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About Neir

  • Rank
    Research Nerd With Too Much Motivation And Not Enough Time
  • Birthday 12/26/1995

Personal Information

  • Name
  • Orientation
    Arospec, Aroflux, Grey-asexual
  • Gender
  • Pronouns
    E(y)/Em/Eir Singular
  • Location
  • Occupation
    Graduate Student

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2791 profile views
  1. Yes! You put into words something I noticed when I entered into a queer relationship last year. I'm not sure if it was a romantic situation for me, but I did notice that I was all right with many things that I would get very uncomfortable doing with any other person or even just seeing. Things like physical affection, flirting, etc. It was quite hilarious actually because the person I was in a relationship with watched a romantic comedy with me (I usually hate rom coms because they trigger repulsion and major eye-rolling) and I was uncomfortable throughout, but when we did similar things afterwards, some with ambiguous or potentially romantic intent, I was fine. I think it helps that you've mentioned your current partner is someone you genuinely like. Perhaps you feel safer with that person and better understood, so you're not as worried about certain things being incorrectly labelled or misunderstood. Humans are weird and complicated, and sometimes we have exceptions that don't fit our general pattern, or our patterns are a little more complex than one-dimensional. Circumstances are powerful. All that to say you have a relateable experience. Thank you for sharing it; it's nice to know someone else has something similar going on.
  2. Neir


    Welcome, fellow writer! I think you'll find some good people here and I hope we can help you out and learn from each other. Have some more aro ice cream from me too:
  3. What an interesting thing to come across when just casually living in the world. I think I can get both interpretations. The person looks surprised by the hearts. On one hand they are blushing so I could see people reading that as excitement, but on the other hand I feel like the eyebrows make me think the person is a bit worried. It's like this moment was captured right as they were about to land on an expression. For some reason I first thought that the hearts were coming from the phone but on second glance it seems obvious they are surrounding the person. I think it's quite interesting that interpretation can change (and discussion can be had!) based on our experiences. Art truly is a subjective experience, huh. (Beautiful art, by the way! I really like the style by this artist.)
  4. One thousand nine hundred and twenty-two (I admit I do not remember where the hyphens go... I am infinitely sorry to my grade school English teacher)
  5. For this short while, I will claim the 1st place spot on the podium
  6. Welcome! Have some aro ice cream as a little gift: You'll be quite happy to hear, perhaps, that there are many proud cat-parents here as well. I also think you have a lot of interesting experiences that would lend greatly to discussions. I hope you find some good folks here.
  7. Welcome, fellow Slytherpuff! It's always really nice to see new folks come in and tell us about their experiences. Thank you for sharing and I hope this place can be one to connect with others and learn and share.
  8. This is a really great way of going about things - very kind to yourself and allowing of fluidity and complexity. I'm sorry to hear about your mum but do know you are welcome here. Thank you for the love! Have some aro ice cream and share in our collective nerddom and animal appreciation.
  9. @WrenIsMyRealName!!! Just existing doesn't mean you're perpetuating that stereotype, don't worry. Stereotypes are something systemic. This thread is more for those of us who feel connected to aromanticism but in a way that challenges common perceptions. It's important to acknowledge all of us, including the aros who don't feel romantic love or even any kind of love at all. And we certainly do. The community has diversity we like to talk about and connect on in these spaces.
  10. It's tough because I feel like if communal living was more acceptable in the society I live in, I'd be much happier as an aro. I, too, am not happy bein entirely independent. "Single," to me, has felt very lonely. It's difficult because I don't necessarily need or want a particular relationship to fulfill my social needs (I generally consider myself nonamorous, though I've been questioning that lately), but romance sometimes seems to be the only feasible option (or at least the path of least resistance). Aro love, just as you've all said, can be very alienating but also very special. I feel for you. It's different in a way that alloromantic folks don't seem to understand. It's nice to hear your perspectives; thank you for sharing.
  11. Welcome! Have some aro ice cream as a welcome gift: Nice to have you. Documentaries are awesome
  12. A month late, but I just wanted to give you an official welcome. I think that reading more through people's narratives here and asking questions will definitely help - that's what helped me as well. Questioning can be a long journey, but I wish you luck with it.
  13. I'm extremely late, but welcome, fellow aroflux! Nice to meet you too. Here is some aro ice cream to welcome you:
  14. I did a whole degree in Cognitive Science and, as far as we can tell from brain imaging studies, there are no structural brain differences between any humans (except in cases of brain injury, malformation, or other birth-related structural differences). Differences in "male" and "female" brains seem to vary because of socialization - when effects of socialization are controlled, differences cease to be significant. For example, for some people who are in the process of transitioning (I remember a study on binary trans people), during their transition, their brain imaging patterns were in between typical "male" and "female." I can't remember if there was also a longitudinal study confirming that social changes spurred physical changes, but that would be something I'd be interested in finding sometime. The physical and social are always very closely intertwined, because we learn from social experiences, and what we learn are habits, which ultimately are stronger/weaker neural pathways. I wish I could remember exact studies, but right now my own brain isn't willing to dive way back into my undergrad notes. All this to say, you're definitely right to be questioning whether differences in studies are inherent biological differences or not. Edit: HERE is an awesome post with some science. THE BIG QUESTION lol - I honestly don't have any idea. It's difficult nowadays because the only things I can think of, traditionally, are stereotypes. And, nowadays, those stereotypes are being erased or bent or played with. What I mean to say when I say "gender is a social role" is that it's becoming entirely arbitrary. E.g., "I am a girl because I feel like I belong with other girls I know and I vibe with how they define femininity." I remember reading an article about how women from the city define "female" gender and how women from the country define "female" gender, and how their definitions were largely incompatible and overlapped little. I think you're on to it. Different groups may socialize different genders in different ways. That's what I suspect. That'd be an interesting follow-up study. DeltaV is right, though, studies can only show relationships and test causality with a particular rate of error. It is always possible for studies to be wrong (in their design, execution, etc.). But, brain imaging and psychological/cognitive studies are still very new, so who knows what kind of prediction we'll be able to get to in the future (if we can reach predictability at all, even, or if nature is too ever-changing). I agree; some societies might abolish gender altogether. I do think, though, that humans like to categorize ourselves into social groups, and gender may simply be one way of doing that. So, some societies might keep the concept of gender; though, I don't think the concept would be defined the exact same way across all cultures. Also, don't worry @nonmerci, I don't think you're being rude. I think you're just trying to understand something that, I argue, no one really understands either.
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