nonmerci

You are not selfish. Humans have needs and it is natural for them to pursue them. It doesn't make you a selfish person and nobody should ask you to give them what you are not willing or able to give. Alloros are not selfish for needing romance. So why would you be selfish for wanting a QPR?

If the goal is to communicate quicker what your orientation is, I don't think that finding a label that encompass all of this will be useful : you'll have to explain what it means anyway (or you can do a lot of work until people know the term, but considering how people still don't know what aromantic means most of the time, I think it is possible the new label get mire known if others use it in aro or ace places, but not the rest of the world). I would stick with the labels you have now if I were you, or explain them quickly with a sentence.

Thank you. He hasn't texted me since the "hello" he sent le on what's app just after he left (like, man why bother find me on what's app), so hopefully he get it after I ignored him. Edit : forget what I said, he just called me (on my lunch pause, like I don't have anything better to do at this time lol). I ignored him.

I can't think of any term. The thing is, if you want to be very detailed about what attraction you feel or not, except if you feet any like me, or if you feel all of them, I can't see how you can without using the words for it. If you think about it, even aroace is just the combination of aro and ace. So I guess you could say asenaro or aroasen. Now you may have to explain it to other people.

I just thought about the scene where Elizabeth and Will Turner get married in a middle of a sword fight. I know the idea is "now or never", but... come on. Priorities.

Maybe cupioromantic? For people who are aromantic but still have the desire to be in a romantic relationship. Or maybe homoplatonic, or lesbian aroace, if you feel like it is more about QPR.

Thanks for all your responses. I guess I also feel guilty because the guy sounded nice except the "no" part, you know? It's not like you see on tv with people who have "creep" written on your face, if you see what I mean. The train I usually take was suppress, but his is only a few minutes after (to simplify, there is a train direct to Paris, that he took, and a train that is not direct, which was mine). However I am not supposed to take the train. I only do because my bus is on strike for three week now, and it seems it will not stop soon. (I suppose, French people earned their reputation on this one lol) Hopefully it won't take too long. Yeah you probably right... I'd rather not face negationism with all the rest.

Hello people. So I am in a not very comfortable situation right now. While I was waiting for my train, a guy began to talk to me, and in the end, ask for my number. The fact that he looks for a romantic relationship is obvious, even if I said I am not interested and said no to a coffee with him. I mean, one of the first question he asked was if I was married and then, why I wasn't... Anyway, usually in these cases, I give a false number so I don't have to justify myself after I said twice that I wasn't interested. Unfortunately, the guy was clever enough to verify the number, and then he gave me his and asked that I call. I did and realized only after that if I call him, then he has my number... I don't feel comfortable because : I really don't want to see him again. I don't want a romantic relationship (as you must guess), but I also don't want a friendship because I know what he will want from a friendship, which is not a friendship. However I also feel guilty because I feel like I wasn't strict enough when I said no. I did say I wasn't interested at least twice, but I also give my number... Not that I really wanted to give my number, but as you see, I am not very good at saying no. Anyway I don't know what to do. Ghosting him is harsh, but I'm scared that I have to justify myself if he calls me and asks me out. I am also anxious at the idea to see him again, because it is possible that we will take the train at the same time again. I miss the time when I look like a teen and that doesn't happen... Any advice? EDIT : not exactly the same subject, but I want to hide that something that annoys me, is that when he asked why I was't married or interested, I wanted to say "because I am aro", but didn't because I knew I would have faced negationism, and it would have made me even more upset.

I think you forgot the link. I don't know if I do it this year. I usually prefer camp nano, and I may be busy. I am very late in my writing and it could give me a boost, so this year wasn't a complete mess...

I don't know for gender identity vs gender expression, I haven't studied this question, but what I can say is : If the way you dress was your gender, then people like "tomboy" women would not exist, or liking androgynous style would make you non-binary... Which is not the case. For instance, I hate make-up (on me) and I like ties. It is just in my style. I am still a woman. What I mean is : it is true that a trans person will often reject the clothes of their gender assigned at birth and get clothes that are associated with their real gender. However, it doesn't mean that a person that liking clothes associated with another gender is not cis. Personally, I knew thanks to how I want to be refer to. I don't have a strong sense of gender, this is true. However, I can say that being refered to as a woman is comfortable, that I feel like I belong to this group, even if I am not feminine. However, trying to refer to myself as a man, or using non-binary pronouns for myself... It doesn't work and doesn't sound like me. Conclusion : I am a ciswoman. I can't really tell why, but I know.

First no need to apologize. This forum is also for questioning people and if in the end you realize you are allo, there is no problem with that. Then I feel a lot of distress in your post. Sorry if this is sudden, but do you see a therapist? It is so intense that it doesn't see like a crisis only cause by your questioning. Then I can't say if you are aro or not, but what you say do sound aro to me, maybe lithro. At leas, experiences seem similar.

Funny because I wrote that with this example in mind. A lot of people complain about how creepy the stalking is (and about how the creator dismisses the creepiness by saying "it is just a kid show" and "it is just for the joke"). I sometimes see people complain about Cat Noir harassing Ladybg, but less often because a lot of people think Ladybug is too hard on him for no reason (except, you know, keeping the flirt when she expressed multiple times she is not interested ?).

I think it is both. I do believe people forgive easier to male character that stalks or insist a lot than to female characters. However, I also think that people also forgive a lot more what people do because they are "in love" than they do with any other reasons. Even in feminism. I saw a lot of debates about "sexual harrassment" between men and women that goes like this : men saying "but she could be my future wife" and women answering "come on, we all know you only want my body"... and none of them never challenge the fact that looking for romance is not an excuse. But that's true it does not only affect aromantic people. It affects everybody, sadly. Oh yeah, I'll never get shipping real life people. Or worst, people being angry or even threatening when there real ship doesn't happen. Because sadly, that happens. I still remember this guy in middle school who tried to kiss me because he wanted to show "how to do it" to the boy he and the rest of the class ship me with... While the boy in question completely respected my choice to not date him even if he really had a crush on me. That's crazy!

Don't worry, I'm very happy to have an alloromantic's perspective. I didn't thought there were a lot here so I didn't ask specifically, my bad. (I should have asked on AVEN for alloromantic I guess, but I'm sure it will start a fight there so I need time to prepare myself lol) Anyway thanks everybody for sharing your thoughts, that's very insteresting.

Here we go again... Yeah, that may not be correct to talk about AVEN here like that, but I am very curious. I don't think we enter the detail about that here, so here's my questions : 1) How do you feel about the word romantic and sexual as meaning for alloromantic and allosexual, and being used to replace alloromantic and allosexual? (probably mostly allosexual as I don't think there is a lot alloromantic people here, but I suppose it is the same debate so... share your thoughts) 2) Do you think it is more neutral than alloromantic and allosexual? Because I always felt like it was consider to be the contrary in the aro community, but I could be wrong. 3) Do you use it as an orientation term? I mean, that seems weird to me, I don't think anyone people use it that way (because their orientation will be pan, bi, etc...). But that seems to be their argument to oppose the use of the allo vocabulary, that it is used as an orientation term, or (as said in the other thread), use to replace other orientations (which is even weirder to me). I wanted to say when I say this "nobody said it was an orientation", but what do I know? 4) Anything you want to add on this subject? I'm ready to... well, maybe not start a fight, but at least say "hey, here's what people who use allo instead of sexual think about this topic, maybe consider them before saying what is the default terminology, because they need to be include in this conversation". I mean, considering how ended the other thread when I try to do this, I'm not confident in people on AVEN being thrilled about having a conversation about that, or just acknowledging the aro community, but... Well, I guess AVEN has a hot box for a reason. ? Sorry for coming back on this topic and new questions. The thing is : the fact why AVEN dislike the terminology the ace community invented, while the aro community use it and no one cares... that confuses me a lot, so I want to see what people think about this topic. (I mean, I do have an idea about why, but I won't say it here because it would start another debate, let's focus)

I don't really know. I suppose some will pass to my friends, but I would probably give to associations against disease like cancer, or for mental health.

Done.

Did you share it on AVEN? I recently made an account so maybe some people here would be interested.

I surely don't want a romantic relationship for myself. It sounds not appealing to me, for various reasons. And for marriage, the appealing things for me are the dress and the cake at the wedding. That was probably a big sign that I was aromantic for a young age. Thinking about what I would wear at my wedding? A bit. Thinking about the person I would marry? Never. I think the thing I get the least is why romance is treated so different athan other relationships. People congratulate new arried couple like they win some kind of prize, applause people who are married for a long time but would never do that for any other kind of relationships... That's a mystery to me.

Thanks for the replies. Same. I always say : What makes you happy us fulfulling your goals in life. Romance is not one of my goal so why would it make me sad to not have it? I get it. I think a lot of people do that when they try to figure out their orientation. Though I always think that having no clue what romance is like is a big sign of being aro. I won't say it is for sure because you know, everybody is different, but still a sign. Yes. Problems with romance is that a lot of actions you find in romantic relationships can be find in other relationships too. Yeah that's the problem. We are expecting to know what we lack of to describe ourselves, but how could we describe something we don't feel?

Hi everyone. So, I don't know if this something that crossed my mind because I spent some time in a place where definition is discussed a lot, but I just realized something : I don't care about how we define romantic attraction, or how it feels like. I don't need that to know what I am. Same for sexual attraction by the way. I am not denying that definitions can be useful, in particular when you enter in the community and you are questioning. You can want a clear definition to know if you fit or not. But the thing is : defining clearly the different type of attraction is impossible anyway. How can you describe a feeling with words, and most of all, describe it to people who never felt it? It's like trying to describe the color red to a blind person : you can't. Now, describing by the actions don't work neither, because a same actions can have different causes. It's like saying "sadness is wanting to cry", except you can also cry because you hurt your finger, or because you laugh too much (which is, the opposite of being sad). And I just realize that I find all these attempts of definition pointless (at least for me). I just know I don't feel it, and that's enough. Same for sexual attraction. I don't have to know what it is, I just have to know I don't feel it.

Moral of the story : the USA need aromantic judges. More seriously, I'm with you here. Romance is too often paint as this pure thing that justifies every actions (usually by opposition to sex... you do something for romantic love you are cute, you do something for sex you are an idiot; talk about double standards here). Our society really need to understand romantic feelings are not some angelic thing. Oh no, please don't feel that way. If society think this is an acceptable excuse, then society is broken, not you.

You might be aro if someone told you "you recognize LOVE when you feel it" and you still have no clue what it is, because you never felt it and so never recognize it.

Maybe, try to figure why it is so hard to accept, and then work on that? For instance, it was hard to accept for me because it was hard to accept that things I planned (getting married for instance) will never happen. When I accepted that I won't get married (which was make it easier when I realize that I never really wanted it anyway, it was the amatonormativity in my mind), I accept my aromanticism, and I even like it now.

I don't really have an advice. Identifying as greyro before identifying as aro helped me (I thought I had not intense crushes but no). But I won't advice to do that, because that's not a good reason to identify as greyro (greyro people are not there so aro can feel better or deny their identity, if you see what I mean). Feeling of lost and confusion will vanish with time, though I guess that's not what you want to hear.