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Everything posted by nonmerci

  1. Personally, I just don't care about the ace part. My reaction when I read the definition of asexuality was "wait, this is just that? then I am!", and after a few reasearches it was just "yeah, whatever". On the contrary, being aro leads to more questioning and denial at first. I think it's link of how I view sex and romance. For me, sex is just an activity, and if I don't do it, I don't care. But I see romance more as a way of life : it implies to live together, to make plan together, etc. So I see the lack of attraction for that has more impact in my life than the lack of sexual attraction. I suppose allo aros and allo aces don't think like that because society link sex to romance anyway, and if I lived in a society where I was expecting to have sex while not in couple, I would probably think differently too. Also, I know that their are aro aces for who this is as or more important than romantic attraction for them. Because you still have the pressure of society to feel sexual attraction, that some people talk about it all the time... And I'm not saying it has no impact on my life neither. But if I compare to what aromanticism is for me, well, asexuality is less important.
  2. Here I am again! So, I couldn't find videos, but the episodes are on Netflix. Season 2, episode 4, at 2.05 : when Jean woke up and realizes the things of her boyfriend are everywhere in her chamber. I didn't remember it was so short though, but I think it can be fun if you can edit with some text explaining what she has in mind. Also, at 3:20, in the same idea, she asks him to take his things. However, my favourite scene is in the next episode, at 15:33 (well, 16:00 exactly but the scene stats there), when she shouts at him that his is everywhere and she has no place for her... (I didn't remember it ended with her saying she kissed her ex-husband though). Again, as I said, it is more "she is afraid of commitment" than "she is aro allo", but I suppose some aro must feel invaded like that when the friend with benefit becomas a boyfriend. Also, while searching, I realized season 2 episode 4 was the episode were they explain what asexuality is. So of course, it is ace and not aro, but in the scene that begins at 45:45, Jean says that some ace falls in love, some other doesn't. If it can be used. Finally, I am watching Anne with an E (very good show), and there is this scene in the episode I just finish, season 2, episode 4, 42:09. Also, non of the character are aros, and I don't know how it will evolve. That's a scene between Anne and Matthew, her adoptive father. And what he says to Anne then is so sweet and against amatonormativity as it places familial love on the same level as romantic love. Don't know if that fits, but I hope so.
  3. I think you just wondering all that because that's an important subject for you. So you want to write it well. Things you ware abour are always more difficult to write, that's normal. About spending to much time on it, I'd say it depends on what you are writing. And what you want to write too. For instance, I started many projects, not always finished them, but I had a few aro characters now. The time I spent on that really depends on the characters and what I do with them. For one, he just says at a point of the story he is aroace; for another, it is implied but I don't know if I will focus on that because the character is in lot of other troubles. And for another, I haven't say she is aro allo because she is 12 and not aware this is a thing, but I am thinking about sequels where she'll grow up and realize what her orientation is. And then, I'll spend time on it, to do it well, to explain things to her and to my reader. So really, "too much time" is only define by what you decided to do, or the importance your characters are giving to this. For being confusing, yeah, it could be. Because it is something people are not familiar with. But if you explain well, or if it is good writing, there is no reason that this is confusing. It also depends on how deep you go in the details about the orientation. But if I have an advice : trust your reader. I've done a lot of beta-reading, and yeah sometimes I saw confusing things; but really, most of the time, I see things that are very clear but the writer explain too much because they fear it isn't. So trust yourself. If you make it clear, it will not be confusing.
  4. nonmerci

    Can you become aro?

    We had a discussion on that subject on the pas, here. Personnaly I think I am born aromantic, and for what you say you could have to. But maybe you became, who knows. It is possible I think.
  5. As a child, I wanted to be a billion things, but one never change : become a writer. I just had so many stories in my mind, I love to write them, make them consistent, and see how people react to it; somehow give life to the characters. However, I don't know where you live, but where I am, it is almost impossible to live only as a writer. People who does write a lot and live on conferences or talk they do, in particular in school for the people who write book for children/teenagers. It's a lot of work, and not well-paid. But one day, if I have the chance, I wish I could live on my writings. You say dream career after all.
  6. Worst was when I said no and the guy threatens of commit suicide... Then I told his mother so she handled it, and ghosted him. On a lighter note : there is the other guy who asked me out. I really disliked him. So when he asked, I just say "No, sorry", and go away like a badass. (in fact, the guy was actually nice and we were friends during a year; though he still had feelings he never asked again) I don't know if this is my worst rejections, I don't have a lot more. I'm not a very demanding person I guess. But I don't mind.
  7. Same. And it's even worst when it is about characters of the same gender, or who have different origins, because then if you don't ship them, it is necessary because you are homophobic or racist. I recently see people that homophobia is the only reason why some people don't ship Sherlock and Watson, for instance. The same way, I am a lot in a TV show named Merlin. The main character never dated anyone, and I canon him as aro, but I felt alone because any video I see on youtube is about how he and Arthur are totally in love. But I see them in a QPR or an amazing friendship, and I feel so alone. Same for Good Omens that I am reading.
  8. I have some thoughts but I have to look for the scenes. I canon Jo from Little Women as aro (due to the fact that she only gets a husband at the end because the author was pressured to), but I haven't seen any movies, I read the book, so I don't know if there is any aro scene in it (probably when she rejects Laurie?). I also see some aro scenes with Jean in the show Sex education. I don't think the character is aro, it seems she is more afraid of engagement. But there is a episode where she really sounds aro allo to me (or I imagine, I'm not allosexual) : getting upset because her "boyfriend" is taking place in her house, the classic "friend with benefits is catching feelings on you". If you are interesting I can look for the episodes and the scenes that I am thinking about.
  9. When it comes to aromanticism people can dismiss how you feel, but it is even worse when you are in the grey area... (even in the aro community you can find people who'll think your experience is the same as alloromantic people, so outside the community... I can't even imagine) About therapists, I don't know if it's rare but there must be some who can react better than that. I don't expect therapists to know everything on this subject, but when you don't know something but had to for your work, you have to make reasearches before judging. I don't know how to feel about the fact they adress you to him because you are both NB? It seems they expected your experiences will automatically be the same, and that he will get you... Which is not always the case (and is not, from what you said). Anyway, I think you should talk again about that : trust is the key in therapy, it can't work if you are not comfortable for talking about this kind of subject. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. And if it's not, well, it is up to you to define if you want to keep this therapy or not.
  10. Hi all! Thanks to all the people who responded or offered help. Sorry, this thread was a bit dead. I was busy last weeks (for the little story, I was doing nanowrimo and I write so fast I didn't want to lose my rhythme so I continue this month, while preparing exams with university online even though I didn't know when this exam will be because of Corona... now I finish my first draft and the story is out of my mind, I know the dates of my exam which is less stressful,, so I have more time). Anyway, I'll look at all you said, and then let's try to write this article.
  11. I think they add this second A because originally, the A in LGBTQIA (or I don't know exactly, it's easy to get lost) was indeed for ally (if I'm not mistaken). Then, the ace community started saying the ace is for asexual, not ally. And then, it leads to discussions and fights about if the A was for ally or asexual. Which was problematic, because asexuals see it as acephobic if the A is for ally, but at the same time, saying the A is for asexual is sending away the allies who were there before. So, I suppose that adding this A is a way to stop the debate by including them both. Of course, it leads to other problems : like, the fact that their is no A for agender, or aromantic. So we could add other As, but the acronnym is already so long. But at the same time, if we put only one A and say it means all of this term, I'm not sure that it will end the fights about what it should mean... That's complicated.
  12. Without the heart I won't see it as positive. Surprise, maybe a bit tense, but not happy. So I don't know...
  13. It isn't a secret... except for my parents. I kinda tell my mother but I'm not sure she gets it, and I don't want to have an argument with my dad, though I'll probably tell him once because I'm getting tired of his frustation that I'l still not dating ("at this rythm, I'm not getting greatchildren soon!" well dad, you'll have someday, but I won't get a husband). But for other, it is not a secret. Not necessarily something I speak about every second, but if it comes in the conversation, I surely don't hide it. First time I say it I was nervous, but not anymore. I have open-minded friend, that helps.
  14. You heard a lot of idiot, cruel and ridiculous things, but this one... Didn't see it coming. For people who speak about intimacy, they clearly have zero empthy...
  15. You're not too sensitive. As @Apathetic Echidna said, people use the "joke" excuse to say all the hurtful things they want. By doing that, they ignore your feelings... worst, they make you feel even worse than before. Jokes like that are only funny if the person involved agree. There is a fine line between humour and cruelty. You should talk with them about why it doesn't make you laugh at all. For what I read, I guess this is the feeling that they are deny in your identity?
  16. It seems to be always harder with parents. I think my mother understood the concept after I explain, but she must hopes it will change. And my father... I didn't even try. He still didn't get that asexual doesn't mean "not like sex", so aromanticism? No way. Too romantic. And not open-minded : the kind who thinks that the only things that can make people happy, are the things that make him happy. But my friends had been understanding. One dodn't know what it means so I had to explain, and he get it. Another knew what it means. Another says "finally someone who gets that I am still single and don't bother" or something like that (don't know if she is aro too, though). On the other hand, I think that one forgot too. She is very romantic and we don't see each other often, that's why I think.
  17. I think no action are romantic or platonic on itself. It is the intent behind it that is, the feelings. It changes the way we perceive things.
  18. Well Eliza had a point : he needed a break. Hamilton says it himself in the song after, and he did take a break... but not with her. But yeah, he had to work on his plan so... draw.
  19. Why shoudn't you? If the label fits you, you can use it freely. Attraction and action are different things. In itself, an action is not romantic (though society can see it this way), it is your intent behind it that is. Like holding hands : I loved to hold my parents hand as a child, still kinda do, and that was certainly not romantic. And though I think a lot of aro are romance repulsed, you don't have to to identify as aro. Everyone is different, it would be boring if we were all the same. and if you look at the survey, you'll see that there is also a lot of aros who are not romance repulsed anyway.
  20. So, about the draft, I added "amatonormativity" and "struggles and stereotypes"; however, I think we can discuss "struggles" in "amatonormativity" as it is connected, and maybe "stereotypes" in the entrance "aromanticism", as it is about definitions, and so we can discuss about what is not aromanticism (aka, heartless people, people who are scared of commitment") in that. I just put it here so we don't forget. Is it okay for you? Also, I will probably organized the ressources in thematics, so it is easier to find them. Just need to take time in the week for that. Oh I had no idea! Thanks. That would be hepful, thanks! Also, the most we can translate it in other languages, the most we can touch people. An don't worry, none of us has experience with Wikipedia, so you're like us. (in fact, maybe it should worry you lol, but we'll do our best).
  21. Maybe, you then associate sex with romance, and that's why you feel sexually repulsed? Or maybe, it is just the idea of sex in a romantic relationship that disgusts you? Personnaly, I am more sex repulsed than romance repulsed, and I never see a connection between the two; but nobody ever expresses sexual interest toward me though.
  22. Thanks all. Sorry I was busy last days with other stuff, so I give no news. I'll look at all this during the week.
  23. Yeah, Klaus is the best. Thanks.
  24. I think women are very pressured about romantic attraction. Like, we are supposed to get married, wanted children, find TRUE LOVE... Men also have this pressure, but they are also supposed to enjoy sex without romance, contrary to women... So maybe there is a link?
  25. @Blake I didn't watch Legacies, is it really good?
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