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Ettina

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Everything posted by Ettina

  1. I think that's because you're still a kid. In adulthood, saying you have a best friend can come across as childish, or else they assume it's someone you've known since childhood and continue to use the same term even though you're not still actively seeing each other every day.
  2. I've felt like the opposite is true for me. I've wanted kids for a long time (and now I'm pregnant! Finally!) and I've gotten a lot of flack from people who think I shouldn't reproduce for various reasons - because I'm disabled, because I'm not planning to raise them in a stereotypical mother + father family structure, because I need assistive reproduction and "why don't you just adopt?" (as if adoption is so simple and easy), because they think aromantic means loveless, and because there's a number of people who think no one should reproduce and conveniently target anyone but the fertile heteros who are producing the majority of children. My family has always supported me, though.
  3. Most of the aro advocacy I see treats aroaces as the default aros. Mostly because a lot of it is borne out of aroaces feeling alienated by allo-ace centric ace communities.
  4. Procreation doesn't require sex. I'm pregnant and I've never had sex. Also, human overpopulation is a myth to deflect attention away from the problem of unequal resource distribution due to capitalism.
  5. Aroace and childfree are different things.
  6. I've been trying to conceive via sperm donation, because I want to be a single parent by choice. Anyone else aro and want to have kids? I feel like aro spaces are often overwhelmingly childfree to the point where sometimes I feel erased because I'm aro and one of my biggest dreams is to be a parent.
  7. Same. I'm sex-repulsed and romance-favorable, personally. For me, romance-favorable feels important to mention in aro communities, because I sometimes feel alienated by the assumption that all aros dislike romance and have negative reactions towards romance.
  8. Plus, I feel like the concept of aspec is valuable for aroaces. It's important to acknowledge the split-orientation folks too, but aroaces shouldn't have to feel forced to divide themselves between two separate communities for something that is often a unified experience in the same way that gay, lesbian, straight, etc are for people with non-split orientations.
  9. Personally, I don't find "fetishizing" a useful term, and I feel that it's pretty much inextricably linked to kink-negativity to the point where I'd be happy just completely tossing that term in the trash heap. A lot of times, when people talk about "fetishizing" as a harmful thing, what they're really talking about is objectification. Which is treating someone else as if their thoughts/feelings/desires don't matter, all that matters is how they can meet your desires. The fact that you seem to be more inclined to have squishes on trans guys doesn't strike me as a concern at all. What's important is how you actually treat the trans guys in your life, not what types of attraction you feel towards them.
  10. I'm an aromantic bi-asexual. In my case, I'm grey-ace, so I do feel attraction sometimes, and when I do, it can be to multiple genders.
  11. But do they see them as guys, or as butch girls who they're willing to humor because they're cute?
  12. 33% alloromantic ace 33% aroace 25% aro I'm surprised allo ace was so high. I think it's confusing not being romance-repulsed with feeling romantic attraction.
  13. To me, including allies under LGBTQIAA+ makes about as much sense as including white people under POC. I don't need to be included in the POC umbrella to be anti-racist, so why should we include allies in the LGBT+ umbrella? Being an ally doesn't make you part of the group, it makes you an ally of the group.
  14. I'm not sure if I'm autochorisromantic or not, but it's definitely adjacent to how I experience romance. I don't feel romantic attraction, but I do find romance fun to fantasize about or read about sometimes.
  15. Emotional vulnerability is not exclusive to romance, it's a feature of any really close emotional bond. Basically, it's the emotional equivalent of a cat letting another cat lick their neck. You allow another person access to stuff they could use to seriously hurt you emotionally, because you are confident that they won't. For example, when I was first questioning my sexuality, I briefly thought I might be a pedophile (confusing squishes for sexual attraction). And the way I dealt with it was by confessing my worry and the reasons for it to my mother. That was me making myself emotionally vulnerable. She could have freaked out and told me that I was a disgusting monster, and I'd have been absolutely crushed if she had. But the whole reason I told her was because I was very certain that she wouldn't react that way - that she'd listen and support me and help me figure this out. And it turned out I was right to trust her with that.
  16. I headcanon Odo from Deep Space Nine as greyromantic asexual. A bunch of good aro moments with him reacting to romance, especially with regards to Loixanna Troi's attraction to him.
  17. I don't think those people know romance is ephemeral. Stories about romantic relationships tend to focus on the beginning imply that they should love each other in that way forever. I don't think I've ever seen a fictional romantic relationship that directly discussed limerence fading without implying that the relationship was in serious danger if they didn't get it back. Plus, limerence-seeking can be an addictive behavior for some people.
  18. I like the last line.
  19. I tried to watch Little Shop of Horrors at the age of 8. Not a good idea. My family regularly watched Mars Attack when my younger brother was little. (The first time my Dad watched it, my toddler brother started going "at at at" as soon as he saw the disguised Martian.) I was fine with it, and he was OK when he was too little to understand what was going on, but he's told me that apparently we let him watch it when he was just getting old enough to be terrified by it.
  20. I went to French immersion from pre-K to grade 6. I'm rusty now, but I have decent French. I have tried to learn far too many languages to list, but the biggies are Dutch, Japanese and ASL.
  21. For me, being autistic and aro, I'm terrified of how I'm going to survive when my parents die. At least I have a brother to support me, but he's got his own struggles, so who knows? If I wasn't aro, I'd be looking for a partner who can help me out, but being aro makes that a lot more complicated.
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