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Autumn

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  • Name
    Autumn
  • Orientation
    Aromantic
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/Her

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  1. Hi! While I can't flat out tell you if you're aroace or not, I will say that there isn't some magic age you have to reach to be 'valid' in identifying as aro or ace. 9th grade is not at all 'young' to be labeling your attraction or lack there of - many teens are already dating in 7th and 8th grade, and getting strong crushes in 4th/5th/6th grade. You also don't have to 'try' dating or having sex to decide you don't want it for yourself. So if you find the term aroace useful in describing your current experiences with attraction and want to use it, then 'you're aroace'. And if you eventually stop finding the label useful, you can discard it. I'm aroace and in my early 20s, and I first started thinking about the possibility in early high school as well. It's quite possible the lack of attraction and repulsion will simply stay. And if it doesn't, that won't mean you were immature or 'wrong' now, just that the way you experience things and the things you want for yourself changed over time, which is normal and fine too. So just go with what feels comfortable in the moment, there's always time to reconsider things as you get more data later. I personally found that more useful than dwelling on what orientation term might maybe someday fit me better in theory (which, I definitely did at first when questioning if I was aro).
  2. In both writing and roleplay, a very large percentage of my characters are aromantic or a-spec in general. So far I've only roleplayed characters who are a-spec (a pan a-spec, two non-sam aros, an aroace, a non-sam ace, and a bi angled aroace), and my list of aro protagonists in my other writing works combined is very long. I never roleplay romance since I'm romance repulsed and generally a lot more sensitive to things directed me/my character in rp than in traditional writing; I have one antagonistic npc for a character who has romantic feelings for my player character (the...romance isn't the cause of the antagonism, it just kind of Happened in my head), but that's as far as I go. I definitely wouldn't want someone else roleplaying attraction at me. In traditional writing, I still have very little romance - it's not something that interests me very much and feels unnatural to write most of the time, but there are a small handful of couples I intend to write because it felt right enough for those characters.
  3. Oh, I was definitely in a lot of ways 'obviously aro' as a child, despite having no concept aromanticism and entirely expecting crushes would simply Arrive one day. I always talked about how I didn't have any crushes on anyone, didn't really get romance in media, couldn't really understand why everyone was so obsessed with crushes and dating. And that kind of just stayed the same with slight variation until I finally started id-ing as ace and then aro in high school. I think exactly no one in my immediate family was surprised when I told them, so much so I barely even remember my very first coming out clearly. xD (Though I do remember a lot of other conversations we've had around it)
  4. Hey, welcome to the forum! I hope you have a good time here.
  5. I'm aroace but not oriented, I've never personally felt it was a divisive term? The only issue around it I was aware of was it specifically describing aroaces who experience no romantic or sexual attraction at all, which is how we got 'angled aroace' for aroaces who do. I don't think the term indicates other aroaces don't experience tertiary attraction, just that it's not significant enough or consistent enough to label as being bi or gay or what have you specifically. Aroaces can want intimate relationships, and regardless my understanding of the term describes a tertiary attraction (alterous, aesthetic, etc.) that the person feels important enough to label and include in their identity. (Obviously anyone who is actually oriented aroace can correct me on anything I've gotten wrong, they know their experiences best)
  6. I'm not an expert, but I feel like I've seen it used in a few ways? More casually as going on date-like hangouts with your regular friends, or to mean actual dates with a platonic partner. I'm not sure if it refers to qpr dating as well, due to the confusing (to me) distinction between platonic and queerplatonic, but definitely the previous uses. I don't think I've seen the phrase used to ever imply a sexual component though, which friends with benefits specifically does (since the phrase usually means sex with someone you aren't dating or having a date-like relationship with as far as I know).
  7. I have no idea if he likes you back romantically or not - those actions could be anything depending on his idea of what close friendships and romances look like - but he does clearly like spending time with you, so I don't think an offer to do the club together would be bad by any means. The only thing I'd recommend considering is if he agrees but turns out to not have romantic feelings, would you still be able to have a good time with him during those activities? If so then it's definitely a good idea, if not I might recommend caution just to avoid having committed activities to sort out if you find yourself needing space later on. (Which might not be an issue if he does return your feelings, but since that's a question mark, I figure it's good to give some thought?) Regardless, good luck!
  8. I've never heard of it before now, the usage in that example makes it sound like it would refer to an aro who doesn't wholly identify as loveless but doesn't totally feel comfortable with love as it's usually discussed either. But that's purely a guess based on 1 example without context, if anyone knows where it originates from/what it means I'd love to know.
  9. It's definitely possible! Even if perhaps the term gray-aroace isn't used often, there's no reason you can't use it if you feel it describes your experiences.
  10. I think it comes down to which label you feel most comfortable with; on paper your experiences sound like they could fall under a number of labels. There's no reason you can't be a pansexual who just doesn't feel a strong need or desire for sex despite having the attractions for it. Pan grey-ace also sounds similar to what you describe, since the 'grey' part is broad enough to cover any quality that makes identifying fully as allo feel wrong. Sex-positive asexual could apply to the grey part as well, though I often see it used to describe people who are favorable towards sex despite not having the attraction; but there's no reason you couldn't use it if it felt the most natural to you. All in all though, if pansexual still feels the most 'right' or such, then I don't think what you've described is enough to make it flat-out inaccurate. Just a different experience with sexuality than what people think of as the 'norm'.
  11. People debate and debate what does or doesn't constitute love all the time, so I think what matters more is whether or not you feel it's accurate or useful to describe the feelings as love or not. What type of relationship it is defined as also pretty much comes down to the personal perception of the people involved. But yes, you can feel romantic attraction separate from sexual attraction! So that's certainly one possibility. It could be platonic or alterous attraction too, or it could be more nebulous than any of the common descriptions of attraction. I think as long as you and your friend are on the same page about boundaries and what you want from the relationship, than the specifics don't really need to matter much unless having certain titles/labels is important to you both.
  12. Hi there! Welcome to the forums, we're glad to have you. Figuring out your identity is often complicated, regardless of where you end up though I hope you enjoy your time on this site with everyone!
  13. Haven't been playing actively super recently since I've been binge reading instead, but there's definitely a list of games I'm in the midst of along with a list of Old Faves. Currently I'm in the middle of Unavowed, the port of Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon and the Blade of Light, Crypt of the Necrodancer, and the first Diablo among others. Oh and Breath of the Wild too, and occasionally Animal Crossing (I keep forgetting to log on though). And I am playing a bit of Lord of the Rings Online! Mainly grew up with Gamecube and PC games with a mix of N64, Sega Genesis, PS2, and Original X-Box games (Legend of Zelda, Sonic, Mario, Metroid Prime, Castlevania, an assortment of other games), and often replay those. Have only slightly updated since then lol. (I...completely missed the entire wii/wii u/ps3 era xD)
  14. Definitely feel free to take your time with choosing a label, but also the idea of it being 'too soon to say' will never actually go away with some people - easier to claim a full grown adult is a 'late bloomer' than accept aromanticism is just A Thing. (People so often start getting 'real' crushes in 4th-6th grade, saying teens can't or shouldn't use whatever label fits them at the moment is silly). But again, you don't have to rush into anything if it makes you unhappy. Whatever you go with, I wish you luck!
  15. You didn't ask an offensive question! Sometimes activity is just a bit slow here. I'm not grey-aro myself, so I'm not an authority on what would or wouldn't offend that community, but generally I'd say labels don't have to be set in stone at any point. If using one makes you feel the most comfortable, than it's doing its job - even if you can't "prove" it. And it's completely okay to switch labels later! I don't think it's any one person's responsibility to uphold or reject certain perceptions of a label or usage of it, you just gotta do what works for your personal experiences and self-perception.
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