The Newest Fabled Creature

I found that I officially headcanon a whole entire musical called Company as an aromantic narrative, where the story is centered around a guy named Bobby who is interacting with his married friends, who all come to celebrate his 35th birthday, and they all simultaneously grill him for being single. Other people have done a deep analytical viewing of this musical as a queer narrative, and I highly recommend aroace YouTuber David J. Bradley's (he/they) video about it (Alone. Not Alive. | A Queer Reading of Company). The whole entire musical feels very Loveless by Alice Oseman to me, in both a good way and a sad way, despite both of these pieces of media being very different. Bobby starts randomly dating people, because he can't seem to officially grasp what it is that he's missing that his married friends seem to just inherently understand, and he even asks a gal friend of his to marry him so that, "Other people can leave us alone" since she too was single after ending a relationship. She turns him down and told him, "You have to want to marry somebody. Not just some body." {Ending Spoiler of Company and Loveless} I would tread carefully with this musical, because what the sad thing about this story is, and what makes it different from Loveless, is that if you read it as an aromantic narrative, Bobby ends up losing, whereas Georgia in Loveless does not. In the final song he sings called, "Being Alive," there's a lyric that Bobby sings that has been repeated throughout the whole entire musical: "Alone is alone. Not alive." If read in an aro way, amatonormativity wins and Bobby doesn't accept his queerness, his aromanticism, where Georgia does. I still see this piece of media as a valid aromantic reading, but unintentional arophobia is rampant within it because of it. It just goes to show how people like Bobby who could've been aromantic, but just didn't have the words for that nor an environment that accepted singlehood, (sometimes) eventually accept the brainwash-y belief that they are broken, that romance will fix them, that they'll need to try again and again and again, and if nothing works regardless of how many times you try, you just land with the next best thing, which is marrying some body. And Hell, in the song "Being Alive" Bobby doesn't even ask for someone specific that he hopes to love, he just asks for anyone. For some aros, they may see this as viewing as "problematic," or simply just sad, but after watching David J. Bradley's video about his own viewing of Company, some older aros found it cathartic, as in they did what Bobby did for years until they found the label aromantic and felt seen. Of course, the musical as a whole in an aromantic specific perspective is not a win, but the musical is still worth checking out. ________________________________________________________________ Here's the link to David's channel: https://youtube.com/@DavidJBradley?si=mquSf0jsCWcD8DFi

Sunflowers! I have seen them as a symbol used by some aroallos. Similarly to yellow roses, it can mean friendship, but I have seen it used to generally mean friends with benefits, or simply being aroallo, and the yellow and green of the flower looks similar to the aroallo flag. Sunflowers also aren't typically associated as a romantic flower (though,there was a time it meant romantic feelings or innocent love, because people used to and still do gift it to others instead of red roses, but I digress). Also, heart sunglasses worn by aros because we love being ironic. I actually wish I could buy some, but I'm legally blind without my normal glasses, and buying a prescription pair of sunglasses in the shape of hearts would be expensive as shit.

Kind of like what @nonmerci said, a QPR is a relationship that goes against the binaries or expectations of what platonic and romantic relationships look like, or what platonic and romantic relationships have in regards to feelings, or activities, in their own respective ways. At the end of the day, a queerplatonic relationship is a relationship that can't be clearly defined, and can mean anything to those in that type of relationship. I do genuinely like the analogy of viewing QPRs as the non-binary gender of relationships.

I started going by aromantic around the age of 17, but even before that I was wondering why I wasn't in a relationship or having crushes.

I don't have an answer for you either, but this does remind me of right when I first started identifying as aromantic, lot's of people started either admitting they had had crushes on me, currently do, or even sometimes complete strangers will ask for my SnapChat (from the people I grew up around at least, this is not considered a platonic question anymore) and it confuses me truly. None of these people know I'm aromantic, though. There would even be people who are quite a bit older than me who would start flirting with me at work (this doesn't happen as much, thank God). And like, sure I know I'm young and whatnot, but I dress so masculinely, and most of the people who flirt with me are men/guys, so I guess they're just into that - and into my stale ass responses to their flirting.

Lots of people deal with imposter syndrome over many different things, but I too dealt with it over an identity of mine. It wasn't over my aromanticism necessarily, but with discovering my gender identity. I thought that I was just trying to be special and thought, I'm going to wake up tomorrow and realize that I've actually been my AGAB this whole entire time! It got better over time, drastically better, but it felt like torture constantly being worried if I was "faking it." Having discovered aromanticism, I went through a worse period in my life than dealing with imposter syndrome. Despite the beginning of my aro journey mainly being me trying to accept myself as aro, I do have these moments where I ask myself, Is aromanticism actually real? Which it 100 % is! I usually end up thinking in that way if the people around me keep asking me about my love life and why I'm not interested in relationships at all; their assumption that I would either (in some weird natural state) already be in a relationship, or assume that I'm sad for not being in one, sometimes gets to me.

Has anyone said anything about Frankie Stein from Monster High yet?

For me, it took me a long time to realize that my "crushes" were actually 'meshes' (an alterous attraction form of a "crush"). I never had any romantic inclinations towards the person I liked, just a want for an emotional closeness, where we didn't have to do anything romantic (hold hands, kiss, go on dates, etc, although these things aren't inherently romantic), I never thought about wanting to be in a relationship with the individual I alterously fancied, because the thought of actually entering such a relationship with them made my stomach full of dread and caused me to have anxiety. I would just be giddy about getting close to them, and would want a deep bond, while just wanting to be their friend. I haven't felt any meshes towards anyone in a long time, but realizing that that was what my past feelings were, I came to the conclusion that I never had an actual crush, ever. It took me a long time to determine this, but ultimately - although sometimes I know you'll just want to know the answer - it is up to you on whether or not you did have crushes before, or currently do. And regardless, just know this, you're not any less aro if you had had crushes, nor are you less aro if you still experience them.

I didn't even know aromanticism was a thing when I was younger, I only ever heard of the term/label 'asexual.' But when I started hearing about aroaces, and wanted to know what the abbreviated word 'aro' meant, I found 'aromanticism,' and kind of learned that aro-ness and ace-ness were two different things in that way. I wouldn't yet learn of the terms 'alloromantic' and 'allosexual' for a long time, until I would later find out that I'm aromantic, so knowing to call some aspec people alloace or aroallo, didn't cross my mind. I would see some people when I was younger, though, state that aro(spec) people couldn't be aro unless they were ace(spec) and I found that silly to think, because people (not all people ofc) could accept that some aces can fall in love, but couldn't accept that some people can experience sexual attraction and not fall in love? Why would someone need to be both if they're aro, but if you're ace you don't need to be?

In my experience in coming out as aro to mainly my in-person friends (or a friend of mine in the know coming out for me/outing me ), or in telling my siblings, there are a few that sum up my aromanticism as asexuality, or in being both aro and ace, constantly. I would correct them and say that I'm aromantic which is different from being asexual, but it still happens from time to time - with the same people I correct still making that same mistake. Luckily, now instead of declaring me asexual or aroace confidently when discussing those identities, or amatonormativity, they would instead pause for a second and actually try to remember what I had corrected the label of asexual to, to which I would have to tell them once again that I'm aromantic. I can really only think of one very close friend of mine who isn't aspec that knows to differentiate aromanticism from asexuality, really. I know every queer person will always be coming out to others (if they desire to) for the rest of their lives, but there really is a unique form of coming out that aspec people go through, and that's educating who we're coming out to on the mere existence of such a community. Yes, trans people (particularly non-binary(spec) people) and allosexuals with a microlabel sexuality will have to do this too, but aspecs are often thought of as an improbability by even other fellow queers.

I had an aromantic panic when my mom started discussing romantic relationships with me recently, and said, "I really want that for you," and " I don't want you to be holding yourself back because of me and my past choices," and "I don't want you thinking you don't deserve that," all of that jazz. I ended up telling her that I literally just don't think about those types of relationships at all, and that if I had to try to make myself feel something emotionally for another human being, then maybe it wasn't meant to be because "other people" don't have to try to fall in love. She still doesn't know I'm aro, but I told her, "Although this may sound somewhat extreme, I just want you to know that if I ever end up in a future where I still have no one, I'll be happy." It was the closest I got to actually straight up coming out to her by almost saying, "Hey, I literally can't feel romantically for others of any gender, and that's why I haven't tried dating, at all." I have a feeling that it would be 50/50 in how she'd react if I said that; either she would understand surprisingly, or she would think it would be one of those thing that could ~change in the future~ when she should instead see the validity of who I am in the moment, and not some made up version of me in 8 years.

Here are some aro memes I made a long time ago that I forgot to put on here:

One thing about romance that definitely bothers me (despite generally liking romance) is that sometimes I can just tell that the narrative is utterly forcing two characters to be together, when it would be better if they weren't; or at least had a non-normative relationship. Sometimes these are two characters who are "stuck in their own ways," or are hotheaded, and sometimes I've sadly seen it in my most favorite trope "opposites attract." There are stories that write the romance authentically, don't get me wrong, but once every blue moon I would run across a novel or book series where I just read the supposed feelings that two main characters have with one another, and I just think, "Damn.... Just don't fucking get together, good gods." Weirdly enough, I often see this happen with the "heroes" of a novel or series I read, and not with the "dark" and messy and complicated relationships in others.

I show pride through my phone's wallpaper screen! I also show pride through blasting my aro playlist every once and a while in the house. But I think I show pride simply through existing as well, like every other queer person does. I don't really talk about romance, but about cryptids and fandoms I'm a part of, and I often try to educate my family and friends through how romantic relationships are considered the pinnacle of happiness, and how that's extremely toxic even for alloromantics.

There isn't much I can say as advice, other than this: be true to yourself; don't compromise who you are just to make him comfortable; don't compromise who you are just because you're afraid you might hurt his feelings. I had something similar nearly happen to me a long while ago at work, too. Granted me and the person didn't get close and I did say that I didn't have SnapChat (which is actually true, I don't), but I thought the dude was interesting and I've had cis guy friends that the guy reminded me of, so I think I may have come off as flirtatious? Though, I kind of don't really remember what we were talking about. I want to say that the day he asked me for my snap, was a day I was dressing particularly boyish as well, so much so that I at least looked a tomboy, or what someone would assume to be a butch lesbian (I rarely pass as a guy to others up close), and so I too didn't think I had the qualities to attract a guy like that, not that I don't think I'm pretty/handsome, but (to me) my very apparent queer appearance I thought was a deterrent. But hey, we can't know what a random stranger is into sometimes, or what their identity is. But other than that interaction, I have had close friends, or people who I was trying to be close friends with, admit that they had big crushes on me, and I told them (despite feeling awful and even actually considering lying to them and telling them I liked them back) that I didn't feel the same way. Some I even came out to as aro on the spot, just for them to believe me, which I'm not saying you have to do that, but sadly that's how some people found out about me being aromantic. I know it's not going to be easy, but putting up a boundary, that this guy is unknowingly crossing, I would say is the best bet for you. Tell him that if he is in fact looking for romance or sex or what have you, that you're not interested. Because as I said, you shouldn't have to compromise or sacrifice a part of yourself just for some other person's comfort or assumption. Sometimes the only thing you can do is just be real to them.

I have come out to several of my close friends who are all mainly queer, with the exception of me coming out to one allocishet friend, and only two of my family members (my siblings) know about my aroness. After I came out to these select few people, I think they started to perceive me more in a light that I would've actually preferred for them to perceive me in; an individual who isn't touched by romance, can't experience romantic attraction, and basically someone who is unattainable. I know that last one sounds weird, but several of said friends have stated that after I came out, my aro identity kind of explained why they always felt as though nothing romantic could reach me, or "convince" me, or attract me (not that my friends have ever tried to get with me, they just felt that about other people trying to do that). I feel like the only changes that have occurred over my coming out was my siblings having a better understanding of my adamant choice of being single, and my friends being mindful of how they talk about romance around me. I actually quite like romance, though! The genre and romance stories, and I even sometimes participate in romantic shipping. It's just the real life relationships my friends would end up being in that I couldn't fully relate to, nor be able to put forth any energy into trying to stay en-tuned to conversations around said relationships - so those talks were dialed back a bit, though not completely of course.

They do inadvertently talk about that. It reminds me of something that'll haunt me forever, but does ring true, it was someone saying that when you think of pink being a girl/woman color, and blue as a boy/man color, or even unconsciously associate those colors with gender in any way, you're inadvertently thinking of what someone's body could look like when wearing those colors. It's not that you even mean to think of or speak of those things, but it's what's being implied at the end of the day.

With much further thought, I do sometimes compare my "lack" of gender similarly to my lack of romantic attraction. I don't know if my gender effects my aromanticism that much, or at all, but these two identities are outside of a binary, or are at least outside of any norm that society has placed in regards to identity, so there's that.

I feel like the most acceptable romantic music for myself would be love songs that don't proclaim everyone is looking for love, and rather it's only about the singer being infatuated with someone/just about their individual experience; romantic love songs that can literally be interpreted as platonic or about familial love; "love songs" that are actually just bittersweet songs about meeting with someone they cared about again someday; and love songs where the singer says they do romantically like someone but either don't want a relationship with them, or would hilariously drop them like a hat. Two examples: "Till Then" by The Mills Brothers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54gbdenVdsY - I interpret more as like losing a family member and then seeing them again one day "Just The Two of Us" by Bill Withers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggoKnflDvAw - just about the singers romantic infatuation that can also be read as something else than romantic

Currently watching Critical Role lol

Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing Your Asexual or Aromantic Identity by the Ace and Aro Advocacy Project is a very good read. An introduction-like and guide book that maybe not a lot of Aspecs may need if they're already settled into their identity, but I found it amazing, especially since there's a lot of quotes and passages written in it are straight from random citizens who are Aspoec.

When I first started questioning why I didn't want romantic relationships, but felt so emotionally and strongly towards people, I oftentimes thought it was because I was scared of committing into a romantic relationship with someone who clearly liked me back, and that I was just an insecure person who needed to simply "meet-the-right-one," even when the people I liked were really nice and amazing people already. I often asked myself why I labeled my supposed "butterflies" as anxiety than the standard "butterflies in my stomach," when a friend of mine would tell me that it had to be those gushy, giddy feelings towards my "crush," and not the dread I felt at any romantic prospect. I often wondered why I didn't just label my intense emotions as romantic, and even though I would label the people I liked as "crushes," I didn't see nor link any romantic connotation towards calling them that. It was just what I called them. I saw the word "crush" as just a word and nothing more. When I finally realized that I was aromantic and what I thought was romantic attraction was actually alterous attraction, I could finally put a label on why I avoided those types of relationships. I didn't see any worth in putting energy into a relationship of that kind, at all. Hell, even my platonic relationships I'm very loosey goosey and often forget to keep up with; and it's not that I find myself as aplatonic(spec) necessarily, it just literally slips my mind. I don't even have constant communications with extended relatives and other family members than my immediate family, even if I say that some relatives I deeply care for. I've always been a somewhat avoidant person, even when I don't know it. And although some people (allo or aro) form these styles of attachment because of childhood trauma, or young adult trauma even, and I won't say that I haven't been through some things traumatic at a young age, I feel as though I don't have this attachment style because of that. I always crave attachments, I do like making new friends, even when I feel like they won't last for very long. I love catching up with relatives and maintaining something with them, even if we'll go back to not talking as much. I think my avoidant style of some intense relationships (romantic or queerplatonic) where there's intimacy and commitment, I think attributes to me being a very non-amorous/non-partnering aro. I do love me some intense platonic relationships, as in there are a few friends of mine where we know each other on very deep levels and may do things traditionally romantic with each other just for the fun of it, but actual partnerships and becoming a partner for someone, I just can't do. I instinctually avoid it, like how I did when I was a kid and a pre-teen.

Much like some other aros here, I understand romantic relationships, and even romantic attraction, on a surface level. I understand romantic attraction is a strong, heavy feeling, and I can only grasp that through my rare alterous attraction, but romantic relationships, though I understand are created because two (or more) people feel that type of attraction towards one another - still doesn't quite compute in my brain. I think it's because I'm non-partnering/nonamorous that any intimate relationship, other than platonic and familial, I just don't understand. There's parts of me that wishes I wanted that (romantic or queerplatonic relationships), but in actuality I just don't get it nor do I desire it. A recent moment I had was that I was very confused about marriage, since even thinking of two people being in love and so much so that they get married, trips my brain. It's not that I'm trying to say people shouldn't be in those relationships, and shouldn't be monogamous, nor get married, but I certainly do vibe on the I-don't-get-it, a little bit. The cheating aspect, I can understand both sides. I understand how the forced and over-sexualized save-it-for-The-One ideology is what fuels most monogamous relationships, but then again, if you and your partner set up a boundary where it's not okay to sleep with another person, and then that's broken, I can understand the upset over your partner doing that. In my mind, at least.

I remember this dream that I had years ago, where I was a woman who was sitting in a dimly lit room and knitting, I think I was even in a ""Victorian"" dress, and another woman walked in, and I immediately knew that she was my wife. I remember what she looked like, vividly. Very tall, had a white tank-top on, black jeans, was very pale and had long black hair. And she came in distressed, talking about how concerned she was that our daughter was queer (misplaced concern). And I remember having looked at her exasperated and angry even, and asked her something along the lines of, "Well, what do you consider us as!?" And then I woke up. I don't really know for certain if I was in love with her, but I did feel a significance to the "relationship we had." And it's such a mirror opposite to my reality now, where I'll never want to be partnered, nor married, to anyone.

It can be. Especially, since the only place I actually live at, isn't actually considered a "place" by most people since it isn't in a town, but the middle of Bumfuck no where; with the only attractions being an abandoned orphanage I live near by, and some train tracks whose train is notorious for derailing constantly. The actual town I live not so far away from, is rather small and is a tourist hot spot, but because of how small it is, you can easily get shunned out of it. Hell, I'm trans right, and I wore a T-shirt from iCarly that said "Uncle Female" on it, and already someone talked to my manager at my job about it, and they told me that I practically can't wear it anymore; because it will be assumed as a gender thing (which like, it was but c'mon), and they don't want their business, nor me, to be harmed socially.