nonmerci

Hi ! I call myself anattractional cause I don't feel attraction. I guess I am an aplatonic plato-favorable as I enjoy having friends but I don't feel attracted to them. I sometimes feel like that I am a fake or that my feelings are not real, but I know this is not true. It may also be linked to the fact that I recently started to ID as a loveless aro as well, but also to my contacts with the aro community as well : because platonic attraction is a big concept in the aro community, but not in the alloallo world, it never occurs to me that something was different about my friendship before. It is not a criticism but just a notice that it contributed to make my feelings sounds less real cause there is no attraction involved. But at the end we are no liars, we just have our own way to live our relationships.

Betraying your trust to prove there are people you can trust, that's a whole new logic.

I think gender is something that trans people are a lot more likely to feel due to the fact that they feel a disconnect between their gender and how people perceive their gender. I actually think it exists, though not everyone needs or uses the concept to define themselves. I also want to point out that though gender can be seen as a social construct, it is the case of basically everything, as all the categories we made are socially constructed. Colors are a good example of this : we distinguised blue, green, purple, etc, but that's just how we did it, it coulx have been another way (and it was, in different cultures or on history). However, I'm sure that no one will argue that everything is in reality colorless and that what we see is not real. That's the same with gender. The categories may be the product of our society but it can still be meaningful for some people and therefore, it exists.

Musicals are life. That's all I needed to say. I also enjoy writing a lot.

(I'm not going to respond as I'm not the demographic but I'm going to point out the correct term on this context is sex-favorable, not sex-positive) Usually I've seen aces say they chose their partner based on skills, though I don't really know how they know their skills before trying. I suppose it also helps if they get along with the person.

You should find other friends, cause she is not a good one.

Oh cupioromantic is a well-known label in the aro community, don't worry. Outside of a-spec communities though people probably don't know. Glad you found out your label !

I was watching a reportage about feminism and when a woman described her abusive relationship worh her boyfriend, I just realized how lucky I was cause that will never happen to me. Of course I'm not immune to sexism, and I know that all men are not like this, but I just realized that not dating men means that there is a part of sexism tthatI am not at risk to experience. Of course there is intersectionality between sexism and amatonormativity, but I won't start to date a man, realize then that he is toxic, or violent, and being seen as responsible if I dare go to the police.

That's just revolting. And I'm sure it is still the case now. Seriously they treat this kids like a master treats his dog to teach them not to pee on a sofa.

Thanks for your reply @The Gray Warlock. I suppose at the end of the day it is all about how we how label our feelings and what we value in it. I don't see my feelings in the term of love or not love cause it's not important for me, but I suppose other people will because this is important for them.

This one is tricky cause it is based on the right assumption that nobody knows future (except of you believe in voyance of course) but then take it to give the wrong conclusion. Maybe it'll change later, but then you just change label, it doesn't affect how you always felt until now. Also later may never comes, will you live your life waiting for it ? No. If someone tells you that you can answer "why be label yourself as *inside other orientation*, but how can you be sure you'll be the same ?" They will probably argue that the case is different but they would be wrong. Seriously can you picture people at marriage be like "why do you take an engagement for life, you don't know the future ?" ???

The thing is : only people in aces and aros community differentiate sexual and romantic orientation. Maybe a paragraph that adds something about the SAM would be great, but I don't think we can ask allo-allos to conform to a model they have no use of. That's just my opinion. It is annoying though that it leads aromanticism to always be linked to asexuality and they should separate them in the article.

Should I prepare my uncles funeral ? They already are old men so I guess early will come soon... Or already passed ? Anyway... I don't really have advice, my parents are the only people I'm scared to come out. Sometimes I think that I would just let them know by a post on social media, or that I will just show up with an aromantic t-shirt or something like that. If you want to give them time to proceed all that before talking to them, a mail or sms saying this is your identity with some links they can read can be a good idea.

I'm not saying that love is not important for most people (though not for everyone : loveless aro is a real label and I'm sure they were people who were not love, neither by others or by themselves... I, for instance, hated myself for a long time, almost commit suicide because of it and it was a long way to heal from that and stop hating myself... and yet it is not important for me to love myself even now that I am fine; I relate to the concept of liking myself a lot more... And generally speaking, if you may it is a bad idea to assume that people did not go through similar things than just because they disagreed with you about something, you never know). That being said as I said I'm not saying that love is not saying that love is not important for most people and that people should not feel it or looked for itt if they want or need to. My question is why it is so much valued compared to other things that can be sern as equally important, like care, empathy, respect... Some people will say that love will encompass all of those things but the thing is, these can exist without live and though they are not valued for themselves, or not as often. And on the other hand, if people does something bad because of love, it is dismissing as being not real love, or as being necessarily deserving of forgiveness, even when it's not the case. I'm just wondering why this is this way, that's it. Sorry if that offends you but genuinely don't get it. Edit : to give an example as I get it is not very clear, I'm going to talk about Harry Potter. A lot of people consider that Snape is a good guy because he betrayed Voldemort for the love of Lily. But he never changed his view on muggles (or there is no evidence that he did). And let's say that instead of betraying Voldemort for love, he did it because he realized that he was wrong, that he and the death eaters were racist bastards, and that he needs to change and arrest Voldemort... Would the fandom glorified him as much ? I really don't think so and that's the part that bugs me. Why in such a situation the racist man in love would be glorified more than the not racist man who doesn't love.

To be clear I am not only talking about romantic love, but love in general.Why is love seen as this pure thing that makes us nice and kind, or humans ? Why did our ancestors look at love and say "hello you, you will be the feeling that I will elevate above all qualities and declare the most important thing in the world ?"If you say that you are unable to love, people will look at you as some kind of monster, even if you are a nice person. Som will say that you need to be cured, or will pity you. Or they will insist that you are in fact able of love even if you are supposed to know your feelings better than they do. Or they will try to convince you that love is in good thing that exists, in the same way some people do with God.Same way if you say that someone else's love hurt you, people will either say you have to forgive cause they meant no harm, either that it was not really love cause if they did they would not hurt you. As if love was immune from doing bad things.In some people mind, love even have the power to turn negative into positive. Like the people who insists that sex is bad except if you do it with the person you love, which makes no sense at all.I know of course that media have responsibility in that. We all watch these movies or read these books that explain to us that the difference between good and evil is love, or that love has some magical power that can defeat evil. Latest I saw was the School of Good and Evil, and Disenchanted, not mentioning all the Christmas movies I saw, and all the movies that use love or its absence to humanize or deshumanize characters. So yeah I know that the idea is so persistant because we are taught from a very young age that love makes us good and the absent of love makes us evil, that love will defeat all the bad thingss thrown in our way and justifies everything, and that we need to be happy... even if none of that is true.But my question is more : why do we come to this point, where the idea is everywhere in media and irl, and that everybody believes it ? Why love was chosen for that and not, I don't know, respect, or empathy, or politeness ? Not saying you need these things to be a good person or that they should have been chosen instead (nothing should have been chosen at all), I'm just wondering what people see in love that they don't see in other things, to idealize it like that ?To sum it up : why love ?

I checked and the alloace flag has red in it, so yeah that's on purpose. I hadn't notice that's great !

So I thought about it a bit and I think it is an important part of the LGBT+ community, though I like the change you propose. I just think it is weird it is the slogan as it addresses only the issues that face people who have same-sex romantic attraction. No aro of course, but also no trans rights, or about sexual rights. So I think it is important to have this phrase, but I think a slogan about being ourself would be better to represent the community as a whole.

Yeah I really don't get it. In these cases I would be very prosaic and directly ask "how does slot body parts together cure naivety" (maybe even more prosaic lol). I probably won't get an answer but it will be fun to embarrass them. I can get that sex is very important and very pleasant to some people, that they have sensations and feelings with sex that they don't have elsewhere. Same with romance. I just don't get why they also think that everybody should experience this to live a full life.

Nobody said it to my face (closer I get was on the internet, someone argue that you can't know your body if you never had sex ). But if someone says that to me, I ask them to give me a full essay on why romance and sex is essential to grow up, hoping they discover how non-sensical it is in the process.

Oh yes. And it weird cause, don't boys have eye lashes too ?

No I don't think so. Love is not what makes us good people, no matter if it is romantic, platonic or whatever. So the absence of love can't tuen someone into a bad person. Of course it hurts the other person when we don't reciprocate feelings, but it is not our fault, and there are a lot of other situations in life where our feelings or desires will not align with someone else's. That's OK. We are not to blame for having our own desires and needs.

I think it is because even if the characters are aroace coded, the writers didn't think about themselves this way, a lot of them probably don't even know this orientation exists. So their intent is not to write an aroace character, but to use their absence of desire for romance and sex as a tool to show how weird they are, or how villain they are, or if they are clueless instead of hating it, how innocent they are. Because of this, the only representation people have of people who are not into romance and/or sex are people who are "innocent" or who are show in a negative light. And then, when people say they are aroace, other immediately think about that and think it must mean we are this way. This is extremely annoying.

I saw this on reddit. Some people in the comments had criticism and I get it, but I still think it is cool so I share this here. What's your thoughts ? Do you fit somewhere ? Personally I don't use these terms to talk about romance, but cases E4, E5 and D5 describes well how I feel.