Apex

It's a Tomopteris worm, I just think they're cool

Sounds like you might be interested in a queerplatonic relationship? Or you simply like being affectionate with your friends- there's nothing wrong with that. Either way you could label it "platonic affection" or similar.

I'd define a QPR as a nonromantic relationship that deviates from the "norms" of friendship. I'm not in a qpr but my "ideal" one would be a committed partnership involving some attraction (just not romantic), along with intimacy and attachment and genuinely enjoying being around the other person. A relationship where we understand each-other deeply. I'd also like for there to be some fwb elements myself, along with cohabitation (though I wouldn't necessarily want us to sleep in the same room.) Sort of a "partners in crime" type of thing, but where we aren't in love. FWBs ending badly due to attachment is a case-by-case thing imo. I mean, I think it's good to feel attachment towards someone who you're friends with and who you're having sex with, y'know? But in an fwb with two allo people that attachment usually turns into romantic attraction, which can cause the fwb to fall apart if the other person doesn't feel the same way. There's less of a chance of that if one or both of you are aro, but it could still happen if, for example, one of you wants a qpr and the other wants things to be strictly casual. Do they know you're aro?

QPRs and platonic attraction don't have to involve kissing, or cuddling or anything else you feel unsure about. I'm not a big kisser myself lol. Being in a QPR is something that's agreed upon by both parties involved (even if it isn't a committed relationship) so if your friend brought it up and you're also interested in that, talk to them about it and discuss what each of you would want in a qpr. There's nothing wrong with saying "I like being affectionate with you but I don't know about kissing."

I started calling myself aromantic when I was ~14, I'm 25 now and it still fits 😄 If you feel like a term describes you, you can use it. It doesn't have to describe you forever because we all change as we grow older ("show me a permanent state of the self" yadda yadda.) You're right that you may get your first crush at 16 or 17 or 20, but you could also never get a crush. You can't know what's going to happen in the future

I had to do this for a class on relationships in college, and for my health/PE class in high school. I do think assignments like this can be helpful when teaching people about healthy & strong relationships, but I agree they're also a bit invasive and shouldn't focus on just romance. Because man they are really focused on romance lol I think both times I answered with what I was looking for in a good friend or QPR

Digital art, writing, working on my webcomic, taking walks and listening to music, thrifting, some crafting (I like making masks and doing photoshoots in them), youtube, anime/manga, furry fandom, and some other stuff but I don't want this to be super long :v

It depends on how you define "in love." Someone can say that they're in love when they have a crush, but falling in love can also be a separate thing that happens in an established romantic relationship. Being in love is typically seen as deeper and more serious. They're overlapping imo, but still their own things. Both are romantic. Sometimes crushes are casually thinking that someone is attractive and wanting to be close to them. Other times crushes can feel profound, with the heart-pounding and daydreaming and "butterflies" and stuff. What you described could be a more casual crush, but it also sounds like a squish (a platonic crush) to me. Like others said it comes down to how you personally differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction (and the gray areas in-between.) If calling your feelings romantic feels off, or if the thought of being in a romantic relationship with the people you're attracted to feels uncomfortable, then it's more likely that your feelings are platonic.

If you mean the "and that's not even bringing gender itself into the equation." part, I just didn't want to insinuate that gender was the same thing as gender presentation. For example, men can be feminine and women can be masculine. And there are nonbinary people who are feminine/masculine, and/or who feel a connection to concepts like manhood and womanhood. If you mean the "there are a lot of other ways to experience/perform/feel femininity" part, that's a little more difficult to explain. I guess I meant like, someone's interpretation of femininity/masculinity can vary depending on their culture, subcultures, style, interests, job, etc. A woman might be a buff truck mechanic but still consider herself feminine, and her femininity is probably different from her goth friend's expression of femininity, but both of them are still feminine. Though they'd both deviate from the stereotypical societal view of what femininity is. As for how someone untangles all of this from gender, I don't have a clear answer. What you said about the anime avatar would be an example though- you can like things that have a more feminine "cute energy" without actually attaching that to being a girl.

It's difficult to describe lol. I do just... have this sense of being a woman. It feels right to me, and being perceived as a woman by society also feels right. There have been times where I've questioned my gender extensively, and where I've identified as trans, nonbinary, bigender, genderqueer, etc. But something about that always ended up feeling incorrect- like I'm not really being true to myself. That doesn't happen when I identify myself as a woman, so I guess "woman" is just the best fit. I am pretty feminine, so I at least partially follow my society's construct of what a woman is, but my conception of my gender goes beyond that. There are a lot of ways in which I can't relate to other feminine women, or to other women as a whole, or to the concept of "womanhood." Gender and presentation are both just really vague. Like taking your "wearing make up / being chatty / nurturing things / loves drama" stereotype example, there are a lot of other ways to experience/perform/feel femininity, and that's not even bringing gender itself into the equation. (Same goes for being masculine & being a man, but I'm neither so I can't speak on it much.)

I can't tell you what you are, but I can relate to some of this. Any crushes I've had on people have been short-lived and not very intense , and I never really cared if we actually dated or not. Romance also doesn't make me uncomfortable or disgust me. I'm fine seeing my friends in romantic relationships & am happy for them, but there is something foreign about it despite me also wanting a partnership (just not a romantic one.)

You were in a relationship for a relatively long time, and breaking up with that person was really upsetting for you, then over the past month you developed feelings for someone else (or realized you had those feelings.) With all that put together, I think you need more time to let things even out & to process your breakup. I'm not saying that your feelings aren't real, just that now isn't the time to start pursuing a new relationship. You already told her that you like her and it sounds like she doesn't feel the same way. I get that you want to be honest about your feelings, and I do think that's a tough spot to be in, but if you double down there is a good chance that it'll make her uncomfortable due to what she's said about her dreams. I know it can be hard to get your mind off someone you like, but for now I think you should try to focus on your hobbies, spend time with other friends, etc. Do things that make you happy. Join a new group/club and try to meet new people. If you're still crushing on her in a few months then maybe tell her for the sake of honesty, but definitely add that you don't expect a relationship and that you're fine just staying friends.

Xenogenders are really cool. I'm not xenogender, but my otherkinity influences my gender so my feelings & presentation can definitely slip into xenine territory.

Coral are fascinating! My favorite plants are the Thismia genus, sunflowers, and mosses. Along with the species I've studied of course :v

imo your gf is correct that she has the right to make friends with other men, and that you should trust her. But she also needs to be considerate of your needs and, from your side of the story, it sounds like she isn't. This is a situation where you both need to be on the same page. She should make it clear that she has a boyfriend when getting to know new people at places like bars where it's common for singles to hang out. If those people try to flirt with her regardless then that tells both of you that they have ulterior motives and aren't worth your time. Have you also considered going to the bar with friends or other couples as a group, or going out to other places where flirting isn't as common?

Welcome! I'm also a bio student, though I'm studying botany. Do you have any favorite marine ecosystems/animals/etc?

I don't think there's one right answer. Orientation (and identity overall) can depend on a lot of factors, and can be incredibly complicated. People's orientations can be fluid throughout their lives, or completely static, or static until a sudden change, static with a handful of exceptions, etc. And we don't really know why- you can't forcefully change your or someone else's orientation, but orientation can change. It might be a mix of nature and nurture, where the "nature" of our genes, brain chemistry, etc. gives us a few optional paths and our "nurture" throughout our lives guides us down one of them (or, for some, starts on one path and then shifts course when some sort of latent attraction is awoken.) Personally I think I was born aromantic, or at least became aro at a very young age. I remember noticing my lack of attraction in elementary school; around 7-9 years old probably, before I hit puberty. So I think it is possible to be born aro. But I also think it's possible to become aromantic. Just because I have a particular experience doesn't mean it applies to everyone.

I use elastic hair ties and rubber bands as stim toys. I used to have a spinner ring but I lost it; haven't getting around to getting a new one.

Stuff can be hard to figure out. Maybe he's on the aro spectrum, or maybe he isn't and does just have these self-confidence struggles. Maybe he has experiences which are in line with aromanticism but prefers to not use that label for some reason. If he already knows about aromanticism, the most you can do is keep supporting him. Let him know that you can relate to some of what he's saying in regards to having a lack of attraction, and that you're here to talk if he needs it. But don't force anything, he might legitimately not feel like the label fits him.

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week is actually coming up! It's Feb 20-26 this year. There's also Aggressively Arospec Week, which is for arospec-focused fan content, and Aggressively Arospectacular, which is for original content made by arospec creators. Those two events are run by the same blog, here. I feel like there's also an aro day during pride month but I'm not totally sure.

I can relate to this. For some odd reason I have this hangup about valentine's day stuffed animals ? They're so cute, and every year I wish that I had a partner who could give me one! The yearning for some stupid "I <3 U" plush dog is usually the most feelings I'll have towards the holiday. It does feel a little lonely, like I'm missing out. Aside from that I don't really care about it. It doesn't bother me, and I do see it as a holiday to celebrate all relationships even if it's marketed towards romantic ones.

I'm more neu aro than non-SAM, in that I don't consider myself allosexual or asexual. But I feel like the two (neu aro and non-sam) can overlap heavily and I can definitely relate to the feeling of being "just aro." It's complicated... if I really had to I'd probably say gray-bisexual or aego-bisexual. I'm also otherkin/alterhuman and use the medusan label. I've half-jokingly described my sexuality as "yes and no, at the same time, and those two sides don't get along" before. I think I lean more towards being allo; the concept of sex is important to me and it's something I want (though I don't think I'd need it in a relationship) but I just experience very little attraction. My sexual feelings are mainly directed at fictional characters and monsters, and IRL people under limited circumstances. I have a very difficult time relating to other bi people and bi experiences/culture, to the point where the word is practically meaningless to me. In terms of ace/allo stuff, I can feel equally out of place in both allosexual and asexual spaces when sex is brought up, and I've never really connected with ace-spectrum identities. Calling myself a "bi aro" just feels disingenuous. Plus, being aromantic is the most important part of my orientation, and labels for my sexuality are (typically) secondary. I also feel like my aromanticism influences my sexuality. I think I was first introduced to the concepts of neu aro and non-sam aro on the Arocalypse discord server when I was still there? But I typically just call myself aromantic and leave it at that.

I think my interests can veer into primal territory, but I have no experience with primal itself. It's something I've been meaning to learn more about though

Seems like she's trying to figure herself out. I'm not aroflux but I do sometimes get short-lived bursts of affectionate feelings and they can be pretty confusing for me- what she's going through sounds more intense, if it was enough for her to say that she's in love with you. You guys should sit down and talk about it if you haven't already. Tell her how this is making you feel and what your romantic needs are, talk about her boundaries and what she is and isn't comfortable doing. It might be helpful to make a checklist of actions that each of you can fill out; the QPR Checklist is a good example. It might also be a good idea to pump the breaks on the relationship. It sounds like you aren't feeling very fulfilled, and it's possible that she just isn't able to meet your needs.

I've known I was aro for about a decade and I still feel grief over it sometimes, especially as I get older and see everyone around me getting into serious relationships and settling down. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, and why I had to be separated from everyone like this. But, being aro doesn't mean that you can't have a family. You can still be in a committed nonromantic/queerplatonic relationship if it's something you want, or search for other aro people to live with and be friends with. Hell, if you want to get married and have kids, don't let being aro stop you from pursuing that because there are probably other aro/ace people who want the same thing.