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About boba

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    aromantic bisexual
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  1. I'm wondering if what you're looking for is a QPR. Obvi, I don't know the answer to that, but perhaps that's what you're referencing when you mean "some kind of relationship." As for, the dating app thing, I wish. But sadly no. I definitely think there is a need for it though.
  2. I agree. or like?? just generally being rude/demeaning/ absolutely cruel to people that reject them it befuddles me endlessly
  3. Honestly, lately I think "Mad At Disney" (yes, the TikTok song) could have an aro reading
  4. Could you have a foreword? Or a glossary that defines aro and ace? So the reader goes in knowing that there's a difference between the two, before the story even starts? Also, idk if this would work b/c you mentioned that it's unlabelled and the self-discovery aspect is a v important theme. But could you mb already have a character in a sexual qpr or non-sexual romantic relationship? Mb that spurs questioning, but also self-doubt? or maybe for some reason the MC can't ask the aroallo/aceallo character about their lifestyle/preferences???? So there's never an explicit explanation, but mb just food for thought for the MC
  5. I agree with previous comments. Personally, I'm not wholly fond of the idea that the closest you can be with someone is as a romantic partner. But otherwise, it looks really great! It's really clean, informative, and refreshing, also super easy to read! Kudos to you! Most of all, I think it'll be really effective for those who choose to use it!
  6. boba

    Mental Big Brother

    I do. But less now. I've thought about what other people would think if they saw me doing something, constantly wondering if what I'm doing is ok or good enough? Or like, if I'm holding hands with a friend, I'd wonder what my other friends would say. Would they think it's weird? I've learned that the people I'm scared of tend to appear the most often, and that's pretty indicative of 2 things. (1) it really shows how much I care about what other people think. and (2) it shows that I think their opinion of me would be swayed if I truly behaved how I wanted to behave. I've realised that the people that I trust the most, or the people that are healthiest for me, typically aren't the faces that show up in my mind as I wonder "Is this ok? What would they think if they saw me now? Would they laugh? Sneer?" But I do think it gets better with confidence, assurance, and time!
  7. ??? was I the only one who really struggled to read that 😖 ??? I'm fairly confident only my reading comprehension skills, so idk if it was their writing or my inability to read atm. I think they're trying to advocate for individuals who don't strictly identify as aroallo or alloace? But the way they go about it seems to specifically target the aro community, particularly aroallos. Anyway. "I worry how Allo is used in aro spaces." I wonder how they differentiate individual aroallo pride from an aroallo individual being anti-ace. As an aroallo, I 100% believe you can have pride without being anti-ace. I've never seen an aroallo parade around shouting "At least I have sexual attraction!!!!" (which if they did, I agree. that'd be pretty anti-ace.) They go on to discuss the notion that maybe aroallos shouldn't even use the term allos at all. They compare it to the term cis. Like how a cis woman doesn't go around specifying that she's cis because that is the norm. In this metaphor, I propose a counter example. Pronouns (aka also a former of identity.) Regardless if you are cis or trans, you are encouraged to label your pronouns with every introduction/email/speech/etc. We promote the posting of pronouns because it creates a more inclusive space. In my mind, the term aroallo (like the clarification of pronouns) acknowledges the existence of a-spec and aroace individuals. If we were to use solely the term aro, then that would signify that being aroallo is the default (thereby contributing to aroace and a-spec erasure.) But it's not. If I've misspoken please let me know, but I saw that and my brain questioned it immediately. I don't really comprehend what they mean with the words "because then it feels like your own words are used against you." I would love it if someone elaborated or explain, because I am quite puzzled. Also, I feel slightly offended by the following --> "I also think the the aro community can feel it's larger connection .... pride in." 1) I'm not really sure I follow what "things" they're actively referring to. Are we talking about how we should connect over being aro, and rely on the identifying term "aro" rather than aroallo/aroace/greyary/arodemi/a-spec/etc??? Or rather sticking with "aro" unless you're aroace/greyaro/arodemi/a-spec/etc??? Because if so, I think that you can experience connection in a community while encouraging diversity of thought and identity. I think we can concentrate and celebrate our aro-ness, without annihilating an identity? 2) If they're not aro, then maybe they shouldn't try to tell aros how to feel and act as a community. ??? like, c'mon. that's basic knowledge ??? #oppressedminority101 ??? once again confused by their statement. I think the a-spec community is more than capable of developing a vocabulary that fits their needs. They ought to be addressed however they want to be addressed, not however you think/want to address them. I think in the next paragraph, they go on to address that aro/ace history is intertwined. Which yes, intersectionality exists. It always has and always will. But the issue I find here is the analogy of stealing from oneself? Who is stealing? Who is stealing from who? We are two communities who proudly intersect at multiple points. But?? We're not the same community??? I don't have much to say about the star metaphor b/c I'm not sure what the astrologer / light is symbolising. But I'd rather consider our community as independent, rather than two communities dependent on each other's gravitational pull to be spatially positioned. Like, if we were to place aro-identity and ace-identity as two cups of water, where empty of water is aro and ace respectively. How little or how much water one cup has is independent from the other. Will both those cups of water be on the half-empty side for some people? Yeah. But that's not because our identities are dependent on each other. It's just how it is. And the existence and identification of those who have one cup half full and another cup half empty (aroallos or alloaces) doesn't put anyone to shame??? lol this went super long. but I hope this made sense. if anyone wants to discuss further, my PMs are open 🥺 I don't mean any malice, I just genuinely disagree with this post.
  8. Literally, I would love that. I go to a school in a very Republican and a very white state so even being 'out' is kinda a big deal. It would be a complete dream to go to a Historically Queer College (if someone ever made it a thing.) Like, I can only imagine queer culture being the norm. And then the gay bars, drag shows, PRIDE, celebrating the various orientation weeks, just general nonconformity. That would be such a dream.
  9. I just tried making one, but the cheapest app-making service is $18/mo. (which as a student, I cannot pay for lol.) But if anyone does have that money and wants to spend it to create an app, here's the link to the service: https://snappy.appypie.com/appbuilder/creator-software/ It was very user friendly. It'll ask you what genre your app is most like, and there's a dating option. (I know our app won't be used for dating, but the other options were like insurance, fitness, entertainment, etc.) And there's plenty of customisation options available for aesthetics. Like I said, I just can't afford to do that. But if anyone wants to, we may be closer to our own app than we realise!
  10. ahaha I feel you on this one. Yeah, sometimes when I'm my most loneliest and insecure I wish I was also. It's hard to accept that I have to be the one that fully provides my own self-confidence and self-esteem. I think that responsibility is expected out of everyone, but Aros don't always have the privilege of sharing that burden with others. Idk if that made sense, or if that's just my insecurities speaking. It's hard to feel comfortable with "Am I enough for myself? Bc it sure doesn't feel like it." But yeah, I understand what you mean. Maybe one day we'll stop feeling like that though??
  11. This is the most wholesome thing I've ever seen! Thank you for doing this. You are such a kind, sweet, considerate human being that deserves the world! I'm kind of in the same boat as you at the moment, so: One thing I like about myself is that I'm building strength in vulnerability, while still being ruthless about the things I care about.
  12. 1. loveeee the username 2. I literally felt the EXACT same way! For me, I think it's really important to note that societally defined "romantic actions" aren't really exclusively romantic. Like, I've held hands and cuddle with someone platonically. Which also means that you can have sex with someone meaningful without it being romantic. I guess what I'm trying to say is that everything we define as "relationship things" doesn't have to be romantic. You may want to look into what a QPR (queer platonic relationship) is! In a QPR, like all relationships, you get define how you want to show/receive affection (inclusive to all the typical "relationship things" but non-romantic)
  13. @Yellow bro I feel that. For latter part of high-school, I had a really similar situation. I just assumed that it was just his friends messing with him. For awhile, I never said anything because I didn't want to embarrass him. At one point he learned how to say "I Love You" in my home language in front of a bunch of our mutual friends, and I still didn't get it. Maybe my subconscious realised it, but it didn't stop me from learning how to say "I Love You" in his home language. I thought it was all in good fun. I mean, if he could make a joke out of me, joking back couldn't hurt? Now, I kinda kick myself a lil bit because wowwwwww did I accidentally lead that him on. But we're on good terms. Besides mild guilt and (I assume) subtle heartbreak?, I think there's no hard feelings.
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