Emerald Cheetah

I just finished reading "loveless" by Alice Oseman a couple weeks ago. It's about a character discovering that she is aroace, and also accepting and coming to terms with it. The book is amazing at showing off a diverse representation of characters. The whole cast of characters isn't white and there are other sexualities explored in the story as well. It was a real breath of fresh air to see aromanticism explored so deeply and this book got so soo many things right. I actually cried while reading one part near the end of the book because it described exactly what I wanted so perfectly. Another book with an aro character (though not nearly as great as Loveless, but I still enjoyed it) is "We go forward" by Alison Evans. This book is about two gals (one aroace, the other bisexual) becoming friends and going on a roadtrip together through Europe. It's rather short and sweet. And I'm a sucker for friendship so I love it.

Hello! I have to say that a lot of the things you said are very relatable to those on the aro spectrum. In high school/junior high I also made this conscious decision for myself that I wouldn't date for several reasons such as "I need to focus on school", "my school is small therefore there's no point in dating from such a small pool of options", and "high school sweethearts are statistically uncommon so what's the point?" etc. Sometimes I viewed love from a rather logical point of view which should've been a sign for me You appear to also be experiencing romance repulsion to a degree which is quite common in the aromantic community. Personally, I go crazy for gay romance, but if it's straight I will scrutinize it with all kinds of made up criteria in my head. I used to love Teen Fantasy and Adventure books, but the last time I wandered through that section searching for a book I found the word "romance/romantic" in the description of almost every book I picked up and it bothered me a lot. Then the one I bought had a romance that was ehhhhhh to me (with a sex scene that was even more ehhhhhh to me). Now I don't go through that section because I feel like it has betrayed me. Just give me beautiful platonic friendships in a novel plzz 😭 I haven't been asked out very often, so I don't have much experience to draw on concerning some of your points. However there was one time when I was asked out and it made me so uncomfortable. I said yes because I felt pressured to, but then the stress of a relationship made me break it off a few hours later. I literally couldn't stand the idea of being romantic with someone and the way he was acting towards me felt so wrong. I knew I couldn't reciprocate. I hope I was helpful in sharing my similar experiences with you

Hello Pieri! Welcome to the party 🙂 Make yourself at home. I totally feel ya on the rambling. I have a tendency to do the exact same thing 😅 A lot of us here also struggle with feelings of brokenness, myself included. The best remedy for this feeling is simply knowing that you're not alone. To always remember that there's a community of us who are here for you and probably can relate to what you're going through. However, an even better remedy would be to make some actual friends who are aro. Having at least one friend on the spectrum would definitely make anyone feel less alone and broken because then you can talk to them on a deeper level about aro stuff and whatnot. I have yet to form such a friendship, but I hope to someday.

I can't relate 100% because I am aromantic and not demiro, but I can relate with the feelings you have expressed. I also am not proud of my identity. Sometimes there are perks like avoiding relationship drama, and being free to pursue my own interests without having to consult a partner first. But I feel any pro to my identity has more cons to outweigh it. Sometimes I wish that I had any other romantic orientation besides aromantic just so I could at least have the smallest chance of finding someone. Sure, QPRs exist, but finding one is next to impossible and not every aromantic wants one. In our society, favor is given to the majority and the rest are left to fend for themselves (that's us). We are a source of pity for everyone else. How can we be proud when there is no path to happiness for us? Our generation has been given the task of forging that path ourselves and it is terrifying.

I've searched many times for apps dedicated to forming friendships and well, they're almost never promising. Often, the apps promise to help you find friendship "and maybe more", so the app is already telling us that romantic relationships are on the table. Other times the app is deliberately misleading. You'll think that it is dedicated to friendship because the title of the app literally conveys a platonic term (I've literally seen apps that do this! AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD) but then the app isn't solely dedicated to platonic relationships???? arghhhhhhh. I did actually found one app that actually was made for friendship and romance was strictly off the table (Forgive me, I can't remember the name). There was a place to insert your romantic and sexual ortientation in the app and it was actually in a swipe format. I saw a few asexuals and aromantics, however I suppose my standards are too high. I eventually uninstalled the app when I ran out of people to swipe left or right for. Perhaps this app would've worked for others, but I still felt restrained. It would be nice if there was an app made just for aromantics. It's so hard when I have to fish through every other sexuality on an app just to find my own group that hardly even exists. We seem to want something that's so different from other romantic orientations. They use apps with the purpose of meeting people in order to form romantic (and usually sexual) relationships with others. That's where we differ, and why we desperately need our own app. With our own app we could state what kind of relationship we're looking for and be more likely to find it. Alloaro looking for another Alloaro to date? Great! Aroace searching for a QPR? Also great! The only problem, like with all ideas, is who would create such an app 😭 It might as well just be a dream.

This book is definitely one I have in my sights. Super excited to get my hands on it! If I have to guess, the author might just be drawing in unsuspecting allos before hitting them over the head with "psych!". It's kind of like people in movies who are like "I'm gonna be single forever!" and so someone might pick up the book thinking that's what the title is conveying. But then they'll be in for quite the pleasant surprise

Honestly I relate so much to what you're saying. I haven't so much had to deal with letting people down because I don't get asked out hardly ever (like seriously, only once or twice has that ever happened), but I find myself dreaming of having a partner of some kind. However, without any concrete idea of a close (non-romantic) lifelong partnership reflected in society, how can I truly know what I want? Sometimes I imagine a relationship that is really intimate both physically and emotionally to the point where the lines between platonic and romantic are blurred. Other times, I just want a fun roommate who understands me and can be there for me when I need them (And I'd be there for them as well, of course). I suppose the latter does exist, but it usually doesn't last because the roommates find romantic partners and go separate ways. with both images in my head I always come across at least one problem. For one, how will I find such a person to pursue such a relationship with?? I've met asexuals in real life, but I don't believe I've met a single aromantic. And with that problem, there comes the common aromantic fear of being left alone. Such relationships that we dream of having always seem out of reach because romantic relationships are the priority for most everyone. We could never have our desired relationship type if everyone else is "pairing up" and forming romantic relationships. At least, that's how it feels for me. Our options are seriously limited if we can only form our best relationships with like...1% of the population.

That's a very common fear even in the aro community so I totally understand what you mean People who experience romantic attraction would probably be better at answering what's the "normal" amount of crushes to have in a period of time. However, based on your description I would say it's fairly normal. Unless of course, your experiences with crushes are unusual. For example, your romantic attraction fades when your crush shows interest in you.Then you'd be lithromantic. Or perhaps Frayromantic, a similar orientation, where you experience attraction that fades upon getting to know the individual. There are other romantic orientations worth looking into and they all fall within the aromantic spectrum. There's a page on arocalypse that lists all the known romantic orientations: https://www.arocalypse.com/topic/1135-comprehensive-list-of-romantic-orientations/

@Apathetic Echidna Yeah I keep getting distracted by the video and forget to read the lyrics almost every time I watch it as well 😂That's an interesting point. I never understood why it was referenced as a funeral but that interpretation makes sense. There were only some spots that made sense like when it mentioned that their fates were intertwined and they were dependent on the same anesthesia to survive. Makes sense since, in some cases, there are unhealthy relationships where people become, in a way, completely dependent on each other. I haven't heard of any place in the world evolving to such a thought process so as to throw out marriage. I mean I've heard that there is this new movement in Japan of Hikikomoris (I hope I spelt that right) and they often don't get married ,but it's not necessarily because they don't want to. It's simply because Japan's society can be a very stressful one to live in and so marriage isn't going to happen when many people can't even keep themselves together mentally. And there are even people in Japan who just go off the grid completely, sometimes leaving the families they've built behind. I don't think the Japanese people would rather avoid marriage. But I have heard that domestic violence is very common in married couples in Japan, so again, another reason to avoid marriage or be wary of it. With Japan's honor system, it can be hard to get out of things once you're already locked in. And due to all that marriage might possibly seen as a trap some want to avoid. Long story short, this is super complex and I'm no expert! However this song seems to not so much be about the society, but about two people who are actually in love which is what confuses me most. It doesn't seem so much centered on Japanese culture but instead I could relate this to any unhealthy romantic relationship, perhaps. Luckily, when in doubt, go to the comments section! Because there will always be theorizers commenting under vocaloid songs 🙃 It's a shame most of the comments are in Japanese lol

This response is both related and unrelated to the topic 😅 But your post reminded me of this song I saw called "The Disease called Love". The whole song uses a pretty extensive metaphor so I don't completely understand every single part of it but the title should be enough to explain that the disease is a metaphor for love. However it's clearly a metaphor and isn't saying that love is actually a disease! That's a bit far imo. Link (the song is in Japanese but there are English captions)

I'm not really good with this kind of stuff so I don't know if my advice will help but I would say to be honest and tell her that you're starting to think you're aromantic, too. And, while this isn't possible with every relationship, perhaps try and still be friends. Offer friendship with her because that way she won't really be without you. It will just be a different kind of relationship. And who's to say a friendship can't be a close one. Let her know that being friendzoned isn't a curse. Friendship is a beautiful thing and it's not the end. If she doesn't accept your offer of friendship then I'd say it's her loss and you've done all you can. You deserve to be happy, and being in a romantic relationship as an aromantic is hard enough. She should understand. If she doesn't, it's not your fault. This advice may have been obvious. But that's the first stuff that popped into my mind. 😅

I'm currently really into vocaloid. The genre can do practically anything. It can create whatever genre the producer desires and it has led to the creation of all kinds of unique songs. However if you simply want upbeat and positive, those can also be found with vocaloid. Just stay away from the depressing and dark side of vocaloid if you're not really into that😅 Here's some upbeat and positive (depending on how you view positive) vocaloid songs: Triple Baka <-- I hope you don't mind listening to songs in a different language. Vocaloid is from Japan, afterall! Tell your World <-- Also in Japanese. The translation is a bit iffy but I think you'll get the point. Electric Angel <-- This song is about two vocaloids and the love they feel for their "creator". I don't think there are romantic connotations at all. The love expressed is more in the gratitude sense. And yay! It's not Hatsune Miku singing unlike the last two. So if you don't like Hatsune Miku's voice then here's some variation. 😅 I tend to listen to the dark side of vocaloid which is why I've just picked some of the more popular songs with positive vibes because I don't know much more than this. There's probably waaay more out there.

I have a crazy idea! Let's create a town of just aromantics! They've done something like this in Kenya where women have created a town of only women. So basically, in this town only Aromantics and those on the aromantic spectrum would be allowed to live there. There would be exceptions for cases where we have QPP partners who aren't aspec but want to live with their aspec partner nonetheless. Oh and another exception would be adoption because we can't control a child's orientation, duh. But anyways, this way, we'll never feel alone ever again because we'd be surrounded by our comrades. Our peers. Our community! Of course, creating a town out of nothing is easier said than done. But it's a nice thought to say the least. 🙃

First I learned about asexuality from a friend in high school when he came out to me as asexual. I had no idea what it was until he explained it but I was like "oh cool", and then that was it for a year or two. Then last year (2018) I saw a post on Instagram about Aromanticism. Someone was telling a story of girl who identified as aromantic being discriminated against. Even though I was learning what aromanticism was for the first time, I could still understand it, and I sympathized with the girl. However, it took a few months for me to finally apply the label of aromanticism to myself! And then even more months (on top of the few years) for me to finally accept asexuality. It really doesn't help when society is so good at convincing you that you're straight.