Acecream

When I say „outside the binary“ I mean anyone who is not a man or a woman; non-binary persons as well as those Inter* persons, who are not man or woman as well as agender people or other genderless persons or like in generell everyone who is not inside the gender binary but doesn‘t use the term non-binary by attraction I mean any kind of attraction you would consider worth to „label“ or to think about. Doesn‘t matter if it’s romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual etc bc I know that there are eg non-binary persons who say, all attraction is gay, and some who say, their attraction is all hetero. So I’m just curious about you I am aroace, but I sometimes have a strong sensual attraction (which means that I also want to get somehow intimate with some people (more like kissing, hugging..,), just in a way that isn’t sexual for me) that for me is worth labelling it, bc saying “asexual aromantic” for me personally doesn’t feel like the whole truth (the ace part doesn’t). So I’d say I’m aromantic and oriented ace, but since I’m an Enby I found it hard to come to terms with this oriented parts. Should be easy, bc I feel attractions to all (or at least more than one or two (non)genders…), even if I realise that I have a preference, but bi and pan or any other m spec label doesn’t feel good for me, they somehow feel very wrong even if I think I could use them And than I have the thing that being attracted towards women feels like same sex attraction but at the same time this is something that mistender me so I can’t think about it like this (but it still is queer attraction tho) and sometimes I feel very hetero when I’m attracted to girls lol and in cases I am attracted to men it sometimes feels very gay and sometimes it doesn’t at all. And in cases my attractions leads towards non-binary people or someone outside the gender binary I don’t really know so I for myself just came to the term “queer oriented” bc all this attraction is kinda queer but not in a way I could label it I am curious about you, if you wanna share

I don‘t want kids. It‘s not that I don‘t like them (I find kids very cute and very funny), but I don‘t really know how to act close to them and I hate being alone with kids bc it makes me REALLY uncomfortable. So I could never be a single-parenting person and as I don‘t want to get in a relationship shared–parenting is not an option (and I also do not want it bc it seems even more complicated to figure out the way you both are fine with to raise your child) Having kids is just not in my living plan of being aroace actually, it was the main reason I came out to my mum; to stop her talking about my future with kids. Cn hrt pregnancy since I know that I am nonbinary and that I want to do HRT, the topic is coming up again. My mum is starting to talk about „you will use your ability to get kids why are do you want to go on HRT“ and I’m like, mum, I‘m f***ing aro, having kids is NOT in my future. And my parents are like „yah, but you don‘t always PLAN to get kids it just happens“ and then I‘m reminding them about my aceness and that even if it‘s not impossible for me to get pregnant it‘s unlikely that it ‚just happens‘ and then they continue to tell me that I still could have kids in alternative forms of living OK BUT WHY THE HELL TO YOU THINK THAT I SHOULD BE THE PERSON WHO GETS PREGNANT THEN?????? in the end I said something like „some trans* persons who are on hrt can still get own kids and I could also do a egg retrieval and stuff (no I don‘t think I’m going to do this) and then the discourse stops… but it sucks that my parents still have this picture of me with kids in their head and also that they still seem to have a very amatonormative picture of my future (living together with anothers in a way you can somehow read as loveless partnership)

What do you mean with rejecting? Not experiencing it? I don‘t fall in love. I sure „love“ my friends, but I refuse calling it love. I‘d NEVER say „I‘m aro ‚but‘ I love my friends“… When i talk about aromanticism, I say that in my case it means that I don‘t fall in love or I say that I don’t experience love. When people talk about love in general I use to say, this doesn‘t affect me/let’s me out bc I am aro. People use to tell me „yeah but you do/can love your friends“…. I hate this bc I feel like they just distract from my arones So I use to refuse their objections and I don‘t like it when people argue about „love is love“ with „platonic love exists too“ (not only bc I know aplatonic persons exist but also bc it feels like people refuse to reflect about being aromisic) when aros say it lets us out. Bc it clearly does so I kinda „reject“ the concept even if I experience it… does this make me loveless/allows this to use the term or is it for aplatonic people?

Eye

True. Kind of. I‘m currently living in another house for a few months, but I’ll return in the partly blue room tpbm writes fanfictions

I had the same task when I was in school (+ heteronormative bullshit that girls had to write about boys and boys about girls (sorry for the binarism)), I think it was the year before my high school graduation lol i remember me sitting next to my aro friend (we both didn’t knew the other one was aro and I didn’t use the label for myself yet) and we both had like NO idea what to write haha i remember how everyone wrote down a lot of physical aspects and I was just soooo confused. I think I wrote „nice“ or something. my flatmate is becoming a teacher. He told me he did this task in class, bc he wanted to talk about an answer a kid gave. But I was more shocked about the fact he did this tasks. I think it‘s terrible for every queer kid (that is not out), not only aros

I‘m offended because I don‘t know why I should be offended but I want to be offended

I‘m offended that you‘re just mad at random people in the internet for thinks you could EASILY solve yourself

False TPBM prefers sea over mountains

I know some aros hate kissing and that‘s totally fine and valid, but I totally hate the generalizing „aromantics hate kissing“ tropes also, that aros don‘t like romantic actions or people can‘t be aro if they desire a relationship

There is a german song called „never been in love“ by Paula Hartmann („nie verliebt“) i just translated the lyrics through deepl haha for the non german speaking users. Ku‘damm, Westend, Hermannsplatz are places in Berlin Who am I that you think you have a right to my time (aha) Ku'damm corner, stay dreaming Headlight cone on us two Looking for the S-Bahn at half past two in the morning Get up at six in the morning But then still cheap wine (again cheap wine) At five then be on the bus direction fucked up Shower, brush teeth and aspirin purely Hair back, voice low I've never been in love, hm-hm, hm-hm And again a night without sleep Head leaning against the dirty window of a train I've never been in love, hm I've never been in love, hm The last sip of wine, the cigarette by the track And the very last kiss, but don't worry I've never been in love, hm I've never been in love The feeling that something was missing Lost last night, between being alive and emptiness Westend and Hermannplatz Eyes burn badly, face is pale And I still want more And all my dreams and wishes and worries Knife in, better forgotten till tomorrow Hair back, the voice is low I've never been in love, hm-hm, hm-hm And again a night without sleep The head leans against the dirty window of a train I've never been in love, hm I've never been in love, hm The last sip of wine, the cigarette by the track And the very last kiss, but don't worry I've never been in love, hm I've never been in love

There is a new german series it’s an non-binary main character, it‘s called „becoming Charlie“. It‘s about the journey of discovering the own gender identity of a young person in a very difficult life situation the Storyboard is written by a non–binary person but a HUGE!!!!! triggerwarning for transmisia i found it really hard to watch. So maybe take care of yourself and don‘t watch it by your own if you don‘t feel like you could deal with it the end just let me like „wtf no no you can‘t end now with this“. If anyone has seen it and needs to talk a bit about it, I’m in. Bc I don‘t really know how to feel about it haha

@EmilyWritesSomeStuff first of all: yes, its a choice for every single person. and as you are heteroromantic asexual and I am not, I think that you might – of course – have more interpretational sovereignty than me here^^ But just some thoughts of mine: being a choice DOES mean that nobody is allowed to exclude all heteroromantic aces from lgbtqia+ spaces as long as the person doesn't say, they are not queer, doesn't it? so, heteroromantic aces do belong into queer spaces as long as they don't say they don't... and I don't understand this thread as "why every heteroromantic ace belong in lgbtqia+ spaces" but as "why heteroromantic aces do belong in lgbtqia+ spaces – as long as they feel they do" yes, you talked about you personally, but I just wanted to add this :) of course your feelings are valid and I don't want to say anything against them! I beg your pardon if this was somehow encroaching or invalidating your feelings. this was not meant to be about you! the rest is more in general about aspecs being queer... lgbtqia+ spaces are not and should not be about oppression. they should not be discrimination olympics, they should be safe spaces for queer people, spaces in which normativstes (hetero-, cis-, or allonormativity) can be broken, spaces in which queers don't have to feel "different" or "strange". yes, many people in lgbtqia+ spaces face oppression and yes, others face more oppression than het-aces (even if discrimination against aces DOES exist (eg disease mongering…)) yes, I see that lgbtqia+ spaces ARE fulfilled with A LOT of allonormativity, and a lot of them are aspec unfriendly, but this is something the community should work on. this is not our fault and no argument to exclude het-aces collectively from lgbtqia+ spaces... and, last but not least (this isn't really the topic here but I just wanted to add it): aspecs are queer (yes, if they WANT to label themselves as queer). I just walked through the city a few days ago and just realized how everything is fulfilled with allonormativity, you can't escape from it, and how much the whole world tells you that "you are not the same" and that's literally the definition of queer? I do not feel as if the way I am is "normally accepted" or "considered normal" in this world. I do feel queer. but yes, in a different way than allos (as I am aroace and by now I do consider my aromanticism as more important for my queerness than my asexuality, this might be a very personal view which doesn't say anything about heteroromantic aces, I don't know...)

unpopular opinion (maybe) but: actually I personally would REALLY like to know it, especially when the other person (you) knows that I'm aroace and therefore has no or only low expectations or "hopes". so telling this seems just as getting something out of the way which could stand in between you? bc the person can feel that "there is something" without being able to tell what it is and that could be very nasty... when the aroace person is a relaxed person this shouldn't change a lot. also some aroaces do want relationships so never say never^^ but as @nonmerci mentioned: it relates on the person and whether you think they would be uncomfortable with it or not

hey ya all :D you don't seem very active by now, but I found out there will be an Aspec Meeting (18+ yo) in Münster, NRW in July. As some of you were from this area I thought I could share it here!

I guess I have a squish (not 100% sure but about 95%) and it's just amazing how much happiness I feel bc I know that the person is in an amazing romantic relationship

Fruits wyr be able to know your own future in detail or the future of one single random person you might never met

that I can chose whether I want to socialize or not and can go home when I feel it without having to take anyone into consideration that I can chose to work all night or going to sleep in the early evening without anyone who has other plans that I know the concept of amatonormativity and allonormativity bc I love it to have knowledge about concepts I can complain about hahaha (but it's kind of sad that alloallos don't wanna see that it may harm themselves too)

I love this I think I might be polyam (or polyplatonic whatever, but I guess I would feel good in a polyam relationship) but I've still no idea how to find an monogamous qpr so...^^

didn't realize but my trousers were showing very much aroace pride today

A snake. I find fishes I can touch disgusting. And the others are just boring (i mean they can look great! But I would just forget to feed them after a few days). So a snake. Snakes are cool. But I am afraid of snakes. Umm. i take the snake to try out my parsel wyr fly to mars or dive into the deep sea?

2061

Well there are lots of acespecs who are sexual attracted sometimes. There is no “challenge” of who is “more asexual” Also, someone could e.g. use the label bisexual asexual when they could imagine to have sex with more than one gender but still don’t feel sexual attracted to them.. I guess there are plenty of reasons to use more then one label and thats okay

2 aromantic moments, one very ironic and one kind of frustrating the ironic one: I used to play in a improvisational Theater group 1 1/2 years ago. We had this exercise in which we had to play emotions. I got “to be in love” wekk I had no idea what to do and just acted as if I would be nervous and in a shy way excited to be with the other person I was with... and in the end they told me that I was very good in pretending that I was in love lol the 2nd moment was just a few days ago: I was talking to 2 roommates and the girlfriend of one of them. My 1. roommate talked about how bored she is in her job and that she has nothing to talk about with her colleagues. So the girlfriend of the 2nd roommate recommended to talk about sex (*) and my roommate said that this wouldn’t work bc she doesn’t think that anyone of them (she works together with people around the age of 17/18/19) has even had a serious relationship or something like this. And my 2nd roommates girlfriend just commented how unpleasant this was Earlier on this evening I almost told her boyfriend about my aromanticism but then I was kind of glad I didn’t *so this is an asexual moment as well cause the ace in me doesn’t know how sex can be the topic she mentioned first