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Everything posted by nonmerci

  1. I interpret that "if you aromantic you hate love or say bad things about love". But hard to say. Maybe ask your friend what that meant?
  2. Same. Personally I don't really care about QPR. I was glad to know it was not created by the aro community, but for the rest I don't consider it is my business. I mean, if I see someone doing misinformation, I would correct them, but what else? That doesn't mean I am not interested in the tensions between aros and aces, on the contrary.
  3. Thanks you! So, if we are sayign what we are good at or not, I'd say : -I am good at syntheses -I can translate the article in French so we can add it to the French wikipedia if the article is accepted -I am not an English native speaker so what I write will need correction to be in a proper language I think -I don't know a lot of ressources (but I am willing to change that); if there is one thing I've learned from university, it is how scholar articles bored me, except maybe if I am really interested in the subject (good point though, aromanticism is interesting, yeah!) I agree. I will add maybe something about the connections with the ace community, and the limits of this connection? Maybe in the historical part. And also, not forget the limits othe connection to adress the problem of confusing both terms, in particular in regards of allo aro who are the less known of us. Maybe people in this thread can help with the history part? Other link I find http://cj.chasin.ca/Chasin_Making.sense.of.asexual.community_JCASP.2014.pdf a study about amatonormativity in Bond's movies. Though it doesn't say aromanticism, it denounces how in recent movies, love is seen as something universally desirable. Also, from what I get (a bit hard when you haven't seen the movies lol) : it connected amatonormativity and gender roles. The idea is that the recent movies are seen as progressive, because of romance that makes Bond changes; but in fact it is not, the model of hypermasculinity becomes a model of toxic masculinity, and friendship of work are seen as not valuable as romantic love. I am trying to find specific aro allo thing, or just articles about aromanticism that are not entitled as asexual articles, but my, this is hard...
  4. Wow thanks Magni! If I have time I will look at all this today, otherwise tomorrow. It is very helpful! In particular because I thought nobody was interested, I'm glad now.
  5. Really not an expert on romantic relationship or QPR, but for what you say at the end, I would say not in love but afraid of losing her if she gets involved in a romantic relationship with someone someday. But that just my thoughts, I don't have the whole picture and can't know how you feel, you have to figure out on your own.
  6. It was created for autism first. And then I think it was extented to other things, but not mental illness I think (if I am wrong, correct me).
  7. Same. I don't go crazy about it, but I can picture some characters being a couple. I can have romance in my stories, but it doesn't focus on it. I just write a romantic subplot if I feel it is right for the two character. I also have a story where I have no romance at all. In fact, if I write a sequel, the main character will be reveals to be allo aro. But most of my beta readers were shipping her with the other main character, or at least expecting her to be. As you said, it was a big sign of us being aromantic. I think he is? If even himself say he is.. did the person say he was not has any sources? Anyway if the guy say he is, I can't see why he would lie... So there is no double post, your responses are merged if no one posted after your first post. If I make sense, I'm not good at explaining.
  8. I just decided to have a kid alone (haven't yet), but I can see why people would not do that... plus I am ace so it may explain why I don't want a partner. maybe you can try on forum like this, see if anyone leaves near you? I don'r know.
  9. Same. Falling in love makes people happy, yes, but it is only one of the thing that makes people happy. There are a lit of other things that bring joy in our lives, so I don't bother with something I don't have. Also, if it help, think about this. I love chocolate. Eating it is wonderful. A little bit of joy. And yeah, I think everybody should taste it because this is amazing. But some people don't like chocolate. No matter how they eat it, they hate the taste. Are they wrong? No. Are they missing something? No. There are other things they love, but not that. And they can't force themselves, it will bring them pain. Same for love. It brings joy to some people, and it makes other uncomfortable. It is not that you missing something, but that you don't need the same thing.
  10. @Ace_of_Spades7 probably linked it because I mentioned QPR can be sexual... which is, now I understand, not how it was supposed to be originally.
  11. Exactly! Indeed. That's what I mean too. Even as an aro ace, I think it is better to also have separate places. I personally feel no need to talk about my asexuality because I just don't care. I don't want my aromanticism to be seen a s a sub-culture while it is so much more important to me than my asexuality. Also, alloace and aroace have different problematics when it comes to romance. That's strange. If aroallo want a place just for them to discuss specific problematics, this is their choice. I can't picture myself participating into a discussion about sexual relationships for instance. Except for being supportive or to be informed about the difficuties you face. Wait what? First this is not a reason for aroallo to not have their own places. Second, are we even sure of that? I mean, it seems that aroaces are more aware of their aromanticism than aroallo, who are less aware that sexual and romantic attraction are different and so not aware they are aro, or that you can be aro but not ace... As most of the ressources are linked to asexuality. And then, they wonder why aroallos want a place just for them...
  12. Hi all! I was reading the discussion here about should AVEN be involved in arocalypse or not. My purpose is of course not to start again the discussion here, as it was locked so we can calm down, but to say what I understood reading the discussion : why the "ace and aro" thing can be problematic. So basically, the discussion was like this : "asexuality and aromanticism has always been tied" - "but we don't want it to be" - "it is interconnected" - "we don't feel that way" (that is a simplification of course). And this is how I finally get why even if I am aro and ace, I was always sceptical to see the two community always tied together. I think that seeing that aro felt not comfortable, the asexual community decided to be more inclusive. And that's why now, all ace events wants to be "ace and aro" : they fear that if they don't, they will be seen as not inclusive, or discriminatory against aros. This is well-intentionned. They are glad to share ressources for aros too. But doing that, they don't get that the aro community wants and needs more independance, because they are trying to be inclusive. Probably, they don't get problematics like how aros will be seen as a subcategory of aces - probably because aces are sharing the fact that all aces are not aros, but don't realize that the fact that all aros are not aces is not known at all. They probably don't get that we have also our own problematics that have nothing to do with asexualiity (though we share things in common too), and that we need to discuss it. So my point is : aces think they will stop intolerance against aro (in their own community) by being more inclusive. While it seems that aros are looking for the opposite : the recognition of their independance need and of their experiences. In that condition, it is impossible to talk because the two communities don't see the same problem. That was just my thoughts on that. Sorry if I am wrong, that's just what I get this morning.
  13. My, when I discover I was aro ace, I realized one character I wrote were too. A character who has a relation towards attraction which was inspired from my experience... he was a big sign I was aro but I didn't notice. And after discovery I wanted aro characters in my books. I kinda calm down on that because my stories are not about that and I don't always have the time to wonder about it, but I have planned stories with main characters, and I want people to acknowledge our existence, you know.
  14. Wat what? How do they come to this conclusion? I am aroace and certainly don't want a QPR. Aroace just means no romantic and no sexual attraction... some wants a QPR and some don't. It depends on the person. I don't even think it is an aro ace thing : I'm sure I saw some aro allo said they want one too... so they can add a sexual composent sometimes. Maybe it is an example of how some aces are still stuck in amatonormativity? They have to difficulty to understand some people are juste not interested in monogamous relationship, romantic or not? I don't know.
  15. For what I understand, the rules is that new pages have to have references, sources. It seems they prefer articles from known media rather than ressources from organizations like AUREA. Which I can understand, but will ask to look for articles. The thing is : anybody can write on Wikipedia, but you have to prove that what you say is true.
  16. Having a word for meaning "not asexual" is just normal to me and very useful. It is useful when we talk about split attraction, or just when we talk about people who are not asexual. It would be difficult to talk about how our experiences different without a word for it... and just describe them as "not asexual" doesn't feel right : I hate to describe things by the negative, for me it is just showing we lack a word in our language. And if the word were created and is still used, it is because it is useful.
  17. So as we talk here, I am interested in creating a Wikipedia page about aromanticism, because we lack one and let's be honnest : it is very important for visibility and people people believing we exist. However I can't picture myself to do it alone (because it is about all the communauté, not just me), and because as people said in the other thread it can be long. I will not have the time to be involved in it before the end of the month, but as arocalypse may be closing 😢 I am looking now for people who are interesting. If so, please say it here or send me a private message.
  18. Noooooooo!!! (Sorry, it came from the heart) I don't have time or knowledge to do it. If no one does I agree with what @DavidMS703 said : Can it merged with AUREA? I always saw AUREA as complementary to arocalypse, that I see as the official forum. If arocalypse shuts down we'll miss something important.
  19. I think love at first sight don't exist, only romantic attraction at first sight. And people will see it at love at first sight later when they tell their story... but what do I know? And yeah, that could be a good short story. Or a substory in a novel, as you wish. Why not, after all?
  20. I thought lithromantic means you feel romantic attraction but it vanishes if the person reciprocate? Or I confuse with something else? You sound aro to me too, probably cupioromantic. You don't have to be romance repulsed to be aro. And you can try a romantic relationship if you want, if you tell the person about your doubts.
  21. It's not about being tied down to someone. The thing is : in a monogamous relationship, both people have an agreement, that they won't see someone. Cheating is breaking this the agreement, most of the time they also lied. So you feel like you gave your trust to someone and they decided to betray you. Like if you decided to go to the show of your favorite band with a very good friend since a long time, but this friend decided to go with a person they barely know instead, without telling you. Also there is probably a mixed of anger and guilt because some times (not everyone I suppose) the cheated one wonder why their partner feel the need to betray them like that, what did they do wrong (and some cheating person will add to that when they justify themselves).
  22. Sad but not surprising. When will people get that the person harrassed is never the guilty one? First, I would say to stop justifying. No is no, he should take that this way. I read that allo sometimes think that if you justify your "no", it means you care so they still have a chance. I don't know if it's true. Then, take distance. Possibly, tell him how it makes you feel and see if he stops. Maybe he has an emotional break-down, and it's sad, but I'm sure he has other friends who can handle that, or maybe a therapist. You are not responsible for him, and it doesn't justify the way he is treating you. Also, this way he may get better that his behaviour is scary and abusive. Finally, don't handle it alone. Speak about it with other friends if you feel the need to, before reporting the behaviour if that doesn't stop. Your safety is essential.
  23. My original idea was to create contents specifically for LGBT sites. That may just be me thinking this was common sense, but if there is any aro in these places they are more likely to identify as bi, gay, lesbian, etc than ace... so create content that actually adress the experience of being aro while not being ace was just logical to me. Also, there is other things that concerned all aros. Like the Wikipedia page about LGBT symbol who present a lot of flag, including the ace flag, but the aro one (there is not even an aromantic article or at least I don't find it; if you google "Aromantic wikipedia", the first response is... the article about asexuality; I'd like to write one but right now I don't feel legitimate to write an article on a site where I never write anything). There is still a lot of things to do, but my original idea was indeed to create aro content, not link to ace websites...
  24. I think when someone ask JK Rowling if Charlie is gay because not married and no kids, she answers he is not gay but mire interested in dragons than women. So there is discussions about him being aroace. And fun fact : in tthe game hogwarts mystery on smartphone, they kept that. During the Valentine qu'est you have him saying things like "why dating when there is dragons", that was cool.
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