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Ace and Aro hate.

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I know for a fact that most anti ace and Aro arguments stay on tumblr but I just get a little worried. Have asexuals or aromantics ever been kicked out of a pride parade before?

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The only kind of true hatred I've experienced or seen was at school. Teens are cruel sometimes. The rest, IMO, is just trolls, or something rarely seen in modern western cultures.

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I have experienced the selective hearing + sulking later on from a person who wanted to date me, and then realised that the whole thing just wasn't on...anyway not the way she would have liked it to be.  Other than that I don't really know as I am also homo, so that puts me on the """right""" side of the argument. They usually tend to be attacking aces and hets for """intruding""" those sacred lgbt spaces.

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I think ace and aro hate is not always as visible as hate for other members of the queer community, but it still exists. Before I knew I was ace/aro, a friend who had a crush on me told me I might be asexual (I don't think he knew the difference between sexual and romantic attraction) but made it sound like that would be terrible, and said it would make him sad, and I would be missing out, so I should try to change it. 

 

I have never experienced hate at a pride parade or pride festival. However, in online LGBT+ communities, I have been told a lot that I shouldn't be using labels or that the LGBT+ community has "too many" labels. This seems like a micro-aggression to me because they almost never tell gay people to stop using labels. I have also been told some of the more common things on the asexual bingo cards by people in the LGBT+ community. I have not talked to people in the LGBT+ community about aromanticism enough to know their reactions. 

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Mentioned aromanticism on another site. Somebody told me they 'can't keep up with all the ridiculous new labels Tumblr keeps churning out' :facepalm:

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well ace and aro are hardly visible at pride in the first place which is a problem itself, so I have never seen an aro person been kicked out at a pride cause I have never seen on there.

-

I been to one pride where there was a few ace people twice. I dont know how it went the first time but the second it seamed to go pretty well IMO. this yeah I will be more visible as aro to a pride and im curious how that will go. So I may answer this in details within the next month. Being honest since we arnt total visible I am sure we wont get too much harm, but on the other hand I have experience bad comment from the lgbt comunity to aro and ace when we DO happent to be visible. it can be small "simple ting as just misunderstanding the term to be something complitely else/and/or bad" or more dirrectly thinking its sad or wrong or being told we are "special snowflakes" these kind of things.

 

 

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2 minutes ago, DannyFenton123 said:
1 hour ago, Zemaddog said:

Try and see how many pages of this you can read before you give up! I got to about 15.

https://kiwifar.ms/threads/asexuals-on-tumblr.16166/

 

(Don't read this if can't handle people talking shit about asexuality)

My new highscore is 1 :facepalm:

You didn't even get to see the *really* bad stuff...

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Just now, Zemaddog said:

You didn't even get to see the *really* bad stuff...

I'm good, thanks. ;) 

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On 8/2/2016 at 8:51 PM, Zemaddog said:

Try and see how many pages of this you can read before you give up! I got to about 15.

https://kiwifar.ms/threads/asexuals-on-tumblr.16166/

 

(Don't read this if can't handle people talking shit about asexuality)

Ye gods, I didn't know 4chan had offspring. 

 

It's especially sickening how they link to ace blogs where people go for ADVICE and HELP and a SAFE SPACE from people EXACTLY LIKE THEM, for the express purpose of "lol this is where all these <insert slur of choice here>s go, let's ambush them and make fun of them because they're just ~*~special snowflakes who can't get laid~*~!!!1!!!11!!" Did I say sickening? Because I meant sickening.

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On 01/08/2016 at 8:57 PM, Quinoa said:

I think ace and aro hate is not always as visible as hate for other members of the queer community, but it still exists.

As does bi and trans phobia within the "community". My feeling is that ace and aro are very much less visible generally.
 

On 01/08/2016 at 8:57 PM, Quinoa said:

I have never experienced hate at a pride parade or pride festival. However, in online LGBT+ communities, I have been told a lot that I shouldn't be using labels or that the LGBT+ community has "too many" labels. This seems like a micro-aggression to me because they almost never tell gay people to stop using labels. I have also been told some of the more common things on the asexual bingo cards by people in the LGBT+ community. I have not talked to people in the LGBT+ community about aromanticism enough to know their reactions. 

Parades and festivals are public events, often with large numbers of people present. Trying to tell someone they "arn't queer enough to be there" is unlikely to get anywhere. The last pride  was at had several people carrying ace flags.
The actions you describe tend to happen in private, be it face to face or online.
 

IME it's fairly uncommon for people to get the concept of romantic orientation as being something distinct from sexual orientation. There has also been a big push for legal recogniton of "gay marriage". Which  suspect has made many LGBT+ organisations more amantonormative.

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On 5 August 2016 at 3:04 AM, Dodecahedron314 said:

Ye gods, I didn't know 4chan had offspring. 

 

It's especially sickening how they link to ace blogs where people go for ADVICE and HELP and a SAFE SPACE from people EXACTLY LIKE THEM, for the express purpose of "lol this is where all these <insert slur of choice here>s go, let's ambush them and make fun of them because they're just ~*~special snowflakes who can't get laid~*~!!!1!!!11!!" Did I say sickening? Because I meant sickening.

That's stupid. Reminds me of a journalist who came to campus to defend 100% free speech, insulted everyone (including non binary people while he know there was at least one in the room), complained about safe spaces, then left. 

On 3 August 2016 at 3:30 AM, DannyFenton123 said:

 

My new highscore is 1 :facepalm:

I got 1 too! Do we win!?

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2 hours ago, Pufflehugs04 said:

That's stupid. Reminds me of a journalist who came to campus to defend 100% free speech, insulted everyone (including non binary people while he know there was at least one in the room), complained about safe spaces, then left. 

 

 

That reminds me, we have a few politicians and what have you that want to remove part of our Racial Discrimination Act because of free speech, and their logic behind it is rather weak. The funny thing is, is that quite a few of them seem to be made up of mostly white men who think that they're somehow being opressed.

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11 hours ago, Pufflehugs04 said:

That's stupid. Reminds me of a journalist who came to campus to defend 100% free speech, insulted everyone (including non binary people while he know there was at least one in the room), complained about safe spaces, then left. 

Guessing she left before anyone could insult/mis-gender her :)

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I don't really think of it as hate so much as invisibility. It definitely exists though, particularly between aros, asexuals, and the rest of the LGBTQIA community, about whether or not someone should be considered 'queer,' or whatever the fuck. I've never paid much attention to it all. Utterly ridiculous. It just baffles me that people who can be so against discrimination discriminate against people who should be considered a part of the cause they fight for. I just don't get it.

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I've gotten belittled by some "asexuals" on Facebook. I told the person who runs the page and blocked the haters. The haters basically think aromantics have the knowledge level of kindergarteners. :facepalm: 

 

All I did was comment on an Asexual Aces post. The jokes on them though, because I'm writing about similar ish things in a story of mine...

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On August 2, 2016 at 8:51 PM, Zemaddog said:

Try and see how many pages of this you can read before you give up! I got to about 15.

https://kiwifar.ms/threads/asexuals-on-tumblr.16166/

 

(Don't read this if can't handle people talking shit about asexuality)

I read all through page 5.

 

 

I regret clicking the link.

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On 8/5/2016 at 2:58 AM, Mark said:

There has also been a big push for legal recogniton of "gay marriage". Which  suspect has made many LGBT+ organisations more amantonormative.

You...do realize that until recently, it would have been unimaginable for a gay couple to be married? So yeah, having it legally recognized is pretty revolutionary. And I don't think amatonormativity actually exists (nor does allosexism, allonormativity, or allo privilege), because if it did gay romance would be seen as much of a privilege as straight romance. But that's obviously not true. I can't even talk about wanting a girlfriend without some hetero telling me I'm shoving my sexuality in their face. I'm not oppressing you by falling in love with girls, wanting a girlfriend and eventually a wife, and wanting that relationship to be recognized and seen as valid.

 

Just like you're not oppressing me by wanting to have sex with your own gender and wanting your sexual attraction to not be seen as sinful, something you're oppressed for.

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On 8/27/2016 at 0:27 AM, Saber_Wing said:

I don't really think of it as hate so much as invisibility. It definitely exists though, particularly between aros, asexuals, and the rest of the LGBTQIA community, about whether or not someone should be considered 'queer,' or whatever the fuck. I've never paid much attention to it all. Utterly ridiculous. It just baffles me that people who can be so against discrimination discriminate against people who should be considered a part of the cause they fight for. I just don't get it.

Okay, but as an acespec nb lesbian, I don't get why all aces or aros should be considered part of the cause I fight for?

 

Because that cause is liberation from homophobia and transphobia (and all of their subsets, such as biphobia, sapphobia, transmisogyny, bimisogyny, nbphobia, lesbophobia, butchphobia, and panphobia), and some aces and aros experience neither.

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2 hours ago, Miles said:

Okay, but as an acespec nb lesbian, I don't get why all aces or aros should be considered part of the cause I fight for?

 

Because that cause is liberation from homophobia and transphobia (and all of their subsets, such as biphobia, sapphobia, transmisogyny, bimisogyny, nbphobia, lesbophobia, butchphobia, and panphobia), and some aces and aros experience neither.

 

Well asexuals do experience phobia just like homosexuals experience phobia. Acephobia is, in fact a thing. You try to tell someone who you are and they shrug you off and tell you that you haven't "met the right person". Corrective rape is a thing that asexuals experience. Hell, asexual women often experience misogyny by being called a "tease" when they say they aren't interested or have sex expected of them just because a guy is nice. Asexuals are even told they're going to hell. Why? Beats mean, people are dicks. Still.

 

But who am I to talk about being discriminated against, right? After all, my very existence as a sapioromantic is ableist. I'm just a bigoted asshole whose opinion doesn't matter in the end.

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8 hours ago, Miles said:

You...do realize that until recently, it would have been unimaginable for a gay couple to be married? So yeah, having it legally recognized is pretty revolutionary. And I don't think amatonormativity actually exists (nor does allosexism, allonormativity, or allo privilege), because if it did gay romance would be seen as much of a privilege as straight romance.

 

I'm with you for a ways.  I think that the push for gay marriage was definitely justified and the significance of legal recognition of gay marriage should be celebrated.  But I feel like you're thinking of amatonormativity along the lines of comparing it to homophobia (correct me if I'm misinterpreting).  Amatonormativity isn't so much of an "aromanticism is a sin against God" type deal, it's a subtler kind of cultural undertone that romantic relationships are the highest form of relationship.  Is homophobia shittier?  Yeah, homophobia is really shitty and I 100% support the people who have to deal with it.  But not being as bad as homophobia doesn't make amatonormativity not bad or not a thing.

 

Saying that amatonormativity is something people should be aware of isn't saying that gay people have it easy because they feel romantic attraction, it's just saying that aro people can have issues in society too.

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3 hours ago, Generic Clown said:

Amatonormativity isn't so much of an "aromanticism is a sin against God" type deal, it's a subtler kind of cultural undertone that romantic relationships are the highest form of relationship.  Is homophobia shittier?  Yeah, homophobia is really shitty and I 100% support the people who have to deal with it.  But not being as bad as homophobia doesn't make amatonormativity not bad or not a thing.

 

Saying that amatonormativity is something people should be aware of isn't saying that gay people have it easy because they feel romantic attraction, it's just saying that aro people can have issues in society too.

This is basically what I wanted to say on the other thread this morning... but it had already been temp locked. Amatonormativity isn't the same as a phobia towards a group of people, it's simply the societal structure that places romantic relationships at the top. It isn't comparable to homophobia because it's a completely different (and far less severe) concept.

 

That's why I feel like when people say amatonormativity doesn't exist, they're confusing it with aphobia.

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On 27/10/2016 at 9:21 PM, Miles said:

And I don't think amatonormativity actually exists (nor does allosexism, allonormativity, or allo privilege), because if it did gay romance would be seen as much of a privilege as straight romance.

I don't see amatonormativity as enactive deliberate prejudice against people who don't want romance but the general assumption that everyone desires romance. It's like being asked dumb questions about my autism: it's not actively ablist, it's just ignorant.

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On 29/10/2016 at 11:17 AM, Louis Hypo said:

I don't see amatonormativity as enactive deliberate prejudice against people who don't want romance but the general assumption that everyone desires romance. It's like being asked dumb questions about my autism: it's not actively ablist, it's just ignorant.

However a lack of deliberate prejudice or malice does not make it easier to deal with.

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