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Everything posted by ApeironStella
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I ended up buying a copy of Alice Oseman's Loveless (it wasn't available in my country before on Kindle) and I just started reading it.
I hate how my kneejerk reaction to seeing a canon aroace protag in a story and seeing the hints to her identity even from the start with how relatable her experience is- that there is a chapter titled "Aromantic Asexual" later on makes me feel dread due to being around for the all the "ace diskhorse" shit as I was a teen newly learning about being an ace and aro at the time, that how much of their bs I internalized and don't even realize having internalized it until I see anyone seriously tackle these identities seriously in fiction.
I hate that I feel guilt, embarrassment, that I have the comments on how pointless and unnecessary it is to write about something like that, that it is all just some fake exaggeration and that it is a story no one would want to read, that it is catering to just some egoistical snowflake wannabes going over in my mind the entire time before I need to take a break.
I hate that I can't simply enjoy aspec media without these sorts of feelings coming to front of my mind and sending me down a rabbit hole of internalized aphobia/self hatred I never even realized I had to address and was there as a consequence of those years, despite how much I crave stories like that and to see that representation, given all the comments on "stealing representation/resources" arguments over the years made their dent on me on the topic...
Sorry for a downer vent, I just hate everything about what went down at that time and I don't think I ever will forgive the people who actively flamed that fire by sock puppet accounts etc- despite not wanting to wish ill on anyone, I despise it all and the harm they caused to me and many others.
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ah yea i can imagine >:/ the whole dISkhOrsE a few years ago really sucked, and im glad i managed to mostly stay away from it...
you got this tho!! and dont forget that us fellow Evil Resource StealersTM (meant humorously ofc haha) got your back! ^_^ xD
i hope you like the book btw! i was planning to maybe read it myself too :)
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khfdhfdkjfd I shouldn't be this absurdly happy but I am now that small keychain plushie of my hyperfixation character/rp character over last year or so arrived...
Normally, I don't really get as many fandom stuff, but I made an exception for this given the year so I deserve something nice fuck it
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How do you even respond when an allo bff talks about how their death would have "little impact" on you when you clearly know it wouldn't and that they are just wenting about wanting a partner but like... that shit hurts to hear, like thanks for telling me my love for you always will be second best and that at most I will have is a second rate love from others when I've been trying to unlearn amatonormativity for years to not feel alone
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(Not sure if this was a rhetorical question so forgive me if you're not looking for an answer and are just venting!)
This is something that's happened to me quite a bit as well and it's always so hurtful. Often times, especially for people with low self-esteem, people have the assumption in their heads that friends aren't allowed to be close or have strong love for one another. 1000% amatonormativity, as you've said, and it's taken me a while to articulate this to my friends (especially because I haven't used "amatonormativity"). However, after enough persistence, I've had friends really realize and understand that they mean a lot to me. It has often not been about friends not believing in my love, but rather about their own self-esteem and being convinced others don't really love them because they are unworthy of it. My heart goes out to you and I really hope this person didn't really mean that your love is second-rate but rather has their own issues that caused things to come out that way.
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It is always hilarious to me when I realize that characters I'm writing, even when I don't hc them as aro and/or ace, turns out acting fairly like they are on the aro and/or ace spectrum bc I legit forget to add parts that supposedly makes their crush/attraction obvious and "realistic" bc such reactions feel so over the top and cringy, it feels like I'm writing some unrealistic and OOC scenario rather than how those things genuinely work.
I'm too AroAce for someone who rps ship stuff mainly (though 99% of them can easily pass as close platonic bonds too since for me "shipping something" is "I'm so down for this both OTP and BROTP way, I just want to see them bond and be close to each other and suffer through a fuck ton of situations and bond over the trauma, having some kissy blushy moments are optional" basically.)
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Oh same here. A lot of my non aroace characters still feel that way, to the point where a few of them I realized might need slightly different labels. I only really tried to write a detailed, "normal" crush once and I dunno what hapened to it. Otherwise all my potential romances eventually end up platonic or platonic coded.
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@AutistAro Truth.
(p.s. I absolutely love your cover photo :))) two of my favourite bois.)
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Sigh. Checking Tumblr aroace tag always seems to bring up so many "not all aces are aro" posts with "Aces can love" thrown in most of them too. Yes, they can and yes you are annoyed at that but can they please stop tagging it as aroace? Same thing happens a lot on aro tag too, a lot of ace positivity posts with no real connection to aromanticism and it is a lot rarer to see viceversa and it gets just Tiring even if I am also ace too. I can't imagine how tiring it gets for non ace aros.
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One thing I am really glad about and keep talking about D.Gray-man everywhere is, because of the theme of love in the series. Theme of love as in every possible way, with family love especially being given front seat. There is friendship, comradeship, family, some romance, overall pretty human characters all having people they care about and trying to protect ones they care and spending their down times together to recover from bad things that happened. As it is also a tragedy series, there are a lot of bad stuff happening but it is not ignored by characters, instead they accept what happened has happened and try to move on and spend their current time together with people who cares about them and people who they care about.
Even one of the villains who is crushing on main character is written beautifully in the way of saying "I love Allen but family comes first. I am sure you would understand this too, Allen." even if later on, she doesn't mind risking her own life for him. Idk I really love that there is no "girl in love makes the guy only priority" at that scene, as well as in general?
And maybe it is because of the side of fandom I am hanging around with, but there isn't much heteronormative ship wars unlike Bleach or Naruto. Fandom is often half dead due to not being that popular by now but people who are there are often people who has been into it for years or even if they newly found it they end up joining said seasoned fandom people in the end because just like the series, it is homey?
Idk I am just glad to be a part of this fandom and so glad that I found this series in the first place, all the good wishes to mangaka and hope she gets well