Jump to content

Autumn

Moderator
  • Posts

    57
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    6

4 Followers

About Autumn

Personal Information

  • Name
    Autumn
  • Orientation
    Aromantic
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/Her

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

Autumn's Achievements

Young Frog

Young Frog (2/4)

  1. Agh yeah, that's definitely one of those little things that's just really tiring to always deal with, I've run into the same thing. I think they're usually trying to either be consoling or offer 'life wisdom' or some such, the former since usually allos would say that kind of thing and be sad/concerned about it. I've kinda just taken to saying something like 'Possibly yeah, but I'm not too concerned about it' even though I don't really think it will happen at all. It's semi-agreeable without faking discontent about it. I imagine how well it goes over would depend somewhat on your age, but if you're on the younger side you'll probably get either slightly nonplussed as a reaction or like a kinda, 'oh good, it's good to not sweat it too much and focus on school/career at first, let it come naturally' situation if the person has a more mature idea about romantic relationships (but still def assumes you will want one/have one Eventually). Otherwise I'm not sure, it's something I'm still figuring out how to deal with more broadly (the romo small talk that most people consider friendly/polite that I don't want to engage in), but mostly I've just shrugged off or awkwardly nodded along to it or avoided it via being anti-social. 😅 I wish you luck with figuring out as well!
  2. Hi! Having a lack of a attraction or a complicated relationship to attraction is plenty reason to identify as being on the aromantic spectrum if you find it useful for you to do so. Likewise, if you find it unhelpful, there's no need to. I often see people concerned about identifying as aro because they also have mental health issues they're working through, but being 'truly aro' doesn't require a lack of Other Issues Impacting Interpersonal Relationships any more than any other identity label. You can be aro and have that directly tie in to or be influenced by other aspects of your life and other aspects of how you connect to others, or it can also be separate from it, there's not a 'wrong' way to experience a lack of attraction or other complicated experiences with attraction that make it difficult to relate/connect to alloromanticism. I can't say you Are Definitely Aro, but just from what you've described, you have things in common with other folks who identify or have identified with the aro spectrum, so it's definitely fine to ID as such if it's helpful, whether that's long term or short term. So whatever you feel most comfortable with in that respect works, really. I wish you lots of luck on figuring it out though! Questioning can definitely be a Journey.
  3. Anime: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) Princess Tutu Yuri!!! On Ice 07-Ghost Kageki Shoujo Spirited Away Howl's Moving Castle Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Cardcaptor Sakura D.Gray-Man No. 06 Nabari no Ou Death Note xxxHolic Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle Pandora Hearts Vanitas no Carte Witch Hat Atelier I usually enjoy manga more than anime, but really enjoy the music and voices and animation of the cartoons and so will still watch those. Though in the case of FMA, I do actually just think the first anime had a really unique story and there are very much elements and themes in it that speak to me a lot more than the manga version, though likewise there are certain things I think the manga did better too. I got through the manga first and then was very excited to be able to go into the series again not knowing what the plot reveals would be, really had a lot of fun with both. Nabari no Ou I usually don't see discussed much, but it was excellent! Definitely the kind to hit you in the feels though. Princess Tutu I only watched once, but I thought it was really solid and unusual at the time. I enjoyed how eccentric it was. The manga list is the ones I really hyperfixated on as a teen though. (Ghibli I definitely was really into as a kid too though) Then there are bunch of anime/manga series I've seen and either like but feel weird calling a fave, or they just didn't vibe despite being frequently recommended. I binged some 700 episodes of Pokemon when I was a pre-teen, and am still a huge Team Rocket fan, but honestly tournament-style shounen tropes don't usually really do it for me, so I dunno now how to count it. I binged some Yu-Gi-Oh and had fun with it but also...didn't really get into any of the card/tournament stuff. I watched and read a lot of Karneval and it was definitely An Experience but I dunno if I could call it fully a good series either. xD I actually really liked Violet Evergarden in a normal way, but never really revisited or fixated on it. And then I tried stuff like Attack on Titan, Cowboy Bebop, and Ouran High School Host Club among others, and definitely appreciated elements of each, but didn't really get into any of them properly. Oh, and I kinda keep up with Bungou Stray Dogs, which I do enjoy but I wished it would focus more on the character development stuff, it just always feels like a lot of opportunities are missed even if it's still fun. I haven't really been sure what I want to try for anime/manga next? Aside from watching the movie Belle at some point. I do need to get back to Twelve Kingdoms though because that was intriguing.
  4. 'Autumn' is just my writing pseud and main online name for socializing, I first started using it when I joined nanowrimo and then kinda just kept using it out of simplicity. I chose it because I thought it was pretty and am a fan of a lot of the associated imagery, and now I still like it because of that and also now I'm just used to being called that in online spaces and by online friends.
  5. While I don't feel quite qualified to give definitive 'this is absolutely the best way to handle this kinda of situation' advice due to lack of experience, I do want to say, ghosting him is absolutely not harsh given the context. If you told him you weren't interested even once, the respectful thing to do would be accept it. The fact that he didn't listen to two rejections and then aggressively manipulated the situation to get your number (checking the first number like a creep, insisting you call him, etc.) is honestly a big red flag. That is not a guy who is going to respect your boundaries in any kind of relationship.You don't owe him any explanations or justifications of any kind. Blocking his number would be one thing to do. As for the risk of seeing him again in person...is there any way to take a slightly earlier train when you need to use that route, or arrange to have someone trusted with you if you can't? It's technically possible he doesn't use that route/time consistently too. Otherwise, all I can think is that if ghosting doesn't get the message across, then reporting him to the authorities if he bothers you again, or looking for a friendly stranger to stay near/subtly ask for help from (this is definitely more of a last resort, but in general staying in public and getting the attention of others I see as advice for dealing with a threatening person without escalating things). If anyone else with more experience with this kind of situation has more informed/detailed advice to give, then that would probably be better to listen to. But definitely you are wholly in the right to want to get rid of this guy as soon as possible, the situation isn't your fault for not being forceful, he should have just respected you in the first place.
  6. Hi! While I can't flat out tell you if you're aroace or not, I will say that there isn't some magic age you have to reach to be 'valid' in identifying as aro or ace. 9th grade is not at all 'young' to be labeling your attraction or lack there of - many teens are already dating in 7th and 8th grade, and getting strong crushes in 4th/5th/6th grade. You also don't have to 'try' dating or having sex to decide you don't want it for yourself. So if you find the term aroace useful in describing your current experiences with attraction and want to use it, then 'you're aroace'. And if you eventually stop finding the label useful, you can discard it. I'm aroace and in my early 20s, and I first started thinking about the possibility in early high school as well. It's quite possible the lack of attraction and repulsion will simply stay. And if it doesn't, that won't mean you were immature or 'wrong' now, just that the way you experience things and the things you want for yourself changed over time, which is normal and fine too. So just go with what feels comfortable in the moment, there's always time to reconsider things as you get more data later. I personally found that more useful than dwelling on what orientation term might maybe someday fit me better in theory (which, I definitely did at first when questioning if I was aro).
  7. In both writing and roleplay, a very large percentage of my characters are aromantic or a-spec in general. So far I've only roleplayed characters who are a-spec (a pan a-spec, two non-sam aros, an aroace, a non-sam ace, and a bi angled aroace), and my list of aro protagonists in my other writing works combined is very long. I never roleplay romance since I'm romance repulsed and generally a lot more sensitive to things directed me/my character in rp than in traditional writing; I have one antagonistic npc for a character who has romantic feelings for my player character (the...romance isn't the cause of the antagonism, it just kind of Happened in my head), but that's as far as I go. I definitely wouldn't want someone else roleplaying attraction at me. In traditional writing, I still have very little romance - it's not something that interests me very much and feels unnatural to write most of the time, but there are a small handful of couples I intend to write because it felt right enough for those characters.
  8. Oh, I was definitely in a lot of ways 'obviously aro' as a child, despite having no concept aromanticism and entirely expecting crushes would simply Arrive one day. I always talked about how I didn't have any crushes on anyone, didn't really get romance in media, couldn't really understand why everyone was so obsessed with crushes and dating. And that kind of just stayed the same with slight variation until I finally started id-ing as ace and then aro in high school. I think exactly no one in my immediate family was surprised when I told them, so much so I barely even remember my very first coming out clearly. xD (Though I do remember a lot of other conversations we've had around it)
  9. Hey, welcome to the forum! I hope you have a good time here.
  10. I'm aroace but not oriented, I've never personally felt it was a divisive term? The only issue around it I was aware of was it specifically describing aroaces who experience no romantic or sexual attraction at all, which is how we got 'angled aroace' for aroaces who do. I don't think the term indicates other aroaces don't experience tertiary attraction, just that it's not significant enough or consistent enough to label as being bi or gay or what have you specifically. Aroaces can want intimate relationships, and regardless my understanding of the term describes a tertiary attraction (alterous, aesthetic, etc.) that the person feels important enough to label and include in their identity. (Obviously anyone who is actually oriented aroace can correct me on anything I've gotten wrong, they know their experiences best)
  11. I'm not an expert, but I feel like I've seen it used in a few ways? More casually as going on date-like hangouts with your regular friends, or to mean actual dates with a platonic partner. I'm not sure if it refers to qpr dating as well, due to the confusing (to me) distinction between platonic and queerplatonic, but definitely the previous uses. I don't think I've seen the phrase used to ever imply a sexual component though, which friends with benefits specifically does (since the phrase usually means sex with someone you aren't dating or having a date-like relationship with as far as I know).
  12. I have no idea if he likes you back romantically or not - those actions could be anything depending on his idea of what close friendships and romances look like - but he does clearly like spending time with you, so I don't think an offer to do the club together would be bad by any means. The only thing I'd recommend considering is if he agrees but turns out to not have romantic feelings, would you still be able to have a good time with him during those activities? If so then it's definitely a good idea, if not I might recommend caution just to avoid having committed activities to sort out if you find yourself needing space later on. (Which might not be an issue if he does return your feelings, but since that's a question mark, I figure it's good to give some thought?) Regardless, good luck!
  13. I've never heard of it before now, the usage in that example makes it sound like it would refer to an aro who doesn't wholly identify as loveless but doesn't totally feel comfortable with love as it's usually discussed either. But that's purely a guess based on 1 example without context, if anyone knows where it originates from/what it means I'd love to know.
  14. It's definitely possible! Even if perhaps the term gray-aroace isn't used often, there's no reason you can't use it if you feel it describes your experiences.
  15. I think it comes down to which label you feel most comfortable with; on paper your experiences sound like they could fall under a number of labels. There's no reason you can't be a pansexual who just doesn't feel a strong need or desire for sex despite having the attractions for it. Pan grey-ace also sounds similar to what you describe, since the 'grey' part is broad enough to cover any quality that makes identifying fully as allo feel wrong. Sex-positive asexual could apply to the grey part as well, though I often see it used to describe people who are favorable towards sex despite not having the attraction; but there's no reason you couldn't use it if it felt the most natural to you. All in all though, if pansexual still feels the most 'right' or such, then I don't think what you've described is enough to make it flat-out inaccurate. Just a different experience with sexuality than what people think of as the 'norm'.
×
×
  • Create New...