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Everything posted by nonmerci

  1. I knew about ace rings, but I never heard about aro rings before. So, I guess it's a white ring on the middle finger? That's cool.
  2. Yeah. And the most confusing are people who watch the show only for a ship (well, sometimes I understand because the plot is a mess, but sometimes, the plot is so interesting, and people only talk about their ship and complain if it wasn't there enough).
  3. The difference you make between romantic attraction and romantic love is interesting. I never thought about that. I guess I see romantic attraction as prior to romantic love, and I imagine romantic love to be as romantic attraction, but stronger. Does it mean that you can't feel romantic love if you didn't feel romantic attraction in the first place? For me, this is the definition of demiromanticism : not feeling romantic attraction in the first place, but then falling after having created a link with the person (at least the way I understood the definition, if they are demi here, please be happy to correct me). So, for me, a "100% aromantic" can't fall in love, and that's how I explain aromanticism to people : I say we are people who don't fall in love, and if they ask me I explain romantic attraction. But other arospec people might fall in love. And how say Eklinaar, it doesn't mean we can love in our own way, and that it can't be as strong and valid as romantic love.
  4. In another topic someone poster Never been in love of Will Jay. I don't know if the singer is aro or not, but he explains that in our society, too much people thinks happiness is in loving someone else, while you shoud love yourself. And his song talk about things you can relate as aro, in a happy rythme that will be stuck in your head all day.
  5. The only thing that could make me take it is that I want children and that it would make it easier. But even for that, I think I won't. Romance comes with too much problem and drama. Of course, books might exagerate things, but it sounds so stressfull; often the "butterflies in the stomach" sounds like "I want to throw up right now". And then the sweaty palms, the heart who accélérâtes… Seriously, everything people say to talk about romantic attraction sounds like a disease. No, thanks. And for sex, it don't sounds like an interesting thing for me, and I'm fine like that, so I don't think I would change it.
  6. 1. I think it's important, not only for the split attraction, but because it could help a lot of couple : to remind people that love and sex are not correlated. When I see TV shows with plot like "he didn't want to have sexe last night, maybe he doesn't love me anymore", I think it would be cool if people that you can have love without sex, just like you can have sex without love. Plus, maybe, knowing that love and sex can be separated would help people to stop demonizing sex without love. 2. I don't really care about it myself, but as it must be very important to some people, why not? 3. Well, I don't go in those places, and if I don't go is because I don't care talking about my asexuality, so I suppose it kinda prove what these spaces are for? Plus, I don't really like how asexual spaces always want to include aromanticism as if all aromantics were asexual; or then the two orientations should have the same attention, and not "a space for asexuals, and let's create a topic for the aromantic guys" (on the French version, there is a topic named "aromantic topic" who turned into "explaining aromanticism and answering questions like "I don't understand how it is possible to not feel romantic attraction", as if it was not as easy that imagining that people can not feel sexual attraction…). Plus for what I saw, AVEN is a lot about talking about romantic relationship and the fact that they don't need sex to be happy, so I doubt an aro allo would feel at ease there. 4. Though I know LGBT+ people, I don't go in LGBT+ spaces, so I don't know; but I read some things from them that makes me think that they are just like anybody else : some are understanding and welcoming, some others don't.
  7. @nightmarechaser that wwaswell-written! And sad I write novels, mostly fantasy. And also a bit of songs (though I only write the lyrics and never bothered to do the music, so I guess it's most poetry than songs lol). I write mostly on a computer, though I can use paper when I am in "planification phase". I Don't know if I'll share my writting here because I write in French and translation took time, but if one day I have the time I'll try to post some of my prose (poetry is too complicated for translation).
  8. When Iwant to explain something I often used analogy. Like saying "in fact everybody is bi, and if you think you are straight, is because you deny it, or because you find the one who will change that and make you realize you were bi from the start and that straight people Don't exist". Maybe she will understand how stupid or rude it sounds.
  9. Reading all your answers was interesting. Same for me. It always surprised me to see all those songs about love : I feel like 75% of songs talk about that. Maybe the Reason why I got into musicals in the first place is because it offers me more variety. It fits my experience. You can't tell that I'm aro by reading me, but I realized that a lot of my romantic relationship doesn't end well or are dysfunctional or not reciprocated, and that I value other types of love like friendship or family (I focus a lot about family). Like, once I build an entire prophecy about my hero finding a former love, and a love triangle, which ends up with my hero realizing that the prophecy wasn't talking about his ex but about his family. I don't know if it is because I'm aro or just to go against the main Stream, but I never present love as the ultimate thing ever, even when it works. It makes sense. When I wrote aro characters, they usually don't care a lot about their aspect of their personnality, they are ok with it. I suppose that an aro person who had a lot of problems because of that would more write characters who have to deal with negationism, people who wants to ship them no matter what. I feel you. I hate, when two characters become a couple, how they can't stop cuddling and looking at each other all the time. Usualy, my characters become a couple at the very end, so I can stay with an ambiguous relationship that I affectionate more. It reminds me when I learned I was aroace and that I began to put aro and/or ace characters everywhere . And it's ture that it easier for me to write an aro character that romantic Relationship sometimes. I mean, I have romance in my stories, but when I have to describe attraction I feel so alienated : before I knew I was aro, I was wondering why I was writting that because nobody is attrected like that to a person they don't know, except that in fact they really do. And sometimes I have to remember that my characters are not aro and that attraction is a part of their life. Writting aro characters is easier.
  10. So true. I remembersomeone speaking about sexe as a rite of passage to adulthood. And also, on some forums or discussions, I saw people say Something like "if you never had sexe, then you never knew your body", which really confused me. And I don't count all the movies and shows where characters guessed that people had sex for the first time just because they suddenly seem "confident" or things like that. Anyway, all movies treat sexe like a sacred thing that you need to do if you don't want your life to be a mess… And same with romance of course : if you don't fall in love, you can have all you want in a movie, but you will Always "miss" something... That's why I think that even if these people in the articles are clearly not aro or ace, they could benefit to know about us. Of course, if they're not aroce, they may still suffer from being single/Virgin because they are still attracted to people; plus then it adds questions like "how would people think if they know that are never dated/had sex before?" (I was worried about this before I knew I was aroace because I was scared to sound so weird when I'll have to explain that to my hypothetic future partner). But knowing that some people don't care about romance or sex but are still happy must help some allo people to learn that this is not a big deal. If asexuality was acknowledged and accepted, I'm sure that people will stop seing sex as the best thing ever and as a rite of passage, and that it will benefit to everybody who worries about it.
  11. I feel you. I am lucky, my friends didn't speak a lot about crushes. But once, when I was 15, the girls in my class asked me who wa my crush, and refused to give up. So I picked a name of a guy I thought was cute. He was sitting next to us, and one of the girls scream "This girl has a crush on you!". Fortunately his answer was "No way". Now that I think about it, the fact that I didn't feel disappointed or humiliated should have alerted me. But no. I just thought that this girl should not have screamed that in front of everyone, and then I moved on without questioning.
  12. I feel you : I'm aro ace too. One solution is to came out as aro instead of ace. As people are less aware of aromanticism, they may ask what you mean, and it's easier too start a discussion about it, explaining why aro and ace can be different things.
  13. Question in te title^^ I never believe that being part of a minority influence a lot how people write, draw, etc, except maybe for representation. But I'm writting a bit, and now that I'm aware of my aromanticism, I noticed that it did influence my stories even before I knew I was aro, so it's not only that I'm aware of it and like to put aro people in them. For instance, I realized that one of my character was aroace even if I wrote it before I knew about that. I even wrote a relationship that fits now my definition of a QPR (or, more exactly, my definition of a QPR fits this relationship, because when I learned about QPR I thought about those characters so much that now my brain associate QPR with them). Also, I always said that romance was not mybiggest interest in my stories, that I was more interesting about writting deep (and weird) family relationships. And also, I suppose that if paintors were aroace, art history would not know all those naked paintings... So my question is : do you think that aromanticism influences art, and how? And what do you think you'd find ou not find in a story/painting written by an aromantic? What would be the clichés and genres if all artists had been aromantic?
  14. Speaking about shipping, does anyone know this?
  15. I did "break-up" with a friend once. It was in middle school I think. It was difficult because me and another friend of mine were his only friends and that others were mean to him, so we didn't want to say "we're not friends, go away", it would have been too cruel. Plus he did Nothing bad; it's just that we didn't have a lot in common and tat my other friend and I wanted to spend time alone without him talking about things we didn't care about. We can say that he was more invested in the friendship that us. So, we decided for something that would may be the platonic equivalent to "we break up but we're still friends", like : "we're not friends anymore but we can still be acquaintances". I mean, we didn't say it like that, but that's kinda like that. We told him that we didn't want to stop talking to him and all, just that we wanted to do it less, and we explained why. It worked well. I still talked to him from time to time.
  16. True. But if I had known I'm aro, I guess I would have mention it to him way before he asked me out, so maybe he would have understood that I will never date him, never ask me, and never threaten. Or maybe not, I'll never know.
  17. For Pottermore, I'm a mystery : first time I did the test I was sorted in Griffindor, second in Slytherin. I don't know how this happen. Though Slytherin makes more sense at Griffindor; I see it as the House of Outcasts and Misunderstood, and it fits me. But Griffindor, really, I don't know; I'm pretty sure that in case of danger, I'll run away screaming, and Griffindor is for the brave ones. For Ivermorny School (the American wizard schooln; I think they added it to pottermore after Fantastic Beasts), I got Thunderbird twice. It says that it represents the soul of the wizard. I like that. For Divergent, I was tested as... divergent. But considering the movie, I may not say that at loud it's dangerous . My score as dauntness and erudite was equal, and abnegation is just after. For Percy Jackson, I had Hephaestus.
  18. I have shipped people in real life, but it was more "yeah, they'd make a great couple, but in fact I don't really care, they do what they want with thier life". But it was alway people that I knew. I don't understand how people can ship singers or actors for instance (like when everybody start shipping Zendaya and Zac Efron after The Greatest Showman; I was wondering why their fans don't let them live their life alone, or why they just care about that; no, I never get obsessed for a singer or an actor 😅 ). However, I sometimes ship in fiction, though I'm not obsessed by it (one day I say it was a bad idea to make two characters date, and I was agressed by angry youtube comments, and the two characters only exchanged something like six words and were looking at each other on the promo photo; if someone can tell me how people can get sensitive about their ship this fast, you wil enligthen my whole life). I also think that being aro make me ship people differently. I remember that in the Originals, I ship Klaus and Camille, but at the same time at didn't want to see them become a couple because it would have destroyed what they have; or maybe at the end of the show. I saw the romance at the end of their relation rather than the begining. At the time I was confused; now that I know about aromanticism and QPR, I understand that I shipped them planotically, and that I was scared that the romantic couple destroyed their platonic relation.
  19. Stop trying to get excited by people in swimsuit on movies or pictures, you are wasting you're time. This master of philosophy that seems so interesting is not. Run away from it. Run. In fact, run away from university, research is not made for you. Don't be afraid to be who you are. You May think your humour is strange and that people will find you ridiculous, but you'll find some people that will like it. Don't be too hard on X when he will ask you out. You may hate him now, but in fact he's nice. He doesn't deserve a "No, sorry", and you getting away like a badass.
  20. I don't know if it was mentionned, but what about Jack Frost from Rise fo Guardians? Of course everybody assumed he's straight because of Tooth Fairy. It's true that Tooth Fairy is completely in love with him, but Jack never looks romantically or sexually interesting. They don't even kiss; all we have at the end is a hug : Tooth Fairy is jumping on him, and for me, he doesn't seem to understand it was a romantic behavior. It's so obvious that he's not interested in her that there is a crazy amount of videos that ship him with Elsa (ok, that's just because they both have ice powers; anyway, I'm so happy he's from Dreamworks, so Disney will never think to make this love story canon in Frozen 2 ). And I read that in the books, he is supposed to not understand romantic love because he has the soul of an eternal child (even if he's fourteen). And Voldemort is absolutely aroace for me, but it's because he has no feeling at all, so I would not use him as an aromantic ambassador .
  21. I say sometimes for kisses. Being French, we have this thing called "la bise" so kissing is not necessarily à romantic thing if not on the mouth. I dont like it but I dont dislike it (except on the mouth; never tried, dont want to); I'm just indifferent. I just like to kiss my parents sometimes, but I prefer hugs. I LOVE hugs.
  22. Don't worry I get it. Sorry if I sounded hurt, it was not my intention. I like the petition idea.
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