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About Autumn

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  1. I definitely can relate to being frustrated with not being able to understand something in general. But I think it comes down to different types of understanding. There's intellectually understanding something, abstract understanding, and the kind of understanding that can only come from experience. For romance, I've settled for abstract and intellectual understanding. I know it's an attraction, I know common beliefs/philosophies about it, I know how people often behave or expect to behave in it, I know it means a lot to many people. And sometimes I can, in a roundabout way, connect to elements of it, but mostly not. So I go by observation and anecdotes to understand it as best I can given my experiences or lack thereof. I don't know if that's helpful or applicable to your situation, but I do think it's good to try and make peace with certain gaps of knowledge as wildly irritating and unsatisfying as that can be (I am...very pro seeking knowledge in general lol, but for certain things you gotta cut your losses)
  2. I think what people generally mean is feeling lonely/isolated your whole life and not having anyone to lean on/reach out to, especially since meeting new people/making deep connections is assumed to be harder in old age. And the role of 'someone who stays by your side and you trust/feel close to' is usually assumed to go to a partner. I don't know how much I've personally thought about this for myself, mostly I'm content with my friends and family? Edit: The other thing I just thought of, for a lot of people it ends up or could end up that their friends/family don't live nearby enough to be super involved, because career/life choices lead them different places and it isn't assumed that you'll make a mutual effort to be in the same city or neighborhood as them (at least certainly not friends, possibly family but I know it's not weird for them to be separated by distance either)
  3. Ohh yes, I would certainly say my being aroace effects how I rp. when writing for novel projects, or other non-rp fiction, I can write allo characters and sometimes even minor romance, but I only really feel comfortable role-playing aro characters, and when I DM romance isn't part of the plot. I don't really like other characters flirting with me too much. I played 1 game with strangers for a while that didn't get romantic at all but had some innuendo that made me mildly uncomfortable in one or two very short instances, but it wasn't much of a problem. Otherwise, I've played with my friend group who all know I'm aro and care about respecting everyone's boundaries and stuff, so it's been only good times with them. I'm not currently in an active d&d game right now though. I'm playing Masks instead, which is for teen superheroes, and having a lot of fun with it.
  4. No yeah, ending things is definitely easier said than done, but your feelings of being ignored are valid and if you have to keep hoping things get better, then there are some real problems there to begin with. I just recommend as a course of action to start thinking about. Talking to her straightforwardly about your frustrations would generally be the first step I recommend though. But if she still ignores you... then there may not be any avoiding her thinking you're drifting apart or ending things for 'no reason' if she just doesn't think any complaint or emotional hurt matters. But that may not be the case! I don't personally know her or anything, that's just what I would assume based on the available info. But you deserve a satisfying friendship where people listen to you. I hope whatever approach you take though, things are able to work out for ya!
  5. You're definitely not just being dramatic, your friend is being an outright jerk, just the passive-aggressive variety. Her text response was definitely dismissive, if you don't know how to respond to something so big you take some time to think it over and sort your thoughts before responding properly (if you think it might be a bit it's also better to actually tell the person you're taking some time to think it over so as to not leave them hanging). And whining about someone being uncomfortable with certain acts of affection as if they're a victim is extremely self-centered at best and manipulative at worst. She isn't trying to be understanding at all, she just doesn't want to acknowledge anything is different and keep having things go her way/ stay the same. (Ignoring you until you drop the subject whenever you have a complaint with her behavior is another red flag) Yes, the whole aro thing can be hard for allos to Understand, but that's not a free pass for selfish or insensitive behavior. I'd either have a serious talk with her and/or start distancing yourself if possible, you deserve better than that.
  6. I'm actually not as bothered by ambiguous representation as a lot of other people seem to be. I absolutely do think it can be done poorly, awkwardly, or for less than fantastic reasons; but I also think ambiguous writing can be powerful and, to me at least, a lot more appealing sometimes than a boxed in story. (Unpopular opinion, but I personally had no issue with how Good Omens wrote the main relationship; it was everything I wanted to see on screen and I don't see how having some characters/relationships be open to interpretation/head canon is so terrible, it allows viewers to more easily project/relate to something) We definitely need more stories - mainstream ones especially - where orientations/identities are spelled out and explored, and the writers of the Big Companies like Disney certainly are avoiding any overt rep because they're Like That. But just as a viewing experience I didn't have any issue with how Elsa was written either - the second film was about her learning about the origin of her powers, her relationships (outside of familial ones) weren't really the focus. (A third film, if made, I do think would have to shed more light on that though, not that I trust Disney to do so particularly well) So while I fully understand why some people might be bothered by ambiguous rep, and certainly encourage more explicit rep, I also just... like ambiguous relationships, and stories getting to focus on other things. I also don't equate ambiguous rep with queerbaiting, since that pretty specifically requires the marketers/writers to promise explicit rep for sales and then not come through. I just take it case by case, some ambiguous rep is sloppy and avoidant, other times it's well handled and I like it plenty. (Ambiguous rep in shows that already deal with Relationship Drama as a focus I raise my brow at a lot more than in stories where that's not really included to begin with)
  7. Without knowing your friend a lot better, it's impossible to say with any certainty. Mixed signals generally require intent, otherwise it's really more of a case of miscommunication (which, can still hurt just as much, but comes from a different source). I can say though it's definitely not uncommon for aro folks to enjoy romantic coded actions, or see certain intimate actions as not being inherently romantic, so it's very much possible your friend thinks of those actions as what she wants out of a close friendship, and feels comfortable with it since you know/accept her aro identity. If you feel like you're being lead on/receiving mixed signals though, I think it's entirely fair to bring it up with your friend. Ask maybe about how she sees the actions, what she wants from the relationship, etc. (But like, without being accusatory/making it an interrogation, since the mixed signals could still be accidental). That would be my take on it anyways, hope you're able to work things out!
  8. I guess my main question would be: do you actually want a partner, more than could you get one. If so, why? If you only want a partner for financial or other pragmatic reasons, then you should look for someone who also wants the pragmatic elements of a partnership if you already know you'd gain nothing from the social elements. Arranged partnerships for practicality are more frowned upon now then they used to be, but I don't see any reason why you'd be unable to find one. As long as the person you partner with is looking for the same thing and you're upfront from the beginning, I'd don't think you'd be being cruel. Yes, most people do want partnerships for social reasons first and foremost, but there's always exceptions. I don't know if this helps at all, I'm a little unclear on the intent behind the questions, but hopefully you can find what you're looking for!
  9. Like others have said, you could definitely include side characters or referenced characters in different kinds of relationships, even if it's just like...the MC's friend asking if what she wants is like other people they've met have. Even if there's no space for a fully fleshed out character that's alloace or alloaro, you can have other references to those relationships existing. Maybe in flashbacks to other people some of the main characters met, or the like? Although if it's exclusively a story about 1 character's coming of age, I don't think you need to worry too much about showcasing every possible orientation? Unless the compare/contrast element is a strong part of the coming of age I guess (but then, maybe I'm not one to say, since I write 90% of my casts to be openly aro-spec and then never try to explain anything...)
  10. Correct me if I'm wrong - this is meant to be phrased more as a real question - but with identities such as demiboy/girl and boy/girlflux existing, doesn't that mean agender sort of is - or can be - a spectrum? Since not everyone who id's as such does to the same extent or the same way? Obviously it is part of nonbinary, and if no one who at all id's with agender would consider it a spectrum then it's not, but I've been under the impression it could be? I like the orange and blue one too - it not being unidentifiable quickly as connected to the other communities never bothered me, since again it can be its own separate thing and so I don't think it really needs to take from the other ones. But I'm not really invested in the flag debates like some people, the other ones I've seen (such as @Magni's!) I think look lovely as well and are great choices. (Although I never did like the literal smooshing of the aro ace flags, any other original designs are fine by me though). The aro flag is consistent enough to offer community for me personally, so a singular Official aroace flag isn't as critical for me.
  11. I was born aroace myself, but I've been lurking around the aro community long enough to know you're not the only one who became aroace due to some notable event in their lives. If you find the label useful in describing your experiences now are glad for it, then I'm happy for you and welcome you to the community! Like the person above me I believe you and think that's totally valid.
  12. For me it's not so much that I used a wrong spelling, but the word has a lot of vowels and shapes my eyes didn't like so I had to keep looking at the word real close to make sure I typed right or didn't misremember for a while. Once my brain adapted though it hasn't given me trouble
  13. I like how I can be passionate about creativity, and that I try to be patient and kind/helpful when interacting with others.
  14. There isn't one that I'm currently aware of...it'd be nice if there was for the people who see it as 1 thing for themselves and not 2. Aroace is the only one I know of, or I guess you could id as a 'perioriented aro' or 'perioriented ace' but that's more of a mouthful. You can personally use aro or ace to refer to both, the same was pansexual/panromantic people just say pan, but there isn't anything that exclusively means 'aro and ace' other than 'aro and ace/aroace'. Unless a term was developed that I haven't seen, in which case I'd definitely be interested to hear about it as well!
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