nonmerci

Yes, true about la sexualité and l'asexualité. I forgot that but it can become confusing. Non-sexualité would be more for abstinence I guess. Or maybe for someone who is completely outside the concept of sexuality.

I just don't relate to the concept of coming out (except maybe when it comes to tell my parents). Except in my family, it is nt something I "hide". I just don't go to people and say "by the way, I'm aromantic". But if they ask me about my relationship or assume that I want a romantic relationship, I will tell them that I don't feel romantic attraction or even use the term "aromantic" (it depends if I want to sound like a walking dictionnary or not lol). The difference with m family is that they have expectations of me getting married someday. My father will not understand (he thinks that asexual people "don't like sex"; I'm scared of what he'll say about aromantic people). My mother probably think I'm a lesbian and try to be supportive by saying "it is better to be gay than being alone"... Which of course, doesn't help at all. So with them, I do hide it and it will feel like coming out to tell them, but only with them. For the rest of the world, I am out, they just don't know it if they don't bring it up in the conversation lol. It's funny because when I discovered it, I somehow wanting to tell to people. But then I just realized that I don't need to scream it to be openly aromantic, if you see what I mean.

I wish it will be better for your sister. This is a real problem that not only affects aro. Aro people are more likely to notice how problematic it is because we don't have the "but you're so lucky, give him a chance" glasses. I think she can press charges. He is harassing her. I don't know for your country, but in mine I knew a girl in high school who did it to her ex-boyfriend : after breaking up with him, he was insisting to try to get her back, and in the end the police forbid him to get close to her. I think harassment don't need to be sexual to be punished.

Can't help about the meaning but I can say you have to pronounce it qwaromantic. It comes from the French word "quoi" so you have to pronounce it like this word. It means "what" in French.

I hesitated but I didn't want to start a fight in public. Instead I just say this is a good thing that people have now words to describe themselves.

Usually I don't let things surprise me, but it really took me off guards. It was the first time that I tell him to someone who isn't young so I didn't know how it would go, but I didn't expected that. I don't think she knew what the word implies (she didn't sound this retarded on these questions and seemed to agree that the diversity help people to know themselves better), but it was still weird.

I just say that I don't feel romantic attraction, which means I don't fall in love. And if the person is surprised, I'll add that they are people attracted to one gender, people attracted to all, so it is logical that there is also people attracted to none.

In middle school I watched an episode of a show (don't remember which one), when two boys were laughed at because people thought they were gay, and the two boys tried to prove they were not. It was very confusing so I asked my mum : "I don't get it. What is wrong about being happy?" I still didn't get what was wrong about being gay after she explained. But at least, it was clearer why they were trying to prove they were not by dating girls.

A coworker asked if I want to get married so I explained her that I was not attracted to people romantically and sexually... First she makes this face. Then she says she never thought it was possible because she always saw this as normal and human (not in a mean way, more like "maybe human don't need that after all"). Then she asked if I had a boyfriend before. Then she asked about girls. Then she said maybe it will come when I'll meet the right girl... or boy. (I liked how she added boy later as if I must be a closeted lesbian) Then she says I'm still young (26 would be pretty old for a first crush in my opinion). Then she thought I don't want children. (a lot of aros don't but actually I consider adoption) I explained a bit of course, answering all of this. I thought she gets it. And then she says... "There are so many words for sexual deviancy nowadays." Sexual deviancy. I don't think she realizes about the real meaning of these words. But my, my mind have to pause for a moment. If I have known I would be call a sexual deviant when I woke up this morning.

It seems you did a lot to discuss it already. If he refused so much, the subject probably makes him uncomfortable. Maybe he doesn't like to talk abut his feelings, or maybe he likes the relationship the way it is and thinks you will abandon the conversation if he always dismisses it. I don't think it is wise of him because the frustration created by the absence of communication is never good, but unfortunately, if he refuses to talk about it you can't force him. Maybe say that you are frustrated by this and that you need to know how he views your relationship to adapt your own behaviour and expectations. But I'm not sure it would work because he seems very avoidant.

I can't say celebrity crushes because I think I never made them and it's hard for me to even picture myself having one. Or maybe Logan Lerman because I was obsessed by his eyebrows after the Percy Jackson movies (he was probably one of the only thing good about these movies lol, he is a very good actor, and his eyebrows are, I don't know, expressive lol). I would made up crushes about people I know because that's what I did back then. Currently I don't have people I could think of (most of people I see now are my colleagues who are too old for me), but I would pick someone who in intelligent and pretty.

You're right, you must be true to you. And being aro shouldn't provide you from having children. I myself think about adoption someday. My country is not advanced in terms of single woman having a baby on her own (medical procretation isn't allowed for single woman for now, allowding single woman and lesbian couples was a big discussion in 2019 but since 2020, all political discussions are about covid, so...). Before I knew I was aro, I wanted to get married, but then I realized I didn't want a husband, I wanted a father for my future children. So I relate to what you said.

I never really thought about it but now that you say it, I never really used the term. I thought myself as "not in couple" rather than "single", if that makes sense. It is true that being single is seen as something temporary. I remembered watching an interview about people being single and are happy about it, and it was all about "I'm having fun by having casual sex before I enter in a serious relationship". (No hate for people who do that, though) I saw that before I knew about aromanticism and was confused : I thought I would finally relate but instead "single" was treated as something you could only enjoy as a temporary thing. People had to be interested in it and if they don't pursue it, it could only be because they weren't ready. I didn't relate at all. Now, I say I am aro instead of single. But I understand that it would be problematic to just say that to mean "single aromantic" because some aros are in romantic relationships. May something like "unpaired" work? It would not apply to people in QPR but I thought maybe they would not define themselves as single anyway because in couple.

For what I read, the director of the movies didn't like these couples so he makes them as akward as possible in the movies, in particular Harry and Ginny. Though Harry and Ginny don't make that much sense in the books on my opinion (Harry never paid attention to Ginny but he sees her kising someone and suddenly he is into her, that's weird). Also Neill was never in love with Luna in the books, they added it in the movie because a lot was shipping them I think.

Oh yeah, the Hobbit. Even the allos think it was unnecessary, that says something. @vvvthat sounds like a stupid change. Not only they add a romantic subplot, but they added one that they showed as sane when it is not. That's a weird choice.

Communication is the key in a relationship, so if you think it is a problem, you should discuss that together, about what you both expect of this relationship.

Did somebody mention Sonic? I just find a meme about him and I was wondering : how did I never thought about him before?

You coul explain that it is not something that you "want", but something you don't feel. You can also explain that they'll probably was attracted to people before they find the "one" : they were able to say if they are attracted to girls, to boys, to both; what is their "type", what the attraction feels like... Which isn't your case obviously. Thenexplained them that the same way they wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship when they are not romantically interested, you are not either and so you are fine single. You can also use analogy to explain. It could help them realize how stupid this statement is. Would they say to a straight man that he is bi and just have find the right man yet? If someone says they don't like chocolate, would they say he just haven't met the right chocolate yet? (you can replace chocolate by any meal or even activity, like running, or I don't know). You can also talk about them about amatonormativity and how singularize romantic relationships in compare to other types of relationship is a social construct. You can also spare yourself the explanation and gives them ressources. Someone I knew say that he's husband had a very hard time believing he was demi-boy, even if he explained to him in all the way possible. Then he shows his husband a documentary on the subject, and the husband finally gets it... after 10 years of not really accepting it. Sometimes people understand better with testimonies and stories. Resources are limited on aromanticism, but you can say, for instance, that it is like being Jo in Little Women when it comes to Laurie : she really likes him, but she can't fall in love with him. Or maybe buy them Loveless by Alice Oseman (I haven't read it but it is one of the few books on the subject). However it is possible that it will take time. The thing is, aromanticism lead people to reconsider their view of the world. Alloromantic people may never question that romance is a need, that it is required to have a meaningful life, or even to grow as a person. They give it a very important place in their life. Recognizing the existence of aromanticism forces them to question that point of view, and it is hard for some people, who will then rationalize it by saying it will change later or things like that. They fail to understand some people don't think or feel like them. In this case, it takes patience.

evidence

I'm offended that this discussion isn't going anywhere.

You can think about things you are good at instead of the things you are struggling with. Remind you of the positive things in your life and not only the negative. Also try to tell you one thing you like about you everyday. If you don't find any, ask to your friends and family, they'll think about one for you.

I think it a thing. I've seen recently that a lot of girls discover their sexuality because of the way Jade's count in the song take a hint in Victorious. If you look at the comments, a lot of people say how her voice is attractive. So I dont think it is unusual, just that it is less talk about.

In French it is kinda the same as it is aromantique and asexuel. But I like that we have a distinction between asexuel (no sexual atteaction) and asexué (not having sexual organs). Though some people still confuses the two, it is less confusing than in English where asexual have both meaning.

True. I want to become a writer. TPBM likes painting.

Hi all! I'm pretty sure we can all name movies or shows when something romantic happened and we are just there wondering "why?" or "what?". And among these movies or shows, some are weirder than others. This thread is there so you can share the things that make you pause and wonder "how is that possible?". If I begin, I'd talk about Love, Actually. It's not the worst romantic movie I saw, but one of the story make me wonder how allos brain are functioning... Can someone explain to me how the writer and the housekeeper falls in love, enough to engage, but they don't speak the same language? I suppose the message was that romantic love transcend language barrier but come on. I would get if they find another way than English or Portuguese to communicate, but... no. I can buy a lot of things but this one is weird.