The Newest Fabled Creature

Here are some aro memes I made a long time ago that I forgot to put on here:

One thing about romance that definitely bothers me (despite generally liking romance) is that sometimes I can just tell that the narrative is utterly forcing two characters to be together, when it would be better if they weren't; or at least had a non-normative relationship. Sometimes these are two characters who are "stuck in their own ways," or are hotheaded, and sometimes I've sadly seen it in my most favorite trope "opposites attract." There are stories that write the romance authentically, don't get me wrong, but once every blue moon I would run across a novel or book series where I just read the supposed feelings that two main characters have with one another, and I just think, "Damn.... Just don't fucking get together, good gods." Weirdly enough, I often see this happen with the "heroes" of a novel or series I read, and not with the "dark" and messy and complicated relationships in others.

I show pride through my phone's wallpaper screen! I also show pride through blasting my aro playlist every once and a while in the house. But I think I show pride simply through existing as well, like every other queer person does. I don't really talk about romance, but about cryptids and fandoms I'm a part of, and I often try to educate my family and friends through how romantic relationships are considered the pinnacle of happiness, and how that's extremely toxic even for alloromantics.

There isn't much I can say as advice, other than this: be true to yourself; don't compromise who you are just to make him comfortable; don't compromise who you are just because you're afraid you might hurt his feelings. I had something similar nearly happen to me a long while ago at work, too. Granted me and the person didn't get close and I did say that I didn't have SnapChat (which is actually true, I don't), but I thought the dude was interesting and I've had cis guy friends that the guy reminded me of, so I think I may have come off as flirtatious? Though, I kind of don't really remember what we were talking about. I want to say that the day he asked me for my snap, was a day I was dressing particularly boyish as well, so much so that I at least looked a tomboy, or what someone would assume to be a butch lesbian (I rarely pass as a guy to others up close), and so I too didn't think I had the qualities to attract a guy like that, not that I don't think I'm pretty/handsome, but (to me) my very apparent queer appearance I thought was a deterrent. But hey, we can't know what a random stranger is into sometimes, or what their identity is. But other than that interaction, I have had close friends, or people who I was trying to be close friends with, admit that they had big crushes on me, and I told them (despite feeling awful and even actually considering lying to them and telling them I liked them back) that I didn't feel the same way. Some I even came out to as aro on the spot, just for them to believe me, which I'm not saying you have to do that, but sadly that's how some people found out about me being aromantic. I know it's not going to be easy, but putting up a boundary, that this guy is unknowingly crossing, I would say is the best bet for you. Tell him that if he is in fact looking for romance or sex or what have you, that you're not interested. Because as I said, you shouldn't have to compromise or sacrifice a part of yourself just for some other person's comfort or assumption. Sometimes the only thing you can do is just be real to them.

I have come out to several of my close friends who are all mainly queer, with the exception of me coming out to one allocishet friend, and only two of my family members (my siblings) know about my aroness. After I came out to these select few people, I think they started to perceive me more in a light that I would've actually preferred for them to perceive me in; an individual who isn't touched by romance, can't experience romantic attraction, and basically someone who is unattainable. I know that last one sounds weird, but several of said friends have stated that after I came out, my aro identity kind of explained why they always felt as though nothing romantic could reach me, or "convince" me, or attract me (not that my friends have ever tried to get with me, they just felt that about other people trying to do that). I feel like the only changes that have occurred over my coming out was my siblings having a better understanding of my adamant choice of being single, and my friends being mindful of how they talk about romance around me. I actually quite like romance, though! The genre and romance stories, and I even sometimes participate in romantic shipping. It's just the real life relationships my friends would end up being in that I couldn't fully relate to, nor be able to put forth any energy into trying to stay en-tuned to conversations around said relationships - so those talks were dialed back a bit, though not completely of course.

They do inadvertently talk about that. It reminds me of something that'll haunt me forever, but does ring true, it was someone saying that when you think of pink being a girl/woman color, and blue as a boy/man color, or even unconsciously associate those colors with gender in any way, you're inadvertently thinking of what someone's body could look like when wearing those colors. It's not that you even mean to think of or speak of those things, but it's what's being implied at the end of the day.

With much further thought, I do sometimes compare my "lack" of gender similarly to my lack of romantic attraction. I don't know if my gender effects my aromanticism that much, or at all, but these two identities are outside of a binary, or are at least outside of any norm that society has placed in regards to identity, so there's that.

I feel like the most acceptable romantic music for myself would be love songs that don't proclaim everyone is looking for love, and rather it's only about the singer being infatuated with someone/just about their individual experience; romantic love songs that can literally be interpreted as platonic or about familial love; "love songs" that are actually just bittersweet songs about meeting with someone they cared about again someday; and love songs where the singer says they do romantically like someone but either don't want a relationship with them, or would hilariously drop them like a hat. Two examples: "Till Then" by The Mills Brothers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54gbdenVdsY - I interpret more as like losing a family member and then seeing them again one day "Just The Two of Us" by Bill Withers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggoKnflDvAw - just about the singers romantic infatuation that can also be read as something else than romantic

Currently watching Critical Role lol

Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing Your Asexual or Aromantic Identity by the Ace and Aro Advocacy Project is a very good read. An introduction-like and guide book that maybe not a lot of Aspecs may need if they're already settled into their identity, but I found it amazing, especially since there's a lot of quotes and passages written in it are straight from random citizens who are Aspoec.

When I first started questioning why I didn't want romantic relationships, but felt so emotionally and strongly towards people, I oftentimes thought it was because I was scared of committing into a romantic relationship with someone who clearly liked me back, and that I was just an insecure person who needed to simply "meet-the-right-one," even when the people I liked were really nice and amazing people already. I often asked myself why I labeled my supposed "butterflies" as anxiety than the standard "butterflies in my stomach," when a friend of mine would tell me that it had to be those gushy, giddy feelings towards my "crush," and not the dread I felt at any romantic prospect. I often wondered why I didn't just label my intense emotions as romantic, and even though I would label the people I liked as "crushes," I didn't see nor link any romantic connotation towards calling them that. It was just what I called them. I saw the word "crush" as just a word and nothing more. When I finally realized that I was aromantic and what I thought was romantic attraction was actually alterous attraction, I could finally put a label on why I avoided those types of relationships. I didn't see any worth in putting energy into a relationship of that kind, at all. Hell, even my platonic relationships I'm very loosey goosey and often forget to keep up with; and it's not that I find myself as aplatonic(spec) necessarily, it just literally slips my mind. I don't even have constant communications with extended relatives and other family members than my immediate family, even if I say that some relatives I deeply care for. I've always been a somewhat avoidant person, even when I don't know it. And although some people (allo or aro) form these styles of attachment because of childhood trauma, or young adult trauma even, and I won't say that I haven't been through some things traumatic at a young age, I feel as though I don't have this attachment style because of that. I always crave attachments, I do like making new friends, even when I feel like they won't last for very long. I love catching up with relatives and maintaining something with them, even if we'll go back to not talking as much. I think my avoidant style of some intense relationships (romantic or queerplatonic) where there's intimacy and commitment, I think attributes to me being a very non-amorous/non-partnering aro. I do love me some intense platonic relationships, as in there are a few friends of mine where we know each other on very deep levels and may do things traditionally romantic with each other just for the fun of it, but actual partnerships and becoming a partner for someone, I just can't do. I instinctually avoid it, like how I did when I was a kid and a pre-teen.

Much like some other aros here, I understand romantic relationships, and even romantic attraction, on a surface level. I understand romantic attraction is a strong, heavy feeling, and I can only grasp that through my rare alterous attraction, but romantic relationships, though I understand are created because two (or more) people feel that type of attraction towards one another - still doesn't quite compute in my brain. I think it's because I'm non-partnering/nonamorous that any intimate relationship, other than platonic and familial, I just don't understand. There's parts of me that wishes I wanted that (romantic or queerplatonic relationships), but in actuality I just don't get it nor do I desire it. A recent moment I had was that I was very confused about marriage, since even thinking of two people being in love and so much so that they get married, trips my brain. It's not that I'm trying to say people shouldn't be in those relationships, and shouldn't be monogamous, nor get married, but I certainly do vibe on the I-don't-get-it, a little bit. The cheating aspect, I can understand both sides. I understand how the forced and over-sexualized save-it-for-The-One ideology is what fuels most monogamous relationships, but then again, if you and your partner set up a boundary where it's not okay to sleep with another person, and then that's broken, I can understand the upset over your partner doing that. In my mind, at least.

I remember this dream that I had years ago, where I was a woman who was sitting in a dimly lit room and knitting, I think I was even in a ""Victorian"" dress, and another woman walked in, and I immediately knew that she was my wife. I remember what she looked like, vividly. Very tall, had a white tank-top on, black jeans, was very pale and had long black hair. And she came in distressed, talking about how concerned she was that our daughter was queer (misplaced concern). And I remember having looked at her exasperated and angry even, and asked her something along the lines of, "Well, what do you consider us as!?" And then I woke up. I don't really know for certain if I was in love with her, but I did feel a significance to the "relationship we had." And it's such a mirror opposite to my reality now, where I'll never want to be partnered, nor married, to anyone.

It can be. Especially, since the only place I actually live at, isn't actually considered a "place" by most people since it isn't in a town, but the middle of Bumfuck no where; with the only attractions being an abandoned orphanage I live near by, and some train tracks whose train is notorious for derailing constantly. The actual town I live not so far away from, is rather small and is a tourist hot spot, but because of how small it is, you can easily get shunned out of it. Hell, I'm trans right, and I wore a T-shirt from iCarly that said "Uncle Female" on it, and already someone talked to my manager at my job about it, and they told me that I practically can't wear it anymore; because it will be assumed as a gender thing (which like, it was but c'mon), and they don't want their business, nor me, to be harmed socially.

My mother has often made comments about several guys I know and she'd often make this face of "~oooh, you like them?~" and pry about my feelings towards them; even when I bring up girls she'd also ask that same question (granted I was in a qpr with a gal friend of mine at some point, but I didn't tell my mom that). Until recently, where I told her that I don't think I'd ever want a relationship like that, which she was surprisingly not oh-that'll-change-in-the-future, she'd just keep on asking and asking. Thinking of it on a larger scale in my country, America (and maybe some other people on this topic that also live in America could relate??), anything physical or any admiration of another person, is taken as either sexual interest or romantic interest, all the damn time. We're a touch starved country with heavy pedestals on relationships.

That's actually awesome of your mom to say. I don't know if she knows you're aro-spec, but maybe she'd be accepting of you? My mom, based on relationships she has had, told me before when I admitted that maybe I'd want to be alone for, like, forever, that that was a valid option of living. I think she still expects me to just get married one day, but it made me feel good hearing her say that.

It could be actually. It's hard to explain, because for a rural and conservative area, pretty much lot's of people (mainly the boomers and some gen X-ers) expect everyone to fill in the status quo: be straight, cis, and have a partner, and/or kids. But there's also this underlined "We kind of don't give a shit," to the area (that I live in at least) where, yeah, if you're openly queer there may be some people who will have a few thoughts, and the same for if a the community knows your business and so knows your single and that you haven't made any moves to change that - but take action on it? No. So, conversations regarding romance and sex aren't ever really explored upon unless they're unoriginally only straight and cis focused. And even then, because there be quite a lot of religious people, some of them may not even want to dive into those topics at all even if they fit into a box of their liking.

One "good" misconception (belief more-like) is that we don't exist or never had until recently. -__-

I feel like in some cases, whole entire families, or parents, don't want their kid to even explore labels or expression, because they don't want to come to terms with the fact that their child may be queer, even if it could be a phase they're in.

I have to make a correction, I got my binder from an organization called WIVOV. I thought it was Spectrum, but I guess not lmao, but I intend to buy from Spectrum soon! I've seen reviews from others that WIVOV has good binder, though.

I got my username mainly in relationship with my gender identity and how I experience being non-binary/genderqueer.

For anyone who is the Country genre type, which yeah yeah I know not a lot of people are and I barely listen to it myself, but I couldn't help but want to find songs that have queer vibes in them - and what better than the ones that have the artist want to live alone, and so could be interpreted as aromantic*? 1) Southern Nights by Glenn Campbell - the song is just about the singer sharing a love they have for the South in mainly just the landscape and nights - 2) Cowpoke by Colter Wall - the singer rejoicing in being a lonesome wanderer, a cowpoke/cowboy (the melody is very beautiful too) - 3) (I Got Spurs That) Jingle, Jangle, Jingle by Kay Kriser & His Orchestra - once again the singer being happy that they're single - 4) Quiet, Heavy Dreams by Zach Bryan - the singer trying to hold onto the hope that there's still someone out there for them, but the song gives off a vibe that the singer knows that it's not destined to be 5) I'd Have to Think About It by Leith Ross - the singer singing about their dreams of hopefully falling in love (or if you interpret the song as aro-spec, then maybe potentially falling in love) in the future, but when faced with the actuality of others loving them in the moment, they freeze up - 6) Have You Ever Seen The Rain? by Credence Clearwater Revival - the singer goes on about the toughness of life and yet how beautiful it can be, and the singer using an aspect of nature to convey their feelings gives off aro vibes to me, much like Southern nights - 7) Going Up The Country by Canned Heat - the singer going on about going to a far off place that is paradise to them which involves being away from society and it's problems, and inviting others like them to join in reaching that place - 8) Gals Don't Mean A Thing by Johnny Bond - the singer explaining how in their young life they've already been through and through with the blues, so much to where said blues don't really stay, simply because they can't love people like how they're "supposed" to - (this song in particular actually makes me wonder if there were artists who were most definitely aromantic*, but just didn't have that word to describe themselves and probably just dubbed themselves straight (especially if they were heterosexual anyway) or maybe even queer if they were comfortable with that) 9) Long Haired Country Boy by The Charlie Daniels Band - gives off the-angry-aro-who-wants-to-be-left-the-hell-alone vibes to me - 10) They Say It's Wonderful - from "Annie Get Your Gun" by Doris Day - the singer goes over how many people say that falling in love is the most amazing thing, how everyone obsesses over it, but the singer can't exactly relate and is annoyed that they're just told love is great without being given an explanation as to how it's great - Honorable Mentions: Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver I've Been Everywhere by Johnny Cash Call Me The Breeze by Lynyrd Skynyrd (my favorite "aro" country song ever) Don't Ask Me No Questions by Lynyrd Skynyrd

There is a song called Lithromantic by weeklyn ft. Crymode I believe the artist could actually be Lithromantic, but it's an indie song where the artist is venting about his experiences of (potentially) being aro-spec, or at least experiencing romantic attraction towards people and it going away when the other reciprocates.

Just ordered a binder, and actually decided to buy from Spectrum! I couldn't find the correct size for me when looking through Underworks, 'cause I think most of them were out, so I looked to Spectrum and it was still affordable and had my size 👍

Thank you lot's for your input! I'll check out Spectrum and Shapeshifters as well, and I may end up buying from Underworks since that seems more affordable for me.