The Newest Fabled Creature

You're not a snob, trust me. I understand most of that. I'm not much picky on anything, music-wise or food-wise, but I still get it, especially since I know people personally who are the same! It's absolutely fine if you don't vibe with romances, don't want it nor want sex, it doesn't make you snob at all in that regard either; and I relate to the enjoying conversations and wanting to do activities. And I agree heavily on the not making lists, since - yeah I do make "lists" sometimes - but it can tiring, and I kind of only do make them on a whim; like: Oh, okay they have that physical trait I like? Gotcha. Oh, they're attitude/personality is a certain way that I like. Checkmark. They can throw me too!? Hell yeah. Lmao

That's amazing! :D I really want a pin myself but I ordered the recent Ace and Aro Journeys book, so that's the closet thing I got to showing off my aro pride without being questioned much on it; I told my family "Oh, I'm just interested in learning more about the A-spec community and understanding/helping out my a-spec friends!" Lol

1) Yeah! I usually made certain personality/qualities checklists for reasons why I would date someone before I found out I'm aro, but I still kind of do it nowadays, but as stated - more so in the sexual attraction department. But, oh my Gods, yeah, I love dances don't get me wrong, but I usually try desperately to stay with groups of people I know, somewhat know, or who looks friendly, so that I could enjoy the times where a slow song comes on or a group dance comes on and there's physical touching. If it's someone I straight up don't know, I'd probably still do it, but I would feel my flight or definitely flight instincts kick in. XD 2) And I'm glad to know that I have shared experiences with others too! I do have Discord, but if it's safer for you to communicate onto here for now, then I would do that instead. 3) Yeah, it's rare for me to seek out books that are purely Romance™️ for I usually need action, or horror, or fantasy shit to be happening. I can usually only stand romance if it's a sub-plot, but the few times I have dabbled into purely just romance (fictional romance too, because dear Gods if I read some non-fiction romances/real life love stories, unless it was truly a very interesting story) it mainly was in the LGBT+ romances and queer stories.

1) When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you Yes. 2) Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. I definitely feel so much more free now, after accepting myself and identifying as aro. 3) When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. It kind of made some sense? I don't think I've really experienced squishes before, but finding out about platonic attraction helped me find 'alterous attraction' and 'meshes' which I've definitely experienced before. 4) You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. I actually never had any troubles with this, it's just gauging what other people are feeling that leaves me befuddled. 5) You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. True. 6) You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. I'm %100 sure I haven't, but discerning my past alterous feelings and separating that from what I thought were romantic feelings was kind of hard. 7) You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. Nope. I don't develop crushes, nor experience squishes very often. 8) You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I never doubted that it existed (since I was very much a romance fanatic as a kid), I just never once applied it to me. Well, I mean, I thought that romance would "happen-to-me-one-day," but on a day-to-day basis I never gave romance a thought and dubbed it as a future thing. 9) You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. I'm very indifferent to romance stories. Sometimes I heavily enjoy them! Other times I get downright annoyed. But, most of the time I feel nothing towards the sub-plot. 10) You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. I recently made this revelation, so %100 yeah. 11) You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. Yes? One time I picked a guy from my middle school's basketball team, and there were occasionally times where I would pick a random celebrity I thought looked hot and said I had a "crush" on them, but once I entered high school that stopped. I used to think that I could just - turn off my romantic attraction whenever I wanted, because I wasn't experiencing it. 12) You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. Yeah 😐 13) If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. Somewhat? I'm allosexual, sure, but I don't really see myself ever having sex; it would have to be situational and I would have to trust the person a lot, I guess. I would say I'm sex indifferent with a touch of aversion. 14) You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. YES. Like, I'm happy for them! But, I feel nothing about it usually. 15) Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. It sounds utterly draining to be honest. 16) You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. Well, I kind of get it? But - only in an abstract way or in a because-I-read-it-a-lot-in-books type of way, and it can get annoying real fast. Like, some of my friends who are alloro, and who probably wouldn't be able to stand being romantically alone, would lament about being single and I would be sitting in the corner twiddling my thumbs as they say dumb shit like, "Who can survive being single!" 17) You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. Oh my God, I don't understand it all. Like, why? You're just going to further embarrass yourself to this person you supposedly like. 18) You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. Yeah, I don't understand it when friends of mine would ask me who I found hot, and when I stated who I did indeed find hot, they would ask, "So... do you... like them? 👀" and I would be like, "Uhm - pfft - no??" Granted this was before I came out as aro to them. 19) Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. I understand it in a oh-my-alloromantic-friends-and-alloro-people-in-general-think-in-that-type-of-way, way. 20) You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. Yeah. I never once had the need to muster up the energy to enter a romantic relationship. 21) When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. I was in a QPR and even though that relationship was supposed to be free of any romantic expectations, I still felt uncomfortable, trapped, and restless in the relationship, though not from the fault of my ex-partner. 22) Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes. It would mark off the non-enthused part of my 'Fulfill Societal Norms' checklist. 23) Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. No, me and my ex-QPP weren't into overtly romantic things, but they did seem more inclined to introduce it into the QPR than I was. 24) A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. That was how I was in my QPR at least, but if someone tried to ask me out I would most likely decline. 25) You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. Yes. My ex-QPP did have romantic feelings for me, and I felt guilty for not being able to give that back to them. 26) You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic queerplatonic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. Yes. 27) When your last romantic queerplatonic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. I did feel relieved, tremendously, though I was the one to break it off; it was mutual in the end, for they understood. 28) You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Kind of? I guess, yeah; the energy it takes to make a new best friend can sometimes be just as tiring as searching for a romantic partner or trying to fall in love. But that could be just how I am socially than aromantically. Other than that, I'd rather hang out with a friend than try to date. 29) You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. To be honest, I wouldn't mind, but I would only marry my best friend if everything was going down the gutter for the both of us and we needed benefits (so, yeah, a marriage of convenience/survival). 30) You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. That's the dream! 😘 31) You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Absolutely. 32) It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. It's literally the people who I do love in my life (friends, family, etc) leaving me that could hurt me more, than the idea of being romantically single for eternity ever could; but that's for if the idea of being single forever did bother me. 33) You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. I can be downright oblivious sometimes, but I'm kind of the hyper-aware paranoid aro in that regard, and so can usually tell when someone is flirting with me and I get very uncomfortable. 34) You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. No one has told me to my face that I'm flirtatious, but it's been implied that I guess sometimes certain things I do may have looked flirtatious, especially if I'm with family or friends somewhere and they see me interact with someone near my age, and when I go back to hang out with them (my friends or family) they would ask if I liked the person I was talking to. 35) You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. The only large community I had major interactions with was my high school, and having graduated I can say that there were no lovey-dovey-feels that happened in that place. Going out in public I have seen my fair share of aesthetically pleasing looking people and people who were downright hot, but I didn't feel anything for them emotionally. 36) You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Yeah! Sometimes my alloromantic friends ask me if someone they know is flirting with them, and #1 how am I going to know? and #2 I usually then start trying to go over past experiences or shit I've read in books or watched in movies/shows to try to see if it's romantic. 37) When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. When I was in my QPR that's what it felt like when we went on our first date. 38) When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. Sometimes. To be honest, my criteria for someone I'd "date" would just be what I find sexually attractive about them, although yes there's also a lot of thought into who the person is as a fellow human being. Though, I don't go out of my way to make a checklist for people I've interacted irl with, and I kind of only do a checklist onto people who are unattainable - so like, celebrities, complete strangers, or fictional characters (the latter being the most often). 39) The main benefit you get from a romantic queerplatonic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. I loved the platonic and emotional parts, but that was it. 40) You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Yes. The first date that me and my ex-QPP went on was not only us eating somewhere, but also shopping around in antique stores that were nearby. 41) You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. My close friends are better at fulfilling my emotional needs. 42) You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. %100. Although I'm not a physical type of creature, I'd rather save that for my friends and family. 43) You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. No. I'm non-partnering through and through. 44) You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. Yes, I feel the most content I've ever been. 45) The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. Y E S. 46) You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. I did somewhat enjoy a bit of the "romantic" aspects of my QPR, but I don't overtly seek out doing those type of things. 47) You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. I mean, what counts as something traditionally "romantic"? Because I do like going out to eat with a friend or going to the movies! But, I guess to answer the question, for the most part I don't really enjoy romantic activities; unless there's food involved. 👀 48) You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. I have been to parties, but not to any bars or concerts - but I like those types of things and wouldn't stop going at the chance of me being flirted with. 49) You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. I say yes to this now, because books I have with the leads getting together, or with someone in general, all feel very annoying/irritating to me now because of how they're written. They're so dysfunctional. Like, c'mon, what's so romantic about literally any of this abusive shit? If some of the books I have weren't written in the way they were written, then I would actually enjoy the romance there. 50) You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. Yes. I love food and parties and being with groups of people I both love and know, and I love dressing out. The actual marrying someone bit can be thrown out. I heavily relate to these experiences right here.

I though that mistletoes were cruel practical jokes too!

I've met three a-spec people at my high school, one aro-spec, one aroace, and the other asexual, and it wasn't like I was even trying? They didn't have anything to signify them being a-spec, so I wouldn't know how to go about finding anyone whose a-spec other then looking for those signifiers (rings, pins, etc). But, yeah, I've met/bumped into quite a few people in our community so it's possible.

Punk aesthetic, music, and attitude is so very aromantic Even the plain ole leather jacket and jean combo is it

I have experienced this too, though not so much so. But whenever someone would flirt with me, or ask me for my socials, or confess that they liked me, it felt/feels like my whole entire body got/gets dumped into ice (also idk if there's a dm option on here to continue talking about this stuff, but I feel bad flooding this topic with our conversation lmao).

Yeah, they don't sound fun. Certain romantic actions I feel like I could try to fall into and enjoy - but the actual dedicated relationship, expectations, falling in love, is so far out of reach and doesn't feel right at all. The only way I could make people in my family understand that, is if I told them to picture themselves in a same-gender relationship (everyone near my age or older in my immediate family is straight), and picture being told to follow that romantic script and stay with that person and just fall in love with them what's so hard about that? I know maybe telling them to picture themselves in such relationships, is distasteful, but they're straight so the lack of romantic attraction (and sexual attraction for them) to a specific gender is what I experience for all genders everyday.

I understand your fears about that. It's a part of the reason why I myself haven't come out about being aromantic to my own mom. Throughout most of my life - with all of the emotions I've experienced - they're so complex and took so long for me to understand and categorize, and then to accept that I won't really experience them at all anymore or as fiercely... it would all feel like a tremendous blow if I told her everything that I've learned about myself, demonized then accepted, if she told me that that would change in the next five years. It would make me doubt everything again. I would try to tell myself, "Yeah, maybe she's right," knowing that she wouldn't be but falling back into that belief that I desperately tried to hold onto, that maybe I could just fall in love. But, I can't, I won't, and it can be scary letting someone you care about deeply, know that.

I know people far older than me and more seniored in using non-conforming pronouns, and they're cis! So, it wouldn't be weird if you wanted to use they/them pronouns.

I get that. I've dealt with my relationship with my alterous attraction in the same way, also leave it unlabeled, and have questioned "how long" I'll "remain" aro, though I try to not let myself dive into that rabbit-hole since it never goes anywhere. ^^'

I wouldn't say that it makes you more or less likely of anything! But, I understand that thought process, since that's what I thought when I dove into my memories of these complex feelings. You could say you're bialterous or panalterous if either or both of those labels feel like they fit; it's ultimately up to you if you would want to identify as such, though!

Maybe they made a day for us in June because not a lot of people really pay attention to Aromantic Awareness Week that occurs in Feb, or even know it exists, unless they're typically aro/aro-spec themselves.

My self doubt for being aromantic has died down a alot, but there'll be days where it'll just crash on me and I would need to remind myself of so many things that don't add up to being alloromantic, or at least just don't fit the norm that alloromantics (and also us aros) are "meant" to comply to.

For real!

I was literally thinking about this not so long ago. It's hard to explain for me, because yeah I think it could be that subconscious ego boost that I would want from someone confessing to me/crushing on me, but it's also a bit more than that? Like I said it's hard to explain, but I'm guessing, that because I've had meshes before that were really intense, sometimes I would want someone to like me so that I can see if I could like them back just like how I had liked people once upon a time before? But then again, I'm absolutely petrified by anyone confessing that they like me. Last year when I was a Junior in high school, two friends of mine confessed that they liked me, and I didn't really feel that ego boost? I mainly went into panic mode and I'm-sorry-that-I-can't-feel-the-same-way-at-all mode and tried to steer away their attraction while basically coming out to them.

Like how others here have said, I don't have to worry about a romantic relationship (or even a queerplatonic one, for me) and I could focus on meeting/accomplishing my own personal life goals (a career I'm comfortable with, hobbies, pursuits, sure, but also traveling and adventure) without any interruptions (maybe calling a romantic interest an "interruption" is kind of harsh, but that's literally what it would be for me and for a few others here I see). I can see myself making more of a difference without being burdened by a romantic relationship, and can see myself at my most happiest, whimsiest, and in control when I'm surrounded by family and friends, or when I'm on my own.

That's how my meshes (an alterous form of a "crush") were as well. They were intense, my heart physically would actually hurt, and I usually couldn't breathe around them, but after a week or so, those intense symptoms would subside. I would still be interested them alterously for a while afterward but the actual feeling of that would be gone, and then after typically a month or so the interest would disappear too. And thinking back to those feelings, I wasn't really obsessed with them and didn't want a relationship with them, sometimes alloromantics would try to tell me that that was still a crush, but somehow I just know that they never were crushes.

Yeah, it sucks. Even going to Lexington is stretching it, but a lot more preferable if me and my friends actually go.

I honestly don't really know with this question. I realized my gender first, and then my aromanticism, but I know that because of who I am now that I couldn't be one without the other.

I may have to go to Pride this upcoming 24th instead, if I can, because - I live in Kentucky in the U.S. - Louisville has Pride this 17th, but that city has had very bad shootings and Lexington, although most likely has crap go down there as well, is far less chaotic. I grew up in Louisville and then moved to the country, but the city has gotten worse.

Maybe this is a bit too masculine, the clothes I wear at least But, I usually do a baggy-not-too-baggy denim (or jean) pants with a button-up/button-down shirt combo, where the shirt is tucked in, and I usually go with a belt as well. Corduroy pants with some bombastic shirts (button-up shirt or a standard shirt) with a belt is what I also wear, too. Of course, this is how I try to look androgynous, and isn't something you have to wear. For the most part, when I had long hair, I looked pretty androgynous (maybe a bit too serial killery though 😅), but now that I had my hair cut short I think I kind of look like a butch lesbian lmao. I often have to wear a standard shirt with tight jeans to look more androgynous (or flat out wear a skirt, which I'm fine with) nowadays. Edit: It's my mission rn to try to get the 'Uncle Female' shirt (from ICarly?) because it describes my gender perfectly

Heya! I wanted to create this topic so that if anyone wanted to they could share their aromantic/aro/aro-spec playlists! The playlists could be of compiled songs made by aro artists, or of songs made for aros even if the artist themselves aren't aro, or they could be playlists filled with songs you interpreted as aro or that felt like they were aro-coded! Here's my playlist (Spotify), it's a mix of all of what I described up top: There's a lot more songs on there than what the embedded playlist shows, though. Edit: I don't know if this should've gone into the aro culture forum or not, so I chose this one instead. ^^'

I know there's plenty of shit I did as a kid that is cringe worthy, but most of my "cringeist" memories are just the ways I stimmed as a child (I would play with random-ass objects than my toys and run around, sometimes I did this outside). Which, it's kind of sad, because how I stimmed in of itself isn't even cringey but over time that's how my brain categorized those memories 😅