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Autumn

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About Autumn

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  • Name
    Autumn
  • Orientation
    Aromantic
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/Her

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  1. I'm assuming 'preference for x' would typically be used as 'boyfriend/girlfriend' in this case? In which case the main equivalents I'm aware of for qpps are mostly gender-ambiguous (zuccini, partner, qpp etc.). You could say you prefer men or women or what have you in general, though people will of course usually assume romantic/sexual generally. If the preference is associated with an attraction of some kind some people will occasionally use things like homoplatonic or biqueerplatonic I think? If it isn't associated with the attraction there aren't as many terms (at least not that I know of). But if anyone else knows of some I'd be interested to hear them too.
  2. I definitely identify as romance repulsed/averse. My understanding of the terms are that they describe how you feel about yourself in a romantic context/ about having romance directed at you, and don't (necessarily) have to do with how you perceive romance in media or other people's romances (though that can be a factor in choosing or not choosing a label too). For me, the thought of anyone having romantic feelings for me is awful and uncomfortable, and even more so the thought of someone thinking I have romantic feelings towards them/interpreting my actions that way. It's surreal and distressing. With media, the repulsion isn't always as strong (or at least not as easy to set off at its full power), sometimes the Media Feels are more neutral/indifferent, but definitely sometimes overtly romantic or I guess particularly Typical (or amatonormative?) romance does make me feel kind of eeuughh and alienated from the story. And in role-plays characters expressing too much interest in my character could border on distressing too, I haven't tried to rp a romance before so I'm not sure how much that would set off the repulsion, but I expect that it would at least a bit if it went too far. The repulsion part of my identity is honestly as big a part of my personal aromanticism as the not feeling attraction part, as that is a large part of me I was looking to explain when I first started really thinking about Possibly Not Being Straight.
  3. I'm definitely interested in helping this come about! I can write and organize well, so if someone gathers the info I can figure out how to phrase it on the doc for writing out the page itself. I basically know how to cite things from college, but if someone more practiced at it wants to handle that, that could be good as well. I've never edited or used Wikipedia in any way other than 'reading pages that already exist' so that would be a learning curve, but I feel quite certain I could figure it out if there isn't anyone else who already has that experience.
  4. There's always archer imagery (arrows, bows, quivers). I believe the aro community has claimed griffins? And also possibly frogs. Yellow roses are a semi-common symbol since they traditionally symbolize platonic affection while other roses are for ambiguous or strictly romantic purposes. Aro ghosts or space themes would be cool, not because the community really claimed them but because...ghosts and space are nice lol. I think I've seen a few people say we claimed aardvarks? I'm not sure though. As for other flags, the alloaro and aroace flags have become more common, so seeing some of those would be pretty cool! And of the flags used by the spectrum would be good, like the cupioromantic or quoiromantic flags.
  5. I do think you have to tell her, but be gentle about it and do your best to pick a calm moment (no moment will be perfect, but like, avoid dragging her aside while she's busy or something like that). It isn't wrong that you can't love romantically, and it isn't wrong that it took you a while to figure it out, feelings are complicated and the societal idealization of romance makes contemplating a lack of romance unpleasant or even difficult to think of at times. And it's no good to be sacrificing your own mental well being for someone else's, no matter your relationship with them. But it is a sensitive topic and often hard for allos to understand, so my advice would be to emphasize you still care about her well being, and must have liked her enough to mistake your feelings as a crush, but that the romance part of the relationship can't work anymore. She'll probably still take it hard, and if you're really concerned about what she might do I would definitely reach out to one of her close friends or family members and tell them beforehand, or right after, to make sure she has a support net if she needs space from you. At least, that is what I would assume to be the best course of action. Full disclosure I have not been in a relationship myself, so if anyone on here who has can give more detailed advice or correct anything I've said please do. But I do firmly believe that you need to fine some way to end the relationship, because you deserve better and truthfully if you're miserable in the relationship it will eventually show, and that will affect her enjoyment/perception of it too. Hope this helps somewhat, and I hope things improve for you soon! The aro community is here for you, so feel free to reach out with any more questions, concerns, etc.
  6. Hi there, While I can't tell you what label fits you best, since that is entirely personal, I can say that not having crushes is a very common aro experience (since being aromantic is just not feeling romantic attraction), and that the label is open to be used regardless of age, social prowess, or level of mental health. Like other labels, it also doesn't have to be set in stone. Possibly someday you'll experience romantic attraction, and possibly you won't, either way the best you can do is seek what makes you happy/comfortable with your current understanding of yourself. I know that with society set up as it is, realizing that romance might not be for you can be scary, and it certainly does add some more layers and potential difficulties to maneuvering it. But if love is something you want, there are many other forms it can take, and there are people out there receptive to different kinds of affection, even if they're harder to find. Friendships deeper than the often casual relationship associated with the term can take just as much work as a romantic relationships, but if both sides put in the effort it can work out. As far as coping with being alone goes, it depends somewhat what you want out of life. Some people can find happiness focusing on a career or hobby, while others need some kind of social outlet as the focus of their life even if it isn't a romantic or intimate one (finding a club/community/circle of friends you regularly interact with, doing volunteer work to feel generally involved with other people, etc.), so what works best for you might be different than what would work best for others. Regardless, know you aren't alone in this struggle. I've seen so many people in the aro community, both people only just coming to grips with their identity and people who have id'd as aro a long time, try to find ways of maneuvering a very romance-centric society. We're all here for each other, and if you need more help/have more questions or anything else, absolutely feel free to reach out to us. Hopefully this helps somewhat!
  7. "Would you consider the phrase "platonic relationship" to be a synonym of "friendship"?" Not exactly? Truthfully I spent most of my life using the word 'platonic' to mean 'non-romantic' in an all-encompassing kind of way, not a specific kind of feeling or relationship (which is why I was initially confused by squishes, aplatonicism, and everything else talking about platonic attraction and the like). That's still how I initially think of it whenever it's used casually, but I try to keep in mind more the other ways people use the word. "Do you consider all friendships to be platonic relationships?" Yes, generally speaking. I mean I also think a good romantic partner should also function as a friend, so probably it's more accurate to say my stance on that is somewhat in flux. But usually if someone refers to someone else as 'their friend' I assume it means platonic in one way or another. "Do you consider all platonic relationships to be friendships?" Not by my usual standard, since I also considered feeling 'neutral' or 'nothing' towards someone as being 'platonic' in the 'not romantic' sense, and people have platonic partners that they may not label as friends, though again this circles back to my apparently unclear/shifting definition/understanding of 'friendship' in the first place, since usually my standards for it are just general things any healthy relationship should have??? So I don't really get how other people talk about it a lot of the time. But I would also generally think of familial and work relationships as platonic.
  8. I voted "something else" because I'm honestly not sure if I experience squishes or not, or if I want a qpr or not. Part of me kind of wants a low-key qpr regardless of platonic attraction, but also it feels rather Non-Essential, just something that if I had I would probably like. If I do get squishes then it would probably be 'rarely', making me 'grayplatonic' if I had to choose a phrase. But since squishes are platonic and all my feelings for people are platonic, in general, I only have a loose idea of what feelings to call a squish and which ones not to (currently anyways)
  9. I'm a month off from 20 so I wasn't sure if '15-20' or '20-25' was ultimately more accurate but eventually went with 15-20 since I'm technically still 19.
  10. I don't think it has to be positive as long as it's constructive/civil. The whole point about talking about the relationship between the communities isn't just complimenting them, but giving feedback on what ways they maybe should and shouldn't change. They are separate communities and honestly I think being able to openly contrast them and point out current issues would do more for both tackling the general conflation between the two identities as well as simply how another community with quite a lot of overlapping members can be a better support.
  11. Hi there! Not sure if these count since they are all in the 'planned idea' or 'first draft' stages of existence, but I have several stories in the works that includes aro and ace spec characters. Some of them are novels (one novel series is an urban fantasy where one character is aroace, and one I'm realizing is probably bisexual greyromantic, possibly demi). My fantasy short stories series that I started has an aroace lead (most the rest of the cast I haven't decided orientations for yet). As for none novels/written works I do have an aro-spec superhero that will eventually be an origin novel followed by a comic book series (her 'sidekick' and eventual best friend is aro-spec too). And I have a film idea that's based on the concept of 'fantasy buddy cop style film' where one half of the main duo is aroace (I do admittedly write a lot of ace aros simply because it comes more naturally to me by far, but I am starting to branch out a bit!). So there are some medium-future to far-future stories coming up depending on when I'm able to get them done. Your webcomic sounds really cool by the way! I'll check it out some time, I totally agree the media needs more rep for the aromanticism and asexuality. Unfortunately because of the lack of rep I don't personally know any currently existing recommendations for that. But I'm also really interested to see if others have any!
  12. I ultimately went with changing policies, because I think that is something we can push for even while building aro awareness through trying to get media rep and more aro in person groups (which I would put as a close second and third priority), since while such policies especially hurt aros, there are also many single allo people who are hurt by them too, so we could go after them from a number of angles. Most other movements seem to focus around a specific set of policy change or changes (and combating the policies would in turn be combating amatonormativity, which could be an educational side of the movement too). That said I do agree media rep and in person groups are equally important for the community for spreading awareness and reaching out to many aros who might still be feeling isolated or confused, as well as making organized protest more doable.
  13. That is a tough one...at a certain point if he won't hear it he won't hear it, but if the literal definition isn't cutting it then maybe try comparisons to something he knows? Like, bring up someone you know he is very-much-in-no-way-attracted-to-at-all, bonus points if it is a girl in his age range, and ask how he KNOWS he isn't attracted to that person, or to focus on that lack of feeling and say that likewise, you feel that lack of feeling with everyone. Allo people DO know what not feeling attraction to a specific person feels like, but they struggle with the idea that someone wouldn't experience it, so bringing the idea to something more "grounded" might help. As for romance, all I can think for explaining it is 'I have never had any experience resembling how people describe crushes' or something similar...really there's only so many ways to describe something without going into analogies (which you could try! I don't know any good ones offhand though, but it could be a helpful tool). Dunno if this helps, but hopefully your friend comes around eventually!
  14. Hi there! I responded to your post on aven, but here I feel I can give a more detailed answer. As a sex repulsed ace, on the sexuality side of your question all I can definitely say is that I have seen a lot of aces who don't mind/like sex without feeling the actual attraction, so if you have never felt the desire to have sex with someone then there is a decent chance you are aspec. On the aro side of things, I can say a lot more. As for how and when I discovered I was ace and later aro was that I never had crushes either. In middle school everyone was dating, talking about dating or breakups, etc, while I thought they were being dramatic weirdos because I had no interest in any of that. High school is more so when I really started experimenting with the ace label mentally, and over time it became more and more comfortable. I wasn't too worried about my romantic orientation since I had no intention to date, but eventually I became more aware/accepting, partially by acknowledging that once you're in high school you are mostly past the 'late bloomer' stage. Now I fully accept I'm aro, and if I do get a crush someday then well guess I'm greyro and that will be fine too. So, you do sound aro or greyro to me, and possibly ace. Aro people get told they 'just have high standards' and the like all the time unfortunately, since people seem to have a hard time grasping the idea that someone might not want romance (or sex for certain types of aces). I know no one usually believed me in middle school when I said I wasn't interested in romance, or else thought it was weird. But I assure you it is entirely normal, at any age, and if identifying as such gives you any feeling of clarity after trying it out mentally, then you can use it, even if it does someday change. Hopefully this helps somewhat!
  15. This is amazingly cool! I had no idea about this, I will try to participate. Thank you for sharing!
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