Jump to content

nonmerci

Member
  • Posts

    1,154
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    140

Everything posted by nonmerci

  1. Before I knew I was aromantic, I described my MC's first crush, with what I like to call now an "attraction at first sight" scene. The whole time I was thinking "this doesn't happen in real life". Turns out : it does. In the same story, I wanted to create a strong friendship between this guy and a girl, to prove that boys and girls can have a very strong bond without it being romantic. Turns out into something other thab friendship and when I discover what QPRs was, my first thought was "that's them". Which makes it very easy for me to understand the concept despise not being interested in one myself. In another story I had a love triangle, and after hesitated with which girl MC will end with, I decided : these relationships don't work so why would he end up with one of them? Also one of the girl is now polyamorous. Finally recently, I had to work people in couple and that was soooo hard. It was easier to write the part before they get together as movies give a lot of example. But usually movies stopped when they get in couple so I have less examples for that, and it is so hard to describe a couple's dynamics. They just looked like friends until the time I think "oh yeah they should do couple things". I look forward to their break-up, I can tell you.
  2. For me cheating is about doing with someone else something you agreed to do only with your partner. There are things that are clearly cheating in a romantic relationship except if you agree you can do it, as it is expected like this. However, in the case of a QPR, the point is that you define your own rules. So I don't think something is cheating except if it was stated that you should not do it with someone else. However I think that if you enconter a situation that you haven't thought about and you don't know if your partner would be ok with it or not, it is great to ask before doing it. So if you want to know what your partner think about it, you have to ask them.
  3. There is the label arogender but I think it is more the other way around (when aromanticisim influences the gender).
  4. I don't have to think about a partner when I take my life decisions. I have more time to focus on my work and on my hobbies. I don't have amatonormative ideas anymore.
  5. I think I've only had people say this to me online (well not the animal and machine things but the "it's not real and not normal" thing, yes"). I think people are just too coward to say it to your face, in particular if they know you.
  6. Try to google non-binary outfits and see if you find a style that you like. You have looks like @SwiftySpeedymentionned that are clothes that both men and women wear. You also have looks that combine clothes from men and women. For instance something you can do is a female short with male trousers, or the opposite, and you can justify that with your parents saying you find these clothes comfortable (male clothes tend to be looser than female ones). https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQB310tMlLcJE0knxKeE6VhrmDVqk5BlbbvHg&usqp=CAU Also you can play with make-up. Also look for haircut, you can do things with your hair.
  7. Maybe you can investigate why you don't relate to these terms and it will gove you clues on what terms you could relate to?
  8. Depends. I usually don't come out, I just tell if it comes in the conversation and I want to do it. So usually it goes well, though I sometimes had bad relationships. Recently my mum told me I should stay opened to romantic love... But usually, as I have open minded friends, it goes well.
  9. Your profile picture agree with you. There is a writing website where I am, we call ourselves "frogs" there. So everytime someone claims frogs as an aro symbol, I think it was meant to be. I'm like a double frog now. I also joke about how being an old cat lady is my life goal. I realize all my jokes imply animals. Do what you want with this information.
  10. I think the best is to see for yourself. I was there a few months ago. I was better than I expected : I think that the biggest toxicity was from a few years ago but thay they "clean up" a lot of it when they change the terms of service to ban things like anti-sexual posts and invalidation. There are wonderful people on AVEN but you have to chose your places. The just for fun area is cool, the thread dedicated to memes are very fun (and usually full of the best people in AVEN lol). However, stay away from the hot box : usually the problematic thread gets locked and the problematic members get banned eventually, but they have the time to get pretty heatened before they do (usually it is thread about trans people). Also in topics about asexuality, you sometimes find people who don't believe sex-favorable aces exist, so if you are one, I don't recommand it unless you are ready to fight. Yeah, I've heard so much that aros were a minority who get shitted on there that I was surprised to see it is not the case. There are a lot of aros and I never met people deny aro's existence or make fun of us there. I think it happened a few years ago (you can find old thread that are... questionable) but not now. I've met misconceptions about aroallos though (it was mostly one or two people, but pretty vocal). So to sum up : I don't think it is as bad as it used to be, though you should avoid hot box at all costs if you don't like fighting.
  11. I don't feel deep platonic attraction so no, but from what I've seen it is pretty common. And yeah the marriage thing, when I thought I was aro my criteria was "is he husband material" and my criteria for that was "is he good father matterial".
  12. Recently someone told me everyone needs romance cause this is how we passed our genes. It made no sense cause : -last time I checked, the natural reproduction needed sex, not romance -I planned to give my eggs so joke on you, my genes must still pass The same person also rant aboutbhow America is normalizing hormonal conditions... which made me laugh as a not American person, but not sonmuch for the rest...
  13. Oh never heard this term! I think it can fit me. I think that an option for people who don't label their sexual orientation would be nice indeed!
  14. If you tell them anw they ignore it, it probably means that they don't understand or don't think it is a real thing : a lot of people tend to understand things by comparing them to their own experiences so some allos think aros mean "romantically attracted to people but never been in love, it will change when they meet the one". Depending on how these friendships matter to you, you can try to talk about your experiences in more detailed ways, or send them links, or give th books about your identity (fiction or non-fiction) or other things that can make them understand what aro really means. If you already did things like that and they keep ignoring you though, I would advice to smowly put more distance between you and them, while you look for more accepting friends.
  15. Knowing you are aroave can't stop people for falling for you, they can't control their feelings. However, knowing this, they should adapt their expectations about where this crush can lead them to, and understand that revealing their feelings will not lead to romance. It seems that people in your life can't do that, that is messed up.
  16. So, a random person on YouTube told me first that everybody needs romance as our goal is to pass our genes so we survive as a species, and then that America should stop normalizing imbavalence in the brain. But my favorite was when he said that not being attracted to anyone is like not liking food : I have to admit that he has the prize for originality cause this one is a first.
  17. I remember this manga, Darling in the Franxx. The concept is cool but the amatonormativity and sexnormativity was big. Like it is so ingrained in the writers mind that they haven't realized how inconsistent it is that in a society where romance and sex were forbidden, kids would think attraction is normal (not saying attraction is not normal of course, just saying that in this context, you find a character talking as if every boys were attracted to girls).
  18. Yeah, the place where I live is very queerphobic. Last year the school did an event for 17th May, some kids destroyed the posters we made and said shitty things behind our backs (they weren't brave enough to say it to our faces as we were adults, but I think the teens who helped reported it to us). I think this generation is split with people who are very open minded and on the other side, people who are the opposite. It was just a clarification.
  19. Not as bad in my country but from what I read, even if denying adoption based on marital status is illegal, some agencies will see the person is not in a hetero couple and will immediately put their folder aside, even if the person recieved the authorization to adopt (the people who gives the authorization are not the same as the people who take care of the children). The stigma around medicalized procreation for single women is even harder though (I don't think it will be denied as it was made legal, but people will judge you more I think), so I still prefer adoption even if I think it will be harder.
  20. Well, I also was born in the internet, my family got it when I was something like 10 or 11. I still didn't find out until I was 23. I think it is not only about internet but also how we talked about it. For years I've only see the word "aromantic" used as a synonym of "psychopath" talking about characters like Voldemort or Light. And I really thought this word meant "psychopath" at the time, until I find out asexuality, which was not easy either cause I've only seen it used as jokes and I thought it meant "someone with no sex" (despise the fact that in my language, we have two different words for "can reproduce asexually" and "no sexual desire"... and everytime Google autotranslate it, it still choses the word for the wrong one... I also remember someone who wanted to do good and support us and use the wrong word during all her speech...). The asexual community was the first time I heard the right used of aromantic. And as @Jot-Aro Kujosaid, it makes it harder for aroallos. It is only recently that I've seen people started to say it outside of the community. OK, to be fair, maybe it is also because I started to watch other kind of videos lol, as a teen I only used YouTube for music. But still, a few years ago, you were unlikely to find any aro ressources if you googled "never been in love". This is not the case anymore I think. So yeah internet has a role, I think most of us find out thanks to it. But I don't think it is the only explanation. I think people find aromanticism easier simply because our community did a great job at increasing our visibility. So thanks the community!
  21. I personally plan adoption. My point was to say it is harder for us, even if there are way to do it, so it is not a benefit to be a-spec here.
×
×
  • Create New...