who_knocks

I'm curious, what are some things you see in shows or books with romance that bother you? For me, I hate when possessiveness is played off as romantic when it's super creepy. Or when guys are like "I'd kill everyone on earth for you," like no one is asking them to do that? Why is that romantic? That's billions of innocent people you'd kill??

Saying "just friends" kinda minimizes the importance of friendship, like saying a romantic relationship is "more than friends." I think both are important for many people and one type of relationship isn't inherently less than the other just because it lacks romance. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but saying "just friends" feels like I'm implying friendship is lesser.

I felt something similar. I always thought I wanted a partner and kids when I got older (never had a crush either, just picked someone randomly because I thought that's what everyone did), but when people started expressing feelings for me in high school it made me uncomfortable and I absolutely did start ghosting them just out of the anxiety that came of it. I was in denial for a while, but I identify as aromantic now. Personally, I don't think I need a partner to be happy as long as I have a friend and family, or even just a hobby I love, but you definitely don't have to grow old alone if you don't want to. There are dedicated friends you can find, maybe someone else aromantic, too, that you can spend time with. If you've heard of QPRs you might be interested in that sort of partnership. As for having a kid, that can be tough financially. Maybe if you do meet a friend you would want to co-parent with you could make it work.

Yeah I've been catching myself using "just friends" and I stop myself. I'm so used to hearing "just" when it comes to friendship even though I know it's so much more than "just"

I gotta say this is part of why I love the Good Omens fandom. So much more of the works show aspec and arospec characters and QPRs than I've found in many other fandoms (there's still shipping, but not quite as much) I agree with everything else here, too. One of my pet peeves is when people get it confused with asexual-- it's literally in the name!

I have a dilemma where I want to come out as aroace to a friend but I'm worried he might stop being my friend if I do, if he has a hidden crush on me or something. Part of why I want to come out is because people having romantic feelings for me stresses me out and I don't want him to end up wanting a romantic relationship with me or something. He would definitely support me, but if he did have feelings he might start distancing himself slowly and I'm afraid of that. It's probably super presumptive to assume this friend would even develop feelings for me in the first place, but I'm still worried and I don't want to lose him if he has. And people around me are always like "if two people that are attracted to each others' genders hang out enough then romantic feelings will develop" so that idea is not helping. I'm probably being kind of paranoid because I worry that some people only want to get close to me because they want a romantic relationship and it feels like they have ulterior motives (which I know isn't really the case but I felt somewhat used when I found out a friend in the past was hanging out with me more because they had developed a crush. It's like they didn't really want to be my friend, they want something from me). Does anyone have any advice? Am I overthinking this or would I be better off just never bringing it up to him?

So a person won't be lonely if they're aplatonic? I've stressed a lot about having to make new friends even though I never personally felt the drive to because everyone tells me I'll be lonely if I don't, is that not the case?

There's always options for a friends with benefits situation (there's probably a better term for it). If you are physically/sexually attracted to someone you can still be friends with no further definition if you want, or you and your friend(s) can make it part of your partnership and decide to define yourselves as a QPR

When I realized I was asexual in the beginning of middle school I remember seeing aromantic and thinking that it was absolutely not me. I didn't have a reason to think I wasn't, I just irrationally disliked the idea (probably some underlying issues with amatonormativity honestly). I thought that my having always picked out a crush was a sign of being asexual and didn't question it further. When a friend had a crush on me in middle school I felt extremely panicked and didn't know why, but I never really questioned why I was freaked out at the time either. Later, in junior year of high school I started going out with a guy I really did not want to go out with because I thought I had to give dating a try, and that's when I really started considering that maybe I am actually aromantic. I didn't get why I was so freaked out by him having a crush on me and I finally started researching and gradually accepted it. Within the year I grew to love the identity wholly.