally standing in one spot and doing nothing, I don't think there's anything else.

This is the same fear I have with wanting to get a white ring for being aro, I'm afraid they would heavily question it or look it up, but I know deep down that my family generally wouldn't question it at all. The only question that probably would be asked is why it's specifically on my middle finger, but it's not like it's completely out of the ordinary for someone to wear a ring on their middle finger(s). I do need to get my left middle finger sized and I could buy a ring-sizer for that (or just sneakily use one in the store and not buy it), but yeah. I've been craving aro symbols for a while because it's a queer identity of mine that I hold in special regard and is a main identity that'll alter the form of my life like my gender; my sexuality is just there at this point lol.

respect

For real for real

Woah that sounds so awesome! This thread though has me thinking of just getting a big ass aro flag and a pole to go along with it, and like, y'know hang it up on my wall and take it to Pride and all of that shenanigans. I would probably have to do this when I get my own place though :/

There's also David J Bradley (they/he): aroace and non-binary They're such an icon, and I was so stoked that he came out as enby! A very good video, along with their coming out video on being non-binary that was centered around the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch, this video is a queer reading, specifically aromantic reading, of the musical called Company.

Yess. Like, granted I do sometimes ship people romantically in shows, but I usually do that towards characters who may be canonically together and function like a healthy team, or if they aren't together they at least have a good chemistry that feels like they could be romantically together, or even queerplatonically, still function like a healthy team, and don't generally act only platonic together even if that's how their relationship is left off in the piece of media; I usually don't ship characters that do feel like they are only just platonic. But the same B plot of characters obsessing over one another and general romantic tropes occurring nonstop does feel tiring for me, and is not my cup of tea generally, nor the type of romance I like typically; not saying that people can't like those!! I just can get burned out after a while. The type of romance I like is the natural progression of an amazing relationship where them being romantic can make sense, but I don't see a lot of this at all. Usually only in fanfic actually, with some shows being an exception like Heartstopper, Our Flag Means Death, and maybe Good Omens, though people do read Crowley and Aziraphale as either platonic or queerplatonic. But despite my gripes and how I usually only focus on plot - and I may have said something about this somewhere - I can still sit through romance in shows/movies (though typically more so in shows). I can stomach it far more easily, no matter what romance they want to throw in, than if I was reading it.

I understand your visualization of your future, I'm the same way. I don't personally want to be married or have a partner to begin with, though I can see marriages happening with other people I know. Sometimes, I would get this intrusive thought of seeing myself getting married, but despite sometimes seeing that and letting myself sit with those images for a while, I don't feel like it calls to me and I generally ain't interested. There are times, for me at least, I would start getting those thoughts and visuals whenever I would start feeling bad about not having a partner to appear like I'm "fine" to my family; but after having a recent conversation where I told my mom that I generally feel like I don't need a partner, and she reacted okay with that because she understands in her own way, I feel like maybe these thoughts won't happen as much. And I started seeing the influx of how heavily saturated things are in romance and in being defaulted as alloromantic, really fast too. I like romance sure, but I do have this pit form in my stomach when I see nothing but commercials/ads about couples doing things or going to places, having a family with a partner, etc, and most of that is because of the allonormative and amatonormative beliefs society generally has. I'm glad you were able to reach and explore this community and finding comfort-ability in identifying in the aspec community earlier on, because it shouldn't matter really what age you are to feel and know a community resonates with you and to know your own experiences so far.

Your experience of figuring yourself out is valid, and you don't need to have gone through the same experiences as another person. I know it feels like you "did it wrong" because there's common stories in the aspec community of them slowly coming to terms with themselves and maybe identifying as something else for a long time till they figured out they're aspec, whether or not the label they identified as before still applies. Many people had gone through the slow process of finding themselves because they either didn't have access to finding these resources, or even if they did, the aspec community is one of the last few communities one typically learns about in the queer community. There are people who figure out that they're aspec, but don't feel like it's a huge part of their life as well. You don't need to have gone through with what some other aspecs have, with faking crushes or trying to feel sexual attraction, or going out of your way to do things out of your comfort zone to try to feel those things. You also grew up in an environment where romance wasn't a pressure put onto you. It's okay that you figured things out and felt a connection to the aspec community rather quickly, because regardless, the community speaks to you in a way that resonates with your experiences and what you want in life. Also I've had no experience in romantic relationships, really only had one one QPR that mutually broke off, and had recently started identifying as aro myself, so you're not alone.

Yeah, I'm gonna get a job soon, and would like to spend it at least on a white ring, and maybe a chest binder; that's it really, for miscellaneous stuff.

I've been wanting to get a white ring sooo bad For the meantime, I could try to find aesthetically pleasing aro wallpapers. I like the whole entire "retro" shit, hence my pfp for this forum itself.

That's the exact same thing I did! Or I'd listen to music that "matched the vibes" of what I was currently writing/the part of the writing that was different

I made a similar topic like this one in Aromantic Discussion, but felt like it ultimately should've gone into Aromantic Pride and Culture. I thought it would be cool for us to share our aro/aro-spec playlists, so that if anyone wanted to listen anyone else's or dabbled into another's playlists, they could do that more easily on a topic made for it! Here's mine, it's a playlist made for any aro-spec ID, but it does ultimately have aroallo vibes and aroace vibes, with an emphasis on being single. So, not a lot for any romo-favorable aros, I'm afraid, but I do have a few songs indicating the singer being in a relationship though. The playlist has some aro artists in it, but it's ultimately songs I interpreted as aro or were purposely aro-coded. It has over 600 songs on it, because I had to go stir crazy apparently, but feel free to check it out or share any of your own playlists 👍

I'm still quite young, as you know, with me being 19, but with what I've experienced in life so far and the things I've felt, and done, because of what I did feel or lack thereof, I am as certain about as much as I can be; and identifying as aro has helped me describe my experiences currently. A part of me feels as though I'll keep identifying as aro, despite how I feel emotionally and strongly towards others may and could change, if they even do. But, certain things about myself I now know as a fact, and so makes me generally certain of my identification as aromantic in the present: I haven't had what I would've called a crush before, in over 5 years, and this feels more of like a lessening than a break from romantic attraction that maybe some alloromantics go through; what I labeled as "crushes" I had to mull over and dig and find and compare that they were not as romantic as I thought they were, and I had to reconcile with that and accept them for the emotional/alterous attraction that they most definitely could've been; I never once felt the genuine true desire to go out of my way to form a romantic relationship with anyone I felt strongly, emotionally for; finally, the thought of being committed with someone or a group of people (romantically or queerplatonically) doesn't sit right with me, and doesn't feel like it's necessary nor ideal for my own personal happiness. All of this I've accumulated over my time as identifying and just... being aromantic, and is what made me sure of myself. I do go through my doubts, frustrations, the occasional fears, but that's nothing new for me. My journey of finding out I'm non-binary was so full of doubting and fears of "faking it" and internalized transphobia, that it all feels so petty now, despite all of those thoughts being very concerning for my mental health and nonetheless serious. These thoughts may never truly go away, but they get easier. I couldn't say how someone can truly get to the point that they're very certain, I'm lost on that as well. I do know what it's like to feel like you're "rushing" it, believe me, that was the same feeling I had with my discovering of my sexuality and gender; but you're never truly "rushing" it, if you're eager to explore, to have conversations, and learn from such a diverse community with many in the same boat as you, or in a boat next to you at least. I also don't plan on coming out anytime soon, as well. But, as far as I know about my aro identity, I can say - based on who I am right now - I'm sure.