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About running.tally

  • Rank
    Research Nerd With Too Much Motivation And Not Enough Time
  • Birthday 12/26/1995

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  • Name
  • Orientation
    Arospec, Aroflux, Grey-asexual
  • Gender
  • Pronouns
    E(y)/Em/Eir Singular
  • Location
  • Occupation
    Graduate Student

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  1. @WrenIsMyRealName!!! Just existing doesn't mean you're perpetuating that stereotype, don't worry. Stereotypes are something systemic. This thread is more for those of us who feel connected to aromanticism but in a way that challenges common perceptions. It's important to acknowledge all of us, including the aros who don't feel romantic love or even any kind of love at all. And we certainly do. The community has diversity we like to talk about and connect on in these spaces.
  2. It's tough because I feel like if communal living was more acceptable in the society I live in, I'd be much happier as an aro. I, too, am not happy bein entirely independent. "Single," to me, has felt very lonely. It's difficult because I don't necessarily need or want a particular relationship to fulfill my social needs (I generally consider myself nonamorous, though I've been questioning that lately), but romance sometimes seems to be the only feasible option (or at least the path of least resistance). Aro love, just as you've all said, can be very alienating but also very special. I feel for you. It's different in a way that alloromantic folks don't seem to understand. It's nice to hear your perspectives; thank you for sharing.
  3. Welcome! Have some aro ice cream as a welcome gift: Nice to have you. Documentaries are awesome
  4. A month late, but I just wanted to give you an official welcome. I think that reading more through people's narratives here and asking questions will definitely help - that's what helped me as well. Questioning can be a long journey, but I wish you luck with it.
  5. I'm extremely late, but welcome, fellow aroflux! Nice to meet you too. Here is some aro ice cream to welcome you:
  6. I did a whole degree in Cognitive Science and, as far as we can tell from brain imaging studies, there are no structural brain differences between any humans (except in cases of brain injury, malformation, or other birth-related structural differences). Differences in "male" and "female" brains seem to vary because of socialization - when effects of socialization are controlled, differences cease to be significant. For example, for some people who are in the process of transitioning (I remember a study on binary trans people), during their transition, their brain imaging patterns were in between typical "male" and "female." I can't remember if there was also a longitudinal study confirming that social changes spurred physical changes, but that would be something I'd be interested in finding sometime. The physical and social are always very closely intertwined, because we learn from social experiences, and what we learn are habits, which ultimately are stronger/weaker neural pathways. I wish I could remember exact studies, but right now my own brain isn't willing to dive way back into my undergrad notes. All this to say, you're definitely right to be questioning whether differences in studies are inherent biological differences or not. Edit: HERE is an awesome post with some science. THE BIG QUESTION lol - I honestly don't have any idea. It's difficult nowadays because the only things I can think of, traditionally, are stereotypes. And, nowadays, those stereotypes are being erased or bent or played with. What I mean to say when I say "gender is a social role" is that it's becoming entirely arbitrary. E.g., "I am a girl because I feel like I belong with other girls I know and I vibe with how they define femininity." I remember reading an article about how women from the city define "female" gender and how women from the country define "female" gender, and how their definitions were largely incompatible and overlapped little. I think you're on to it. Different groups may socialize different genders in different ways. That's what I suspect. That'd be an interesting follow-up study. DeltaV is right, though, studies can only show relationships and test causality with a particular rate of error. It is always possible for studies to be wrong (in their design, execution, etc.). But, brain imaging and psychological/cognitive studies are still very new, so who knows what kind of prediction we'll be able to get to in the future (if we can reach predictability at all, even, or if nature is too ever-changing). I agree; some societies might abolish gender altogether. I do think, though, that humans like to categorize ourselves into social groups, and gender may simply be one way of doing that. So, some societies might keep the concept of gender; though, I don't think the concept would be defined the exact same way across all cultures. Also, don't worry @nonmerci, I don't think you're being rude. I think you're just trying to understand something that, I argue, no one really understands either.
  7. Welcome Have some [more] aro ice cream: Your story is very relateable and I'm glad you've found this community where you can learn more about yourself
  8. I'll pop in just to say that if we are attacking a-spec flags with black triangles on the basis of Nazi imagery, we should also be attacking the flags of the following nations for having Nazi symbolism: The Bahamas (black triangle), South Africa (black triangle), Jamaica (two black triangles). The fact that people are not complaining about triangle imagery on nation flags (or even in the Queer Chevron, whose design contains downward-facing triangles, closer in design to Nazi imagery; or even in the Lesbian Labrys flag which literally has a downward-facing black triangle), but only on a-spec flags, is telling. Again, like Coyote said, this criticism is nothing new and unfortunately not something that really holds up. Queer and LGBTQ+ groups fly the triangle demi flags and some queer/LGBTQ+ people have even reclaimed the downward-facing triangle imagery entirely. Suppressing these things is not the answer, never has been, and never will be. It has always been an attempt to mask exclusion and violence with false accusations of appropriation.
  9. From talking a lot to cis people, many people don't think about it. They are completely fine with the gender they were assigned at birth and don't really question it. For some people, even if they don't "feel" like their particular gender, they still consider themselves to "be" that gender anyway, because they're happy playing that role in their community/society. 1. Gender, to me, is a social role. It's a group people fit in with in some way - whether that's based on behaviour, socialization, comfort, etc. For some people (like me!), when they look at the gender roles in society around them (and how people express them in diverse ways), they don't feel like any one of them fits. What social role am I? I don't know. I have some stereotypically 'feminine' traits and some stereotypically 'masculine' traits. I feel awkward at women-only events, like I don't really belong there. I feel awkward at men-only events, as well. For me, gender is something I understand theoretically but don't feel I'm a part of. Especially because many people are breaking down the stereotypes associated with different genders, it's harder for me to know which one I really am. 2. Gender does matter to me, mainly because it seems to matter to everyone else. I mentioned that I know a lot of cis people who say they "don't really think about" their identity, but they will always go to events that are for their specific gender. This confuses me, because people simultaneously say "gender doesn't matter to me" and "well, I'm X gender so I should go to X gender event and not to Y gender event." I also find that cis people, when I really question them about what gender means to them, can't tell me what gender is apart from "it just feels right." Because I never "felt right" in the gender I was assigned, or in the other gender available to me, I just opt out of the whole thing. It matters to me because I don't like people putting me in a category just because I act a certain way, one time. 3. Honestly, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't! Haha. Sometimes I can very clearly understand that I'm agender, because I don't categorize my actions and feelings based on gender. I'm just me. The stuff I do doesn't have a gender and I don't feel like I fit in with anyone except for other agender, genderqueer, or non-binary people. The queer gender group of people "feels right," but it's hard for me to be more specific than that. Other times I can't tell what gender I am at all, because I don't fit anywhere or only partially fit somewhere. 4. For me, being genderfluid means I don't really control which gender group I feel a part of. Sometimes I am very clearly masculine and feel right in a group of men. Sometimes I am clearly feminine and feel right in a group of women. Sometimes I really connect to a non-binary person's experiences on a very personal level, and I feel like they are my in-group, if I had to define myself. Being genderfluid means I identify with different groups at different times, and since I am also agender sometimes, that means that occasionally I don't identify with any groups at all! The key is that it changes, and I can't control it. It's not influenced by me wearing certain clothes, being around certain people or in specific locations/situations, my body/biology, etc. Sometimes I like to use clothing and other ways of presenting to indicate to others that I am part of a particular gender group, but sometimes I don't bother. That's my personal experience. Hope that helps. These are good questions, by the way. I was asking similar questions a couple of years ago. Gender is a confusing concept and in different societies it is defined differently (and even different people define it slightly differently).
  10. Welcome to the community I'm glad you're focusing on you and learning more about yourself in the process
  11. Welcome Thank you for sharing your story and I'm glad you are finding closure and happiness in this community. Here's some more aro ice cream:
  12. Hi, aros. I wanted to share a short summary of a research proposal I drafted for one of my courses. Unfortunately, with my current time taken up by AUREA, data analyses for other arospec and a-spec surveys, and my thesis (which is not on queer things at all), I am not sure when this kind of research could get done. However, that’s where you come in. I would be happy to send along some sources and literature review (i.e., my whole research proposal document) if someone, or a group of someones, is interested in carrying out some or all of this research. I’d also be happy to help guide the research or give advice. Reach out to me if this sounds like something you’d be interested in doing, now or later, or leave comments about your thoughts on this. There's no deadline for this, but I wanted to share it before I forget. Purpose The aromantic community is relatively new. As it develops, aro-specific terminology and conceptualizations develop alongside it. Recently, there has been a spike in the rate of term coining, particularly to replace already-existing terms. Questions of term usage and policies around term reinvention, coining, and adoption have surfaced in intra-community discussions: What should the community’s policies around changing and emerging terminology be? Does the community have a static language policy or does (and will) it change over time? The purpose of the research proposed herein is to investigate the evolution of terminology in the aromantic community, particularly as compared to other queer groups. This research may help the community make sense of their language policy practices. Conceptual Overview Language and Policy Language policy can be broadly defined as a mechanism that impacts the structure, function, use, or acquisition of language. Language policy can be a legal document that legislates how a language should be used, from the top-down in terms of power, or it can be an agreed-upon set of practices at a micro-level in a local community. The latter is the case the aromantic community’s language policies fall under. The orientation to language policy that aligns most with the language policy under study in this research is a rights orientation. Language-as-right and language policy as a process to obtain those rights is embedded in the aromantic community’s discussions about protecting every community member’s freedom to using terms that describe themselves best. Queer Language Policies Queer communities’ policies around term coinage, replacement, and reclamation are highly varied and context-dependent. There are no universal policies for dealing with term evolution. Nevertheless, there are common patterns evident in the evolution of terms in various Queer communities. Term evolution in all Queer communities is moving towards greater specificity, even in the cases of new, community-unifying terms. Rejecting binary conceptualizations and antonymous terms is also a marker of term evolution of recent. This is at least true of older communities under the broad Queer umbrella, such as the gay, lesbian, and trans communities. Whether a new term is created depends on a number of sociohistorical factors. Whether a new term replaces an old one is something that varies and will continue to vary as queer terms take up positive and negative connotations through their use. Research Approach Research Questions Q1: What are the aromantic community’s practices and policies surrounding term reclamation, coinage, and replacement? Have they changed over time? What sparked those changes? Q2: How do these policies and practices compare to historical and modern practices and policies of other Queer groups? Methods Discourse Analysis: analyzing the meaning and significance of discourses about policy in relation to their broader socio-historical context Media discourse data: intra-community media discourses within the aromantic community (e.g., posts on social media platforms like Tumblr, blogs, Wordpress sites, etc.) that address term coining, replacement, and/or reclamation in some way Unstructured interview data: unstructured interviews with representatives of non-aro queer communities, with open-ended questions about their term evolution histories and community policies regarding term coining, replacement, and/or reclamation
  13. Welcome! Have some aro ice cream:
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