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Ikarus

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  • Orientation
    ApothiAro
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    agender
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    he/him

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  1. When I first discovered the term Aromantic I felt a massive sense of relief that my experiences could be encapsulated and subsequently validated by one word. Next I found several aro sub reddits and to my surprise there where a lot more aromantic people then I expected. It was a breath of fresh air to be free from the isolating world of amatonormativity. It was a little unnerving but ultimately delightful how much I related to all the memes I found there. Having the word aro gives me confidence and a sense of community knowing I will never be alone with my lack of attraction towards this ridiculous romance thing everyone seems to be into.
  2. Ultimately it depends on you, if you feel asexual and want to use that label then by all means do it. Also remember that asexuality is on a spectrum. There is no asexuality rule book everyone must follow to be asexual. You can be gray ace, demi ace, lithosexual and more. Based on what you said I think your closer to the experiences of no sexual attraction or interest category.
  3. Allos can be infatuated to anyone spontaneously, maybe not love at first sight but the feeling can suddenly come up. It can also suddenly go away as well. If infatuation is so fleeting, and if the feeling obscures who the person really is, then why do allos make so many movies and song about infatuation? It seems to get in the way of knowing who the person truly is stopping someone from achieving true love ( by that I mean love based on knowing and accepting who the person really is and loving each other from a foundation of truth.) Why does someone else have to reciprocate this temporary feeling that only impedes the most important step of a relationship. Infatuation seems incredibly unproductive to my aro mind. Well it brings people together...sometimes, but if the other doesn't feel equally infatuated in this strange love lottery charade then its taken as a loss. This sudden spark of attraction called infatuation seems to bring more problems than solutions. I mean sometimes I think there is a fat flying diaper man messing with us all.
  4. Most likely no because allo people generally expect a mutual feeling of both falling in love and going through the infatuation stage of a crush. If you are not infatuated with them then you aren't in love. Not in love then you just like them but you don't love them and then yada yada yada your basically hard crunchy unbuttered toast to them. Is this always true? I am thinking it is generally what to expect. For an example lets say I want a monogamous relationship involving regular sex, sharing our lives together, living together, mutual finances etc. No kids though. A lot of traditional romantic expectations have been met except one big one. You love them but you don't fall in love with them. I never go through the infatuation stage. This is actually what I want by the way not hypothetical. Being in love is very different than loving. Its usually described as a spontaneous emotion you have no real control over. It is a strong feeling spawning immediately from the aether. It can dissipate as quickly as it can generate. Romantic partners feel much more possessive over being someones everything. A romantic partner is your lover, therapist, sexual partner, best friend, household manager, and you are expected to enjoy every activity the most with them. (Possessiveness doesn't necessarily always happen but its more likely to happen with romance). In romance everything seems to be about how they make you feel. For example the whole I love them I love them not. When Allos talk to friends about their romantic feels its usually all about how others make them feel. On the other hand love focuses more on how the other person feels about you, do they feel appreciated, valued, or understood. Instead of all the infatuation guiding me I choose to love them after knowing them gradually, and I see them as a partner not someone I am possessive for. I do not expect to be the others everything in life and I care more about how they feel vs how they make me feel romantically. That is actually where I am at right now. I want a monogamous relationship without romantic ownership expectations, and without infatuation being expected from the two of us. On a side note why is infatuation such a big deal in romantic relationships? Is it possible to love an allo in a qpr without allos insisting on you falling in love with them?
  5. I think this video perfectly sums up the amatonormative cultural attitudes around men / woman friendship. The institution of marriage, heteronormativity, amatonormativity definitely influence peoples view of men and woman friendships. If all of the influences lifted above lost their influence, would allo people still see men and woman as potential dates? I would like to hear your thoughts on some of the answers in this interview video. I think its interesting to hear allos answer to this question. Obviously the answer to this question at the end is incredibly amatonormative. "As we can see after interviewing everyone in the library, it is impossible for men and women to be just friends and under no circusmstances can it happen." But it sounds like the guy says this somewhat jokingly by the tone of his voice when he says, we can clearly see after interviewing just a few folks in a library.
  6. I have never been kissed by anyone besides my mother / grammy. So, what was it like being kissed outside the fam? On the lips kissing? What was the context? Funny or awkward stories? What do I think having never kissed a woman / man. Personally I don’t think I mind kissing even on the lips, I even desire that. Its not sexual to me, it’s rather affectionate/ sensual. I would most definitely be repulsed if the act of kissing is done with romantic intent. But if it’s casual then I don’t believe so. I don’t mind kissing woman, femboys, or even certain types of men. I prefer kissing either woman or femboys, actually preferably femboys. Im early 20s so don’t be surprised I haven’t kissed yet. But im also aro so I guess it fits the stereotype.
  7. Yes Andrew Tate is un ironically evil behind the memes of him I thoroughly enjoy. Sparkling water, breathe air, your broke! the way he talks is just stupid hilarious. But there are some other memorable things from him. His father Emory Tate was a chess wiz. This was a quote from Andrew’s father Emory Tate during an altercation where his father fought off 4 Mexicans in a gas station and when the police showed up they asked Emory what he does for a living after seeing the CCTV footage of the fight. He responded saying he was a chess player, the police said maybe he should be something else. Emory then pulled out that quote, one of the greatest quotes of all time. ”My unmatched perspicacity coupled with my sheer indefatigability makes me a feared opponent in any realm of human endeavor.” The man is also surprisingly not transphobic? I mean he said he would rather have sex with a 8-9 ranking trans woman than a 6-4 biological female. I don’t care if theres a penis im having sex I believe those where his words. There is a reason he is popular. Young men are in a state of crisis right now and Tate is seen as this ultra rich masculine based giga rizzler. Part of the reason is terminally online left feminists blame men for everything wrong in this world. This stereotype gets perpetuated instead of men knowing the truth. The patriarchy also affects men and Tate isn’t a rebel, he is defending the status quo. Tate is also evil plain and simple.
  8. Allos just feel crushes they don’t have to put effort into making it happen. No lists of traits none of that. Do or do not, there is no try. Many important feelings and attractions or lack thereof happen outside the realm of conscious influence.
  9. When it comes to sex you want to wait until you’ve found your forever partner. You don’t have that full bond. You could be on the ace spectrum, my best guess would be demisexual: feeling sexual attraction towards another person only after establishing an emotional bond with that person https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/demisexual Also it may be hard to do but you don’t need to feel ashamed for who you are. You just love differently and that’s perfectly okay. There are people out their who will want to be your forever partner. No need to put any blame on yourself.
  10. Im confused what exactly is your main question, comment or concern? Can you put it into one sentence please?
  11. @DeltaAro Makes me think if I add enough of my own ideas, and that of others can I even call it platonic anymore? What im actually saying is a friendship of virtue, similar to Cicero’s idea in friendship and a spiritual journey without beauty as the telos, or lovers. Platonic friendships for aros and aces would definitely require a stretch from platonic writings. There would be no doubt different sub types of platonists who value beauty as the telos and others who don’t but hold other similar ideas. But again at what point do the variations become a different philosophy if the forms, beauty, and the lovers / monogamous language is rejected. I think Plato implies a monogamous relationship in his dialogue Phaedrus. By the way you would be a great candidate to write a plato essay for aros / aces.
  12. Society is very amatonormative in general, but even more so towards the aros you’ve described. The average joe thinks arospec are going through a phase, or internet fad. Your just a late bloomer, etc. etc. Its hard for people to understand and accept the existence of green stripe aros let alone those who are arospec. @Picklethewickle Im just curious who have you been taking to about these things?
  13. I have reddit / discord but I am incredibly inactive on both. I post youtube comments sometimes.
  14. @Dobby This situation is fairly normal in the sense that people spend more time with their significant other. Its also not unusual to have a friendship change tone after a romantic relationship. Im guessing its due to romance elevating a lover as the number one person in life. Romantic partners are suppose to share all of their intimate feelings, and hardships together. Basically everything gets centered around the romance. If your friends relationship is struggling they might come to you for advice but otherwise I wouldn’t count on any deep talk about feelings. Sometimes after a couple is married and living together for a little while they can loosen up a little. Unless they have kids immediately.
  15. @DeltaAro Excellent summary Its been a fat minute since I read the Phaedrus, and yes I was wrong it was Phaedrus I was thinking of. This is just my opinion but I think there are some neat ideas in the Phaedrus despite all of the real messed up parts. Eat the fruit spit the seed. The fruit? Well the way I can possibly apply the Phaedrus ideas in a way that may be useful is as follows. The platonic relationship is primarily a friendship of virtue. One in which there are two or more people working to better themselves and reach self actualization / the forms, but preferably in life. (not the unlikely realm of the afterlife) The Phaedrus may not use these words or ideas directly but this is just how I think a healthy platonic inspired journey could look. I don’t necessarily take the theory of the forms and all that to heart either by the way. The intense emotions which grow ones wings to reach the forms. It’s definitely not very relatable to me. Buuuuuuttttttt. in a certain point of view the main idea of a spiritual journey can be relatable to aros and allos. I think it would be interesting if there where people who loosely followed Platos spiritual journey part without the problematic parts. imagine platonic friendships in this way explaining themselves to others. Is that your boyfriend/girlfriend. No this is my platonic friend. Oh I see. But do you really see, or are you fooled by the shadows of illusion? Are you in the cave? Proceeds to speak about the cave allegory and give the poor man an existential crisis. 🤯 Hehe.
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